Those of you who follow Raising Arrows on Facebook know that a couple of weeks ago I mentioned I was facing an onslaught of negative comments on the blog.  Actually, not just negative, but downright rude.  Now, I have no problem with someone disagreeing with me, but ugly, hate-filled remarks are not going to get approved here.

Almost all of the comments were aimed at large families and the “trouble” with us.  One commenter went so far as to suggest my older children were raising my younger children.  Now, I’ll be honest with you…I’m touchy when it comes to people assuming things about my family.  Having lost a child, I don’t have to guess at what my world would be like without one of these precious blessings.  I know.  I also know just how very close my family is and how much fun we have together.  Suggesting I’ve got some sort of slave labor thing going on around here makes me want to spit nails (to borrow a phrase from my mom).

To the modern child-centered world, it probably looks as if our children are expected to do things that are too hard or too grown-up, but life here is Christ-centered and we aren’t raising children, we’re raising arrows!

That said, this particular comment does bring up an interesting topic.  One that I know can happen in large families and even in small families as well.  Because of this, I want to present you with two scenarios, directly from people I know personally. {certain minor details have been changed to protect the identities of these people}

Scenario #1: Krista is the oldest of 7 children.  As an adult with her own family to raise, she will quickly tell you how she raised several of her younger siblings.  In fact, as a teenager she was so bitter about this fact that when her parents announced another pregnancy, she shut herself in her room.  She felt used and undervalued in her home.

Scenario #2: Anna is the oldest of 12 children.  She recalls a period of several years when her mother was very ill and very pregnant.  She and her sister ran the household, but she feels no bitterness toward her mother for those years.  When I asked her what made the difference for her, she said her mother was always extremely appreciative.  She felt valued as an important member of the household.

Now, before I dig much deeper here, let me say that sometimes bitterness and resentment stem from perceptions of the way things were rather than a true picture of the way things were.  There is no way to know for certain what either one of these households were really like.

But, let’s suppose these women have true and correct perceptions of each of their childhood homes.  The lessons I have learned from the stories of these two women has marked my parenting for many years. These lessons are valuable and important whether you are raising one or twenty.

In Krista’s case, she felt undervalued.  She felt she was given more than her fair share of the workload and that the workload was “expected” of her.  She felt as though no one else in the family, parents included, pulled their weight.  What I took from her story is this:

1. Just because one of your children is ready and able to do a task does not mean that child should always be the one for the task.

2. As parents, whenever able, we should be right in there working alongside our children.

3. Remember to train the younger ones as well as the older ones to help out.

*****

In Anna’s story, she knew she was given a weighty task, yet she never doubted how much her mother needed her.  She and her sister worked hard to help out their ailing mother “as unto the Lord.”  Their mother praised them all along the way and joined them once she was well again.  Here is what I learned from Anna’s story:

1. Always thank your children for their help.  Praise them and encourage them in what they do.

2. Let them know how important their “piece of the pie” is.  They are part of a team and their contribution counts.

3. If possible, make sure the bulk of the work does not fall on one child.  Give that child a helper.

*****

Our children know they are each a unique contributor to this family, yet we are a family unit.  We encourage them to pursue their individual interests, giving them opportunities to use those giftings within the family unit as often as possible.  We praise their efforts (not nearly enough, I am afraid!) and we apologize when we are wrong (which happens way more often than I care to tell!).

It is our prayer that being a part of a large family helps our children to gain a sense of servanthood toward others.  We want them to perceive the needs of others and help out as they are able with a selfless, Christ-like manner.

Remember I said I was raising arrows?  Arrows are leaders. But, true leaders know how to humble themselves, defer to others, look out for those under them, and respect those above them.  They also know that life does not revolve around them, nor does it need to because the One whom life does revolve around has the whole world in His hands.  The sooner we learn to be about His business, the better!

Now, let me turn this discussion over to you, my readers…
Why do large families evoke images of slave labor?  What do you feel makes or breaks the testimony of a large family?  Those of you with smaller families who have implemented a large family mentality, do you find yourselves persecuted as “slave drivers?” What “attitudes” do you work hard to foster in yourselves and your children when it comes to being part of the economy of the household?  How are you encouraging servanthood in your family?