(the little boy who lives in the linen closet--a battle not worth fighting)A few weeks ago I was sitting talking with a friend when her 4 year old daughter came bursting into the room fussing over an almost non-existent scrape on her leg. The little girl thought for sure it needed a glossy cartoon bandaid in order to heal properly. The mom began to answer with a, "No, you don't need one," only to stop herself and say, "Oh yeah, I forgot, I don't care."
You see, she and her husband had decided that penny-a-piece bandaids just weren't that big of a deal.
That one little scene made quite an impression on me.
A lot of people hear the words "Choose Your Battles" and they immediately envision incredibly permissive parents who are too tired or lazy to discipline naughty children. (oh wait, am I the only one who thought that?!)
But, of course, we all do it...we all choose, from time to time, not to discipline a particular behavior or event for one reason or another. And yep, sometimes it is because we are too tired or too lazy!
But what if Choosing Your Battles was something we didn't just do on-the-fly? What if we had some forethought about it? Or what if we took the time to really consider all the angles of a certain childish behavior before blurting out, "No."
Suppose Mozart's father had said, "Quit banging on that harpsichord!"? What if Michelangelo's mama hadn't wanted to deal with the playdough mess? How about if Monet wasn't ever allowed to get out the paints?
Now I'm not saying that this little girl with an affinity for bandaids is destined to become a doctor any more than I am suggesting my little guy in the linen closet is training to become a towel. I'm saying that just because something isn't neat and tidy and logical doesn't mean it deserves an automatic No.
When my big kids were little kids, we visited a family with parents of the No persuasion. I bet I heard the son ask to get out 10 different toys to share with his new friends, all of which were met with the answer, "No." By the end of it all, my kids were thoroughly bored and the son was looking for all sorts of mischief to get into. Needless to say, my children begged us to never visit there again (or at least not bring them along if we did!)
I've blogged before about how quick we are to mow our children down, but this post is more about the fun (and yes, often childish) things in life that we as parents mow down. My son hanging out in the linen closet really isn't that big of a deal. It's just good, clean fun! (no pun intended)
There are defintely battles that must be fought, but I imagine if we take a long, hard look at the things we say No to there would be quite a few that just don't matter.
So what if my 5 year old wants to wear her "chicken dress" with a hot pink shirt and a pair of jeans under it? Who really cares if my 8 year old wants to sleep with every single stuffed animal she owns? What's the big deal if my son wants to stay up a half hour extra to help plan our vacation? And what is it really going to hurt for my 3 year old to climb up into the linen closet and take a snooze?
You know what? I'm not Choosing My Battles...I'm CHOOSING not to care! He'll only fit in that linen closet so long...why not let him enjoy it while he can!
10 comments...Join the Discussion!:
A very good post! I admit that when I hear, "Choose your battles" I cringe and think, "What?! Well what bad behaviour are we supposed to let them them get away with then? I don't think so!" But you are right, it doesn't really have to mean that, does it? I do NOT let my daughter who is three climb into all the baby's things like the jumperoo and walker. I DO allow her to play with them with her dollies when the baby is not using them. Because it might break something if I let a 3 year old sit in an entertainment/exercise device meant for a 6 month old child, BUT it will not hurt anything at all if she borrows them for her dollies when baby brother is not using them. :)
I love that, Amy! I have been whispering that to myself lately.. Choose your battles :)
Great post! I love the kid sized bunkbed! Too cute!
The way I see it:
Its not that I "chose not to care" as much as I choose to care....letting my kiddos explore their world!
I tell people homeschooling it not something you do....its a way of life!
What a terrific mom you are! Your home sounds like a fun place to be!
I too have friends that have such ridged rules about things...like no toys in the living room...she is always impaicent with the kiddos! Even the babies and mine when I'm over!
She helps me clean my house and keeps telling me the toys do not belong in the living room!
Well as a homeschool way of life a childs work is there play!
Maybe I will write a post about that!
Blessings,
Georgiann
This is so true. I know I find myself way too many times, saying no just because it is inconvenient for me. These things are not morally wrong, but I say no just because I don't want to bother. And it is often these little things that make a big impression and great memories for these little ones. Thanks for the reminder.
What a great post! I have often shared this theory with my hubby and it helps when sorting out just which issues will warrant us to get involved and which just allow us to sit back and watch. This is priceless because we are growing children not flowers and we want them to blossom and bloom forth in self esteem of their own.
Thank you for stopping by my blog today and hope you return for a more permanent stay and become part of my family. I'd love for you to stop by again.
I have decided to follow your blog because you offer such great insights to become a great parent.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Thanks for sharing, my dh and I were just talking yesterday and about this "choosing your battles".
I can say, that with having 9 children-3 being gone from home, that this is one of the biggest lessons I learned, through many errors of many NO's.....those yeses and I don't/do cares bring lots more memories--I PROMISE!!!!
Those memories of him sleeping in the linen closet, or a picture of a little one covered in bandaids will long be remembered over the things not allowed....just because no was the first thing out of our mouth...
great post! Now of course if he takes a snooze in the linen closet then if drools you would have to wash them again!LOL
lol....we don't do the cartoon bandaids...we have to do the 100 for $1.00 from the Dollar Tree. :) The great thing about it is that they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Oh and funny you should write about this. I just read something that Todd Wilson wrote in the TOS newsletter. He was talking about how he let his 3 year old go to the store with him dressed in her princess dress and plastic shoes. He made some important memories...you should read it!
Awww, this must be the post you mentioned! As you know, I've been learning, too, about not being so quick to say, "No." Why should I say "No" to my kids playing in the sandbox just because I don't want to sweep up the sand they track into the house when they're done? Why should I say "No" to them doing a craft just because I don't want to deal with the mess? The last thing I want to do as a mom is to squash the hearts of my children. I wouldn't say that I'm "choosing my battles," but I would say, like you, that I'm "choosing not to care" when it just doesn't matter.
Thanks for sharing!
Angela
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