Memorial Day isn’t a day at the lake. It isn’t hot dogs and hamburgers. It isn’t an extra day off.
At least not for me.
Originally, Memorial Day was a day that was set aside to decorate the graves of fallen war heroes. I grew up going to memorial services at cemeteries because my dad was a World War II vet (and my husband is an Operation Nobel Eagle and Enduring Freedom vet). There are many who believe this day should remain just for our war heroes, but it has naturally evolved into a day to decorate all graves and remember all who have died. While I do find it difficult to “celebrate” this holiday in the manner many do (the cookouts and jaunts to the lake), I don’t think it will ever go back to being just for the fallen war heroes. And so, I “celebrate” by tending Emily’s grave and the graves of others in my family (including my father) who have “gone on before.”
Losing a child has made this a hard holiday.
Couple that with Micah being the age Emily was when she first got sick and you can imagine the struggle it was to make it through this weekend.
In fact, I watch Micah very closely these days. Any strange look in his eyes, any time he spits up, any breathing pattern I don’t like, anything. I have shaken him from a sound sleep more often than I care to admit. I have worried the lack of a poopy diaper one day was the beginning of intestinal troubles. I wouldn’t say I am fearful…just watchful. I’m having a difficult time believing babies grow up even though I have 4 of them to prove they do. Just another day inside my brain.
Despite the difficulty of this weekend, there were also some blessed moments. I spent all day Friday with my mother-in-law and granny-in-law shopping thrift stores (one of my favorite pasttimes!) On Saturday, my mom came to pick me up to visit all her cemeteries. During this time I learned much about my family and am currently working on putting together all the geneology into a notebook so I won’t have to rely on my horrible memory. Sunday I sang at my mom’s church (my mother-in-law and granny-in-law surprised us by showing up to hear me sing). And finally, on Monday, I went to my father-in-law’s for a nice visit with him and Ty’s step-mom.
In case you are wondering why I’m saying “I” instead of “we”, it is because my husband and oldest son spent the weekend in South Dakota on a Scouting campout. That could be another reason this was a hard weekend. They’d been gone since Wednesday and I was certainly ready for them to come home by the time Monday rolled around. I was thankful for all the visiting time I had with family, though. It made the time pass much more quickly.
Lilyofthevalley - Tanya says
(((hugs)))
I hadn’t thought of your Memorial holiday in that way. Here in Canada we have long weekend here in May to celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday, it falls on the third Monday on May.
I hope your husband and son had a good weekend making memories. I’m glad you had family to be with.
Linda says
Amy, I am glad that you sang and had visitors to hear you. I’ll bet you were a blessing to all who heard you, and I am sure the Lord received it as a loving gift of worship to Him.
I am sorry that Memorial Day was hard, but I can understand what you are saying.
That was nice that your husband and son could get away together for some “manly bonding time!”
Thanks for sharing your concerns,…and about how you even wake up your little guy to make sure he’s ok. I can imagine that if I were in the same situation that I would probably find myself doing things like that too.
God will give you assurance and take away those concerns as time goes by I think.
Just keep on keepin’ on,…by His Grace!
God is good all the time… Amen?
Love, Linda
Raising Olives says
Amy,
I am always amazed and encouraged by you moms who have lived through losing a child. It is one of my worst fears and knowing that you have lived it, glory to God that you can live through it. Please know that you encourage me and help me to know that God is sufficient.
Praying for you.
Blessings,
Kimberly
Lynnette Kraft says
Memorial Day isn’t terribly hard for me, but having lost children I do sort of have a somber spirit all day. It’s always a little hard to go to the cemetery on Memorial Day. I’m always so moved by patriotic things – emotionally stirred just by watching a military plane fly overhead or by seeing an American flag waving in the sky – so on Memorial day when flags are all over the place and I’m standing over the graves of my children – it just about does me in.
I’m glad you had companions for the holiday. We missed your family at church and look forward to seeing you next week (Lord willing).
Lynnette
Sally-Ann says
I am sorry that it was a tough weekend. I do hope that your hubby and son enjoyed their time in SD (my husband is from Rapid City).
We spend time at the cemetery on Memorial Day as well. We go to put flowers on Emma’s grave, but we usually end up cleaning and tending all the little gravesites around her.
Thank you for your post and for sharing your thoughts and fears. I am glad that I am not the only person to shake a child out of a deep sleep!