Husbands and Wives – What We Share

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A year ago, I was in the throes of birthing our 6th child.  It was an emotional time for us as a couple.  Less than a year earlier we had watched our 5th child die, now we were moments from her younger brother being born.  2008 held misery.  The early morning hours of 2009 held healing.  We had come full circle, living through both extreme grief and extreme joy.

A few months after the death of our daughter and a few months into my pregnancy with our son, I had a dream.  It was one of those chaotic early pregnancy dreams.  I wanted to divorce my husband and marry another.  However, when I looked at this man, my real husband, who shared the memories of the birth and the death of my precious little Emily, I knew I could never walk away from him.  The worst day of my life was the worst day of his life.  I awoke from that dream in tears.

A husband and wife share not only a bed, but life events.  His pain is my pain.  His joy is my joy.  The babies I’ve birthed have been his babies too.  And the child I buried, he buried as well.

It is easy to get caught up in our differences.  It is easy to proclaim, “He just doesn’t understand me!”  It is easy to see everything from our own point of view and ignore the fact that circumstances that affect us affect our husbands as well.  The financial strains, the wayward child, the too-small house are all circumstances that each member of the family must deal with in their own way.  It is part of our story.  It is a section of the path the Lord has set before us.

I walk this road with my husband at my side.  Sometimes we are holding hands and all seems sun-shiny.  Other times he feels a million miles away and I trudge along, feeling sad and alone.  Yet when I glance over at him, I am able to see someone who knows the same joy and the same pain I know.  He knows the bliss of being the first pair of human hands to hold his child.  He knows the hot tears and heaving sobs of grief.  We share too much to break from the path and go our separate ways.

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8 Comments on Husbands and Wives – What We Share

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8 thoughts on “Husbands and Wives – What We Share

  1. Wonderful post Amy. My husband and I have been through so many things together, most of them stressful and ‘make or break’ type things. I think the difference sometimes in Christian marriages is the realisation that loving someone is not only a feeling, its a choice. And our vows are a covenant – much more binding than an ordinary promise, to stick it out, through thick and thin.

  2. Amy,

    This is true of every marriage Christian or not. What difference there is in a Christian one is the foundation that marriage rests upon and the power that prayer has when a husband and wife pray together in those times you speak of. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you both and keep you safe!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  3. I have thought of similar things when thinking of the nearly 20 yrs my husband and I have been together. Only he knew me back when I lived at home – a teenager, only I know the pain he endured losing both of his parents, his brother, his aunts and uncles, my grandparents, our first baby… Only we know the joy of having our children, raising them. When I am tempted think the grass may be greener, I am quickly reminded that we have been though it all, and I can’t ever imagine trading that – for anyone.

  4. Thank you for this reminder that I so needed today. We decided before marriage that we would never even use the “d” word, but today when life isn’t all roses and we have 3 special need kids, and more worldly burdens than one could even imagine – walking away seems tempting, yet at the same time not – whose arms but his have held me up when the floor literally gave out beneath me. I just need to get through this rough spot. Right before reading your post I thought “this 15th year of marriage is hard, 16 better be better”!
    Thanks again,

  5. I hold the same beliefs. Sadly after 20 years of marriage, I found out my very spiritual husband did not. He could not hold me or comfort me when our 20 day old baby died. I realize now that i was alone much of our marriage despite how I much I tried to create intimacy. He came into an inheritance and left me and our 4 children (2 with a chronic disease). I don’t know if I will ever understand the reasons – he never told me.
    So despite our families strong faith, sometimes people just can’t handle life. And many days, I don’t quite know how I get through the day either…. I struggle with finding hope.