The last couple of days have been loud. Honestly, with 6 children in the house, every day is loud to some degree. But with a mommy and one other child dealing with Sensory Integration Disorder, this isn’t just noise…it is pain.
Today, as I was trying to carve out little bit of peace and quiet, I wondered how many other mommies out there have SID and how they have learned to cope (or not) with it.
I didn’t know what I’ve dealt with all my life even had a name until about 7 years ago. I was reading Educating Your Gifted Child by Vicki Caruna when I stumbled across her chapter on SID. I could hardly believe what I was reading! Suddenly, the years of hating crowds, not eating “mushy” foods, and not wanting to dig in the dirt made sense!
It also gave me the ability to explain what I was feeling. When friends would ask me to go to crowded places, I could tell them that I have trouble processing everything that is going on and end up shutting down, making it unsafe for my children. Not everyone understands, but at least I do. That’s what matters.
It also gave me better insight into my daughter’s struggles with SID. I knew we were very alike, but gaining a better grasp of the intricacies of SID made me realize that all of her little idiosyncrasies were actually all the same thing.
Now, I did not want to make this a post about the specifics of Sensory Integration Disorder/Dysfunction (also know as Sensory Processing Disorder), because you can read about that just about anywhere on the net (and please do—you might recognize someone you know!) However, what you don’t find much of is how to cope with it…especially when you are an adult and a mom.
To be honest with you, a lot of my coping skills happened without me even realizing it. My mom was very understanding of my aversion to beans and mashed potatoes and jello and…well, you get the idea. When, as a baby, I screamed at my sister’s ballgames, she simply took me home. My sister was 14 years older, so by the time I was 4, I was for all intents and purposes an only child, so noise in the household was minimal. My coping skills consisted mainly of avoidance.
But, as a mommy I can’t very well avoid everything that overloads me…especially those wee little noisemakers, otherwise known as my children! I’ve had to learn a whole new set of coping skills, some of which do still include avoidance, but most of which involve creative decompressing.
So, that’s what I want to share with you today…and in fact, these things aren’t just for those who deal with SID. Every mommy who feels like her brain might explode if one more thing happens can benefit from taking a moment and learning how to process all that goes on in a household full of little ones.
*Step away from the noise. I have a friend who used to go in her backyard and take 3 big deep breaths when life inside got too crazy. I’ve been known to plug my ears and breathe deeply a few times. Sometimes all it takes are a couple of seconds of silence to regroup and get your brain back on track. Ask the children to give you 30 seconds of silence (and that doesn’t include counting to 30 as mine are so prone to doing!) Take those 30 seconds to just do nothing, then come back up for air. You will more than likely feel 100 times better!
*Do something different. One time I was at a school event that took place in a gymnasium. As more and more people crowded in to see all the exhibits, my eyes began to glass over. I knew I was zoning, but it wasn’t until one of the children needed to be taken to the bathroom that I was able to process everything. Changing my focus helped me to gain my focus. That’s what I did today. I got up out of my chair, made myself a cup of coffee, and restarted my brain.
*Reroute the children. If things are really rough, you may need to get the children focused on something else in order to help your brain settle down. Take them outside to play, find a game or project to work on, put in a movie. Something that changes their focus so you can get yourself back where you need to be before you bring them back to the place all of you were before you shut down. When things got crazy today and I got up to make a cup of coffee, I also set my children to the task of getting the table ready for lunch. This gave them something to do while I decompressed in the kitchen. By the time they were finished, I was ready to go back to the schoolwork that only moments before was creating more chaos than I could handle.
*Be aware. Try to catch the fact that you are about to bubble over before you actually do bubble over and end up yelling or crying or calling your husband and begging him to come home from work. Knowing that too much of certain things are hard on your lil’ ole brain will make it easier for you to avoid those things. I know I cannot read to the children from their Sonlight books when all 6 of them are awake. At least one child must be asleep. I don’t know why…it just is what it is. Today, I tried to read a very dense book with all 6 children wide awake in the same room. What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn’t. However, I quickly realized my eyes were crossing and I was getting no where, thus the reason for my jumping up and making coffee. But, it would have made much more sense for me to avoid the situation altogether by not trying to read the book until naptime.
*Pray. I enlist my children and my husband to help out with this. Today I called Ty and told him I was having a hard day and needed him to keep me in prayer. Prayer for patience and the ability to process it all. I also asked the children to pray for mommy, which brings me to my final point…
*Don’t hide. My children know I have days when processing is hard for me. I’m honest with them about my struggles and my need for mercy from the Lord and from them. I humble myself and ask for prayer. And yes, there are times when I say, “Mommy is not being very patient right now because she can’t seem to process it all,” to which they reply, “Yes, we know.” I have to fight the urge to say, “Well, you didn’t have to agree with me!” because I know that they can see just as easily as I can when I am having a bad day. I’m not perfect, why pretend I am?
Every mother struggles to process it all at some point in her mothering career. For those with SID, those struggles come more often. I never know when I wake up if today will be a difficult day or an easy day. Sometimes I have to postpone certain things because the day was proving to be more difficult than I had expected sensory-wise. And that is okay. Knowing your limitations is half the battle. The other half is learning to cope with those sensory issues you can’t avoid. With a little prayer and a lot of grace, you (and I) can learn to reclaim these difficult days and be the mom we need to be!
Resources:
The Out-of-Sync Child
Wow–thanks for this post Amy!! I’d not heard of SID, I’ll be looking it up…..it could explain some things about someone I know really well (me!)
I struggle with ONE high-maintenance child who rarely stops talking or bouncing or…or…or…there I go, zoning out again!
My hat is off to you as you work with SIX!
Blessings!
Wow, this actually was a huge help to me. SID is common among people with a vision impairment, and I’ve always known I had it, along with my vision impaired brother, but I never thought much about it. My mums way of dealing with it was to ‘de-sensitize’ me. For example I HATED sand, apparently I would scream at the feeling of it. So my family would regularly take me to the sandpit/sandbox, sit in it, and make me sit with them. At first it consisted of them holding me or hugging me as I screamed in it (I believe I was about 3 at the time) then progressed to encouraging me to actually play with it. It seemed cruel at the time, but today, I love the beach more than anywhere else. Some things they didn’t de-sensitize me to, like certain material types, and other things they just couldn’t get me used to no matter how they tried, like walking on grass barefoot, but for the most part I didn’t think it troubled me and was more a childhood issue that is slightly inconvenient. Because it was no big deal for me after the age of 8 or so, I never did any research into it myself as an adult, I just forgot about it.
The reason your post was so helpful is, I was never told my issue affects more than my sense of touch! This is the first I’ve heard of it, but it makes complete sense! I had put my issues in crowds down to other causes, and the way I just shut off when I get overwhelmed I figured was just me being weird, but it all fits now. Apparently I still have some work to do! But I wonder whether now, as an adult, I’ll still be able to just de-sensitize myself, or whether I’m too old and need to take on a different approach. Either way, it helps so much to know exactly what I’m dealing with here, instead of just ‘weird quirks’ I can put it down to a process. Thanks so much for talking about this, I’m off to do some actual research.
I do believe you can desensitize at this age! Let me know what your research turns up!
Thanks for the honesty you show in your posts! We also deal with SID in our home, our 3rd child has it. We just recently got the diagnosis (he is almost 8 and we just figured it was just little “quirks” he had) and has started OT. This has already helped him (and us). You have a beautiful family!
Blessings,
Jess
Amy, I can totally relate to your post. I, too, struggle with SID, and a house with 5 boys just doesn’t accommodate that very well! Your tips were excellent, and I do many of the same things. I really appreciate you sharing and knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with those things!
Amy, thank you for sharing this. My oldest (7) and I both struggle with SID, and we discovered it after years of searching for some sort of explanation. And yes, it’s far beyond just loud noises, scratchy clothes, and picky eating. We discovered that it was the cause of my daughter walking on her toes for five years (she still does it sometimes even now) with no medical cause. We found a wonderful book that gave us many OT techniques to help our child cope in uncomfortable situations, and we’re working with her and our friends and family are supportive now that they understand her problem. But you’re right, there aren’t books with tips for moms with this. I struggle with the noise from two little girls, and I’ve always wondered how mothers with SID in larger families can possibly cope.
My tendency is to hide, retreat in a room with the laptop and zone for a few minutes, and that just leads to things getting further out of control and out of my coping range. My daughter is old enough now to understand and empathize (to a certain degree) so I probably need to reach out to her and explain how mommy feels like she does on those days. But sometimes zoning is good. Folding a load of laundry in a quiet room or focusing on the sound of the washing machine filing up as I throw in a batch of diapers gives me a focal point but keeps me present. Sometimes that’s enough to get me through another few hours. What I forget sometimes (like all moms) is to cut myself some slack. I need to get things done when I can, and not feel guilty for calling an audible when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
We’re currently dealing with and Mom and a 4 year old son with Asperger’s in my house. My mother-in-law is always very concerned about him but I told her that it’s no big deal. I UNDERSTAND HIM.
Signing always helps me in these moments
But I too have a problem with too much noises or thing moving around found them aggressive!
My daughter was recently diagnosed with SPD. I only knew to get her tested for that cause when I was working on my Masters we took a special ed/special needs class…or I wouldn’t have any idea. I also wouldn’t have known how to go about testing her. It’s a shame there isn’t more information for the general public on how to get children tested if you are concerned. But in saying that…thru all the process…while I haven’t officially been diagnosed…after her diagnosis…I truely think I have it too. It’s made me sensitive to her needs…and your article touched on simple things a parent can do in dealing with sensory overload. You are right, everyone has sensory stuff. But when you have SPD/SID it’s more often…and can be very painful. For those of you who haven’t heard of it..the “Out of Sync Child” is a great book and “Out of Sync Child Has Fun” is a book that gives kids with or without SPD great activities/fun things to do that can really help. Thanks for sharing.
Great book! I’ll add it to my post. Thanks so much for reminding me of it!
And I wanted to add…for those of you reading this…if you are concerned ur child has SPD/SID…(if you can, first read the “Out of Sync” book…has a check list…cause every child is different…and can sometimes do undetected at regular well visits-is what happened with us)…take check list to your dr….if you don’t get anywhere there…at age 3, by law…u can get your child tested thru the school’s early intervention program…call the shools and they can redirect you.
Amy, our family knows exactly what you are going through since our son has SPD. The saving grace that we have found is ear defenders (shooting style headphones that are sold at like Home Depot or Turners). The ear defenders block out background noise and help with just lowing the voices. Our son has issues with most large places but allowing him to conrol the input by putting on headphones helps. He is also highly sensitive to the light as most kids with spd are so we always have a pair of sunglasses for him to wear even indoors. We are praying for you and your family that you find your sense of normal and what is comfortable.
Tracy
Yes! I wear sunglasses everywhere…even when it is cloudy. I’ll have to look into the headphones. Thanks!
Great post~
Knowing your triggers really helps.
Peace, Love and Prayers,
Georgiann
Great post, Amy! I have SID, as well as one of my sons. I knew from an early age that he was “just like me”, when he would cry about the seam on his socks, and strip clothes off because they didn’t “feel” right. Naturally, we learn to cope somehow, but it doesn’t completely get rid of the anxiety that goes along with it. It’s nice knowing what works for others. I have a set of large, ear-protectant earphones that I can tune into the radio–sometimes I have to put them on bc they block out noise–sometimes it doesn’t work because I can’t get past the suction they generate–it just depends on the day and how quirky my quirks are!
I describe it to other people like this, if there is a small sand rock in a shoe: some people won’t even notice it, some people can get used to it, and some people will be able to focus on nothing else other than that rock until it is out of their shoe…I’m in the last category!
I have a son, not officially diagnosed, with SID. He fits the mold in someways and not others. We have to have a tight schedule and follow it throughly or he acts out. He goes to public school and does fine as long as everything goes smoothly and by schedule. The only way he can do well in school is if he is the top of his class. He has to be better than everyone or he breaks down (I know every child likes to win, but his is an very unique obsession). He can’t do any kind of homework unless it is dead quiet. Background noice kills him. He gets angry and acts out. One thing that I notice is that heavy blankets really help him relax. The heavier the better. We have one in the car. So when I pick him up from school, I place it on him and give him a chewy or crunchy snack and he trsnsitions well. Thanks for the post. I don’t hear much about adults with SID and how they cope.
I was not aware of SID. Thanks for the post. I’m going to do some research. We had some real struggles with our 3rd born. We thought he was autistic for a long time. Ultimately food sensitivity seemed to be the trigger for much of his behavior. However, he still requires a lot of space. Therefore, he is in the room with his oldest brother so that he can have the quiet he needs to cope with life in a home with seven children. He has to have a couple hours every day of time by himself.
I’m much the same way. I set limits for the kids. They are to leave me alone before 7:00 a.m. and after 8 p.m. I cannot seem to function well if they do not. My husband often tells the kids, “Mommy needs some time to get her crayons all back in the box.” We have to laugh when at times I completely zone out and I have no idea what I just told the kids they could do. Some of the boys are real good at finding these vulnerable moments of mine.
Ha! I love the crayon analogy! (and I’ve got your email sitting in my inbox waiting for me to find a few seconds of calm around here! I haven’t forgotten about it!)
I never knew there was a name for this problem! Now it all makes more sense to me… I’m so glad you shared this!
I’ve never heard of this. I’ve always called myself “noise sensitive” and “don’t like crowds”. I do know it can be hard for other people to understand. I have taught my kids to have “Quiet Time” for three hours during the day and they are overall supposed to be quiet-ish all of the time. People will come to our home expecting crazy noise and they always say, “It’s so quiet here.” That’s because Mom can’t take noise! So like you, I’ve created a world where I can function.
My husband always says about me, “She’s the greatest woman in the world, as long as you never whistle!” LOL! Lisa~
GREAT POST!
) friend who I think will benefit from these words.
I’m going to pass this along to (yet another
I don’t even have SID and I struggle with the “controlled chaos” sometimes… ok… not just “some” times.
Thanks!
Excellent post. I linked to the book at Amazon, is that the book you would recommend for people homeschooling a gifted child?
Tracy,
To be honest, that is is the only book I’ve read on homeschooling a gifted child. It was very good, though.
Amy,
I really appreciated your post on SID as a Mom. I’m quite certain I would be labeled if I were a kid these days. I have noise, texture, light, temperature, etc. Love your thoughts on how to handle overwhelming situations!
Curious if you’ve seen the book Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World by Sharon Heller. It addresses SID for adults with some good tips!
Maria,
No, I have not seen that book! I’ll definitely check into it! Thanks!
Dear Amy,
This is great to share with people. Only this year have we discovered we have one definate and one perhaps child with this. However my husband thinks he has some of these probs as well, and possible one or tow of our older chidlren.
Our friend who works in this field
This site also has ideas for OLDER children which I hadn’t seen before anywhere
Perhaps this will be of interest
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html
Blessings
Gae
Thank you, Gae! I bookmarked it!
I have suspected my middle child has this since he was very young though he has never been checked out b/c my husband disagrees. I’m thinking I’ll read The Out of Sync Child and see where I get with hubby. Also, I never considered that I might also have it, but I can identify with so much of what you said that I’m wondering about myself now.
I have issues with noise, light, cold, and some textures and it makes sense for there to actually be a name for it.
Thank you for so bravely sharing this post!
I used to read your blog regularly but life with an ever-growing family makes that difficult… Anyway, I came across this post today and I want to say THANK YOU! I only worked out I had SID this year – when a friend posted about it with her daughter. My sister and I both have it (as far as we can tell) and at least one of my brothers has it along with either Aspergers or ADD.
I haven’t before read anything about surviving with it as a mother though. I have met one other mum who has it… it is definitely nice to know I’m not alone. It’s also nice to know that the days when I shout just to hear myself think aren’t evidence I’m a bad Mummy…
I find that now I have a name and an explanation for things it can help me cope.
Thank you thank you thank you for this!
The following is a helpful link for those who have it but can’t afford Occupational Therapy
http://www.autism-in-the-christian-home.com/sensory-diet.html
Thank you for this!! I’ll need to do more reading, and find out exactly what my “issues” are, but this has already given me a lot of insight. I’m a noise overload/ sensitive touch person– didn’t know there was an official name for it, honestly.
I have a very, very difficult time with noise. My two older kids are the same way, probably in part because I’m so anal about keeping things quiet. The TV is my nemesis!
And I can’t touch anything, especially paper or cloth, with dry hands. Cold is also a problem.
Thanks so much for your tips. I do often take brief “time-outs” to regain my mind. And I can so relate to the “zoning out.” (sigh)
Most importantly, thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone. I often feel like a bad mom because of my overload issues, so I try to compensate with a ton of activities and crafts that I CAN handle. Nothing wrong with extra activities, but guilt isn’t the most beneficial motivator.
Hi, Amy. I found your blog several months ago through MOMYS and now am so glad God led me here. Last month, I lost my 5th child to a miscarriage. Through that pain, issues that I have struggled with my whole life have started overflowing and as I begged the Lord to show me what is wrong, I remembered this post. I think this explains many things for me and I am so glad to have the ideas on how to cope with SID as a mom. My kids are 5, almost 4, 2.5, and almost 1. My husband is also very noisy, extremely physically affectionate, and likes lots of background noise. Needless to say, I have hit a point where overload is almost a daily occurance! So many things are making sense now that never did before, that I always attributed to me being “wrong” or somehow defective. I also can see so many of these things in other ways in my 2nd daughter.
Any other ideas or information or helpful tips that you have would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much for your willingness to be transparent.
Terri
Terri,
Welcome! So glad you are here!
I have found that my SID is at its worst when I am feeling like things are out of control. Any time I am having trouble processing something big (like a miscarriage, job change, other difficult circumstance), I find I cannot focus on the everyday things very well. From there, everything snowballs.
Making lists help me a lot. If I can sort out each little thing that is assaulting my brain, it is easier to see how to work through each things rather than just let them all bombard me at once. I can pray for each individual issue and ask my husband to do the same.
I’ll be praying you find relief soon and can truly enjoy this holiday season with your family.
Great post. I have kids who have sensory issues, and Peter Gillman’s Natural Calm really helps them. I have to be careful not to ramble on and talk too much, for their sakes. I also used to give them flax seed oil, which helped them (note to self; remember to do this agai). The Natural Calm is like a miracle worker… I hope you get to try it and that it helps you. It is the ABSOLUTE BEST Magnesium supplement there is (I’ve used many brands… this is the only one that we noticed great results with); it is worth it’s weight in gold. When I am stressed or overstimulated by noises etc, I also use it, and it helps me to relax and cope. When the kids were littile and would be irritable and fight a lot, giving them the magnesium helped them to relax so they were able to behave and be happy. It was like a miracle the way it affected them! If you try it follow the directions closely for maxium results and to avoid diarrhea. If you follow the directions, you won’t have any problems and since magnesium is needed for over 500 chemical reactions in the body… you’ll be doing a whole lot of good with the suppliment.
If you try it, I hope it helps a ton for you like it did for us!
Corine
Thanks for sharing this Amy. I have battles with depression and one of the symptoms definitely is that overload feeling…like all my nerves are frayed and I just want to check out of all of the noise, or break down and cry. These tips you gave are right on. Recognizing you are beginning to feel this way and taking action beforehand is key.
I am really glad I had the opportunity to read this! My friend actually ran across this disorder on the net not long ago and said it sounded just like me. I have always just believe I was “sensitive” or “different.” I never knew that what I had was actually a disorder and had a name! I too am a mother and I believe one of my children share this disorder too. Again, I pray for you and your family and I thank you so much for being strong enough to post this for the education of others like us!
Thanks for those tips. My son and I have SID. My doctor recommended Target instead of Wal-mart. That helped immensely. Target’s lighting system is different and not overwhelming like Wal-mart’s. I like the 30 second break. My son calls it a “mommy minute,” because he knows it’s going to be more than a minute. Thanks for writing this. It helps to know another adult with it. I don’t know anyone else,and when I try to explain it to friends and family, they don’t seem to get it. But, I am thankful they don’t mind me adjusting, like when I have to reschedule.
Blessings,
Gayle
Wow! I’m pretty sure my daughter and I have this. I also wear sunglasses everywhere and hate bright lights in my eyes. I also have a hard time with a lot of noise and a lot of chaos (clutter) around me (which is a challenge since my house is in a perpetual state or renovation).
My daughter is an EXTREMELY picky eater, which I understand to a degree. Thankfully, I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older. Her sensitivities (besides food) have gotten better, too.
Does your daughter have sensitivity to food textures? How do you deal with that without severely limiting your menu, becoming a short-order cook and/or compromising on the “healthiness” of the food?
Nikki – I’m the one w/ the food texture issues, not my daughter. My parents never made a big deal about it, so I just don’t eat the things that feel yucky to me. I have gotten better about eating things that have mushy textures, but there are still many things I just steer clear of and try not to make a big deal about.
I wonder if I have something like that? I don’t do well with lots of noise, and when I start feeling bombarded, I need to run away. We had friends over the other day, and my kids and husband were all trying to talk to me while I was trying to prepare food. Right in front of one of my guests I was like, “There’s too much going on!!” She probably thought I was nuts! X-D But I dunno, sometimes it’s just too much. (Maybe this is just normal for moms, though?
)
I know some moms who can handle lots going on at once and many who can’t. It was all the other weird things I don’t like (foods and textures) that made me realize what was going on. It truly helps to know what you need to do to keep your head clear.
This would explain me in so many ways. Part of me always knew something wasn’t right, and listening to Kirk Martin from Celebrate Calm made me begin to wonder not just about some of my children having SID, but myself. Now I really believe I have it. I can’t stand crowds. I start to have feelings of a panic attack and mind numbing fear. I too can’t stand the texture of beans. I will eat mashed potatoes but they have to be smooth. I will eat jello, but I would really rather not.
There are days that I can’t cope with what is going on either. I use to hide in my room until I felt better and that very seldom happened. I have called my husband in a panic doing everything but begging him to come home. I have learned a few coping things, but I have to have the complete silence and release the guilt in order to make them work. I will send the kids outside to jump on the trampoline and tell them they can’t come in for 30 minutes giving them a timer. They will turn the sprinkler on and jump in the water. For nap time I will have one of the older children read to the younger boys. I will sometimes take a nap in order to shut my brain down. If all else fails I will have them play one of our family favorite movies and we will snuggle with popcorn and just chill, knowing that school can wait for a while, or we will play a family board game.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I really needed this encouragement.
Samantha,
You might look into taking 5HTP (an amino acid you can buy at health food stores). I can’t take it because I am usually pregnant or nursing, but if you aren’t, it might be worth a try.
I will have to remember that after this pregnancy and nursing. Thank you for sharing that. It seems to be harder to deal with while pregnant. I’m touched out when the day starts before anything happens. It is so hard for my husband and I don’t want it to be, but I really just want to be left alone. I can’t explain it to him or anyone else, but I just don’t want to be touched in any way.
Just saw this older post. I am definitely an SID mom. There are many times that I ask everyone to please be quiet because “my ears hurt.” Truly, just the noise from the children causes me ear pain. And our kids are relatively quiet.
The other thing for me is physical touch. there are times when I just need my space…nobody on my lap, nobody touching me.
Sunglasses, oh yes. Just walking outside without them causes my eyes to water and ache.
Thank you for sharing this…it helps to know that we are not alone.
I don’t think I have SID/SPD, but I DO have 5 normal kids and a normal life- both of which can be overwhelming on a daily basis. THANKS for the encouragement and tips.
My oldest daughter has SID (and ADD), but she’s on the other end of the spectrum–sometimes she’s completely oblivious to pain, heat, cold, etc. She’s six now, and she still needs me to wash her face for her because she can’t feel when it’s messy (even seriously messy). She seems to crave very strong flavors (green olives, lemons, condiments eaten by the spoonful), as if she just can’t taste anything otherwise. She does get overwhelmed in crowds like you described, though–and either withdraws or becomes so overstimulated she’s like a bull in a china shop and can’t control herself till she’s removed from the situation. It’s such a relief that there are others out there who deal with sensory problems–and have even survived to adulthood! I think sometimes people attribute her “differentness” to a discipline problem when she really does just have a hard time processing what’s going on. (Not that she’s perfect–it’s just that her motives are often different than people may assume.)
My daughter has SID too and yes, many people have assumed she is poorly disciplined. At 12, things are much better. Everyone seems to find a way to cope.