Weekends in the Word – My Burden

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

Some of you may have detected a note of melancholy here at Raising Arrows lately.  Some may have chalked it up to the 4 year anniversary of Emily’s death coming soon, or the 5 year anniversary of my father’s death the week after, or the miscarriage back at Thanksgiving.  While all of these are certainly at the forefront of my mind, there is another burden.

At Christmas, I found out I was surprisingly pregnant again.  We were elated and I was excited to think I would have a new little one to hold and such a wonderful story to tell.  Last Tuesday, my wonderful story died.

Baby’s heart was no longer beating.

The morning sickness and exhaustion continue to plague me as the numbers have not fallen enough to stop that.

And next weekend, we move.

A few nights ago I found myself asking God how much one person could take before they broke in two.

I am broken.  But as I said in my Mom in the Headlights post, perhaps I am right where God wants me.

I don’t like being needy.  I don’t like knowing so much about death.  I don’t like all the waiting and all the pain and stress.  However, I’ve noticed as I’ve shared my burden with others, God has given me more and more peace, more and more strength to keep going.

I cry, but I am comforted.  I am tired, but I rest.  I am weak, but He is strong.

Weekends in the Word is a ministry of Raising Arrows meant to offer a time of worship and encouragement specifically for those mommies who find themselves, due to circumstances beyond their control, unable to attend worship services with other believers. However, all are welcome here each weekend to feast on His Word.

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62 thoughts on “Weekends in the Word – My Burden

  1. I am so sorry to hear this! So much pain! It is encouraging to see that you are comforted by God and are able to encourage others to cling to Him through devastating times and find strength there.

    I am so saddened by your loss. There are really no words.

    Blessings
    Mrs. White

  2. You have my condolences. Each loss is hard as I have been in your position. I had 3 miscarriages in a row before God gave me a pregnancy that went full term. That baby is now 4 years old and he is my 7th live birth. Even with multiple children, each loss is hard on it’s own. You have my prayers and love. With my last pregnancy,we supported it with progesterone and I am sure it helped in the early stages. A year ago, I had another miscarriage and I thank God each day for the strengths and gifts he has given me.

  3. Amy, I am sorry to hear of your news and pray that God surrounds you in this time with His love, His grace and brings peace that only He can bring. As I read your story I can not help to think of Job and all that He went through because God KNEW he would not fall away from Him. As I sit here in tears of what all you have been through, God knows you and what all you have to go through, I beleive He trust you that much! I know this is not easy, however God does to. He will bring you through the storm to the other side and oneday maybe this will all make sense. Praying for you sweet friend!!! xoxo

  4. I can relate to some of your pain….but none of us walk in your exact shoes….I will just be praying Gods arms will enfold you….and you will feel them.

  5. Amy,
    I am so sorry for the trials you are facing. I wish I could rech through this screen and hug you! Please know you are never alone and while you are facing these difficulties He is still near. As are all your “friends” online. Praying you find peace and comfort, healing, strength and joy for the days ahead.

  6. Praying for you much now.I am so very sorry for your losses. I know You geel His compassion at the same time you do not understand his ways.

    I have walked a similar path. Hit head in when pregnant with second child. Almost died. She was born dead, resuscitated, brain damaged, died four years later. My grandmother who helped raise me died the week of my accident. Then, I had a still-born girl one year after Avery died. We had jobs lined up to be missionaries in
    Africa…our goal for a long time…and my feet went numb. Diagnosis: MS. Then a surprise pregnancy…miscarriage. Did I mention my husband’s job

    loss in there? Rarely do I share this much and never in a list.

  7. God has created for you such a huge reserve of women to pray for you in times like this. Praise Him that He has given you such a vast amount of other mom’s that can pray for you in this time of need. I’m praying for comfort, strength, wisdom and peace for you. That God’s love just envelops you and that you will know that He is right here with you.. It is apparent that you aren’t letting go of Him in this time, that is so very encouraging to me and I’m sure to many others.

  8. I am having trouble with my phone now. Sorry for the errors on my previous note. Just wanted to thank you for bravely and cosistently proclaiming Christ, and tell you there are other sisters in Him who have been allowed to suffer much. I, too, have tear-stained pillows. Knowing He is going to display you for His glory. Hugs and love in Him at this most difficult time.

    Sending you s virtual handkerchief today. You need it.

    With compassion, Brooke

  9. I’m sorry for your loss again. Our bodies are strange and miraculous creations by God. But God is still good even in our pain. I knew a woman years ago who couldn’t, for some reason, carry but 1 baby to delivery. She lost around 9-11 in the process, all miscarriages I believe. Then she adopted her 2nd child.

    These things happen,if for no other reason, because we live in a fallen world cursed with death via sin ;( God will make it all right again, someday.

    Praying for that peace that passes all understanding to cover you and the family and lift you out of the slump you’re going through now. Phil. 4:6-7

    Remember, the joy of the Lord is our strength! [not our own joy or lack thereof]

    luv,
    Tracy

  10. I am praying that you can feel the arms of the Lord (and me) wrapped around you for your comfort. Yes, the Lord is the only one that can give you rest and peace. Your question of how much can one person take is answered by your unwavering FAITH! I believe God has a purpose for everything that happens and even in your sorrow…there is JOY in the end. Continue to know that is true. I am praying for your strength and through this TEST you are helping so many with your TESTimony. It will not always be easy for the Christian (in fact it will be hard), but we know the God ALWAYS has the answer and in HIS time, we will understand!

  11. Amy I am sending prayers for you and your family. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. Sending hugs and prayers from Indiana.

  12. Amy, I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. You may not believe this right now, but you are so strong Amy. Through all of this you continue to pour yourself out to us to be an encouragement. Even when we email you silly questions about conventions, you get back to us quickly with an encouraging word. You are so selfless even in the thick of things and with SO much on your mind. You are an inspiration to me and many others. I will pray that God will continue to surround you and your husband with love and peace during this time. Praying for you!

    • Jillian – Don’t ever think the questions are silly. It gives me something else to do. Something that doesn’t involve sitting here thinking over things I cannot change. So, thank you.

  13. I am so sorry!

    Both of my successful pregnancies thus far have come on the heels of miscarriage. Now that I’m pregnant again, I’m terrified that this one won’t make it either.

    Your decision to share your pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage back in November has inspired me not to hide my pregnancy until the customary 12-14 weeks. Thank you for your courage and example.

    My prayers are with you.

  14. I am so sorry Amy. I am thankful that you have our Heavenly Father to lean upon during these very difficult times. I can’t imagine having to walk this path without him. I do not understand why he has you on this path, making you so acquainted with death in it’s many forms, but when I can’t understand his ways, I trust his love. I know that you do as well. My hope for you is peace that passes all understanding through this time, and the coming months. Strength and endurance for your move. And a sense of the fullness of his love. <3

  15. Oh, Amy! My heart hurts for you.

    There is a road out of the brokeness. I lost two babies in the last 18 months. 9 wks & 16 wks. (4 losses total). Due to the discovery of a genetic mutation (mine), we are not going to try again. It’s made the greiving harder. I can’t handle watching my body work against my unborn babies. I’m blessed with 4 living miracles.

    I have no words of wisdom other than God is there in the brokeness too. So, glad He loved me even when my anger was directed at Him. He is a gentle Father.

  16. I am so sorry Amy…I can share your pain in the area of miscarriage. I have had 6 of them and one I had at 16 weeks. Right now I am pregnant and we are trying progesterone to see if that will help keep me from miscarrying…but I am really early and only time will tell. I take comfort in the thought that if it wasn’t for us “willing vessels” who welcome more children… these little souls would never have had the opportunity to go to heaven to be with Jesus. I pray for your comfort and peace. I know exactly how hard it is to miscarry. It is hard for me to look around and see friends and family pregnant (who have no problems) and not feel a tinge of jealousy and bitterness. Trying to keep myself in the word and focus on the goodness of God. Many blessings.

  17. Praying for you, Amy! So many hard things to bear! It is good that we do not have to bear them alone- we have Christ in us to give us the strength to do the things we need to do.

  18. I am so very sorry for your loss. I haven’t been reading your blog for very long, but I have read some of your story. I know I can’t relate to this type of pain, but I’m sure it is heavy. 2 Corth. 1:4 comes to mind. You have a wonderful ministry here.

  19. Amy, I am so sorry and sending prayers and ((hugs)) to you and your family. Despite your pain, your strength and faith in the Father still shine through and is an inspiration to all of us who read and follow you along through this blog. His ways are surely not ours and we may never know the reason for our refining in this lifetime.

    *Lord, I pray for continued strength and peace for Amy during this season in her life and let her draw even closer to you and your word. Please hold her babies tight in your arms until she can be reunited with them, and others she’s lost, in your divine Kingdom. Father we thank you for the blessings and struggles that you send because we trust your sovereignty and humbly submit to your refining knowing you are preparing us for your return. These things I pray in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen!*

  20. Aww darlin’, I am glad you shared. Death is a part of our lives and for you, right now, it is very present. I’ve been there when it seemed like there was so much death around me and it was hard to see the end. You are allowed to be melancholy. We love you and care about what you are going through. I will be praying for you and I want to encourage you to take really good care of yourself. Drink water, rest, go outside, sit on the floor and enjoy your kids. Drink in the good stuff and let the Lord wash over you. Lisa~

  21. I am so so sorry to hear this Amy! You have been in my prayers and my mom’s prayers (she doesn’t read your blog but I told her about you) since your miscarriage at Thanksgiving, now they will continue on with double force!!! I have no words significant enough to begin to comfort you,but know that you are brought to the Heavenly Father in prayer daily!! He loves you with an everlasting love, and you are such a wonderful blessing to so many women, including myself, I have been following you since the “She Wears Skirts” series and consider you a virtual Titus 2 woman in my life! Lots of hugs, love, and tears come with this comment!!
    Lisa

  22. Oh, no. When I saw the post on Facebook I was so hoping this hadn’t happened again. There’s not much I know to say…but our family will keep yours in prayer. (((hugs)))

  23. I am so sorry. When we have no words and can only cry, God knows we still strust him, the pain just expresses itself into tears. I too went through trial after trial and I know it seems the pain will never stop, but it is true, Joy does come in the morning. I know that it is probably no consolation now, but someday you will wake up and although the pain will be still be there, it will some how be distant and manageable. Don’t lose heart. Will be praying. God bless you!

  24. So sorry for you Sister. Praying for you and trusting the Lord to give you comfort and peace through this time.Praying that your Hubby will wrap you in his arms and hold you a lot(the broad shoulder thing) and that the sweet kisses and hugs and cards from your children will bring a song to your heart. Praying the Lord will give you a song today. My favorite for times like these,
    God is too wise to be mistaken
    God is too good to be unkind
    So when you don’t understand
    When you can’t trace His hand,
    When you can’t see His plan
    Trust His heart.
    You are loved by a wonderful God,Love in Christ,Muffy

  25. I’m so sorry for your losses, Amy. While I can’t relate to the loss of your first child, I did experience 3 miscarriages prior to the birth of my first child and 3 additional miscarriages prior to the birth of my second child. Each loss was difficult, but I realized recently that if I hadn’t experienced those losses, I never would have met my daughters, which is unimaginable. I never thought I would ever think of anything positive that had come from those losses, but God revealed this to me recently and I’m thankful for it. Father, I pray that you will give Amy strength during this difficult time in her life and please comfort her and help her to know you love her and she can lean on you during this time.

  26. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” Psalm 126:5-6
    I was doing my devotions this morning and read this and thought of you

  27. I am so very sorry. I’ll be praying for you. Brokeness is a hard thing even when you know that God is in control and it is all for good in the end.

  28. My sympathy, Amy. I have lost 2 to miscarriage. I am sorry that you find yourself grieving yet again. I have only recently begun reading here, but have been so blessed by your writing.
    Praying for peace and comfort for you and your dear family.

  29. My prayers are with you Amy, as the bible tells us if two agree on anything it shall be done. I pray that God will give you the desires of your heart and bless you with many beautiful children. I pray that you are comfort as God tells us that he is close to those with a broken heart. I am so sorry to hear about your babies, Praying for comfort and strength, as you have been a message of hope and strength to many!! God bless you:)

  30. I’m so very sorry to hear of the loss of your newest little one, Amy! I will be thinking of you often.

    I had noticed the tone of your blog lately, but frankly, I found it encouraging to know that there is another woman out there who admitted to not having her emotions/life together perfectly all the time (sometimes it seems like mommy bloggers present an depressingly unreachable level of perfection). I had found your blog posts to be very encouraging.

    Keep up the awesome work – you are an amazing woman and I really benefit from your blog!

  31. I’m so sorry Amy my family will be praying for you and yours! Words really just can’t make it better only the Lord can. I know it’s hard sometimes the Lord gives what we need and not what we want. We don’t understand, we can only pray for peace and comfort. And have comfort knowing one day Jesus will bring us home to our father and we’ll never feel pain again. Much love from your sister in Christ

  32. I am so very sorry to hear of your latest heartache. Yes, we know that child is with the Lord, but it still leaves empty arms and broken hearts behind. I’m thankful you continue to turn to the Lord in your sorrow.

    I have felt much the same lately. Not depressed, but so grieved. This year I lost two friends to cancer and recently a dear brother was found guilty of a crime he didn’t commit. In between the large trials, there have been constant small trials.

    That’s why our lovely Savior is called The Man of Sorrows. He knows what it is to be acquainted with grief. May we all continually turn to Him, the balm of Gilead, to heal our broken hearts. Praying for you, dear sister.

  33. Amy- I am so sorry for your loss of another precious child. I have lost 5 myself and you and your blog were an encouragement to me during our latest loss of twin boys. I am praying that you find rest in the shadow of His wings each day as you again face this process of grief. Hugs to you-Amy B.

  34. Oh Amy! I’m sending my prayers toward heaven for you all and my (HUGS) your way. This is a pain that I know too well. 4 miscarriages in 12 months – 8 years ago now. Also one between my boys three years before. We still visit the cemetary to lay flowers on their birthdays into heaven (just visited this afternoon actually). May our loving Heavenly Father comfort your aching heart with the peace that passes all understanding in the painful days to come. Know that you are loved and upheld in prayer. – Deedee

  35. I am a new reader in this past month and have been so blessed by the things you have written. I am so sorry for your loss and will be praying for you. Know that your sisters in Christ are lifting you up.

  36. Praying God’s grace for you and your family during this time. Trusting that God will see you through. You are a wonderful servant of the Lord’s and I’m sure He’s holding you in His precious Hands while you grieve.
    love and prayers

  37. Oh my I am sorry to hear this. I am praying for you and your family. It is so good to see you continue to shine for HIM as you go through your tough time. Hugs to you!

  38. So sorry to hear this but thanking God for His steadfast peace to you and your family through it all. I am learning something very similar in that …..perhaps I am right where God wants me…….As I recently went through my 5th miscarriage. I am learning of a God that many others won’t know in such a way. There is a desire to lean in just a little bit closer to the embrace of our Father.

    I will continue to pray for your precious family.
    In His sweet Grace,
    Semone

  39. I am praying for you Amy! I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this again and so soon. Your blog has been such a blessing to me as my husband and I have changed our thinking about children. Thank you for being so real and so encouraging.

  40. So sorry, praying for you during this, yet another, difficult time. I recently started reading your blog and it has been a huge encouragement to me, my faith and my family. Thank you for your faithfulness!