Once upon a time, it seemed as if I had all the time in the world. I had a couple of kiddos (as did all my friends) and I wasn’t homeschooling yet. It wasn’t uncommon for me to chat on the phone, take a quick drive to a friend’s house, or head out of town with a group of gals for a La Leche Meeting or just a day at the zoo.
And then that all changed.
I had several babies in quick succession, my home needed me more often, and I started homeschooling full time. I could no longer spend hours on the phone (something I probably shouldn’t have been doing anyway!), I didn’t like being away from the house for very long because either it or the homeschooling ended up neglected, and it just felt easier to be home rather than away.
However, I have discovered one rather disturbing effect of my staying at home more. I begin to neglect real life friendships and replace them with online ones.
I know many people do not see a problem with this and I must admit, I have some friends I treasure dearly whom I never met, but there is something irreplaceable about real life friendships with other women, especially those in the trenches with you or who have gone ahead before you.
We need to see Titus 2 women in action!
But, you have to actually find time for these friendships, so here are a few ways I carve out time to spend with friends who encourage me in my walk as a Christian wife and mother:
1. Plan ahead. You may not be able to be your spontaneous self anymore now that you have several children, so plan time to get together instead of randomly heading to a friend’s house. Make sure you have plenty of diapers and the children are well fed and enjoy your day!
2. Short visits are great. Stop by for dessert, coffee, to drop something off. Friendships don’t always have to be in the form of long visits.
3. Get together for a project. Working alongside a friend is a wonderful way to get to know them better and also learn from them (or vice-versa). Plus, at the end of it all, you have something visible to show for your time.
4. Cultivate friendships that can involve the entire family. There is nothing more difficult than friendships where only the wives get along so the husbands never come along for a visit or don’t speak two words to each other when they do. Equally as rough are the friendships where your children and her children can’t stand each other. Try to find like-minded families where you can visit as a family.
5. Be hospitable. As a large family mama in the trenches, I know how difficult it can be to be hospitable. We have to learn to step outside ourselves and whatever it is that is holding us back and be hospitable to others, welcoming them into our homes and hearts.
6. Cultivate low-maintenance friendships. You know that friend who can pick up with your right where the two of you left off? Those are some of the best kinds of friends for busy moms!
7. Don’t forget long-distance friends. We have some dear friends that do not live near us anymore. We try very hard to visit when we can and stay in touch.
So, how do you find time for your friends? How have your friendships changed over the years?
Jamie @ Love Bakes Good Cakes says
Thank you for this post, Amy. I really needed to “hear” this. I hope you have a great week!
Tara @ Simply Made Home says
Thanks again for hosting. I love the little online community that you have created!
Molly says
this is a cool post. I have this friend I used to go to church with. We moved away 3 years ago, and yet, we email back and forth constantly, as she is SUCH a Titus 2 woman, encouraging me in all things homeschool! Ironically, even when we did go to church together, I didn’t see her often. Every now and then, a few weeks or a month will go by without contact, and we just pick right up. We hardly ever use the phone…only in emergent situations.
I don’t really have time for a raging social life, and am OK with that as it’s just the season I’m in with 4 under 8. My bestest friend is my husband, so if I’m going to ‘hang out’, it’s going to be with him. 🙂
This is such a neat post, Amy!
Kacie says
I do think it’s worthwhile to try and maintain some friendships, so that you’ll have that bond with someone and also stay in “practice,” you know? One day, homeschooling will be over and the empty nest will be the norm. And then starting from scratch for friendships would be a big downer.
Karyn says
I have a really hard time with this one. I had a close group of friends when I had two little ones but now I’m no longer part of that group because I had more kids, entered the Church, and began homeschooling. I just can’t keep up with their activities since I have more kids and even when I see them, my life is so different it’s difficult to do much more than chat. I have made some friends with the homeschoolers but even that group usually sticks to having one or two children and again, I have a hard time keeping up with the activities since I have so many little ones. My biggest thing, though, is that what little time I have, I want to spend with my husband, not with going out for girls’ night or whatever. But I do really miss that camaraderie!
Megan E says
I love this advice. I have recently been more intentional with relationships in my life, with my husband, my children, and most recently with my friends. I have a couple of really good friends, and I am loving how our connections have been growing as I am making a point of putting effort into our friendships. Thanks for these tips 🙂
Megan @ wwwsunshinethroughthewindows.blogspot.com
Kalee says
Most of my friends are also my neighbors, so we usually get a little time to visit a couple times a week when we hang out outside and let the kids play together or throw together a neighborhood BBQ. We also have children in similar age so we can get together to take the kids to the park or museum.
This summer I started a Proverbs 31 Bible Study group (just my neighbors mostly) that has met almost weekly throughout the summer. Now Proverbs 31 study is over, but I am hoping we can maybe find another Bible study, or at least keep a “mom’s night” at least once a month, because getting together with these ladies kid free for a little while has been such a blessing and it definitely a much needed refreshment for me! Also a brag on my awesome husband, if any of the moms do not have someone to watch their kids, my husband watches all the kids outside so they can play in the sandbox or in the yard so that us moms can focus on the Bible study!
Jess says
Perfect timing on this post. I spent time yesterday morning with a great friend~something I thought I didn’t really have the time to do! It was a wonderful time together and it made me realize how much I put friendships aside in the name of homekeeping/homeschooling/parenting.