I sat down in this chair last night, pen and paper in hand, lists of questions on my mind.
I needed his input. I needed guidance. I needed to sit under authority.
The paper in front of me contained several aspects of my daily life that needed reworking and restructuring. To some, they would have seemed petty or meaningless or something I should have taken care of on my own, but I knew my efforts to “take care of” these things had left me with even more problems. What I was doing wasn’t working and I knew if my husband was willing to offer his insight, I was willing to listen.
I must be honest, some of the things that were on my mind involved him and perceptions I had about his priorities and the priorities of our household, but I knew I could not come into the conversation with both guns blazing, throwing accusations at him and trying to control the outcome of his answers.
I consciously put myself under his headship and what followed was an amazingly insightful and blessed conversation that took a load of burden off my back and reset my focus as the lady of the home.
You see, I could spend all day hashing and rehashing the intricacies of my daily life with my friends, my mom, or myself, but if I am out of step with what my husband, as the head of our household wants, even if he’s never voiced those wants of his own accord, I will never get it right because out of step with my husband equals out of step with my God.
Some women will say things like, “my husband isn’t a believer like yours,” or “my husband doesn’t care to give advice on the things that bother me,” or “my husband just isn’t that involved.”
That doesn’t change a thing and God’s Word is still true.
You may not feel like you and your husband are in step and moving in the same direction, but that does not mean you kick him out of his God-given role and take over the helm, steering the course as the one in charge. There will either be mutiny or a shipwreck.
Yes, I am blessed to have a husband who is a Christian. But, he’s not the kind to just offer up advice…he’s too easy going for that. As a consequence, I often think he doesn’t care, when the truth is I never asked his opinion…with the intention of actually listening, that is.
I am so thankful for a Holy Spirit that quiets my domineering spirit and opens my ears and holds fast my tongue!
And I encourage you…
The next time you have a problem area in your day or an issue that is bothering you, take it to him…no accusations, no tight grip on what you think the answer should be. Have a conversation with your husband…the kind of conversation that honors and glorifies the God who is in headship over your husband and you. You will be blessed!
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Today, you can also find me at Raising Homemakers writing about choosing wise childhood pursuits for your daughters. Join me there!
Amen, sista.
Married 30 years. Twenty of ‘em weren’t in submission.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say God is the head of the woman. It says the man is the head of the woman and Christ is the head of the man. When I rebel against the flow of divine authority in my life, E.VER.Y.thing’s out of kilter.
A good reminder. Thanks, Amy.
Fabulous post, Amy.
I needed this today and if honest, so do many Christian women! Gonna work on not doing the following: “trying to control the outcome of his answers.”
Great truth here: “out of step with my husband equals out of step with my God.”
Thanks Again!
I loved this post Amy! Thanks for the great reminder!
Hmmm.. I see so many times when I should have used your strategies instead of aiming for ‘control’. Perhaps, if I had, we would not have had so many arguments. Wisdom comes with age.. I know better now, still sometimes its hard not to slip back into old patterns of behaviour.
Thanks for the reminder.
God Bless!
Thanks once again! Very timely. I was actually having trouble sleeping last night as I deliberated over such an issue…wanting to discuss something with my husband, but needing just the right amount of prodding to get it done. What a blessing you have been!
Lovely post! Crucial lesson! I love your respect and honor for your marriage relationship. Quite inspiring!
beautiful! thanks for your openess
You are truly a blessing! Thank you! I’ve been reading “How to Be His help Meet” by Debi Pearl. I’ve struggled a lot with what she has written in that book, but once I finally gave in to the words, life was SO much easier! You hit on one of her main points–and I needed that reminder today.
Phoebe, I love your name!! And its an awesome book. The Pearls have great insight in child training too. : )
Blessings,
Jill
I just felt lead to add that they could be a stumbling block for new christians. : )
Jill
Thank you! A timely reminder for me, as well.
My husband is also very easy-going, so I need to make an effort to find out what he’s thinking, or risk getting all out of sync.
And boy, you can feel it in your whole life when everyone isn’t pulling in the same direction!
I think my husband is similar in personality. I love how you said the HS quiets your domineering side….ummm are you sure we aren’t twins lol.
My guy has been the best for me because he is not like me. Yet I have to remember to ask in the right way and also even sometimes just do what I know blesses him even when he doesn’t ask or speak up. There are many things he doesn’t have an opinion on which means I have to really listen when he does have one and not just keep moving in my driven-self way. Great post!
Love it.
Great reminders!
Thanks for this post. It is an encouragement to me as I continue to move away from the leadership role and submit to his authority, and ultimately God’s authority.
Thanks for this post. I have been out of step with my husband and have been feeling this same way! The conversation is happening tonight.
What you did is reminiscent of what Teri Maxwell recommends in her book, Managers of Their Homes and Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit.
Mutiny or shipwreck?! I agree. It is so easy to want things our own way and to forget that God’s ways are truly wiser than our own.
So many muddled issues have become clear when I have done this with my husband. Peace and unity are the fruits of doing this because we are now on the same page as our husbands instead of trying to write another book!
Blessings, Amy!
Thank you for a reminder I REALLY needed. Also, thanks for sharing the photo, you guys are so cute!
Been there, done that, (as to domineering and not listening and quiet easy-going husband)! A hearty Amen to this post–great insights, Amy. Praise the Lord for the Lord’s leading you through your husband–isn’t God good? I love it.
Wendy
I meant not listening to him not him not listening!
Wendy
This is very good, Amy, and well-put. Thank you for it. Love the chair picture too!
May you be blessed for your love and your striving to do Yah’s will for your life, your husband, and your children.
Shalom~
Thank you for this post! I needed to hear this today as I questioned some of my husband’s decisions. Trusting God and him – a very good reminder!