I remember as a new homeschool mom meeting all these wonderful Christian leaders in the homeschool movement and being blown away by what they had to say. I wanted to implement every single thing I heard spoken from their mouths.
But, all of that would come crashing down when I was in my own home with my own family. I would quickly realize family worship time wasn’t going to look like all the children lined up neatly and quietly on the couch and my homeschool day wasn’t going to be a streamlined well-oiled machine.
And my husband. Oh, my husband. He wasn’t nearly serious enough to really lead our home the way the men I heard speaking at homeschool conventions led their homes.
We were destined to fail. I just knew it. All because we weren’t serious enough.
But, I was determined to try to be just what I saw of these godly families. I would starch and iron my entire family into this mold because surely this was the only way we could ever achieve true success as a homeschooling family.
And my husband. Oh, my husband. I would scowl at him and put him in his place until he stayed there. I would make him be the serious leader of our family, the head of our household, exactly like those other men.
We would all be perfectly…miserably.
Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Sadly, I know I’m not the only one who has tried to recreate perceptions of homeschool leaders based on an hour or two spent listening to them speak from a podium some 50 yards away. We believe we have a true picture of these leaders when really we have about 1% of their lives shown to us in that amount of time. They don’t want to be on the pedestal we homeschool moms have put them on. And they certainly don’t want us to hack away at our husbands in the hopes that someday our husbands will be just like them.
In fact, here’s a little secret…their children do not always sit in neat rows and their homeschool day is not always a well-oiled machine. And they are not serious all the time. Certainly, they are serious when they talk about serious things (just like my husband), but at home, they are different (just like my husband). And sometimes they mess up (just like my husband…just like me!)
It is wonderful to have godly men and godly women and godly families to learn from and grow through, but we must never forget that only God is perfect and it is in His image we are created; therefore, it is Him we seek to reflect and not Mr. Homeschool Convention Speaker.
Your family is unique. Your family is precious. Don’t squander them running after false perceptions. Love them where they are. Be challenged and grow without stomping on them along the way. Pray blessings upon them and thanksgiving for their lives.
And enjoy them.
Seriously.
Rebecca says
I love that when I read your posts…I can hear your voice and when I see a picture of your husband, I can hear his, too!!! You two are so amazing, but REAL – and I appreciate the way you point out…all families are different and unique…just the way our creator…created us!
Amy says
🙂
Elizabeth says
Great post! Very True! I used to do the same thing! I love your phrase – “I starched and ironed my family into the same mold” — perfect word picture!
I never thought our family would measure up and used to try to change my husband to be like the men I saw leading the homeschool movement. I kept trying to squeeze my hubby into the mold of self-employed business owner — but God called him to work in government. Gasp! (Yes, God needs Christians even in government!) LOL!
Finally, I wised up and quit worrying about trying to measure up to some phantom ideal and just let my husband be who he is and let my family be who we are — a crazy, fun-loving bunch!!!! 🙂
Jennifer Fink says
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
Over 7 yrs into our homeschooling journey, I still struggle with this concept, esp. now that I’m a single mom homeschooling kids who also take some classes at school. For a long time, I felt like a “less-than” homeschooler. But last weekend, I gave a talk about single parent homeschooling, and in researching that talk, I came across a quote that said, “Your homeschool will be unique because your family is unique.” That struck me, and gave me such hope. Then I realized that that’s true for ALL homeschool families. None of our educational journeys look the same, none of our families look the same, AND THAT”S OK. The whole point of homeschooling, in my opinion, is to create an education for your children that fits their needs. So why shouldn’t homeschooling be different for each and every family? My family is not the same as yours, and not the same as the family sitting next to me at a conference. Each of us has to figure out what works in our homes.
Amy says
The Bible warns against comparing ourselves with others when our only standard should be the Bible. As long as our homeschooling is God-honoring and based on His precepts, it does not matter what we look like. 🙂
Liz Terek says
Perfectly written! Thank you for this article!
Candice says
That’s a good reminder as we approach homeschool convention time, when we will be presented with lots of opportunities to compare!
Meghan Carver says
It is so easy to compare and think that we don’t measure up with the “professionals!” I’ve been guilty of this many times. Thank you so much for the reminder this Friday morning when my children are still in their pajamas in 10:30 after having had poptarts for breakfast!
Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama says
I think that the way these “professionals” get that way is by experience, and a total lack of caring what others think of them. Their standard, as you say, is the Bible and God’s direction in their lives. They are unconcerned about other standards. And they convey this confidence as they explain what works for them. I think it’s easy, then, especially since you see them in a “perfect moment” to think they are right and awesome and have it all together and you should be like them. I’ve recently decided that it doesn’t matter whatsoever what others think of me (such as when I’m parenting my children in public — everyone will have an opinion, but I don’t answer to them — I answer to my family and my God). It’s hard to get to that point, though, especially early in your journey in any area.
Amy says
Amen, Kate, amen!
Kristin says
That picture looks like something my husband would do. 🙂 I love reading all your posts. They never fail to encourage me. This is our first year homeschooling. Reading your homeschool posts have helped me be a relaxed homeschooler this year and saved my 10 year old daughter from tedious English grammar worksheets. For that, she thanks you too. 😉 Thank-you for always being honest about the struggles that we as mothers face. God bless your family!
Amy says
I smiled about the grammar worksheet…she is VERY welcome! 😉
Ally says
Great post! Much needed for the day.
Stephanie says
Love your blog. So glad that I’ve found it. It always speaks to me. And I LOVE that pic of your husband. I’m so grateful for my own husband’s ability to goof around, cut-up and fill our home with laughter.
Cheryl @Treasures from a Shoebox says
I am highly suspicious that our husbands would get along very well! I LOVE this post! When we began homeschooling 14 years ago, my husband and I were BABY Christians and our family was a wreck! We signed up with the ATI program and everyone at those conferences seemed so… “perfect”. The Lord supplied us with His amazing, abundant grace to not get caught up in the expectations and to just be what He wanted us to be.
Wendy Gunn @ Faith's Firm Foundation says
I used to struggle a lot with this. Trying to emulate speakers,authors and even other Homeschool moms. I can relate to your descriptions of what you did to your husband, because I did the same and worse! At this time of year, with many Homeschool Conventions coming up, this is so apropos. But, we need to beware of comparisons anywhere. I’m learning that God has uniquely prepared my family to be used for His glory, through the threads of sorrow, experiences, joys, achievements, gifts and talents He’s given, plus our weird and unique personalities (quirky!) which He’s created! What a joy when we follow Him through the doors He opens of ministry and fruitfulness that are uniquely ours! There’s nothing like it.
Thank you for this important reminder, Amy!
Blessings,
Wendy
Reggie says
This was hysterical! I can’t say that I’ve ever attempted this myself, mostly, I think, because I have watched those that have and decided early on that I did not want THAT. So glad you came to the conclusion that a little laughter and silliness is needed in life! Really thinking about it now, I’ve probably never attempted it because I could easily be your husband’s ‘unserious’ twin! HA!