UNdomestic

Some women are geared toward domesticity.

Others are not.

When feminism hit the scene, those who felt domestically challenged suddenly felt vindicated. They felt the freedom to walk away from all things homey and start living the life they were meant to live.

And they were good at it.

They climbed the corporate ladder with great success.  They did not miss their homes one bit.

But their homes missed them.

A Bible-believing Christian woman cannot ignore the fact that women are to be keepers of their own homes.  It does not matter if you are the world’s worst home keeper, you are still supposed to keep your home.  It does not matter if you are a terrible cook or you can’t sew a straight line, you are still to keep your home.

And if you say to me,

I can’t stand to be at home.  I can’t stand my children.

Then I say to you get yourself a Titus 2 mentor who can teach you to keep your home, who can teach you to love.

And if you say to me,

There are no Titus 2 women out there anymore.

Then I say to you join the hundreds of thousands of women online who are trying to find their way back home.  Read the blogs, join the book studies, find your UNdomestic comrades and stop making excuses.

Where do I get off talking to you like this?

Because I am one of you.

I am UNdomestic.  I came to my marriage not knowing how to cook anything.  I had a family without knowing how to love them.  I cleaned by shoving everything to one side and covering dirty dishes with towels so no one would notice.

But I learned.

I’m still learning.

I didn’t check my brains at the door.  I didn’t stop using my natural giftings.  I learned to see myself through God’s eyes rather than the world’s.

Raising Arrows is not a blog about being perfect, but it is a blog about changing your entire worldview.  It is about stepping out in faith even when you can’t see the road in front of you.

So, my question to you today is what do you need from blogs like mine?

What can those of us who are finding our way back in a very public way offer to those of you who are heading out on the same path?  What are your struggles?  What are your fears?

How can we help each other?

{And mothers of daughters…take notes!  You might have an UNdomestic daughter who will need your help!}

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59 thoughts on “UNdomestic

  1. Good questions! I am constantly blessed and amazed by you and your readers with what you post/comment. I have been so encouraged by the whole community. Sometimes I end up looking at one of your reader’s blogs and find even more encouragement. Ultimately what I am standing in amazement at is how God made us. I think we should appreciate each other’s giftings, be blessed and encouraged and even challenged by them. BUT, we must not allow the enemy to take us down the comparison road. I appreciate being able to “tune in” and see how the Lord is giving ideas to other keepers of the home and then I go, “Wow, what a great idea. I never thought of that before, I’m going to try it.” It’s all part of being the Body of Christ. My fear… my oldest is already 15 and the time is going by so fast. I’ve made so many mistakes and I feel like the time is short to try to “un-do” some of the things I’ve done wrong with my kids. Hope I made sense ladies! Thanks for all who share b/c I get encouraged by you to love and serve Jesus, my husband, and kids in a deeper way. :)

  2. My family is small right now. I have two sons, ages 3 and 1. But I hope to have a large family some day. As the only child of a broken marriage (that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place married to a man who was born out of wedlock to a drug addict mother and raised by his divorced grandfather, I know I need help. I need help understanding what life looks like for children who have siblings and for moms of multiple children. I need glimpses of how moms with several children manage–not just for the future, but now. If a mom of 6 or 7 or 8 or more can get dinner on the table and maintain reasonable discipline and cleanliness in her home, I can probably learn something from her. If nothing else, she has probably dealt with some of the very same mothering difficulties I have, and lived to tell the tale. That’s why I read your blog and the blogs of other moms of many.

    • Hi Rachel~
      I haven’t come from the background you have, but I wanted to encourage you with how things work for me. :)
      I have two sons, ages 10 and 14, and would love to adopt in the future. Right now I am struggling with maintaining orderliness and neatness in my home. I have found that when I spend some time reading the Bible and praying for God to change my husband and I in certain areas, then things go much better for us. I also have to make sure that I am living for them and not for me. When it’s all about me, I get easily frustrated. When it’s about pleasing God and putting others first, then I have joy! :D I also get lazy when it comes to disciplining my youngest. He’s more of a challenge than his brother was and it can get frustrating. But if I choose to be consistent and discipline in love, right away, then he and I both learn that obedience is important and he’s on the right track to being obedient to God as an adult.
      I pray that you find the information you need to grow your family in the Lord. Blessings! ~ Alana

  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I so don’t feel like I’m any good at keeping my home, and I am one of those people who doesn’t have a lot of examples or support in pursuing keeping my home. Sometimes I think it’s easy for those of us reading or even just watching others from the outside to get the wrong notion that everyone else has it all together, and that we’re the only ones who struggle. It’s always an encouragement to me when other women are honest and talk about their struggles past or present and how God grew them and how they learned to do the things needed for their family. Practical things about home-making that are attainable and doable and won’t completely intimidate someone new to the field are always appreciated. One of my biggest struggles is staying encouraged and not feeling overwhelmed, and seeing that everyone else struggles this way helps me to see that it’s not about perfection, but about obedience to God’s Word. Thank you for being that encouragement to me so often, and may God continue to bless others through your efforts.

  4. God bless you Amy!
    That’s all I have to say. Such a shame that letters on a screen can’t convey how much I love that you are obeying God in your life and reaching out to women in this way.
    Picture me saying it fervently, and know that if I ever met you in real life, you’d get a hug from me too.

  5. I need the in your face stuff. The “you may not like it but this is where the world is wrong and the Bible says _____”. I am constantly wanting to grow and change and thankful that the Lord loves me too much to leave me as I am.

    I never knew that children were a blessing until I began reading Titus 2 blogs. I didn’t know that my worldview about money was messy until Dave Ramsey taught me. I like evolving but sometimes the truths just don’t stand out to me on their own. Thankfully, with blogs like yours it is becoming more and more natural for me to discover these things on my own but I still need that Titus 2 mentorship because it is not available in my “real” life.

  6. I remember my mom having some cooking difficulties when she was a newlywed. Luckily, she taught me what she had learned in the years after that. Cooking is an area that I am confident I am serving my husband in.
    But cleaning? I am terrible at cleaning! And that lack of confidence is rubbing off on my daughter. I asked my four year old to wipe a table yesterday and she flat out told me no. I need to start putting in more effort so that she has a good role model. Thanks for the reminder, Amy!

  7. This post is exactly why I read this blog… because I am on the journey to surrender my “undomestic” self to what God has clearly called me to be – a wife and a mom. God has shown me recently that it’s not enough to “do” the work in the house… I need to love my husband, children, and find satisfaction in my role at home. That’s my struggle…. “liking” my family and my role in it. Any other posts or words of encouragement about that would be greatly appreciated!

  8. What I look for in a blog is not one that tells me how I’m supposed to live/be/act. I already know those things so what I love to see is HOW to live/be/act in a way that pleases the Lord.

    HOW do I interact with my children in a way that is loving and relational when I’m really not a huge people person. HOW do I handle my negative feelings when I feel that hubby was insensitive before leaving for work. HOW do I do all the things that the Bible and so many, many blogs out there tell us to do but don’t explain how.

    I appreciate this blog a lot and identify with the way you think, parent, and homeschool. I appreciate your transparency!

  9. There is a scripture that talks about fathers turning their hearts toward their children, and some days I pray that the Lord turns my heart toward my children. I have recently felt him doing that, and it has blessed me so so so much. I would not want to miss out on the softening of my heart no matter how painful at times it can be. I have also really hated doing laundry, and always put it off, I would wash just what we needed to get by, and we were always looking for something to wear. It was a real problem in our home, and I began to pray that God would help me overcome it. So I just started doing it one day, and over a short period of time, I came to enjoy it, and the benefits of having clean laundry. Now you can’t keep me out of the laundry room. Now God did not come down and do my laundry for me but he changed my heart and attitude toward it. ( my husband even painted our laundry room and I bought a new rug, and cabinet, it became a fun thing for me ) I really appreciate your honesty with this post!

    • I also love hearing about large family living. Pointers and tips for those topics are so valuable! Sometimes hearing what other moms do, just helps with Ideas and motivation!
      Thanks
      Katie

  10. I have so enjoyed reading your blog. I love how you know the excuses and the reply to the excuses. “Get yourself a Titus 2 mentor…” Great advice. I have been so encouraged by yours andnother blogs. Thank you!

  11. Amen ! WHEN I Married my husband I didn’t even know how to cook a pot of rice, NOW WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED GOING ON 10 years and I’m still learning . THE BEST GIFT MY HUSBAND EVER GAVE ME WAS LEADING ME TO CHRIST! That was in 2006. THRU CHRIST I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE MY FAMILY AND HOW TO MANAGE OUR HOME WITH CHRIST AS THE CENTER.

    • I also wanted to say HOW MUCH YOUR WORDS HAVE NOT ONLY BLESSED ME BUT MOTIVATED ME TO BECOME MORE OF A WOMAN IN CHRIST. As a mom of four and a wife to a pastor who LOVES THE LORD, it’s such a great feeling to know there a woman going thru the same things. Thank you:)

  12. I think we all have our struggles. There are days I really wish I was any where else but home. I find myself finding everything to complain about …. and then I remember there are women out there who would love to be in my shoes, but because of circumstances, have to work outside the home. It’s not always easy, but seeing the fruits of your hard work is the reward. I wouldn’t want anyone else “raising” my children, and thankfully I have a husband who sacrifices many things to make it happen. I think most women try to be super moms … and they believe everything has to be perfect … perfect kids, perfect homes … perfect, hair make-up and clothes … We often forget to slow down and appreciate the little things … or take time for ourselves. I have to remind myself on a regular basis I am just one person. I find blogs like yours encouraging and uplifting. I don’t feel like I’m alone. I see other woman out in this great big world have similar life experiences. I’m reminded that taking care of my family is my job … and I don’t feel beat down by not having a “real” job like the world expects. I am encouraged when I see other woman say “I’ve been where you are and this is how God led me through it”.

  13. Wow, Amy! Are you sure you aren’t a New Englander?!! People are pretty blunt over here:)

    This is a great post, and you can count me among the UNdomestic who has had to learn along the way. The so-called mentors in my life(sans relatives) only told me how lousy I would be as a homemaker and so I exceeded their expectations in every possible way. But slowly those “tape players” in my head have changed over the years and I am replacing those lies with Truth.

    Health issues make it very difficult for me to be a homemaker extraordinaire, but I no longer feel like a failure either, as long I don’t begin listen to those old tapes:)

  14. I love your blog Amy. I am pregnant with our first, married 2.5 years to an amazing guy, working full time right now and am an awful home-keeper. I feel overwhelmed most of the time about taking care of the house and I know my hubby notices when I don’t and frankly, he doesn’t appreciate it when I don’t at least try to keep it clean. He likes a clean house. He’s nice about it, but his comments about how I keep house generally make me feel like all the hard work I’m trying to do to learn how to keep house have been worthless and I feel even more discouraged and overwhelmed. I’m just so sensitive in this area….I’m sure he feels like anything he says about it will reduce me to tears….and while I try not to let that happen…a lot of the time it does. He should have the freedom to speak about the condition of his home without me crying, right? I’m not sure what my question is, I just know reading your posts puts me in a better position spiritually and mentally to just try the best I can. That’s all I can do, right? Try to honor my husband the best that I can and keep up while I work full-time and grow a baby.

    • Okay. . . I know women are supposed to be keepers of the home, and I’m fine with that. BUT, men are supposed to be the providers. If you’re helping him with his job (working full time outside the home), it seems to me that it would be only fair for him to help you with yours, or at least be less critical while you’re facing pregnancy exhaustion. Do the best you can every day, and pray for grace to do better as you learn, but if his comments are hurting your feelings, you might (gently) call his attention to how very much he seems to be expecting of you. Thoughts, ladies?

      • When I do tell him how the comments make me feel, he gets really quiet for a very long time and in general shuts down. He feels like anything he says, no matter how he says it, hurts my feelings. I’d rather him tell me how he feels and feel hurt….then have him stew and me be blissfully unaware. I haven’t figured out how to tell him I don’t agree with him or how what he says hurts my feelings without hurting his. We’re still learning how to communicate well. :)

        He does help out around the house quite a bit. Does laundry often, loads/unloads the dishwasher and runs it, empties garbage, puts it to the curb, does all the home/car maintenance and repairs. It’s just in general, he’s a cleaner person than I am and he puts a higher priority on things being organized and in their spot than I do. I’m learning to ask what his priorities are and keep those few things taken care of, if nothing else around the house.

        I also know that I can’t change him. I can pray that he learns to extend me more grace in how he speaks to me, but ultimately, it’s up to the Lord to work on his heart. If I thought about what I wished he would do or say, I’d be pretty unhappy all the time. He’s a sinner, just like me. He also tries, really hard, to make me happy and help out.

        Life is just so sticky sometimes, you know?!

        • Ain’t that a fact? :) I think you’ll get it sorted out eventually. Sounds like you have a good start already. Along with more grace in what he says and how, I pray he is given the grace to hear what you’re really trying to say without being hurt or offended himself, because an endless cycle of THAT is no good for anyone!

        • Kristen, first congratulations on your pregnancy. I know right now things are very hard. My husband and I were just learning the ropes at 2.5 yrs married too. He worked full time and I worked 2 part time jobs, and one of my jobs kept me working most Saturdays. He graciously did the laundry for me while I was at work. I would come home and we would fold it all together. My husband can’t stand dirty dishes, and by that, I mean he can’t help me clean the kitchen because the thought of touching dirty dishes makes him sick to his stomach. So after 14 yrs of marriage, I have come to terms with the fact that he won’t/can’t help me with that. (and yes, it has really taken me almost all 14 years to come to terms). What helped me immensely when I began staying home with our son, was that I found Flylady, as site that basically told me what to do and when to do it…and sometimes how to do it. I have now slacked a bit, as the routines have become, well, routine. I’d say for now, focus on what seems to bug your husband most and get that area under control (for me it is our bar/island, my hubby hates for clutter to build up there, and laundry, for me there is nothing worse than hearing my hubby digging through the dryer searching for clean underpants first thing in the morning) and focus on keeping that under control while doing the best you can with everything else That way your hubby will see that you are trying. Once the baby comes, he may just have to deal with a messy house for a while, but if in the interim, you can get a schedule started, then it will be a bit easier to maintain once baby gets here.

          Sorry, I know this is kind of rambling, but hopefully you are able to find some of it useful.

  15. This is so true Amy. I am UNdomestic too. I would have done VERY well, climbing the ladder. I enjoyed work outside of the home. But before I got married the Lord convinced me that His women, were to stay home, and keep the home. So that is where I stayed. I didn’t know how to cook, I didn’t know a THING about cleaning, I didn’t know how to train or love children, I didn’t know how to serve a husband and please him. Frankly I STILL don’t know alot of that stuff. I can cook now, and clean mostly, but my husband tells me (his mom taught him this stuff), that I create more work for myself in many ways… because I don’t know the most effective, efficient way, I had to guess and make do. I poorly train my children to clean, because I don’t know how to do it well myself. But its better than them not knowing how to do it AT ALL.

    Even with all my failures as a stay at home wife and mother, I know that this is where God has me, and what He wants. I know that this is the greatest calling: to raise up a godly seed. I take my job very seriously, and I apply the brain He gave me to figuring out (re-inventing the wheel!) how to do this job that women had been doing for thousands of years, but in my mother’s generation, gave up.

    I wish that I had been taught these things. I hope that I can teach them to my children well. Many days I wish that I could grow and change faster, so that I might do a better job in the here and now. Alas, that is not to be. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit to help us, and we have JESUS to offer to our children, we can’t save them no matter how wonderful and domestic we are, but He can.

    Thanks for the post.

    • And I just want to say, that when I started this journey, I didn’t know a SINGLE Titus 2 woman in real life. It took 7 years before the Lord brought me some in real life, and many times they are too busy to help me out, but it’s better than nothing! It’s better than being the Titus 2 woman for others, before you’ve even really gotten a grasp on it yourself! (Somehow the Lord had blessed me with wisdom regarding rearing kids, and people would come to me, younger and older women, and ask about it)… I’m grateful that I can look up to someone, while sharing with someone else now.

  16. Wow, the picture you used could very well be my kitchen sink! Yikes! Thank you for this encouraging post. So well written, so true. A message that women desperately need to hear today!!!

  17. I love reading that you are UNdomestic also. I love to read more how others are overcoming such things than the ones to whom cleaning and organizing comes naturally. It does not come naturally to me at all and I don’t know what I’m doing!
    I so desire to have a Titus 2 woman in my life!

  18. Thank you! I am UNdomestic in that I was never taught how to keep house because my mother wasn’t taught. I am finding myself repeating that with my kids and your blog and others out there are so helpful to me. I found Sarah Mae’s blog and am participating, once again, in her challenge to help me to keep my home clean. I was allowed to give up when things got hard and it’s a pattern hard to break. Reading your blog gives me encouragement knowing that I can do all things in Christ IF I allow Him to.

    • You know, I was made to do “chores” as a kid, so I know what to do to clean a house. I even know how to break it up into daily tasks so it is not a huge undertaking on any particular day. But I was not taught joy in housekeeping. Thinking back, I think my grandmother found joy in taking care home and family (though she did have a hired weekly housekeeper for as long as I can remember too), but I don’t know if my mom found joy in it. Not that she didn’t love us. I guess she was UNdomestic too and that rubbed off on me. So even though I know how to keep house, it is not something I enjoy doing. I am also taking Sarah Mae’s challenge next month. One of these days, I will have a *Mary* house…even if it doesn’t look like a Martha house.

  19. I’m UNdomestic, too. I homeschool a child with special needs,garden, and cook everything from scratch, but am hopelessly undomestic.
    On the one hand, it is good to know that I am not the only one who is called to care for a family, even though it is not where I feel I am particularly gifted.
    On the other hand, I’d like to suggest that maybe as UnDomestic HomeMakers, we need to prioritize and be creative. Trusting that God gives us every good gift, and serving Him and our families with all our heart and all our minds and all our strength, it is entirely likely that our homes won’t look the way we expect. My household, functioning at it’s very best, will not be the same as that of my domestic sister-in-law’s.
    Part of trusting God is learning that it is not a mistake that He made me who I am, and that just as we were not made with a cookie cutter, our households are gloriously different, too – reflections of us. So, without giving in to the chaos (that seems to follow me wherever I go) I can accept that my gifting, though not typically domestic, can still be a blessing to my family. I can obey (even glorify!) God without ever being particularly fabulous at sewing, cleaning, or organizing the linen closet.

  20. I needed this :D I’ve always, ever since I can remember, wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and wife, and to homeschool, but I guess you could say I’m pretty UNdomestic. It’s bothered me; I wonder, How can I keep a house if I don’t like mopping? How can I be a good mother if I only sew under protest? This makes me feel better :D I CAN overcome these things; I CAN learn to keep a house, and sew, etc. etc. And you know what? I’d rather be mopping than sitting in an office any day!

  21. Love this! We spend so much time skirting the issues, trying to to hurt someone’s feelings, and trying to tie up God’s word with a nice comfortable bow that we somehow feel like it’s okay to disregard how He tells us to live our lives and it’s not okay. Kudos to you, brave woman, for following God’s call and putting this out there! Blessings to you and your family.

  22. Thank you. This is DEFINITELY the way I feel about myself. Glad to know you were undomestic as well. I have chosen to leave our business in an official capacity and be a true homemaker bc I felt God telling me that was his will, and I know it is what is right for me at this time in my home’s development.

    Not always easy, but would rather be in God’s will than anywhere else!

  23. Declutter, declutter, declutter…I was never taught how to properly do this growing up. How to balance my creativity with my kids and keep the mess down. Now I’m learning it in the mess of things! Hard to learn while homeschooling 7 and pregnant with one more. I am constantly reminding myself to lower my expectations. It’s such a journey of grace with the Lord!

    • I can relate with this. What do you save, what not to? How much art can you stick to the frig anyway?! How about the thought of multiple shoes for each family member, especially in a big family? That adds up to a lot of needed space!! When my mom grew up she had two pairs, one for school/play and one for church. I often wish I was stronger in the “just get rid of it” category! Let’s bring back only two pairs of shoes for each person, whether they match the clothes or not! :)

  24. Great post! To answer your question about what we need from blogs like yours… I would say just what you are providing! Gentle but honest encouragement to keep our homes, love our families, put their needs above our own conveniences.
    From so far away, you are a Titus 2 woman to me! Thank you!

    It’s true that there are not many Titus 2 mentors around any more, but I’m hoping to be one some day! But for now… I’ll just keep learning :)

    Jessica

  25. Thank you for being so honest when you wrote this. When I tell people that I stay at home with our daughter (soon to be two daughters) it seems the general agreement is that being a homemaker is the easiest job in the world. Maybe for some people, but definitely not for me.

    My mother was completely undomestic and focused on things outside of our home. As a result, I’ve had to learn as I go after I got married. That wasn’t easy on my former military husband that was held to a standard of perfection in the military. My cooking wasn’t easy on him either. :) I’m happy to report it’s taken three years and I am still learning (probably always will be) but things have gotten easier. I’m that much closer to being the wife and mother I want to be- and blogs like yours definitely help in the process.

  26. Thank you for just saying this out loud!

    I have a heart for home keeping, but I TOTALLY lacked the skills for it. I was not taught to cook, to clean (not really, you know…), to serve my family, to make bread, to sew, or ANY of the things I now long to do.

    And I have plenty of other challenges, with my own sinful nature, my ignorance, health issues, and on and on…

    I think you’re right that we need to band together, since I have NO mentor women in my “real life” circle. The tips help, the Bible verses help, but just the transparent camaraderie is SUCH a blessing…

  27. Oh my goodness, I have totally done the covering dirty dishes with a towel thing. Though for me it makes me think we are less likely to get bugs crawling through at night (yes, I know that makes absolutely no sense…like a bug couldn’t crawl under a towel)

    I wish I knew what I need from the Titus 2 women in my life. I love my husband, I love my son (though that took longer than I like to admit) and I love our home. I just don’t love the day to day mundane housekeeping tasks. I guess I need those T2 women to stop by and visit…maybe even unannounced…at least once a week so I *have* to keep my house up. :)

  28. I love this post. I am at a point in my life where I am beginning to think what happens when I quit having babies. My oldest is 15 and my youngest is just over a year old. I am 38 and I have been exoeriencing those wonderful miscarriages for about 3 years now. I look at mu children as they grow and become more independent and think Lord how will I do this next season in life. My homemaking days are not over by any means but they do look different form when i had 6 who were 9 and under. It was very different. I guess some encouraging posts on how we do these middle years. Glorifying God and still putting our family first before the world. Hope this makes sense.

    • Susan:

      Wow, You “are me” in like 6 years. I am at a totally different stage of life… wondering how on EARTH one raises 6 kids 9 and under, and homeschools, and keeps the house relatively clean. I feel the weight of it on my shoulders everyday, and I wonder how I am ever going to succeed. It’s hard to even consider that there will come a time when I have a 15 year old, and am getting close to the end of having babies. Right now it seems like the babies will never stop coming, not even for me to recover my health and breath! I wonder how I’m going to continue adding one more child to my homeschool each year from here out… see I not only (will) have 6 9 and under (in Nov.), but I (will) have 5 SIX and under…. EEP… I wish I knew you in real life, I bet you have loads of excellent wisdom to impart!

  29. I am a domesticate. I love being at home, I love cleaning, homeschooling, gardening and I tolerate cooking. ;) My mom always worked outside the home but kept a spotless home and meals cooked up morning and evening. That all being said, I feel pretty lonely (in real life). I have no Titus 2 women that I can think of in my life. As time goes on, I am becoming one of those women in my church that could BE a Titus 2 woman (I am not old, I have young children but I’ve been married 22 years and entering that in-between area of not a young mommy but not an empty nester/grown children phase). The ladies that I have spent some time with all seem petty or materialistic. I have been praying for a good friend and hoping I can find a like-minded sister in Christ. I think you and I have “talked” about this before, I sure wish we were friends. I love the internet world in that I can find such like-mindedness and encouragement in that I am not alone. I wonder that Christ put us all so far apart to be His lights in a dark and dirty world.

  30. Questions –
    1. How do you get kids to help with chores when they are not inclined? I’m specifically thinking about my 5yo, who disappears quite easily. She is the oldest of 4 kids.
    2. What do you think about kids giving their toys away a lot. Like, not for Christmas, but all the time?
    3. How do you deal with respect?
    4. What are some creative ways to discipline?
    5. What are some delicious child-friendly meals you make?
    6. What were some of those Amish lunches you talked about earlier?

    THanks!

    • Child friendly lunch meal…When my kids were smaller, I served a lot of plates of little bites of food…. cheese, meat, fruit, etc. One day I put as much of it as I could on a skewer for something different. It was the same old thing but new to the kids!
      Discipline… sure wish I had the teaching of S.M. Davis years ago when I started out. My husband and I have been recently listening to some of his material. I don’t know if he’s “creative” but he seems to teach sound discipline.

    • How to get kids to help with chores when they’re not inclined? We have a 5 year old as well. He likes to help when he… well, when he likes to help ;) But as moms, that is our job to diligently teach and train and to mold their inclinations into good habits. Just make a point of her staying by your side nad helping out. It just has to not be an option to disappear when there is work to be done. Blessings sister!

  31. Thank you! Thank you so much for your honesty, it makes my heart open! I am an undomesticate. It just doesn’t come naturally to me (though I want so badly for it to). Right now I’m in the throes of babyhood and toddlerland. I have 3 children, my sons are almost 4 yrs and almost 7 months and my daughter is 2 and a half. Babies take SO much time and training the toddlers takes every other spare second. I get behind and then things pile up and I become overwhelmed, then I finally get on top of it and it starts all over, it’s an awful cycle that I struggle to break. And I feel shame for not being the domestic goddess I want to be and feel I should be.
    There was something you said that really pulled at me, “I came to my marriage not knowing how to cook anything.  I had a family without knowing how to love them.  I cleaned by shoving everything to one side and covering dirty dishes with towels so no one would notice.” I love my children with everyway I know how but when I read that I thought ‘oh my! Every word of that is me’ I can’t cook, I am constantly pushing one mess to another just trying to keep up …and oh no I don’t know how to love them. Because while I love them with every fiber of my soul, I am not always showing that love like I should. I get so caught up just trying to get through the day sometimes that I forget to stay present, I forget to feel the moment, I forget to love. I don’t want to be that mother. But it’s a struggle for me sometimes just getting through the day. I think I need to simplify, everything.
    So please I would love tips anything you could give me :) how do I get out of the spiral of messes? Do you have a schedule? Like daily, weekly, monthly to keep up on stuff? How do the kids fit in to your home keeping? How do you stay present and give them the time and attention they need and get everything done? And do you ever get to sleep? (the last ones a joke ;)
    [I don't know if it matters, but I guess for full disclosure, I feel like I should also say that I'm new to the religion, really to religion in general. I went to a catholic grade school when I was young because I was awarded a scholarship so I was familiar with the Bible, but I was raised -well I wasn't really raised :( so I never really looked into it much until recently. About 12 months ago my oldest child asked about God, something we sadly didn't talk much about so the constant questions surprised us at the time. (Now we see it was a gift, our calling) He was really interested, and just soaked up any information we gave him, so we researched and sought help and mentors and read read read the Bible and we are learning and growing and teaching our children with every step. But I wanted you to know that I'm not fully familiar with everything but very open to learn]

  32. I love hearing about large-family life – I grew up an only child, so the fact that I have 3 children means I have a large family! ;-) I wasn’t raised to be a keeper of my home (although I love it and am getting better at it), and I always want to be a fly on the wall in other families, to see what their days look like – especially ways that parents encourage their children in their relationships with the Lord.

    If I was a fly sitting on your gorgeous fireplace, what would I see?

    • LOL – I love the thought of being a fly on my fireplace, but oh dear! Honestly, I don’t think I would live up to what some people presume me to be…thus the reason for this post. ;)

  33. Thank you for this post. So encouraging to read all the comments. I think what I struggle the most is having that “Bible” time or quality time with the kids. I have five 8 yrs and under, and to me it seems like keeping it clean, having food on table, and doing laundry and taking care of a 3-month-old is about all I can manage to keep up with. Adding one extra thing in the week (like an outing to the park) throws me off balance easily and takes months to recover. Sadly, the most important part gives – and that’s quality time with the older kids. But I have noticed that if I end up spending that quality time or doing things outside of the home, it gets really messy, and as much as I try to ignore it, or tell myself that this is “ok” with 5 littles, I notice that my frustration will build up in about 3 days of the mess, so I have learned that I do need to clean it for MY emotional well being. So, how do you juggle it all to keep it going? I have noticed myself getting into a cleaning mode one month, or a cooking mode another, thinking I’ll just reach that goal and be done and move on to the next task – but as we all know it never gets done, or into a “outing” mode other months and then we don’t have dinner and it gets messy which is a big irritant for me. So, how do I do all these homemaking components without missing the MOST IMPORTANT ETERNAL things, yet keeping up with the physical needs of the family on an ongoing regular basis.

    Another big issue for me. My husband is a Mister Visionary. He runs 2 businesses and is starting up a 3rd gig and has tons of other ideas. I want to be that great HELPMEET for him, and he too wants me to be right beside him in his ventures, not only do I can see that he struggles on his own and my help would not only be appreciated but is much needed (like the paperwork and bookkeeping for the business), I cannot keep up with it. I can hardly do my own “female” mommy work. But in my heart I feel torn that I am not the wife he needs, I cannot help him in his “ventures” and if I would have he would have so much less stress and failures. But even if I have the skills that he needs, it is physically unrealistic for me to help him right now, there are only so many hrs in a day something would have to give and it would be my kids. How do I know that I am doing enough to be the biblical helpmeet for my husband, and how do I know where to draw the line in helping him so I can take care of the house and children properly? This is such a hard question for me.

  34. Hey! This is the first time I have posted a comment on anything and its not exactly about “keeping my home” Although im one of the ones that “cant sew a straight line” :) I am a mother of 3 boys ages 4, 3, 17 mo. I recently miscarried in March and have just found out… We are expecting another :) (Psalm 127:3-5) We are bible believing and Gods Word is clear to my husband and I about training, disciplining, and teaching our children. But I must confess sometimes I get a little disheartened with raising our little ones in Christ. I was hoping to get a little encouragement from like-minded sisters. Sometimes it feels as though our words(and our discipline) go in one ear and out the other. I know we are all sinners including my 3 boys but sometimes I feel like I have missed some secret ingredient to teaching my children obedience and love. I know the true issue is at the heart of our little ones… I want them to have obedient hearts not just toward us as their parents but also to Christ. I have been feeling at a loss. Any comments, ideas, exhorting would be welcome!

  35. I have always been an undomestic. My hearts desire was and is to be a Godly wife-to be the keeper of my home. I raised 3 wonderful children that I love with a passion. Raising them was one of the most challenging things ever-mostly because I did it alone. I made lots of mistakes, should haves, should nots, could haves, could nots. I would NEVER trade me being an undomestic for anything this world offers. I could have done more with my own life but I love being a Momma. Thats who God made me. Im proud of all my children. My one daughter is an undomestic. Im so proud that she is. She is a virtuous woman-Prov.31. Im overwhelmed at how she loves & takes care of her family & how they love & respect her. Her husband & her children call her blessed! Priceless!!!!! Can the world match that? I certainly am convinced NOT.
    LisaMarie
    Another undomestic

  36. Oh Amy, this is such a spot-on post!! Thank you!! I am undomestic too, raising four daughters of varying levels of domesticity ;) I’m STILL learning at age 37 and often feel so inadequate to teach my girls. But I do know the Lord Jesus and pray HE is going to work all things for their good and His glory…so I just keep giving it my all, no matter what. Thank you for the encouragement, sister.

  37. Hi,

    Thank you so much for your blog. I was a high powered career woman who realized when I stared into the eyes of my baby for the first time that the feminists were wrong. It’s taken me a long time to figure out what is right. Your blog and others like it give me positive models for refocusing my life on my home.

    Pax et bonum,
    LMC

  38. I agree, let us UNdomestics join together and find the way!

    I am probably the worst house keeper ever. We have five children, and it seems that as I vacuum up a mess, they follow with another. Sometimes it feels useless to do anything when I’m just having to restraighten everything immediately after I did it. I know that comes with the job, but I really don’t want to clean all day. Plus, we are just starting our homeschooling journey, and THAT on top of cleaning and cooking, I just don’t have enough energy left to do anymore.

    I need motivation! Reading your blog and the comments that the readers leave, is motivation for me. There are other blogs I read as well, and they give me great motivation too. Now I just have to get up and give myself that kick in the butt to get in gear.

    Thank you for being here, and being a great servant, one that I might follow!

  39. Thank you for this post! I am terrible at these things but I feel such a strong calling to be a better wife and mother. It’s good to know that I’m not alone.