However, assumptions rarely equal understanding and truth.
So, what is the truth behind the 3 scenarios above?
1. The couple is not childless by choice. Every effort has been made to conceive and bear a child of their own, all to no avail. Their trips abroad usually involve some sort of mission trip to orphanages overseas in the hopes that someday they will be able to adopt. They choose not to tell anyone because they feel ashamed and fear rejection.
2. The oldest child of the white family is adopted. It took 3 long years to finalize the adoption. They are thrilled to have her as a part of their family and pay no attention to the color of her skin.
3. The grandfather of the family in question is dying of cancer. The family had to move away, knowing full well it would be the last years of his life. Because of this, they decided as a family to never let miles hinder them from visiting and spending what time they could, allowing their children special memories with their grandfather. They are neither irresponsible nor thoughtless. Their priorities simply preoccupy their lives.
Everyone has a story. Don’t be afraid to ask. And if you choose not to ask, avoid assuming you know.
This weekend, think about who you see at church or other places that you have made assumptions about. Consider striking up a conversation with them and learning more about their story. It might be the family with the Down Syndrome child, or the man in the wheelchair, or the family who hasn’t been in church for two months. Strike up a conversation. Build a relationship. Gain some understanding.
So true! We can’t possibly know everything a person is going through just by appearances.
Sandi,
I think we’ve all been on both sides of this coin. I know I have!
Such a needed post Amy. I have been on both sides of a story. The assuming side and the assumed upon. We really never know the whole story…ESPECIALLY in the blog world. We can easily read peoples blogs and posts and think we know them even if we do see them in real life. Relationship is based on “relating” and caring by asking as you suggest.
I fall into this trap by viewing peoples actions based on my own response in a similar situation and thats not a good idea.
Very good post and good reminder. It is easy to make assumptions but to be loving we should assume the best and take the time to get to know, really know, a person and their circumstances.
Well stated and a big reminder to all of us. We discussed this in our womens s.s.class the other week. A family in our church adopted a little girl (different from their first child). Last year they lost their own little girl and are not able to have anymore of their own. Giving a child a home that needs a home is very important. And having this mother in the same class has made me more aware of this.
We have 5 adopted children in our family and they are all very precious to us.
Thanks for reminding me that we should not assume things.
Another great post Amy! The Lord has blessed you with the ability to write and express things that need to be “out there”. How often do we jump to conclusions about people without bothering to get the full story? AND the full story is not always needed…we must never pry…the reason for the knowing is to offer assistance or prayers…we are in this journey together.
Blessings,
Camille
…so true. We’re commanded to love our neighbor but, it is so hard sometimes.
Thank you for sharing some good food for thought to chew on.
Blessings
How true!! Thank you for blogging about this
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Wonderful. Again. May God continue to bless you.
What a beautifully written post and such a truthful post. I can honestly say I have been on both sides.
amen. living in a different culture we are constantly misunderstood. and of course it takes real effort to understand the people around us. you’re absolutely right that we must avoid assuming that we know what’s going on behind closed doors, that’s the first key. then we can love by getting to know the people, armed with a servant heart.
thanks for thinking
amy
http://apilgrimsproject.blogspot.com
PS. I’m here at Sarah Cato’s (@A House On Fire) invitation, thanks for having me
Good post, great reminder!
Thank you.
Amy, thank you for posting this. I have a child with Down syndrome, and many assumptions are placed upon my family.
For example, I was escorted out of a church not too long ago b/c my baby was fussing – but b/c she has Down syndrome – they assumed she would not stop. She did stop – but I was escorted out nevertheless. All babies fuss – and many with or without Down syndrome – continue to fuss.
If you would allow me to say so. She’s a baby first. Down syndrome is secondary.
Again, thanks for this post.
P.S. I rather have a person who is sincere and genuinely interested in my family and child – ask questions so they can be well-informed.
)) xox
Windmills and Tulips
Great post – this is a much needed reminder!
I’m following your blog now too, by the way. Found you via Twitter!
Great post. I am always having to watch myself with this. Unfortunately, I think a lot of Christians do this without even realizing it. In the past two or three years (maybe parenthood brought it on?) I’ve tried to imagine what might be going on to make a person act a certain way. I ran into it a lot where I used to work, because it was in a hospital. Maybe that woman seems like she is acting rude because she’s just received some bad news and is upset. Maybe that guy just cut me off in traffic because he’s in a big hurry to get somewhere important. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is liberating, in a way. Remembering I don’t know the whole story allows me to forgive whatever discomfort they may have caused me and move on.
I’ve definitely been on the other side of it. One time I acted like a total jerk in Target because they only had baby swings that ran on a bunch of D batteries. I wanted one that plugged in. I called my mom and complained loudly on the phone about the gall of Fisher Price, and the poor lady trying to help us probably thought I was a lunatic. I was acting that way because I was freshly postpartum, new to staying home alone with a toddler and infant, and could barely put the baby down at all. I feel so embarrassed that I behaved that way but it’s things like this that help me understand why others might act similarly.
I like your new profile picture. It’s really pretty!
Jasmine,
I totally agree. After Emily died, there were people who just assumed things and didn’t bother to ask me. You are so right that I would have welcomed sincere questions rather than assumptions…even hard questions. {{HUGS}}
Amy
What a great post. Our family has been misunderstood many times, as well, and that can be so hurtful.
As He always does, the Lord has allowed us to use those misunderstandings to help others see that what they “see” isn’t always what “is”.
My freshman year of college I went on a short term mission trip with a girl whom I assumed was unfriendly. After getting “stuck” with her as a roommate for the week, I learned that she wasn’t unfriendly at all–she just liked to have meaningful conversations with someone before simply making small talk. We became great friends, and three years later, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding.