I am the mother of children.
Multiple children.
~Our 6 living children~
~Our precious Emily~
And I look it.
And not too long ago I realized I am okay with that.
For years I chased a dream. A dream of a number on a scale. A dream of the body I had in high school. A dream of NOT looking like a mom.
Society tells me that stretch marks and extra padding in places it didn’t used to be are detestable and must be starved off, run off, or cut off.
We spend our growing up years longing for babies and our growing old years trying to look like we never had any.
Society tells us no more than two children because they wreck the checkbook and ruin the body. And while I wasn’t completely entrenched in that culture of self, I definitely was sitting on the sidelines, wondering what a mom of 7 should look like.
The Tummy Chronicles haven’t been just a physical journey. They have been mental as well. It has made me realize that I am closing the gap in my stomach muscles not so I can fit into something I wore in high school {heaven forbid}, but so that I am as healthy as I can be…flab and all, and that IF the Lord blesses again, baby will have a nice home in a belly that isn’t falling apart.
I have no ill-conceived notions of sportin’ 6-pack abs.
Nor do I want to.
You know why? Because I AM mom. My job is to dry tears, disciple hearts, and be there for the precious little ones God has entrusted to me.
I want to show them the beauty of being home, the beauty of obeying the Lord with a willing heart, the beauty of being the mother of children.
This is beauty beyond the world’s comprehension. This is beauty that doesn’t always come in neatly tied up packages. This is beauty that is sometimes a little thicker around the middle, a little grayer on the top, and a little creased around the edges.
Sure, I want to be fit and healthy, but why fight looking like a mom when that’s truly what I am? I want to embrace what that means. I want to be content with the c-section scars, and stretch marks, and wider hips than the girl I once knew. Those things are part of my story. They are part of me. Part of my legacy.
I look like a mom.
Praise the Lord…I look like a mom.
*******
Today, you can also find me at Raising Homemakers
writing about being the mother of a daughter who doesn’t
“fit the mold” in a post entitled
No Frills, No Lace.
Brandi says
Thank you so much for this post. I have been trying to feel content with the new body I have while pregnant with baby #4 but it is hard with the whole world telling you how you shouldn’t feel content with that. You are a huge encouragement to me and this came just at the right time 🙂
abba12 says
This is something I struggle with a lot. My MIL birthed 9 kids, and looks much younger than her age, with a slim body and all. She just happened to recover really well (Or felt it was nececary to diet drastically, I don’t know which). Their family is somewhat body-concious, and I feel a lot of pressure. It’s been like this with everything to do with kids though, She didn’t have a day of morning sickness, I had Hyperemesis. She didn’t have any complications, I had Cholestasis, Her children don’t have any disabilities, I carry and have multiple genetic conditions. She breastfed them all without a problem, I couldn’t breastfeed.
I guess that gives the Hyperemesis a silver lining… Everyone tells me how I don’t look like I was even pregnant, that’s because I was lighter at term than I was before concieving. But even saying that makes me feel terrible about myself, even though others seem to think it’s a great thing. The problem now is the hyperemesis completely trashed my metabolism, so I am gaining weight now! I’ve been asked more than once if there’s a second one on the way by my belly now… My husband has/had a false idea of what happens to *most* women during/after pregnancy, and I feel a lot of pressure to keep to that idea. I’ve been told multiple times that I would be absolutely horrid to ‘let myself go’ after the first child… That my husband deserves to have me look as good as I did when I got married.
I hope I can be as ok with myself as you one day 🙂
Laura says
Oh, I’m so sorry it’s like that for you. 🙁
I have had many times of pressure and self image problems, from myself as well as from others. My husband has made tremendous strides over the years in both his love for me, which completely overshadows his view of my physical shape, and his understanding of the pressures put on women in our society.
It took me a long time to believe him when he would tell me he loves every part of my body. We both now see that our skewed ideas of physical appearance kept us from fully drawing near to God. If we could not accept ourselves, why would we believe God would?
I hope for you and I will pray for you that both your husband and yourself will be able to let go of these pressures.
Amy says
Oh sweetie! I am so sorry. I’ve struggled for years with being okay with looking like a mom and even dealt with the hyperemesis making me “look better” (which also made me feel terrible). My mother’s side of the family is hyper-weight conscious and I’ve never known her to not be on a diet. Sometimes to the point of not eating with us. I don’t want to live my life like that. I doubt that I have “arrived”, but I’m much more content than I used to be.
leah bush says
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am over weight to begin with BUT i had Hyperemesis with both children. With my first daughter i lost 24 lbs total during pregnancy BUT gained 6 while in the hospital and then 50 more over the next year because it wrecked my metabolism and i developed a severe case of hypothryodism. It took me 3 years to recover and i finally got pregnant with our son. During this pregnancy (my son is now 1 month) I lost a total of 47 lbs and gained 15 back during pregnancy. But that left me at delivery 32 lbs lighter then when we conceived. I looked horrid in between my pregnancies from healthy issues and am so thankful that i am now getting in to healthier routine of exercise and such after this pregnancy. But I have had so many comments about how i lost so much weight during pregnancy but people have no idea how sick i was during that time period and how much quality time i lost with my daughter during the time i was so sick
Larissa says
I have recently read a devotional by Charles Spurgeon that went along the lines that if we are trying to see how close we can get to the world without being contaminated, we are playing with fire. I have also heard it said somewhere that if the world looks at us and doesn’t see a Christian (or someone not reacting to situations the way that everyone else does) we aren’t doing a good enough job. I like not fitting into the cookie-cutter image of what a middle aged Mum should look like. I like being confident of who I am in Christ and trying to shine His love. I like having the Holy Spirit living in me (and me FINALLY getting the message that that He loves me the way I am) and that He will help me to be the best I can; spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. That’s all He asks of us. Some days I can’t do anything except the next thing. When it comes to exercise and health, I try to treat it like a bank account and put in more than I take out. Again, some days I can only sit on the exercise and gently roll my legs over for 10 minutes. Other days I can take my dog for a walk for a half an hour. Every little bit adds to my health. We need to lighten up on ourselves and listen to the still gentle voice who guides us. :o)
Sorry for such a long comment. I’m passionate about NOT fitting in to the WORLD but being trasnformed by the renewing of our minds.
Larissa says
sorry that smily is not right. I put a nose in and it always turns it into a surprised face! 🙂
Beth says
Good post, Amy. 🙂
Gail says
Thank you for sharing this Amy! I think in our culture this is so hard to truly grasp. It seems we are expected to “pop our babies out” and then get back into shape in 6 weeks like the “super-stars!” I’m pregnant with our 5th (only 3 more weeks!) and this is the most I’ve ever weighed. Sometimes it is difficult, then I remember I am carrying a child. And it makes it all okay! Although I have thoughts of “losing all the baby weight,” I’ve also realized that it’s not going to take over my life 🙂
Robin says
What a refreshing post! Society can really make you feel like something the cat drug in and unfairly make us feel less than adequate for our husband. Your words of wisdom wonderfully depict what it means to be a mom and the importance of what truly matters in life. Thank you.
danielle @ RLR says
I’m all misty eyed because you touched on something I have been inwardly struggling with for ages. Some of my weight has everything to do with me. And my lack of self control. But some of it has everything to do with giving birth to three beautiful little children. Three beautiful children that I now spend most of my energy into mothering rather than running marathons. Which is not to say that running marathons aren’t okay. It’s just not okay with the children Jesus gave me and the needs they have. At times I’ve been resentful of how much time I don’t have. Usually right around the time I know I’m going to see someone who’s managed to stay in her high school bod. It’s really become a Spiritual journey for me this year (and longer, I’m sure!) to finding Peace with who I am. And the balance of being healthy physically (which may or may not mean a high school bod), mentally and most importantly…spiritually.
Anyway…
Thank you for this beautifully encouraging post!
…danielle
Amy says
Danielle,
What you just said is very much my story…{hugs}
DonnaJ says
Amen!
Mrs. Mary Joy Pershing @Learning to Live a Surrendered Life says
Beautiful, Amy! Just beautiful! Thank you so much for the reminder. I am working on getting healthier which for me has to include losing weight because of my size…but it is not taking over my life any more. I lost 30 pounds over the last year slowly…and am focusing on getting into better shape because I need to be able to keep up with our children. I will never be the weight I was before I had children and I don’t need to be. I am happy as I am but am concerned about some health issues around my weight because I’ve over indulged over the years. I am learning to eat healthy foods and am working on finding time to exercise. But I am beginning to treasure looking like a mom. Thank you for this post. I really needed to hear it today! 😉
Dancing together at the foot of the Cross,
Mrs. Mary Joy Pershing
Carlee says
I completely relate to this post and I am grateful for your perspective. I am so blessed to be a mom of nine and I too, have wasted so much time longing for the figure I left behind years ago.
Thanky ou for the reminder that the honor of being a mom is far greater than any figure could be. 🙂
Grateful Grammy says
This is a particularly good post. Not only do we need to cheerfully (and maybe with a sense of humor) accept our mommy (and grandmommy) bodies as they are, but we need to be lovely to our husbands, too. If we can’t have the svelt body of our youth, we can still keep up with the good grooming habits and be that sweet-natured person everyone appreciates. Bless you for writing such a good blog, day after day!
Jasmine says
So true, Amy, so true. My son and I were just filming a video for my blog. I would cringe when I saw myself on video because it wasn’t what I wanted to see. I had to remind myself that I am who I am. I need to quit worrying if I am a bit heavier than I would like to be, and just do what I am suppose to be doing. I want my kiddos to remember me as a joyful, loving mom, not as the skinniest, most breathtaking mom. Thanks for the reassurance!
Myra @ My Blessed Life says
Amy, this is just precious. You spoke to my heart this morning. 🙂
Cindy says
Have you ever noticed that skinny people age faster? That’s because they don’t have enough padding to fill in those lines. ;0) I aim for healthy, not skinny. If I feel good, and I’m able to keep active without being uncomfortable, that’s good enough for me. I don’t need to be skinny.
Sheryl says
Thanks for these thoughts!
Lyndsay says
Thanks Amy! This post has really spoken to me. I have been told I have to loose 40 lbs for health reasons. Which I am trying. But in the process of loosingit bring up so many other issues from the past. I want to be very fit and healthy that is all. I am not concerned with looking like I used to. I had eating disorders when I was younger and don’t want to have to deal with that struggle again or worry about my daughters seeing me struggle as well. It is a very hard situation to learn to deal with.
I am 26 and I look like a mom. Lol
Jamie says
Well said Amy! I realize the same thing. I want to be fit and healthy, the best *I* can be. I will never have model legs or a flat tummy or umm a perky chest. I’m not gonna make the cover of any magazine nor do I want to. I’ve born 7 chilren and no amount of cream for stretch marks can hide that. I can however take care of my body to the glory of God by eating well and exercising, so that I can be healthy for however many more years God has for me… so that I can run with my kids and take long walks with my hubby (well, maybe someday) and feel the best about myself. I am done comparing myself to others. I just want to be content with me… and I am getting there.
Christin @ Joyful Mothering says
AMEN!!!! Truly a wonderful post and one I needed to hear. 🙂
Drea says
Great post 🙂 Im a mother of 3 under 6 – all boys 🙂 – weee haha, we are wanting a 4th soon too… I think its important to make sure we keep up with our looks, just because I think its important to be pleasing to our husbands… and while I know my husband would never expect me to look like I did pre-kids 🙂 – He does appreciate me taking the time to wash my hair, and dress nice. But I think it becomes sin when we obsess over it in the wrong ways… and look to the world to much for acceptance… although I find myself preaching to myself often this same thing! 😀
Oh and chasing kids is exersize 😉 – As a former p90x-er Ive given up the hour workouts to chase 3 cuties. It may not work the triceps or gluts like p90x, btu it keeps our heart healthy and calories burnt. 🙂
Blessing!
Drea
http://www.dreawood.com
PS! you have a beautiful family!!
Heather says
This is a fabulous post. I believe that we can look good for our husbands, and not ‘let our selves go’ without looking like a teenager. I think that simply means getting dressed and happy with life instead of walking around in sweats looking like we might fall asleep at any moment. Even a girl with a perfect body can look horrible if she doesn’t smile and embrace the life God gave her.
I’m happy to look like a mom, not an old hag, or cheap hooker, but a mom. Mom’s are beautiful, radiating love for their children 🙂
april says
Loved reading this I struggle day to day with body image issues and having a belly and stretch marks and then looking at some of my friends and they look great but I know I need to learn to love who I am and what I look like 🙂
Jamerrill @ Holy Spirit Led Homeschooling says
Yes and AMEN! I totally agree 🙂 I’ve tried several things over the years myself, but now I’m just trying to focus on being healthy and “moving around” with the kids. Like jumping on the trampoline or walking through our field together. I seem to loose weight while I’m preggers, lol…then gain back those “extra 10-15” lbs afterwards. I love my babies and their worth it! Thanks Amy as always 😀
Suanna says
Thanks Amy for another great post. Personally I’ve had that mentality all along, but so many people I know really struggle with how they look, especially after a baby is born. When they ask me about it I don’t really know what to say. Now I have some ideas. It’s important to be healthy, but that doesn’t always mean you will look like you did before baby.
Eve says
Amen. And amen! I feel exactly the same way! Great post.
Mamachildress says
Amen! Wonderful post!
As a mama to 10 (yes, 10!) children…. all single births, I can relate to everything you said.
It isn’t realistic to want to look like we did before having children. I do agree with the other ladies who so sweetly pointed out that we do need to take care of ourselves though. That doesn’t even mean makeup or jewelry either.
Freshly brushed teeth with some nice Burt’s Bee’s on your lips, clean skin with some light moisturizer on, clean and brushed hair that has been conditioned, a nice skirt with matching (clean) t-shirt, and of course….. a smile….. all these lend themselves to a well kept Mama. (skinny or fluffy!)
dusti says
praise God!
I too have found peace in a less than perfect body. But, a healthy body, one that is a mom to beautiful children and has energy to run and play with them is a gift.
and I loveyour skirt, I recently found a similar one. 🙂
Andrea says
As a mama of 6, and just recovering from a 2nd trimester miscarriage, I truly value women with your view of motherhood.
I wrote similar thoughts, here:
http://andreamomm.blogspot.com/2011/06/accepting-our-ladylike-bodies.html
Pamela says
Hi Andrea, I was just starting to regularly follow your blog, and was so encouraged by it, when it changed to a private setting. I miss reading it, and was wondering if you could invite me to be a reader. My email is canning4pam@gmail.com
Heather Anderson says
Such a beautiful post! I have struggled with putting too much emphasis on being “in shape.” The stretch marks haven’t bothered me too much (and I have a LOT of them) but the diastasis has. I tend to be slim in my body type, so having a protruding tummy really shows. With four girls to train and disciple, I see how very important it is to come to terms with bodily imperfections, yet still remember stewardship of the body. It is a balance, like so many other things in the Lord, and easy to lean to far one way or the other. But God is so good; He helps us get things back into focus when we get off track. Blessings to you.
Jackie says
Amy: I have been following for a little over a month now! I started with She Wears Skirts, and have since then began wearing skirts along with my dd7. I love the inspiration you give to us as Christian Women that want to follow the Lord and bless our husbands and children.
Lisa Suit says
Thank you so much for posting this!!
Sarah Miller says
Amen!! Learning to love the scars and extra flab that brought my girl into this world is a battle when facing our culture, but how can I not love the story those scars tell? How can I want to get rid of that?? love your truthfulness.
Jordin says
Thank you for this post. I definitely look like a mama, and I find myself being so discontent with the way I look sometimes. I need to lighten up on myself! Blessings did this to me! 😉
I have a friend who lost her first baby, who was 16 months old, to leukemia. She says that in the months that followed, she cherished the stretch marks on her belly, because it would be everlasting proof that he was once there. I just bawled when I heard that…it put things in a whole new perspective for me.
Amy says
What a beautiful thought. Thank you so much for sharing.
ann says
It’s funny what we grow to learn. I adore my mom and think she is beautiful beyond measure. I never hated her tummy… and now that I have the same tummy I detest it. But children, they love their mommy. They see the beauty that spills from the inside, and they are more impressed with a mom who loves and cares for them, than someone their friends might find attractive. I am thankful my mom was not caught up in society’s ideals. She cared for her children more than herself. I want to be that kind of mom… not the kind that wears her children as accessories.
Chrissy @ Fireflies and Hummingbirds says
Oh.My.Goodness, I love this post! Thank you, Amy, for saying it. There’s nothing wrong with looking like Moms, because that’s exactly what we are!
Anita says
My wonderful husband says he loves my stretch marks… he says they remind him of just one of the sacrifices I made to make him a Father- a role which he treasures deeply. Praise God for husbands who can’t get enough of us even with stretch marks!!
jillian says
Amy, I’m just know sitting down after a really long day of shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. It’s been very frustrating to say the least. All day, I found myself wishing I was thinner. I’d see so many cute things and get mad that they wouldn’t look good on my figure or were just flat out immodest. I pictured all of my husbands’ friend’s with their wives and girlfriends looking MUCH better than me! But after reading your post I’m reminded once again how blessed I am to have 7 beautiful children. I’ll take that over looking cute in a dress any day!! just what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you!
Amy says
This warmed my heart, Jillian! 🙂
Wendy Gunn says
Amen, Amen, Amen!! You look like a beautiful mom to me, Amy!
Just completed my move from Blogger to WordPress, and I am soooo excited about the results! Thank you for praying, friend! Come over and let me know what you think:) Yes, I’m finally up and running again at http://www.wendygunn.net (sorry for all those “Page not found”s!)
Blessings,
Wendy
Andrea says
Have u had all c secions
Amy says
No…2 C-sections, 5 VBACs (not in that order)
Michelle says
And wrinkles! What about the beautiful mommy wrinkles?! Society is also telling us we have to look 30 when we’re 60 or be the plastic, shiny face women. What will we all do if we don’t get botox or have layers of our face removed once a week and what if we’re not able to spend $100 a month on the newest age preventer. I will call us the remnant. The few who are still left on this earth that look our age.
Amy says
LOL!
Jenny says
Amy, this is so true! Wonderful post! Our stretch marks are badges of honor. Our mommy flab is that to be thankful for! Thank you for the encouragement!
Mary Jo says
This post gave me goosebumps! I’ve been married just over three years and so far my husband and I have welcomed two sweet babes into the world. My body certainly looks differently than it did that May afternoon we said, “I do.”
I am blessed to be married to a man who still loves me stretch marks and all, and has even said on more than one occasion he’d much rather I bear his children than keep a perfect high school girl figure. 🙂
Amy says
I am blessed with a husband just like this, Mary Jo! It is so nice to not have him hung up with having me look the way I did when we married at 18 & 19. 🙂
Tracey says
This post touched me; thanks for sharing your heart.
I think I came to this same place emotionally after turning 40 a couple of years ago. I accepted the fact that I will never have a flat stomach again and that the “laugh lines” on my face won’t fade despite the claims some cosmetics make.
And that’s okay. I can treat my body with respect by eating healthily and exercising, and rejoice in a family that loves me, no matter the extra pounds around my middle.
Lori says
It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who deals with such issues. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful perspective!
Karen says
Thank you so much for this article! I was always a twig my whole life, never had weight issues EVER, then I had babies. Baby #1 and #2 my body bounced back. Baby #3 I miscarried which seemed to destroy my body and baby #4 I had to have a C-section and my muscles and skin just did not recover. I was always the “skinny-minny” of the group and I hated my new wobbly midsection and more round shape. I’ve only recently began to accept the fact that my body isn’t going to get back to the shape I had and that its okay that it doesn’t. I REALLY appreciate you giving voice to this struggle we have as moms and for giving us practical, godly advice for dealing with this issue!
mary ellen ford says
Thanks for sharing the article. I am a 51 year old mom of ten c-section children.My oldest is 29 and my youngest 4.I have always tried to exercise and lose the weight after each one.(I wasn’t always successful)I did this not because I wanted to look like the world’s women,but because as a christian I should be a good steward of the temple God has given to me.Also, I think it is important to be a good testimony in this area of my life to others.I have known many Christian moms who have had lots of children who over indulge and do not care what they look like because after all they have had so many babies and their husbands love them regardless. They think it is ok because they are a Christian and they don’t care to be like the world.I know ,I was there once. When in reality as Christian women we need to put some effort into our physical appearance!It is most important to please God and have fellowship with Him.To please my husband comes next(yes, he loves me even when I am overweight).Obviously, motherhood is a high calling but to discipline our flesh with dieting and exercise after having those babies come is also important.We want to be able to live life to the fullest with each one of them!
LAURa says
thankyou for sharing your story. when you think about it, how many of us love our spouse friends family for what they look like??? its not what we look like its what is in our hearts that people love us. I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LOOK BEAUTIFUL BY THE WORLDS STANDARDS, BUT ARE BEAUTIFUL YO ME…………………………………………….
Candy says
And you are adorable! I really enjoy your posts.
Amanda says
Hi Amy, I just found your blog earlier this week through Smockity Frocks on Facebook. I’ve been reading your posts during most of my free times! 🙂 This post really hit home with me as I’ve been struggling with the new me after having my second baby 11 weeks ago (both of my girls being 9 1/2 pounders!) Your sentence about growing up wanting babies and growing old trying to look like we never had any is so true! You’ve encouraged me to be proud of looking like a momma. 🙂 Your series on wearing skirts has also been so great and encouraging as I’ve been moving toward wearing mostly skirts for a while now. I did wear them exclusively for 8 years during my teens and very early 20’s, but quit for various reasons, all of which were immature! lol It’s so encouraging to know there are others out there! lol Keep up the good work on your blog and thanks for the encouragement!
Blessings, Amanda
Amy says
Welcome! So glad you are here! And big babies…I know them well. 😉