{Click the button above to read all the posts in the series.}
I used to wear only skirts and dresses. For one whole year that is all I wore. I was newly convicted about letting God plan our family, and as I scoured the internet for like-minded mamas, I began to believe dress wearing just came with the territory. But, I took it a step further.
Or should I say, I took it a step UP…up onto my Holier-Than-Thou soapbox where I could look down my nose at everyone who did not wear skirts and dresses and pass judgment on the condition of their hearts, while my heart festered ugly and self-righteous.
When the Lord took the blinders from my eyes, I ran the opposite direction, scared I might become that woman again.
However, somewhere beneath the rubble of my self-righteous heart, was a heart that still longed to understand God’s heart concerning skirts and dresses and me.
So, quietly I would search.
One time I found the courage to ask a friend who had worn dresses for as long as I had known her how she ended up there. Her answer surprised me. She said her husband loved her in dresses and saw them as very feminine and flattering. He complimented her profusely when she chose to wear a dress for the day and from that she realized how honoring it would be to him to wear things that he enjoyed seeing on her and on their little girls.
I guess I was expecting some sort of holier-than-thou response. Instead I got quiet, humble obedience.
But my husband doesn’t really say much about my wardrobe unless he feels a shirt is too lowcut. So, I found myself wondering if his silence was reason enough for me to avoid skirts.
Yet the niggling remained.
When I would search the Bible looking for the answers to my questions, I would find myself unconvinced that the often-quoted Scriptures people use to say women are supposed to wear dresses spoke definitively to that end.
But a few months ago someone I highly respect reminded me that as Christians we are to be set apart. This person was not talking about women wearing dresses, but that is immediately what came into my mind. Dresses and skirts are distinctly feminine, and in today’s culture, distinctly different.
When I am out shopping and I see a woman in a skirt with little girls in skirts trailing after her, I immediately see her as different. Why? Because women don’t wear skirts anymore. There is obviously something “different”, set apart if you will, about a woman in skirts.
But, skirts really confound me. Even though I wore skirts and dresses for a year, I wasn’t good at it. I ALWAYS felt frumpy. I ALWAYS felt uncomfortable. And in the winter, I ALWAYS felt COLD! So, after I quit wearing skirts full time, I began to wear them here and there on nice days when I could wear sandals. I truly did feel different in skirts, but I didn’t feel like it was something I could stick with.
Then I ran into Caroline from ModestMom.com at a pregnancy crisis center benefit where the Duggars were speaking.
Michelle Duggar sympathizing with Garin as he cried in line at the book signing.
Caroline and I chatted in line and that night I visited her business site and her blog…again, quietly searching.
And then I went out on a limb.
I emailed Caroline and asked if she would help me.
I rambled out this messy, excited email asking if she would help me…and take all of you along for the ride as well. And she agreed!
And that’s when “She Wears Skirts” was born.
I needed a mentor. I needed someone who could come alongside me and help me fully understand the method and modesty behind my desire to be set apart in this way. And I wanted Caroline to share her expertise with all of you in the process. “She Wears Skirts” is a collaboration between two mothers, one searching and one guiding.
What you will find here in the next several weeks is not a bunch of rules and regulations. You will find heart. You will find humility and a desire to serve from both Caroline and myself.
I am inviting you on the journey. Caroline is handing out the maps. Neither one of us is here to push you down the path.
As we take this journey, we will talk about things like
- why modesty matters
- a basic checklist for getting started wearing more skirts
- what sorts of undergarments work best
- what shoes to wear
- what to wear when pregnant and/or nursing
- how to accomplish every day tasks while wearing skirts and dresses
We’ll have photos and video, shopping tips, and Caroline will offer supplemental information on the Modest Mom Blog for those who want to dig even deeper!
Will you join me? I’d love to have company on this journey!
She Wears Skirts series:
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I’m so glad to find this blog/forum. Sure hope it continues.
I started wearing longer skirts/dresses around 36 years ago when I became a Christian. To shorten a long story, my husband and I felt it was the modest thing to do. I often felt frumpy, but still felt it was “right.” In the last 10 years my husband has wished I would wear pants again. I’ve tried, over and over, but they just arent’ comfortable for me.
Fortunately I sew, so I’ve been able to make things the way I want them to fit, so I guess I’m spoiled. Because I’m in menopause, I wear skirts and tops so that it’s easier for me to layer down or up, depending on hot flash frequency!
Honestly, I really have no problem with women wearing pants…..like I said, I’d be wearing loose pants except that my skirts are so much more comfortable. In winter, I wear cotton leggings, with fleece leggings over them. Warm socks and boots. In summer I wear very thin, very loose cotton capri/bloomer like things….they come below my knee but are cool with a lightweight skirt over. And who’s going to see them?
Always elastic waists in my skirts, with a drawstring to adjust.
Like most other women, I like to look nice, I like to look acceptable. I sometimes feel frumpy, when I’m around women who are fashionably dressed in close fitting pants and tops. But comfort wins out…..also my spiritual comfort wins out. Instead I look up to God and talk to him about it, “You know why I’m doing this. Help me to be a pretty person inside, with a heart to be a blessing to others.”
So, self righteousness used to be an issue with me…..now, when I’d LIKE to go the other way, it’s just not worth it. LOL.
It’s my prayer that every woman who feels called/convicted to wear dresses/skirts will find a comfortable way to do it, and will be at peace with it, and even love it! For the right reasons! : )
2 corrections:
In winter I wear cotton leggings, with loose fleece leggings over, and a lightweight, but warm skirt over that. It’s loose, and I can move freely and be warm. I could never wear just a pair of pants in winter, I couldn’t stay warm. And if I layered leggings under the pants I’d feel all bound up.
“Self righteousness used to be an issue with me…” That sounds pretty self righteous in itself, doesn’t it? What I meant was that I used to think women OUGHT to wear skirts/dresses and that those who didn’t were “in the wrong.” I’ve lived long enough to see my own glaring faults, which are way more of an issue than how I, or anyone else, dresses.
One more comment….if my husband were opposed to my wearing dresses, I wouldn’t do it. He has suggested that I wear loose pants a couple times, and I tried to because it seemed to be something he wanted. But he understands that skirts are more comfortable. He’s wonderfully supportive. I love him dearly and try to adjust my life to his in most other things.
I just found this series whilst blog-hopping on some homesteading links. So excited to read all you have! I have always loved wearing skirts and dresses but always did it only for church or to be “dressed up”. I loved my jeans too LOL
My daughter started attending the school at our church and the dress code is knee-length or longer dresses and skirts. And while parents do not have a dress code, they kindly ask that if we are to be on campus (actually it says “out of our cars”) that we adhere to at least the casual dress code (which is denim skirts). So, that gave me my “excuse” to start wearing skirts again! All the ladies at our church wear skirts or dresses and I can always spot “our kind” at the local Wal-Mart LOL (we go to an independent fundamental Baptist church). I have seen exceptions (and I am one of them) of sometimes wearing loose capris (this is me gardening) and the students wear culottes for PE, sporting events and are allowed to wear them to youth activities like going to the local amusement park.
NOW that I have rambled away, I am off to start reading the series!
I am now engaged and my fiance has expressed the desire that I wear only dresses and skirts, which I had already been having some conviction about before I meet him! I may have a solution partly to the frumpiness issue however. The dresses and skirts made back in the 40′s 50′s and early 60′s were a much more flatering cut. Manufactures today have basically lost the art of dress making or really quality clothes making. My fiance says he is willing to support me in a business idea I have had for a long time, to make and sell vintage dresses from old 40′ and 50′s patterns! Sounds like there may really be a need for this. I am so glad to find other conservative Christian women still exist! I live in Washington, so wasn’t sure (just kidding, I know there are some here too).
Sounds like a really neat business venture!
Some of those old patterns are really nice. I hope it works out well for you….and congratulations on your engagement!
Amy,
I have been praying for something like this. I am a Christian and have been for about 10 years. I have always worn more pants and shorts than skirts and dresses, even thought I like the way I feel and look in skirts more. I have been married for 4 years (this September) and have two small children. Over the past year or so, God has been convicting me more and more about the decisions I make as a wife and mother; He’s constantly refining me. One of these areas is the way in which I dress myself and my daughter. We are very modest but I sense that dressing in skirts/dresses is more pleasing to the Lord and more feminine. I want to be “set apart from the world”, I want to be feminine, and I want to be obedient to Christ. I guess all this to say, thank you for being an encouragement. I live in Montana where everyone wears jeans, almost everyday, so I’m on this journey, somewhat, alone. It’s nice to know that there are other moms out there who are making this change too!
-Katie Beth
Welcome, Katie Beth!
I know the feeling of being alone in this, Katie Beth. I’ve been in dresses/skirts for 35 years. I’m so used to it, and love it so, that I’m seldom aware of it. It’s just me anymore.
But when I started I was very conscious of being different. Believing that God wanted this for me gave me comfort and courage.
I’m of a naturally retiring nature, but for some reason, in skirts, I can reach out to others more. Feel more at ease with myself.
I think there are other women who would like to be able to wear skirts more, but feel compelled to conform to their particular peer group or image of themselves. I like to think that those of us who dress in dresses/skirts give the message and encouragement that they are free to be different if they wish.
Also, I’ve found that I can do just about anything in a dress that I could do in pants. The key was to find the style and fit that worked best for me.
So, I’m glad you’re here and hope you’ll find the fellowship and ideas that will help you in your journey!
I am so glad I found this site! The women in our church recently decided as a group to go with skirts and dresses only. It has been empowering for some, but others, myself included sometimes, feel frumpy and dowdy. We were modest dressers anyway, before the skirt decision, and wore sleeves to our wrists and pants to our ankles (no shorts.) It has been so hard to find long sleeved shirts and long skirts/dresses to our ankles without looking like pioneer women! Like Kim commented on June 30, “our kind” also is easily spotted in our small town, and frequently ridiculed. (There’s even a website that has a post making fun of our women for choosing to wear dresses, saying that we must be brainwashed!) I am so glad to find a site where other women are choosing to dress this way. You’ve inspired me!
So glad you’re here, Randi! I’ve always thought it was humorous that the majority, dressing similarly, would ridicule the minority, who exercise courage to be different. Don’t suppose the majority are brainwashed in any way……? Hmmmmmm.
I’m currently working on switching my wardrobe to skirts/dresses only. It’s taken me about 8 months so far, but I’ve almost there! Now I’m stuck on something, What to wear as sleep wear? If I sleep in a dress or a skirt, I’m gonna get tangled up and possibly hurt myself! Haha! Any advice?
I’m a t-shirt and sleep pants kind of gal. I wouldn’t stress about it too much unless you feel you should be wearing something different to bed.
Thanks for the response! I usually stick to my comfy pink and while polka dot carpi’s and a t-shirt. So I think I’ll stick with that. Also wanted to let you know I’m loving your blog! It’s so inspiring and helpful
I sleep naked…
I began wearing dresses because I was teaching my boys to pull out my chair for me at the breakfast table (among other kinds of gentlemanly manners) and wanted them to learn how to treat ladies. Therefore, I felt I should be dressing as a lady. I also believe that my husband appreciates it.
Thank you so much for this beautiful explanation. I began the wearing only dresses journey a few years ago and ended up becoming too angry at the response it invoked from my friends, family and even church members. It was an area of my life God was dealing with me in and I never expected the response I got. In trying to explain/defend my new way of dressing on my blog, it seemed to come out in judgement of others which was not my intention. You have explained things that I could not find the words to explain. In all honesty now, I wear skirts and dresses because I truly enjoy wearing them. They are the most comfortable option for me plus my husband prefers me to wear them. How others dress are between them and God and not for me to judge and I have always felt that way. If you would’ve asked me five years ago if I could wear only dresses or skirts I would’ve laughed myself silly. Now I can’t imagine not wearing them not due to some legalistic reason, but because I feel most modest, feminine and comfortable in them.
I am a 25 year old married woman. I am newly saved, I used to live a wild permiscuous life. I have been feeling this weird feeling of God telling me I need to change how I dress. That I should start wearing dresses…. My husband is lost though… and I mentioned it to him and he thinks it is weird and I think he would be weirded out if I started wearing them…. BUT i feel a constant conviction! What should I do?!
Melissa,
I hear your heart and it is quite possible God is calling you to change how you dress. We are new creations after all! Take it slow for your husband’s sake. But do keep praying and searching and slowly building a wardrobe that reflects Christ. That’s really the heart of the matter!
Blessings to you,
Amy
@Melissa
I would question from where this message of wearing dresses or skirts is coming. The Bible says no such thing. It does call us to be set apart (Holy), but in the Old Testament, it was circumcision (which was easily identifiable and many could see if a man was circumcised) in the New Testament we are told it is by our love one for another.
I would be very careful and if your church is preaching (through word or deed) eisegesis, you probably want to find a new church.
Melissa dear,
There’s something about wearing skirts that is soothing to the souls of some women. It’s easy to argue that it is God who should soothe our souls….period. But God uses different means. It’s true that the Bible doesn’t specifically say that women should wear skirts….it also doesn’t say alot of other things that weren’t an issue in those days. It’s something that is between our hearts and God’s, and He is in the trenches with us…..he’s not standing off with his arms folded and a stern face. So He understands your being torn between following your needs and wanting to please your husband. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to please your husband. I am and will be praying that you will have peace and comfort.
As a man, I cannot comprehend or experience the connections or compassions of women towards each other.
Wearing dresses, skirts, pants, or any other article of clothing* is not prohibited or encouraged in the Bible. My concern is when preachers (usually male) argue for or against something the Bible does not address and do so in a manner which implies Biblical authority and the flock uses peer pressure and shame to enforce this standard.
If you want to wear dresses or skirts – great. If you want to wear pants – great. If you want to wear shorts – great. But please keep the motivation for doing so inline with the Bible and not following someone else’s rules.
*some argument could be made for headcoverings in I Cor 15.
You make some very good points, FatherOf4, points that I think are an important balance on a forum like this. Because as a man, you have a perspective that some women might not be as familiar with…..that of men wanting to control women (which should be different from the honor that women are taught to give their husbands.) And I think the Bible reveals the tension between patriarchal thinking and the freedom that is found in Christ. God worked with the patriarchal society and did not make an issue about it, just like he didn’t make an issue about abolishing slavery….it just wasn’t the right time.
I suppose I might sound like a contradiction to some….. but I think that the freedom to believe and act in a way that seems appropriate to women or men, as long as we understand why we feel the appropriateness of it, is a freedom and privilege that Christ has bought for us. And like you say, it’s something that we shouldn’t do under pressure from anyone.
And if we do decide to do something that makes sense to us, it’s so nice to have the support of others who feel the same way.
Thank you for your balancing comments!
Scripture states in Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.
The Word of God is living and active so this verse pertains to today too.
@ Sharon: I second your comment, and would like to ask fatherof4 these question: would you ever wear a dress or skirt? Why or why not? Don’t we have the freedom in Christ to dress how we want? Should men’s and women’s clothing be distinctive enough to tell them apart at a distance? For that matter, should their hair length?
I recall a while back, my dad and sister were driving somewhere in town, and they saw a boy on a bike that looked like my brother. So they called to him, and he came, and… it not only was not my brother, but it was a girl, with short hair and boyish clothing on.
It was not until the feminists starting trying to make women as much like men as they could that wearing pants was accepted by Christians.
I mean, good grief (and this is not meant to be offensive, so I hope it isn’t), but if we can wear what we want, why not just wear… ummm… nothing? “If you want to wear clothes-great. If you don’t want to wear clothes-great. Just make sure no one is pressuring you to do one or the other.”
Only thing is, just as the Bible teaches that we should wear clothes, it also teaches that men and women should not cross dress.
What would be your reaction, fatherof4, to seeing a man wearing a dress and a blouse? Probably the same reaction godly Christians had back in the day, when they saw the feminists wearing pants and such.
Nicely said Laura, I agree 100%. As Christians, I believe we have “accepted” so much over many decades that we can’t even see what is black and white any more until we return to the foundation of God’s Word. Praise be to God when we accept His Word in His black and white.
When the above verse(Deut. 22:5) was written, men and women did not wear pants or skirts. They all wore the same things, tunics & robes. Fashion through the ages has changed. There have been many cultures where the men wear the ‘skirts’(Scotland, Polynesia, South East Asia) and many cultures where women go topless(African tribes). Does that mean that they should all dress like ‘westerners’ in pants or skirts?
I do believe that God’s word is relevant for today, but I think this is more of a heart issue. It’s about whether or not you’re trying to portray yourself as being male & female.
God made both male and female. He made us differently.
I can wear an really nice pair of flowing dress pants and a pretty sweater, a shoe with a heal and my Husband will tell me that he likes what I’m wearing. I feel quite feminine and I am not trying to be a man when I wear it.
I think skirts are rather pretty. I am not against wearing them, but it comes down to what’s going on inside our hearts and why we choose to wear what we do.
I just wanted to add some more food for thought to this discussion.
So, if they all wore the same things, then why in the world would God have forbidden men to wear women’s clothes, and vice versa? It’s because their clothing WAS distinctive.
People are always giving the ‘kilt argument’. Even in Scotland, where men wore kilts, the women wore long, flowing dresses. Their clothing was still distinctive.
As for women in Africa going topless… well, their culture was pagan, and I hope you’re not saying that if our heart is right with God, and we are convinced that we are doing it for the right reasons, we as women can go around topless O.O
I do agree that clothing is distinctive.
My point is that it’s a heart issue. It’s not about skirts vs pants.
If a man was to wear women’s clothing(in any culture or time of history) in order to be like a woman, then that would be wrong in God’s eyes.
When I wear pants, I’m not trying to be a man(but if I was, then yes, it would be wrong).
But that didn’t really address what I said: are you saying that as long as your heart is right (or you think your heart is right), that you could go around topless? Just as long as you aren’t doing it for the ‘wrong’ reasons?
And, yes, to some degree it is pants vs. skirts. Our hearts should be right with God, definitely! But our clothing should reflect our heart. If we, in our hearts, desire to be modest and God honoring, then our clothing should be modest and honor God as well.
No that’s not what I’m saying.
Yes, our clothing does reflect what is in our hearts.
I have no problem with being modest(it’s one of the qualities that my husband found attractive about me when we first met).
The reason I mentioned other cultures/time periods etc. was to say that it’s not about skirts vs pants because in those other places they didn’t wear skirts or pants.
God does not want us to blur the distinctions between male and female because He’s the one that made us that way. It’s an abomination for someone to portray themselves as something they’re not by wear the clothing of the opposite sex.
If I wear pants, I’m not trying to get people to notice me as a man. I can still be modest and feminine.
I think we here again reach the point of what the Lord has convicted us as modest. I do not feel that pants in any form are modest. Yes, I own a pair of jeans that I wear at home working on the farm and riding horses. Do I think they are modest? No, and I would never wear them out in public or when we had company period, but that is my conviction. I don’t feel that just because the pants are sold in a woman’s store and are long, flowing and appear to be feminine, that they are modest. Pants show the distinct form of a woman no matter what form the pants are. Skirts can too if they are worn tight enough, but I might as well wear pants in that case. Simply my brutally honest opinion.
My bottom line is that it does boil down to pants vs. skirts. The grace of a woman is amplified in a skirt long before it ever will be in pants. A lady is distinctively a woman in a dress or skirt in our culture in today’s time. A man in any skirt, in today’s American culture, is an abomination. Men in America wear pants, so for us according to scripture, pants are not what we should wear since God’s Word is living and active.
I realize these are fighting words for most women and that is not my intention. I am simply trying to explain my point of view due to where the Lord has lead me in my walk. If someone truly feels they are being modest while wearing pants, that is where they are in their walk and it is not for me to judge.
Due to my convictions, I have to heed them and lead with love, not pointing fingers. I respectfully ask others to not judge me for them.
Sometimes it isn’t as easy to communicate online as it would be if we were face to face. I appreciate your well thought out comment. God Bless!
Can someone PLeASE email me. I have been so convicted since I accepted the Lord into my heart to wear skirts. My husband is lost and thinks it’s crazy. My friends are…. Probably think I’m completely weird and not want to hang out with me. I used to live a really bad life before and was very provocative and flirtatious. Now that i am saved, something inside me keeps making me feel like a man when I wear pants! I want to wear dresses so bad bc I know it would please the Lord and I could stay focused more on my heart and not my looks! HelP.
I am so glad that you are doing this series! I was convited about a year ago to wear skirts only and I have definiately had my struggles. I am excited to see what all you have to say!
Thank you so much for posting this…I have had this issue on my heart for some time, with no one really to talk to in respect to it. Very much looking forward to reading more of your journey. What a wonderful site this is, so happy to have found it. Blessings to you!