Part 4 of 4
I feel now as if I am mid-journey. I can see where I’ve been, I feel contented with where I am going.
I understand that being quiverfull DOES NOT mean being a baby machine. It doesn’t even mean you’ll have a large family.
I realize you cannot tell a quiverfull family by the number of children they have in tow. I am still shocked by the number of families I know who have had 6 children by ACCIDENT!
Of course, even the term “by accident” isn’t correct. God does not do anything “by accident.”
Being quiverfull means you trust God completely to give you the exact amount of arrows that fill your particular quiver.
You see, each of us has a specific sized quiver. Our quiver size is determined by the mission we have in life. The piece of the puzzle that is ours, if you will. Some quivers are filled with 1 child and some quivers are filled with numerous children. The family with 1 child (or no children) is not any less important than the family with 14 children. God has a different plan in mind for the two families and we cannot judge ourselves against other’s standards–only against God’s standards.
The question you must ask yourself is this: Do you trust Him with a little or do you trust Him with ALL?
I can give you all the little anecdotes in the world about how God made your body to work a certain way and when you “get fixed” you are really getting “broken.” I can tell you how birth control pills act as an abortifacient since their secondary purpose is to make your uterus an inhospitable place should a child “accidentally” be conceived. I can call into question your pro-life stance when you aren’t accepting of the blessings God has for you. But ultimately, what it comes down to will not be how much guilt I can heap on you, it comes down to your willingness to trust.
Have I finally arrived because I am quiverfull? Absolutely NOT. Do I feel animosity toward anyone who is not? Absolutely NOT. Do I think I’m a better Christian because I am quiverfull? NO.
Being quiverfull is a conviction–not a lifestyle choice or something you do only when it suits your fancy. Being quiverfull is not easy, but hey, being a Christian isn’t easy either.
To date, we have 4 children. We have had long breaks between babies and short breaks between babies (our last two being only 16 mons apart). I still continue to suffer from morning sickness, but that too is to God’s glory. We are actually excited to see what God has in store for our family. Is our quiver full at 4? Will there be more babies? Will they come sooner or later? This attitude toward babies has made our children rejoice at the birth of a new brother or sister. They don’t loathe their siblings. They know that children are cherished and treasured because mommy and daddy see them as blessings. They know they weren’t accidents or something that inconvenienced us because they know we believe each and every child is a gift–a precious, precious gift.
To conclude this chapter in my personal journey, I want to be sure to say that I am NOT the Holy Spirit. I am NOT trying to convict you, I am simply asking that you look to His Holy Word as THE GUIDE for your life. Pay no attention to what modern man thinks. The Bible, and only the Bible, should be where you look for truth.
May God be glorified in the recounting of this journey.
I agree with your thoughts on being quiverful. I saw that you had a VBAC. I didn’t with my second, it pains me to think of having c/sections with future children. I can’t find a doctor to even “let me” try. I had to transfer from homebirths with both my boys. Have you seen any resources for quiverful moms with all c/sections? Most things I see just seem to ignore it or kind of make me feel like I didn’t do enough to avoid the surgery and believe me I did.
Stephanie, my heart goes out to women like you! And I’ve wondered the same thing… I recently met a woman who recently had her 3rd c-section (none by choice), and at that birth found out that the reason she can’t deliver naturally is because her pelvic bones are severely deformed- no possible way for baby to come out. And while we trust the Lord for our family size, that is a whole new level of trust that I found myself up against!
I know this reply is very late, but I know a quiver-full mother that has to have c-sections now. She blogs at raisingolives.com and her name is Kimberly. Hope that helps!
we have rejoiced with every baby too. what’s so fun for me is seeing the siblings so excited about having another baby.
I love your story. We are Quiverfull too. We loved being parents so much after our daughter was born (like, days after, when we were still feeling tired and crazy) that we decided to just leave it in God’s hands and that we wanted a big family. For me, though, the actually having kids part has been easy. I’ve gotten pregnant easily, had no miscarriages, easy pregnancies, easy deliveries. It’s really what they are teaching me that’s so important. They are teaching me about grace, about unconditional love, about giving and nurturing. My kids are very, very demanding, attention-wise. Much more so than a lot of other kids I observe. Some on the outside consider my children “difficult.” I don’t. I love that they need me so much, and they are teaching me patience and giving and just changing my view on the world, and helping me to love everyone instead of finding myself being closed off and judgmental. This is why I need them, as much as they need me. These qualities are not easy for me, which is why God is giving me these children. If I had my way, I’d spend the day entirely glued to my laptop, wasting time and being selfish. My children force me to change.
We are all Quiverfull for different reasons! At this point, my 2-year-old is in a huge mommy phase. She barely sleeps through the night and is still nursing 3 – 4 times a day. My 6-month-old is extremely needy and loving (you hand him to a stranger and he immediately gives hugs and kisses! He LOVES people!), wakes up every hour at night, rarely wants to be put down or left alone. But I LOVE them and they really love each other. My daughter wants to be a mommy to everyone and loves babies. My son will smile at her even when no one else can make him smile. Despite the constant “disruptions” to my sleep and other parts of my life, I already want another baby! Is that crazy? We’ve left it in God’s hands so we will see when it happens. But my life is about my children, about God’s direction, not about what I want.
Sorry for the novel…but I felt you would understand.
Hi, I am a mother of 9 children. My husband and I also have temporary custody of our 13 and 7 year old nephew and niece. I came across your blog from my daughter’s bookmarks and I appreciate your dedication to follow Christ. I too was a birth control taker as a young woman. I never thought that God would bless me with such a large family. After my 2nd child I gave away all my baby things. After my 4th child I scheduled my tubal ( I was lost as a goose!!) When I went to take my pre-op labs, I was pg. The Lord is wonderful in his plan. Finally I gave the choice to God. No birth control, no natural family planning, just God. Christ has put another large family (9 also)into our lives. They have shown us that you can love God and have a family that loves God. In this world today we thought that was impossible. Most people want to sit on a pew and be fed. We feel the call of the Great Commission is to everyone. If we don’t teach our children about God, no one will. Therefore 4 years now we have been homeschooling, searching God’s word and applying it to our lives.We get asked all the time if we’re amish or mennonite, sometimes pentecostal. We wear dresses and coverings (after a study on 1 cor. 11) I appreciate your blog and though I have never experienced the loss of a child (but I have endured 3 miscarriages) I am a nurse and still can’t imagine your grief. I will pray for your family. People say time heals, but it is Christ who gives us the Grace to endure. He is merciful to us, His children.
I pray God blesses your desire to raise children for His kingdom. God Bless
Thank you so much for your words, Niki.
Thank you for your beautiful post. We are pregnant now with #5 (the oldest is 6), and sometimes I feel very alone in this journey. None of our friends or family understand us! We love our children (both the ones we have and the two sets of twins that we have lost. . .one set should have been born today). I have almost died with 2 of our children, and people think that because my husband is a physician we should know better. . .that we are not using widsom. However, I can think of no better wisdom than that which comes from the Great Physician. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it. . .without a doubt. Thank you for sharing. . .I needed it today more than you could ever know!
In Him,
Kristin
You are very welcome, Kristin. Many blessings to you!
Thank you for this series…I have “only” one arrow and for the longest time I was in constant “mourning” for my inability to conceive.
“Some quivers are filled with 1 child and some quivers are filled with numerous children. The family with 1 child (or no children) is not any less important than the family with 14 children. God has a different plan in mind for the two families and we cannot judge ourselves against other’s standards–only against God’s standards.”
Thank you for that statement! Just what I needed to hear and remember! My blessing is just as special as the 14 blessings that my neighbor may have! I just have more time to sharpen him, to do some major “damage” for the Lord!
Praise God for my son! And thank you for your words of encouragement!
You are so welcome and what a blessing to have a beautiful son to sharpen for the Lord!
Oh what a beautiful series you have written! At the moment I am a single mum of three young children (I have been jumping around your blog commenting all over the place so ur probably sick of seeing all my comments, lol) and have also answered what I felt is the calling of God to homeschool my oldest 2 – today was actually the first day of homeschool!
I always wanted a big family growing up, I am one out of six children my mother raised by herself. When I met my children’s father (I also wasn’t a Christian then) I still wanted a large family but after my older 2 children then I felt this overwhelming pressure to only have two because ‘I have one of each’ as people would tell me. Whilst being 25 years old and pregnant with my youngest baby (our 3rd) I was in hospital for most of the pregnancy in hospital unable to walk because of a back injury. All the doctors were pressuring me to let them tie my tubes during my (3rd) caesarean and that was when I started feeling the conviction of wanting as many children as the Lord has planned for my life. At the moment I am a single mother and I am struggling alot in so many ways…
I don’t know whether I should be praying for me and the kid’s father to receive a miracle of our dead relationship to be resurrected (he tells me that we will never be together again) like Lazzarus – and to get married as we should have years ago… or if I should just move on and find someone else because I was never legally married. I get no peace inside of me thinking about moving on, but I hurt so badly trying to watch everything that is going on with their dad and how hopeless it feels.
Now I wonder how things are supposed to turn out for our lives, then add the conviction to homeschool and I feel very overwhelmed sometimes (not counting the chronic back pain). I know God wouldn’t convict me to homeschool and to look forward to leaving the number of children I bear up to Him, unless there is a purpose… I guess things seem almost impossible when I am alone to care for my kids and their dad and I don’t really talk because he knows I believe that God told me that we should be making our family work together. He tells me God told him that too, but he also tells me that God told him that it is up to him, and if he doesn’t change the devestating things he used to do to me and the kids and then make our family work – then God is not fussed because He wants their dad to be happy first and foremost, and that God will give him a ‘back-up’ of sorts – not his exact words but you get the message.
I am searching for the answer for my questions – should I wait and be praying for our family to be reconciled, should I be moving on, should I be praying even now about the children I will have if I follow the conviction I feel the Lord has placed on my heart in this ‘wilderness’ time to leave the number of children I have up to Him?
I would love to hear your thoughts on this, as it is almost impossible for most of my family and friends to understand – especially trying to explain to them that I could just be in a really big test of faith these last 2 years, and that maybe this will be turned into a testimony of God’s love, grace and mercy. Things look very bleak at the moment, and this makes it hard for me to discern the will of God in this situation. Your advice is very welcome on this subject.
Warmest blessings,
Angela
Angela,
I am not able to devote email time to talking with you right now as we are in the middle of a move, but I can hear the pain in your heart and wanted to quickly say bathe this all in prayer and search God’s Word. He is faithful. I will also be committing this to prayer. If you drop me a line, I can get back with you after our move. {HUGS}
Thank you so much for this series. I have just found your blog and can’t wait to dig in to all you’ve shared.
My husband and I have both felt this “quiverfull” conviction, though we didin’t knowingly set out on this journey having it “all figured out.” We’ve read articles and books, trying to decided what is right; but in the end, it always comes down to a conviction from within that this is what we are supposed to be doing.
You see, we started trying a few months after getting married and got pregnant right away. This was exciting, but when I ended up pregnant again when baby #1 wasn’t even 6 months yet, we said “that’s it…we’re done!” But that nagging feeling deep down started telling us we had the wrong attitude. But it was scary to leave it in God’s hands when we seemed to be so fertile. And I wasn’t having such great success at maintaining my milk supply while breastfeeding, so the timing was also likely to be rather, “boom, boom, boom,”–one right after another. And that it has been. When baby #4 is born this May, our children will be 13, 15 and 17 months apart.
It is demanding, and I too have felt very undeserving of such a responsibility–”why me, when I’m not the best mom?” There have been many tears. And I certainly don’t tolerate pregnancy well–we nearly back out of our conviction every time the first trimester kicks into full gear! And then there are the financial constraints; but God has been very faithful, despite my lack of faith. All in all, the joys outweigh the trials, and I must daily remind myself of this. This whole journey, and parenting in general, has been a means for God to refine me and shape me for His purpose and glory. I am constantly reminded of how weak I am in my own power, and that I must trust in the One who holds everything in His hands.
Who knows? Maybe four will be it. God knows, and we are leaving it up to Him.
Thank you so, so much for your words!! You have an amazing story and I can relate so much to the fear you had at first and the feeling of being the worst mother alive. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and before I married him my mother-in-law told me he would never be able to conceive children. Later I was told that I would likely never have children due to my own issues. I cried and blamed God, I asked why and then I finally got to the point where I was okay that we would never have children. I would just have pets and that would be enough. I convinced myself I was okay with that and that I was better off with no children.
My husband and I have only been Christians for a few years and this whole idea was new to us. There were times when I felt worthless because I couldn’t have children. Other times I felt that we had better come up with the money to adopt because we had to have children somehow.
One night I had a very clear message from God that we were going to get pregnant that night. I thought I was going crazy and eventually forgot about it. In September 2009, I began feeling exhausted and I told my husband I was sick and needed to go to the DR to find out if I had cancer! He told me to take a pregnancy test but I thought he was nuts. Even though I remembered the night God told me I would have a child, I still didn’t believe it. We got a test and I stood there nervous and shaking as I waited for the results. We were pregnant!
I then spent months with the worst morning sickness, high blood pressure, bouts of dizziness and blacking out and scared to death that the baby would not survive. At times I didn’t feel pregnant so I would get extremely nervous and fear the worst. I prepared myself for a miscarriage.
But little Noah was born in April of 2010 and he is a plump and happy ever-moving little guy! He is such a joy and miracle. I now have fears getting pregnant again. I am afraid to have another C-section but I don’t know anyone who will do a vbac here. I am afraid that we don’t have the room as we live with family. So many other fears…even though my husband wants more and doesn’t seem to have any fears at all!
Your story really makes me think. Am I making decisions that are only God’s? Am I forcing my will upon my husband because of my own lack of trust in the Lord? I have a lot of praying and seeking to do. Thank you so much for sharing your story so that it may impact others, like you said, not to be the Holy Spirit…but to be used by Him. God bless you and your beautiful family!!
Dawn
Thank you, Dawn.
Keep trusting the Lord. He lights our path…even if it is only a few inches ahead of us at a time.
Hi Amy, This is Amy. I know what you mean about Quiverfull being like a bad word these days. I am Catholic and don’t think many Catholics use that term but I did in a blog post and got lots of the typical “your over populating the world” respones. (They had found me from a site that seemed to do nothing but bash “Fundies” as they call them.) Anyway-my story. We got married, pretty much got pregnant rigth away, had a miscarriage, then I got pregnant the next month. We had that baby 4 1/4 years ago, number two came 20 1/2 months later, and now number three eleven months ago-exaclty 19 months after her brother. (The first two were boys so people assume we were “trying for a girl.”) I believe all the same things as you about children being a blessing and know all the same things as you about birth control but since my daughter was born we have gone back and forth using nfp and not using nfp mostly because of my own lack of trust issues. The last few months have been trusting months- in fact I could be pregant right now. But the thought terrifies me! I nwo children are blessing sbut for some reason I fear being super fertile, even though I should be glad seeing as I have poly cycstic which is supposed to make it harder to get pregnant… I am afraid of bad pregnanices and more c sections-all three were. But we know someone who had nine and we have pro life docs. I also fear I won’t be able to keep up even though I used to work with six two year olds and our kids are well behaved. Basically I just fear the unknown in general. It is just my own fears even though I look at my kids and know it is all worth it in the end. All the morning sickness and pain. I am very sorry for your losses especially little Emily. She would be around my eldest sons age now and your video made me cry.
Thank you, Amy for all your kind comments. It really does all come down to faith and trust. I don’t believe we ever get to the point where we don’t question from time to time, but in the end, we believe and that is what gets us through.
We are actually childless right now. My husband and I are 2.5 years into marriage and the question we get asked most often is “are you expecting?” That comment is so cruel and I wish more people had sense not to ask! In fact, my husband and I do not know if we can have children – we have not tried. I recently learned that I have a genetic disorder and our children have 50 percent chance of having the same. Due to my genetic disorder I was diagnosed with colon cancer at the tender age of 23! However, I am a cancer survivor by the grace of God. I think I have learned that trusting God means not only to have children but also to not have children if that is His will. And what’s more, sometimes He gives us the choice to make. I mean, if my husband and I really wanted to, we could try for a biological child and this child or children could possible inherit my disorder. Then it would mean a life-time of continual checking and doctors appointments for our children. The most loving thing we could do is to make sure they are well – if we choose to give them life. So, in light of all that, if we do choose to have children our first choice is embryo adoption. No, option is easy or more or less right – its our choice with God’s ultimate and sovereign direction and authority over us.
I was browsing sites on large families and came across your site. I am a young mother of two little ones. We recently befriended a lovely Quiverfull family. The thought of leaving the number of children we had up to God never entered my mind until this year. God is working in our lives this very moment to be closer to him and give EVERYTHING to him. Thank you for your words.
i dont know if you remember me, probably not. however, i wanted to share with you that my husband and i have finally decided to let God decide the size of our family. you promised to pray for us so i figured you might like to hear the praise report
) im pregnant with baby #6 as we speak!
Congrats, Yvonne!
I just wanted to comment on the poster who thinks that deliberately not having children is also God’s will. While it is true that your child could inherit a disorder, that is for God, and God alone to determine. Using artificial birth control to limit our family size for that reason is showing a lack of faith, a lack of trust in God. Your child could also be run over by a car, or have any number of issues or conditions. Does that mean you shouldn’t have children at all? Absolutely not! God is the author of life and death, and every person is created in His image and likeness. He does not make mistakes. I think Satan knows our weaknesses and uses these against us. Worry and fear tempt us to follow our own will, rather than follow God’s will. Do we honestly think, after reading Jeremiah (before I formed you in the womb, I knew you) that God does not already have a perfect children (and in fact children) planned JUST FOR YOU??? Yes, just for you, and just for Him! Just look at all of the children who are conceived under less than ideal circumstances, and look at how God has shown His hand through the lives of these beautiful children! We should never, never second-guess God. Let Him decide if and when He will bless you, and you will receive the richest blessing which He could bestow upon you. A child, even one with an illness or a serious condition is a gift, a blessing, a person, not to be rejected by us, but to accepted lovingly.
Thank you for sharing your story with so many of us. Each of us has a journey that only the Lord knows the full story, circumstances, and hearts involved. Growing up I always thought that 4 children would be wonderful. My DH thought 11 would be good. (He wanted a soccer team!) But God had other plans. For 17 years I watched everyone around me get pregnant. For 16 1/2 of those years we had left it all in God’s hands. I started out on birth control pills also, but very soon knew that we didn’t want to go that route. We were older when we got married (27 and 36), and decided we didn’t need to wait. But wait we did. God kept answering everyone else’s prayers. The hardest was Mother’s Day watching all the mother’s, hearing the sermon’s on the blessings of motherhood, having all the mother’s stand in recognition of who they were, all the while crying silently inside asking “Why not me? Why can’t I be a mother?” My whole life I wanted to be a mother. What was wrong with me? Both my DH and I were tested and there was nothing wrong with either of us. But the artificial means of inducing pregnancy–we had no peace from the Lord to go that route. So we waited some more. Eventually we started the journey of adoption and God blessed us with two 3 1/2 year olds from Vietnam five years ago. Each step of our family becoming a family has been wrought from God. We have the children God wanted us to have–our children have the forever parents God intends them to have. God knows what He is doing. Though my plan of 4 has not happened, I know that God has a plan for me that is good. Our quiver is full at two and I can rest in that. No matter the size of the family, God is more interested in our hearts and our raising our children for His glory. Blessings on your journey and your quiver.
Thank you for your story! What a great explanation of a real challenge for many people. I hope a lot of people can read it. My husband and I married late (32 and 40 years old). We have 11 children. What a great blessing! Thank you for your story and your witness!
I was very blessed reading this story of your journey. My husband and I started out the opposite of you; it was me who wanted more than him and didn’t want to prevent any children. But it wasn’t until a few years into our marriage that I started to feel like I not only wanted a big family, but I didn’t feel comfortable ending my childbearing intentionally. We never used any form of birth control from day one and have been blessed to see how God has provided for us as each child has been on the way. But the plan at the beginning was to have four or six (hubby wanted at least four, I wanted at least six) and then have a vasectomy performed. After our second child was born in 2006, I started to feel that it just didn’t make sense. Why let God control it just until we reached a certain number and then shut Him down? But my husband was not on board with this. He felt that I wouldn’t be able to handle a big family (and at the time, due to my emotional issues, he may have been right). He did however, seem to agree that we could at least have six. I told him at one point that if he decided that vasectomy was the right thing to do, I would submit and support him in that. But I still had a fear that someday, I would have a LAST baby and know it was my last. I would get panicky thinking about it. This past year, I had a dramatic healing from postpartum depression after the birth of my fourth child. The ministry that contributed most to this also contributed to my mindset changing. Nothing changed in regards to the quiverfull mentality, but I gained a peace that when I was “done” I would be okay with it, whether it was at that point, after four children, or down the road somewhere. It was so freeing! In August of 2011, two months after my healing, I found out I was pregnant with my fifth child. In November of the same year, my husband and I went to Georgia to attend a course run by the ministry that had led to my healing and change of mind. My husband received his own freedom and peace and was suddenly on board fully to trust God with our fertility! What a HUGE blessing! Now we are three weeks (more or less) away from the birth of this fifth child, one that I feel is a huge gift and that I call my “peace and freedom baby.” We are SO blessed! Thank you for sharing your story..and I hope you don’t mind me sharing mine here as well.