She looked down at her shoes and muttered,
My excitement over a new little one being knit within melted into dismay and frustration. I wanted her to be happy for me. Instead she seemed angry.
It was years before my heart would recognize the pain behind her quietly stoic congratulations.
And yet, I had been there. Once upon a time, I had been the one reeling as those around me announced new pregnancies while I was left empty and longing…eventually, bitter and angry. I was the one who had muttered congratulations to my shoes. But in my own pregnant excitement, I no longer felt the sting of that pain. The pain that comes when your friendship meets infertility.
I knew what it was like for me to be the one not pregnant, but I did not know what it was like to be my friend when I was pregnant and she was not.
So, I asked her.
This rock solid Christian woman spoke of her happiness for me, but her jealousy as well. As time passed, she wondered if God was punishing her for doing something wrong, withholding blessings from her because of something she or her husband had done.
She knew she was being spiritually attacked. She studied her Bible, diligently looking for peace and answers until finally, she handed the pain and frustration over to the Lord.
She told me that when my baby was born, the jealousy resurfaced, but she immersed herself in holding my little one, avoiding the pity parties her heart wanted to have.
It wasn’t easy.
But she grew spiritually…as did I when I was facing the same emotions.
So, what do you do if you are the pregnant one?
Be gracious. Be humble. Acknowledge her pain. Don’t be so caught up in your own joy, you forget she is grieving.
Let her have the space and time she needs. Love her through her pain.
Every time you have a baby and she does not is yet one more time she must deal with spiritual attacks. Attacks that say she isn’t a good mother. Attacks that say she doesn’t deserve to be blessed. Attacks that can lead to bitterness…gut-wrenching, depths of the pit bitterness. Bathe her in prayer. She will need it.
Those of you with first hand experience in dealing with this in a friendship, please leave your comments here so others can benefit from your wisdom.