I’d Love to Have You Over for Coffee, But First You Need to Know…

1.  I’m a Mary, not a Martha.  We will sit and chit chat the day away.  I’ll think about the dishes later.  Please don’t let it bother you.

2.  Occasionally there is a streaker in the house.  Sorry.

3.  I hate fixing my hair and I rarely wear makeup.  But, if I know you are coming ahead of time, I’ll try to fix myself up a bit for you. ;)

4.  I am a deep conversations person.  Small talk exhausts me.  And I don’t mind hard questions, so ask away.

5.  We don’t let our children play behind closed doors and we check on them frequently.  It’s nothing against you or your family.  It’s just how we are.

6.  We are night owls.  You could not possibly stay too late.  However…

7.  My husband might fall asleep while you are talking.  Just warning you.  It’s not that you are boring, he’s just so comfortable with your presence in our house that he feels at ease enough to take a nap.  And don’t worry, he’ll do it at your house too.

8.  Disrespectful children make me cringe, but most things don’t bother me.  Actually, let me rephrase that…Disrespectful children who remain uncorrected by their parents make me cringe.  Please go ahead and correct your children if they need it.  It won’t bother us and it does not reflect badly on you.  However, also realize it takes a lot to rattle me, so no need to stress about your child spilling their cup on the floor or the fussy little one who needs a nap.

9.  My husband loves it when you ask questions about the buffalo and the photos and artifacts we have around the house.   We’ve always felt like you learn so much about a person when you are actually in their home and see the items that surround them.  This is his way of introducing you to us.

10.  Don’t be afraid to ask me about Emily.  Don’t be afraid you will make me cry and don’t be afraid you’ll say something wrong.  We talk about her all the time and we welcome the opportunity to share her with you.

Now, how about a cup of coffee?

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132 thoughts on “I’d Love to Have You Over for Coffee, But First You Need to Know…

  1. The next time we have money for tickets to america, I’ll come over for coffee ;)

    Actually, that list reminds me a lot of another family I know, close friends of my husbands family. When they come over for dinner they rarely leave before midnight (which is fine since his family also enjoy late nights). We also find ourselves teasing the husband of the family, who frequently takes ‘nanna naps’, especially if they come for lunch and are there for the afternoon. Conversations with them are usually deep and theological, and that’s the way both families like it.

    Sounds like we would be quite at home with you!

  2. This sounds a lot like our home, minus the streaking (miss that stage of cute little buns going by!) and we’re fresh out of buffalo heads. I will love to serve you but after you know where the glasses are you may be on your own. Be prepared, I may encourage you to just come over in your jammies for a late night visit! And yes, my husband will fall asleep!

    • LOL on the buffalo heads and the being on your own after the first round of serving…I sort of expect you to make yourself at home too. ;)

  3. I would so like to join you (though I don’t drink coffee anymore, I’d make an exception!). Perhaps you could also come to join me for a cup of fresh mint tea on my new arbor swing, built by my husband in my herb garden! P.S. My husband would fall asleep too!

  4. Amy, are we allowed to ask about the buffalo even if we are not there haing coffee? ;). Wish we lived closer, would love to get to know your family.

  5. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I wish I lived near you so that we could have a cup of coffee! Your family is beautiful and your post are a blessing!

  6. I’m all in Amy. You and I are like two peas in a pod! lol :) I won’t wear my make up either, and “putting my hair up” consists of a ponytail. I hate small talk and won’t bore you… Lets get down to the nitty gritty and be real true friends right off! Wish we lived closer, I’d drop by for a cuppa, periodically, and bring my well behaved kids who are also not allowed to play behind closed doors and get checked on alot!

    *hugs*

    ps we’re moving to Indiana, anywhere close to you??

  7. Oh yes, number 2 and number 7 all the way! :) At my house, I mean…I don’t think I’ve ever seen any nudists-in-training at your home! :D Make mine decaf and I’m all over that offer….very much looking forward to it!

  8. I loved this post. I’ve been an admirer of your blog for awhile now and while I think we have a lot of different viewpoints on things (wouldn’t life be boring otherwise?) this blog post made you sound so down to earth and “normal”. Apparently I had you up on a Big Blogger, Organized Got It All Together Homeschool Mama With No Bad Days Pedestal without even knowing it. At any rate, I felt like I could sit down and have coffee with you. :)

  9. Except for the night owl part, you and I are so much alike. Small talk…is exhausting to me, too….and I might pick the dishes up and get them out of the way, but, my home is no longer spotless…and for Emily, I want to sit and chat one day…discuss being a child of parents who lost a child, and help seek guidance for you to help others who lose children….Love your heart, Amy!!! It’s good to have you back writing !

  10. Oh boy do I wish we lived closer! I feel the same way. Have a question on #8…my soon to be 9yo daughter (our eldest) has become SO insanely disrespectful, and we are at our wits end. I would LOVE any suggestions on how to deal with this problem.

    • Keep correcting, but also look at your own words. I tend to speak quite sarcastically to my eldest (in jest) but I realized when that same tone comes from him it sounds awful! Eek!

      • Yes! I have noticed that she picks up my sarcastic remarks…usually to other drivers on the road. How do you correct for disrespectful? This issue is such a burden to me as it’s only going to get worse as she grows. Yikes!

  11. Oh I just loved this!!!!
    If only I were ok with having people over and sitting and chatting away and not letting my Martha side take over (either before they come or while here! lol).
    If only I lived near you and could actually come to your home and enjoy deep comversations-hearing more about your family-including precious Emily-and getting to know you better!
    Blessings,
    Shannon

  12. Love this post! I can relate to almost all of the points you listed…..wish we lived closer. I don’t have any friends close enough to have “coffee time” with!

  13. I have no idea where you are, but I LOVE coffee (a little too much) and I LOVE company with my coffee (and I get too little of it)! Although, unless you have a HUGE house, you might not want all 5 of mine running with all of yours ;)
    I have followed your blog for awhile and somehow missed your post about Emily…until just yesterday. There are no words. I cried and kissed my own little ones extra long last night. Thank you for being so real and letting God speak through you on such a personal level :)

    • Come on over! It’s not uncommon for us to families with 5 or more children over. And thank you for reading about Emmy. I’m so glad you held those babies extra long. No regrets.

  14. We would be good coffee talk partners….other than your hubby falling asleep….and no buffalo to talk about, we are almost exact matches!

  15. I would love to have coffee. Wish we lived closer Iwould probably come over today. It has been one of those summers and I would love to have a deep conversationa dn not just small chit chat.
    Susan

  16. Wow….I love this post. You sound like you have so much to offer as a friend. It made me take a deep breath and relax a little. I would probably pick your brain about having well behaved children as mine love to test the boundaries and mama’s patience. Not sure where you are, but I would live coffee one day!

  17. I just started my coffee for the morning. (We are late risers, as it’s almost 9am here.) Sounds like we’d get along fine! Feel free to stop in if you pass through Kansas, or when we move to San Diego, you can stop in there! ;)

  18. Thanks so much for this post! I love it! I need to work more on having guests over and being a ‘Mary’. You are so encouraging! I know God is using you in so many ways! I have been reading your blog for a few years now. Yours is the only one I read consistently and I have referenced “Raising Arrows” so many times in conversation. You encourage me in so many ways. Thanks for all you do and being an open book!

  19. These points are great. And a lot of them are similar for me and my home. I am not really a Martha or a Mary, but I always warn people before they come over that I have X to do, be it dishes, laundry, straightening up kids toys and that they are welcome to visit if they don’t mind me working while we talk. And I will correct my child, the way I see fit, when he gets unruly, please don’t judge me for that…or try to “help” me if you don’t feel I’m doing it “right”. Nothing bugs me more than a guest/family member, who doesn’t understand the way my child’s mind works, who butts in and tries to make him listen to me when I have forgotten to do what *I* need to do to ensure that he is actually hearing my request first…my son needs to be looking at me directly to “hear” my request, so if I forget to get his attention before asking a question or making a request, he doesn’t typically even realize I am talking to him and I have to repeat my request, it is something that I have learned, but often forget. (In his defense, my mind works the same way…which is why I know what he needs) :)

  20. I am finding it hard to find women that are this real. I miss college for the simple fact that there were no masks. Thanks for your genuine nature.

  21. I too have been following you for a while. I look forward to what you have to say every day! I read Emily’s story in between my miscarriage and the birth of my own baby girl. It made me really sit back and take a good look at the blessing my son is, and it was in my mind as I held my new baby girl (who just turned 1 on the 8th :) ) I have been wishing for some time that we could be neighbors. I kind of hate how superficial and small-talky comments seem to be. I’ve been longing for a good meaty summertime chat! Thanks for this post. But if I come to your house, you shouldn’t do hair or make up, because I won’t either. :)

  22. Oh- we need to get together for deep discussion and coffee! We have an open door policy about kids playing together as well. I think it is just a wise idea, from personal experiences. ;0)

  23. I could have written this, except that it would be me falling asleep ;), and that I haven’t lost a child I gave birth to, but I have had a marriage that has survived an affair/separation and I would be more than happy to talk about it if it would help anyone else. I wish I knew you in person!

    Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blospot.com

  24. I love this whole list!!! I wish we could have you over and chat the day or night away. I hunger for deep conversation and normal the messiness of life. It seems so hard to find others who like to talk about the hard stuff or the real stuff. I also love how honest/real you are. Thanks so much.

  25. LOL. you are a woman after my own heart. I would love to sit and chat with you; we are kindred spirits already. only difference is I have let others convince me that these are all flaws in my character and you are confident about them in the Lord. ~I need to work on that. :o) ? this post!

  26. This is so totally me as well! Thank you for sharing this – it’s really encouraging to know there are other mums out there who don’t make a big fuss with their hair and makeup – I’m always the dressed-down one at baby group! Totally a Mary type too – the dishes will still be there later but you might only get the one chance at some conversations. And the late-night, deep and serious kind are the best – I struggle with small talk because I can never think what to say that’s neutral and impersonal enough!

    I have to go easy on the coffee these days, but how about some nice authentic English tea?

  27. I love this post! This sounds like us (minus the children-part; we’re currently childless). Thank you for this article; look forward to coffee! :)

  28. Yep, that is me. Except the dirty dishes. I hate seeing them on the counter and try to get them done asap. We had a single older man stop over the other night and I had four laundry baskets of clean cloths on the living room floor ready to fold. He didn’t seem to mind as he had stopped unannounced. But I was sure glad I had tidied up earlier.
    Just finished my last cup of coffee for the day as I read your post. I totally wish #10 was something I could do. Husband does not allow us to speak about our number 4 and 6 child while he is around. I understand he grieves different then I do, it is just nice for me to be able to share when little things come up that remind me of them.

  29. I loved this post. It makes me just want to stop on by, which is what I want others to feel when it comes to my house. Too bad I live in North Idaho! :)

          • Well Amanda and Kimberly maybe we should get together for coffee sometime. Anybody live near nampa? I do, although I do go to Boise sometimes I normally stick pretty close to home. ;) I have to have a reason to get out, I find so many things to keep me busy right here. You?

  30. Thanks for the list! You sound like our kind of family! Now, if only we lived in the same state, I would probably take you up on the offer :D A couple of those made me giggle. Thanks for the smile, this morning, I needed it.

  31. That is pretty much us too, except my hubby won’t fall asleep. He’ll just stop talking and I have to pay attention to that cue and stop talking myself so we can make it to bed before morning. ;)
    I’m a Martha all the way EXCEPT when we have friends over. Then I’m Mary, Mary, Mary. Dishes, what dishes? Let’s just visit.

    • P.S. Last year I would not have been ok with the streaker. (And frankly I’d still struggle with it.) But for the first time in 12 years, there’s a baby boy in the house, so now my girls have seen boy parts. Prior to that I would have flipped out if a naked boy showed up in my living room.

  32. Thanks. I really needed to smile and laugh this afternoon….it’s been one of those days. How I wish I could come over for coffee, or have you over. You don’t live in VA, do you?! :) We have an occasional streaker around here, too. Glad to know we’re not the only ones.

  33. LOVE this! I think everyone should make their own and hang it on their door …or in their kitchen…or make a t shirt! Especially loved the one about your husband …I have one like that! Great stuff …thanks :)

  34. I LOVE this! I can relate on almost ALL accounts with a few exception. We have no buffalo artifacts and I really am a Martha! HOWEVER, in the presence of good company I have no problem letting all other things wait. It is during the small chit chat that I want to find something to do to keep me from going insane! :o)

  35. I can definitely relate to #2. I had a streaker just a few minutes ago. Your home sounds very inviting. I’m a Martha, but I’ve learned over the years that Mary’s make my best girlfriends.

  36. This is DEFINITELY how I feel! Okay, I can’t do number 10 and I am so sorry that you went through that. I can say that the coffee wouldn’t work but chai is amazing! :-) I am so glad that there are more people out there willing to be that way. How welcoming! Thank you for sharing! Don’t know where you are but I am in Northern Indiana!

  37. I was nodding my head with the small talk question. It’s such a struggle for me when I meet someone new, I just want to get right to what makes them tick and the meat of who they are…
    And ditto on number 8!
    Loved getting to know you better!

  38. why yes I would love to come over, where are you located? XD lol keep in mind it might take me a while to get there… I love it I’m the same way, although I am a Martha at functions when needed or at church. I love being Mary every chance I get. dishes smishes, they can wait. and after dinner I feel it’s more important to spend family time so they get stacked and wait till morning. :)

      • Yes I grew up with friends who had that kind of set up and it was nice, once I have children I’m sure w will be going with that.alas for now it is just my hubby and I with our 17 year old nephew. They both go to work before 6 so we spend our time together when they are home. :) when I keep Littles for friends w have a much different time allotment schedule.

  39. It sounds as though you’ll need to make a BIG pot of coffee for all the visitors that want to see you. I would DEFINITELY come and visit, but 14,000kms is a long way to go.

    I wish I could agree on #1, however I have a phobia about people coming around and seeing my house in a less-than-perfect state. Yeah, I know, I’m working on it. We don’t get people coming around very much :-(

  40. Yup, number 8 is something I can really appreciate! I will end contact with a family if they do not right a wrong. The lack of correcting bad behaviour, in my opinion, only leads the uncorrected child to bullying.

  41. I would love to stop be for a cup of coffee unfortunately I live in New York. Although you are welcome to stop be if your ever in the neighborhood.

  42. Me!!! I’ll be right over! Haha. You are now welcome to come over ANYTIME!!!

    ….so…what state do you live in?….hahahahha!

  43. I think it’s so great that you are able to sit and talk with company. I’m a Martha and am always up doing something while I visit. My friends are use to it by now but at first it would drive them crazy. haha Love your post!

  44. Oh my we would be great friends I think. I am the same with all of these but I just can’t do coffee it’ll be tea for me, LOL! Although I don’t have any buffalo around.

  45. This post made me smile for so many reasons. It’s so nice to run across a like minded person and I got the impression we’d be such great friends in real life if we ever met. Love number eight!

  46. Loved this post!!! And I’m sure like many others, it makes me wish I COULD stop by for coffee. (We’re in Kenya)
    Mmmm, I’m thinking I should write my own list and maybe frame it for guests to see LOL!

  47. Too funny! I love the list! I already knew some of this about you all but I love that you wrote it out! I think my list would be VERY similar! Some day we will get up there for coffee!

  48. Id love to have coffee with you!!! Oh perfect words! I’d like to Post them on the front door!!! This is awesome!

  49. You sound like my absolutely IDEAL have-a-cuppa-with-me person. I *love* really good conversation and tire of chit-chat fairly quickly. I love to get into the nitty-gritty of a person and am quite happy to see things differently and still be friends.
    I too am happy to see dishes lying around for hours if I have company (actually, I don’t even *see* them!).
    And here, you couldn’t stay too late either, though again – like you – my dear husband may snooze while we talk!

    Love this … and reckon I’ll head over for that coffee once my banana loaves are out of the oven – 20 mins, so I’ll take one over with me. Deal? ;)

  50. I love that you said you are a deep conversationalist as am I. Chit chat can at times be so boring, waste of time, and unproductive. So that brings me to a deep question for you. I know you have done a lot of posts about child training etc, but I would like to as you what are your thought, ideas, expertise about training and molding a child/children’s conscience. I know this has a lot ot fo with character training but I think it goes beyond that as well. Look forward to hearing what you advise about this. If you want to make it a post/posts that would be fine.

    Blessings to you sister.

  51. What a great list! Especially # 8. Now that three of mine are teenages, they don’t hesitate to tell each other that they’ve been disrespectful to mom if one speaks out of turn. And, the one thing that drives my kids crazy – children being disrespectful and parents not correcting them.

  52. Next time you are in town which I hope is soon, please make a point of dropping by! I would love to sit and chat with you! Share a cup of coffee or tea. All of the above.

  53. How refreshing to read this!! I have had several “friends” leave me high and dry, and I think it’s because I don’t do small talk. I want to know you and I want to share my life with you. Well, women just don’t want to go there. I scared them away.

    I recently reconnected with my best friend from 7th grade after 25 yrs of no contact and we have had the same experience. She has encountered the same thing. So we have agreed that we can never text too much, email too much, call too much…when I start to feel like I am bothering her, I need to tell myself that she feels like she is bothering me. And of course since I adore hearing from her every day, she adores hearing from me too!! It has been so wonderful!!

    Not sure what state you live in, but if you are anywhere close to South Carolina, I would love to visit you!!

  54. Amy, I loved this post and wish I could take you up on the offer! I feel like you’re a great friend as it is even though you don’t know me at all- you’ve been such a great blessing to me!

  55. This is soooo great Amy! I love #4, I too, am a deep-conversationalist-type person, and small talk exhausts me as well. Thank you for being so honest!

  56. Hello Amy, who is a Mary… not a Martha. Isn’t giving undivided attention to what is Soulfully arising in the moment… just great. I’m really enjoying your relaxed form of self-accepted honesty. And I’m sorry for your loss of Emily, but I have a great feeling that she’s doing wonderfully fine, despite missing out on her candid, fun loving, smart, and caring Mom. – Wishing you a wonderful day Amy. ~ Michael

  57. I love your blog. What a blessing with practical tips. Just want I need. No one Around me has as many kids as we do and we only have four. Please keep sharing.