Today at church I talked with a friend who knows this road I am traveling. She told me how as time goes on, I will find that I must actually have to stop what I am doing to grieve. It will not always be something intertwined in my day.
I am beginning to see little glimpses of what that must be like. I do not fully understand this thought because the grief of losing Emmy still follows me all day long and into the night. But this past week, I had one day. It was a day that I shed no tears. It was a day in which I was able to look at her picture and smile.
A part of me felt a stab of guilt over this. Shouldn’t I always grieve and grieve hard? Shouldn’t I always shed tears at the thought of her? Was the fact that I could smile at her precious face an indication that I was forgetting her? But, of course, none of these things are the truth. The Lord offers me peace, and I should be thankful for it, not troubled by it:
“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” ~John 14.27
You see, I am not forgetting her, I am remembering her with smiles instead of tears.