Remembering

Today at church I talked with a friend who knows this road I am traveling. She told me how as time goes on, I will find that I must actually have to stop what I am doing to grieve. It will not always be something intertwined in my day.

I am beginning to see little glimpses of what that must be like. I do not fully understand this thought because the grief of losing Emmy still follows me all day long and into the night. But this past week, I had one day. It was a day that I shed no tears. It was a day in which I was able to look at her picture and smile.

A part of me felt a stab of guilt over this. Shouldn’t I always grieve and grieve hard? Shouldn’t I always shed tears at the thought of her? Was the fact that I could smile at her precious face an indication that I was forgetting her? But, of course, none of these things are the truth. The Lord offers me peace, and I should be thankful for it, not troubled by it:

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” ~John 14.27

You see, I am not forgetting her, I am remembering her with smiles instead of tears.

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20 thoughts on “Remembering

  1. You simply start to be able to remember without the searing pain. You start being able to remember the good times, the joy, and the wonderful feelings instead of just the pain and grief. It doesnt’ mean that even years down the road the pain wont’ return to overwhelm you at times, it just isnt’ an everyday companion anymore! Embrace the joy, peace and smiles as they are a gift from the Father above! (((HUGS)))

  2. What has amazed me most in my grief process is how my feelings continue changing. The ways in which I remember my late husband have gone through many changes. Every day seems different than the one before. I’ve reached a point now, 2 1/2 years later, where the way I have understood the events of his passing and understanding my new world are no longer what I need and I’m having to take some bold steps into unchartered territory, <>again<>. It has been such a blessing to surround myself with compassionate Christian friends that love me and pray for me. However, I quickly learned that much of my journey was to be shared between the Lord and myself. Friends’ lives get busy and move on, while you’re still trying to figure out how to live through every day. He will see you through every step if you will allow Him to.I’m so glad to hear you’ve found a smile for Emmy again. :)

  3. Hi there – I’m a fellow momy’s who lost a daughter 5 years ago Good Friday to an accidental drowning at relatives’ home. Actually, I didn’t lose her, she just made it to heaven before us. She was only 2 1/2 and also had health problems at birth, etc. but was doing great and was called our “miracle baby”. I know the loss you are going thru and the way you are describing your feelings is exactly what happens – not always in the same time frame for everyone, but basically the same. I can’t say it will get any easier, or the pain will ever go away, but you learn to live without that special little someone and remember them with smiles instead of tears. I still remember the day she died as if it happened yesterday… I understand more and more God’s gift to us through sacrificing His Son to die on the cross for our sins. He gave His Son willingly – I didn’t give my daughter willingly, and I would rather that she was still here with us, but I can understand the pain it must’ve caused our Father to give up His Son. If you ever would like to talk, just to talk (maybe about nothing in particular), please email me! Praying for you…Christine Fitch

  4. I am so grateful for the day you got to smile at Emmy’s picture. Praying for the Lord’s healing balm to cover your heart, my dear friend.Thank you for continuing to blog. Your writing is inspiring.Blessings,Rachel

  5. I have ran across Molly Piper’s blog http://thepipers.wordpress.com/ and she is writing a series on How to Help Your Grieving Friend. She is sharing about losing her daughter six months ago. I thought some of her thoughts have mirrored yours and might be of comfort to you. She is John Piper’s daughter-in-love.Praying for you today!

  6. ((((hugs)))) So thankful you were ale to smile at Emmy’s picture. May the Lord continue to bring healing and comfort to you and your family. Emmy is not forgotten.

  7. I just wanted you to know that I am still praying for you and think of you often. I miss you at momys but I understand your personal need to be away for this season. Praying for God to be intertwining your family that you would be strength and support for each other and that the bonds that God is developing in your dc would be a light and a testimony to the world around them. Praying for you and Ty that God would continue to knit you together, that your love for each other would reflect our relationship w/ Christ.I do miss you and wanted you to know I love you.

  8. Still thinking of you often and praying for you in this process. I am also glad you are able to smile, and even laugh a bit again:) Julie Hubbard–jdhub

  9. Amy, I forgot you had a blogsite, until I was reminded of it. I just wanted to let you know that my prayers, and my family’s prayers continue for you. We are praising the Lord for the healing He is bringing you, and the peace He is granting your family!(((HUGS))) and prayers,Brandy Lynn

  10. I am so happy for you Amy… This is a good thing. I will keep praying that God would continue to heal your heart… She will always be a blessing. That will never change. Only her posistion has.Tosha Tanquary

  11. Amy,I just wanted to let you know that I am continuing to pray for you, and miss you on MOMYS. But, I pray that your time away is blessed and profitable for the Glory of God. Keep smilin’ for Emmy! :-) Rebecca

  12. Amy, I am glad you are keeping up with your blog, so this fellow momys can check on how you are! I miss you on momys, but I understand your need to limit your computer time. I am glad you had a day where you could look at Emmy’s picture and smile, when you shed no tears. I am glad God is holding you in His hand through this time.Karen.

  13. Saw a link to your blog on Momys and found my way over here… I’d been wondering how you were doing so it was nice to read a little bit. Especially about your day with no tears. I am sure it did feel a little strange but I would think (not that I have experience to compare though) a bit of an odd relief at the same time. Good memories are always so much more fun than sad ones! Or at least those which have some good in them. Anyway, just wanted to say I was glad to hear that and have been praying for you.