Do I Care What I Wear When I’m at Home?

I’ve never been super concerned about my appearance.  Even in high school, I learned to get by with the minimal amount of makeup and time getting ready because I would rather sleep in than get ready for school.  In fact, some days, I wouldn’t mess with getting dressed in much more than sweats and a t-shirt for school and wait until I went out at night to really “get ready” for the day.  The only exception to this was when I had to put on a cheerleading outfit for the day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I really DID care about what people thought of me and appearance was definitely a huge part of that, but I just didn’t want to take the time.

As an adult, my time became even more crunched and I began to find myself confused by what an adult Christian woman “ought” to wear and what she “ought” to look like.  I tried frumpy, I tried sassy, I tried pajamas and hair piled on top of my head.  None of it seemed right.

About a year and a half ago, Caroline from The Modest Mom and I teamed up to bring you the She Wears Skirts series because I knew I needed to ditch the pajamas and the idea that skirts are frumpy and learn how to dress with femininity and good taste.

But still I held to the idea that I only needed to “get ready” for the day when it was time to leave the house or Ty and I needed to go to an event.  Otherwise, pajamas and a pile of hair on top of my head were the order of the day.

It wasn’t that I really WANTED to look like that day in and day out, and I must admit, I was terribly bothered by the fact that my sweet husband came home to THAT every day…not exactly the essence of freshness and beauty…but I felt I just didn’t have the time to spare.  I hit the ground running every morning.  How could I possibly find the time to “get ready” for the day when my day always began the moment I awoke?

Then my husband made a casual statement that set the wheels turning…

He said he loves it when my hair is all curly.

I know that seems random, but let me explain something.  My hair is thick and heavy.  The first day I wash it, it is quite curly, but by the next day or so, its weight pulls it into rather choppy waves that usually end up on top of my head so I can avoid actually trying to make it look like something.  When Ty and I go out, I try to make sure my hair is freshly washed and styled so that it isn’t such a mess.  But most days we are NOT going out and most days it IS piled on top of my head in an rat’s nest of a style, sort of like this:

Because my hair is thick I can sort of “get by” with this sort of “hairstyle”, but I realized it was saying something about me that spoke volumes.  It was saying,

“I don’t care.”

And it wasn’t an honorable, turning from vanity “I don’t care”, it was a LAZY “I don’t care.”  There, I said it…I was being LAZY.  It wasn’t that I didn’t have time, it was that I wasn’t MAKING time.  That makes that rat’s nest even more hideous, huh?

I sat in on the Botkin’s Reclaiming Beauty webinar this past Tuesday and while so many things were good food for thought, there was one little bitty comment that became the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back…the camel known as My Appearance at Home.

They made a comment about running around the house in a stained Mickey Mouse t-shirt.

Ok, so it wasn’t exactly a Mickey Mouse t-shirt I had on, but it WAS stained.  That’s right…I was sitting there listening to the webinar in a stained, grungy t-shirt.  And yes, my hair was piled on top of my head.  My husband came home to a woman who looked like she had just drug herself out of bed.

What was I communicating to my family by looking like a tired, old, haggard mommy?

What was I communicating to my husband by greeting him in the yuckiest clothes I own?

I was saying,

“I don’t care.”

But I do.  And this week I am resolved.  I am resolved to get up in the mornings and take a little extra time to get dressed, fix my hair, perhaps even throw on a bit of makeup, and greet the day with a fresh perspective.  A perspective that says, “I care.”

Here’s what I wore yesterday, along with the approximate time it took me to actually get ready (just to prove to myself it really isn’t that much out of my day!):

The aqua maternity shirt is one I’ve owned for years.  The maternity skirt is from The Modest Mom.  The shoes are ones I recently bought at WalMart (Earth Shoes).  They are just a simple brown mule.  I didn’t end up wearing the scarf much of the day because it was in the way, but my thought here was that “IF” I needed to head out somewhere or someone stopped by, it would be a good accessory to have at the ready.

I did wash my hair (as you can see in the photo, it was still wet) and because of that, I needed to curl my bangs.  I used a curling iron I splurged on a while back after a recommendation from another blogger.  I LOVE it!  It heats fast and has a nice big barrel that works for my thick hair.

(you can purchase it here)

I also wore my apron when I worked in the kitchen to avoid greasing up my shirt.  And, I did put on a slight bit of makeup.

Time: 20 minutes

I cooked breakfast in my pajamas, ate with the children, and then headed off to get ready while they tidied up and finished their morning chores.

And here’s the part that just floors me (even though it shouldn’t)…

I was much more productive than usual yesterday!  I felt great.  I was calmer and more prepared for my day.

So, I plan to keep going.  To make it a habit.  To show my family and my God that I really do care about this temple and what it says to the world about the God I serve.

Won’t you join me?

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138 thoughts on “Do I Care What I Wear When I’m at Home?

  1. I don’t know!
    I am very convicted by this post.
    I feel like I DO get ready for the day- making sure I am dressed and neat before even making breakfast or getting the kids up. Some days I even wear make-up. BUT by the time my husband walks in the door I feel like I DO have a stained t-shirt and crazy-lady hair. Part of that is the type of hair I have. I have been searching for a hairstyle that will ‘keep’ for years but I haven’t found one yet. My daughter is a victim of the same genes and always walks around looking like a puff-ball.
    I don’t like that my husband comes home to find me looking ragged every day, but I certainly barely have time to have the house, children and dinner in order before he walks in the door let alone heading to the bedroom for a quick make-over.
    I think I will ask him what his priorities are.

    • I used to have the same issue with my hair, and it ended up getting braided, a lot. But I got a Solia hair straightener – I only wash my hair once a week and I end up having to take about 20-30 minutes once a week to straighten it and it stays straight (with a 5 minute touch up here or there) and it looks so pretty all week! And i love the super low-maintenance (it’s also almost down to my waist these days, because I haven’t wanted to make time for a hair cut for a long time, so you can add that length into the time it takes) – just a suggestion I wish someone had mentioned to me long ago :) Hope you find a good solution!
      -Heather

    • My mother always showered and changed around 4:30 pm to be fresh when Dad came home…I have 4 children 5 and under at the moment and can’t quite manage that schedule but I hope to some day!…K

    • I always struggled with what to do with my hair until I found the answer in I Cor. 11. I cover my hair with a cloth headcovering now. Much easier, cheaper than haircuts, hair care products, etc. and helps keep me humble.

    • Very good idea…he may not care at all (and my husband doesn’t really care, but I know I feel much better!) I do know after a long day there is a definite need for some sort of refreshment!

      • Even if I don’t have time to shower I usually wash my face, put on some lip gloss, and cahnge my shirt before my husband gets home. I start dinner and then hurry back to my room to freshen up while it is cooking.
        This helps me to look forward to my husband’s return and puts me in “wife” mode even when I’ve been in “mommy” mode all day. It is something I have done for years and I love it.

        Great post.

    • My mom would always look at the clock and say let me go comb my hair before Timothy (my dad get home) a She would go to her room fix her hair, change her shirt if needed and dab on a little make up. While she did that we kids were required to pickup our messes and school books off the table. Every day, He came home to supper cooked and house picked up and a fresh faced wife. Then he would go to their room to change from his work clothes and they spent about thirty minutes alone away from us kids to talk about their day. This was one of the most beautiful things I saw her do for my dad and told me how much she loved him.

  2. I really enjoyed this post for a few reasons. First off, I like how you mentioned the difference with the “I don’t care” excuse. A lot of times it’s the lazy part of us speaking, or maybe even the fear of what it might mean or look like to others if we look “pretty” (if hat makes sense. Also, I really like how you went into
    detail about what you did to get ready, and how long it took. Barely anything! But most of Amy, you look great!!!! You look fresh and presentable, and pretty for your husband,or if anyone “popped” by like you said. I too notice the difference in my performance at home depending on my dress.

  3. I used to try to be ‘presentable’ before my husband left the house in the morning, to let him know that I wasn’t just lounging around in my pyjamas all day… how I started out our marriage. But now being 7 1/2 months pregnant with a husband whose alarm goes off at 3:30am…well. I always feel better physically and mentally when I am able to make the time to ‘get ready’ in a day. I have also found, that if I force myself to make time to wash up and put on clean clothes, its easier to find time to do devotions. My problem right now is having two very little children at home, with no help in the mornings, making that time, without the entire house being disassembled around me while I’m in the bath. Do you have any suggestions for a momma of soon to be 3 babies 2yrs and under.
    PS: You really do look lovely especially for a day ‘just at home’. Thank you for sharing this conviction with us.

    • Try to do the bare minimum just so YOU feel better and you feel energized. I read somewhere to just make sure you can shower everyday and wear something besides loungewear and it will make a difference in your entire performance/mental state for the day. Focus on where your heart is – you don’t have to get all dolled up like you are going on date night, just focus on looking presentable. That look that if someone stopped by unexpectedly you would not be embarassed for them to see you. Do not fret! This is a blessed season we are in with lots of littles :) They think we are beautiful no matter what we look like on the outside.

    • i have a 1 year old, 3 year old, and 4 year old, and am pregnant with #4…i find it easier sometimes to shower at night, and then just get up and dressed in the morning. if i do shower in the morning, i’ve just taught the kids to not tear the house up :P they do fine, just play with their toys till i get out. i also found it easier to keep the hair dryer, etc downstairs, so i can do that stuff and keep an eye on the littlest ones :) or, you could always bring a few toys into the bathroom and keep them there with you while you shower quickly!

    • I feel for ya! I’ve never been a dress up, make up kinda girl and it seems like it takes forever! I’m no expert, but when I’ve been in super-crunch mode before, here’s what helped…
      1. Shower the night before. I would braid my hair for bed so that in the morning it was still wet and manageable if need be.
      2. Use face wipes in the am. (Sometimes called make up wipes.) I love the Olay ones (buy on sale!!) but I know there’s store brand ones too. One wipe each morning freshens your skin, cleans off make up or dirt, and feels and smells nice! Even if you don’t get to makeup, at lease you feel freshened up.
      3. Google a couple ways to fancy up ponytails and stuff. Clips, twists, stuff like that to take a functional hair style and give it a little umph. Even one of those top of the head “rat nests” {grin}–just put it up there and then tie a coordinating ribbon around it like you meant to do it! :)

    • I take my bath at night after everyone is in bed, and when I wash my hair, I do it in the morning by hanging my head over the tub and using a detachable shower head. :)

  4. I know it seems silly, but there is a HUGE difference in my motivation and how I feel/what I get achieved between days I slop around in my comfy clothes and days I get dressed and ready for the day. Pregnancy forces me to shower in the morning instead of the evening, every morning, to deal with muscle pains, but after showering it’s easy to get into good, ‘day clothes’ as opposed to putting the jammies back on. I’ve felt so much better in my morning routine these past few months since getting ready for the day. I hope I can keep it up. Now the trick is to have the shower and get ready for the day BEFORE 9am :)

    • I like your idea of putting a time limit on it. That way it has to be done…just like if we were leaving the house to go to a job, we’d have to be ready at a certain time. When I was working outside the home, I was always ready by 5:45 am. I don’t have the desire to be up quite that early now, but maybe I could make a point to be “ready for work” by 8am. I have usually been up for a while (depending on the day anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hrs) by that time and could easily set that as my time frame.

  5. My husband appreciates it when I’m well pulled together. He likes it when he comes home to a wife that looks like she’s ready to leave the house. I’ve discovered that’s because when I’m wearing a nice outfit I feel a bit better about myself then when I have on my same ole sweatshirt and pair of jeans. Years ago I also began taking a few minutes before he came home to “freshen up.” I pick up the house, put on a fresh coat of mascara and actually put on a bit of lipstick. I also freshen my hair style and make sure its not pulled back in a ponytail (my husbands pet peeve). The extra effort goes a long way towards pleasing my husband.

  6. Love your honesty and your humility! Reading this I was screaming “She is inside my head! She is talking directly to me!” I have even said to my husband “I am so sorry you have to come home to this everyday. Someday when you come home, my hair will be done, I’ll have on makeup and I’ll be dressed nice.” Some days I start out dressed nice and then get spit up or poop on me (from the baby) and I go for the t-shirt grunge look after that. Everything you said was so point on!!!! You make me laugh, you make me think. God truly does use your blog to minister to others, to teach others and to admonish others. Tell your husband and children thank you for sharing you.

  7. My husband recently asked me if I owned anything other than button up shirts and denim skirts and if I knew of any hairstyles other than a pony tail! lol He was NOT being mean at all, but in my quest for modesty, I had really quit trying to be pretty. I realized that there needs to be a balance. I can indeed be pretty without being worldly. My dear husband took me shopping and showed me which things he likes and I got my hair trimmed and layered. Now when I get dressed in the morning, I realize that I am dressing for my Lord’s glory and my husband’s pleasure and it really makes me want to take the time to do it right!

    • That is so great he was willing to do that for you! The Reclaiming Beauty webinar talked about that very thing too…the balance between worldliness and beauty.

  8. Amy, you look great! Love your outfit. I, too, try to get up and get dressed. (Most mornings I succeed!). It is not about how others see me, but how I see myself! You are right, I get more done, I feel more confident and I hope say to the children “I am ready to face this day” !
    Have a blessed one!

  9. I seem to be hearing about this more and more. It seems like many moms who stay at home figure it doesn’t matter what they look like all day. My mom always (except Sunday) said we had to be dressed to eat breakfast, so I grew up always getting dressed first. I guess it is a habit now, but I always leave my room with my clothes on for the day. I feel better knowing I can walk out the door in a minute if I need to. I’ve found I actually feel better when I am ready for my day. I almost never wear make-up so I don’t have to worry about that and I usually just rum a brush through my hair and then if I want to do something special with my hair I will go back and do it later. Occasionally I have had a more relaxed day when the kids stay in their jammies, but I don’t feel right doing that myself. I just wear something that I find comfortable for the day. I wear aprons a lot in my kitchen to keep my clothes nicer. I don’t always look fresh when my husband come home at the end of the day and that is something I am working on. I could at least comb my hair and smile.

    • I like the idea of aprons or some type of “house coat” that would go over my clothes to keep them safe during the day. I have a tendency to splatter myself when I cook, and I have ruined many shirts with grease or tomato sauce stains. I have one apron, but it is a heavy material that “sticks” to my clothes and as I have horrible posture, I feel pulled down after I’ve worn it for a few minutes, so I need to find a different one :)

  10. WHILE READING THIS ARTICLE IT MADE ME LOOK AT MYSELF SITTING HERE IN PAJAMA PANTS AND A NURSING CAMI WITH MY THICK CURLY HAIR PILED HIGH! I usually say to myself there’s no point in getting dressed to stay home especially with 4 littles( 11,8,3&1 ). But its completely TRUE! As soon as I come home I take off my skirt and put on my pjs, BUT NOW I WILL START MY DAY ON A BETTER LIGHT:)

  11. As a side note, I have had several hair stylist tell me that VERY FEW women have the type of hair/texture of hair that they can just let air dry or just brush through. Most women have the type of hair that requires some attention in order to look nice. My hair is not straight, but it is not curly either. If I let it air dry, it looks hideous. I have to make a point to style it or else the only other option is putting it up/back in a headband. Not everyone is blessed with good hair!

    Yes, it is good to look kept, but I don’t think physical appearance has to take priority over more pressing issues of the day. Keeping it simple is key. Generally the women I know who look the most put together on the outside are suffering somewhere else. Not always, but a lot of times. Priorities, priorities, priorities. The Pharisees LOOKED like they were godly, but…

    • I think they are right, Andrea. Unless you go for a super short pixie that you can quickly gel (which I don’t want to do), you likely need to blowdry your hair. I almost always have a bob of some description so I can use a round brush to blowdry it under. They never really go out of style, they’re modest and attractive and don’t take a ton of maintenance.

  12. Amy, Isn’t it amazing the difference 20 minutes can make? I absolutely LOVED this post! When I quit working 12 years ago to be a stay home mom, I determined then if I was going to get up and get ready to go out in the world then I would do it for my family. As you said, I can tell a huge difference in my productivity on a pj day versus when I get up and get going. This is the main piece of advice I give to wives “Make sure you do for your man what you will do for the rest of the world!!” Thank you for the reminder!!

    • Yes, I was really feeling bad about the fact that I would get all ready to go out, but couldn’t manage any effort when I was at home for the day. Sort of like the days long ago when I would only clean the house if someone were coming over. lol

  13. I’ve been through all the same thoughts, thick curly hair and everything!
    I have found that I have a lot more respect for what i do (staying at home all day) when I treat it like a career – and it really is a career! So I plan, pray and review and have bad days, followed up by more prayer and (by God’s grace) a larger helping of good days. And one day I hit upon the same thought: if this life is this important to me, to give it all of me 24/7 and if my marriage is also just as important – shouldn’t I dress like it? I was enjoying wearing skirts more and seeing my late 20’s self as a woman instead of the jeans and tank top girl I’d been for so long – but I am pregnant with my fourth and pressure on my stomach from skirts just isn’t working right now. So, my current daily requirement is nice hair, clean face with a bit of make up and something I would be happy to be seen in public in (even if it’s just cute maternity jeans and a clean tank top). My husband loves it when I have nice hair too :)
    I, like you, have found that this makes me so productive! I can whip out my morning chores in a jiffy once I’m dressed for it. And every once in a while, someone will come to my door (we live in the country) asking to use the phone, or for a drink if they are walking – and I can happily answer it knowing I don’t look like a mess!
    How we dress affects how we think about ourselves so much – don’t let the habit slip! All us pregnant ladies right now need to hear that, as it seems so hard to regain momentum again after the baby comes – but we can do it! :)

  14. I recently read From Frumps to Pumps and it really convicted me on what I wear around the house too. While I don’t have a lot of nice clothes at the moment, I am at least getting out of the pajamas and not putting on my husband’s old running shorts. I don’t do the makeup thing hardly ever because I can’t find any that doesn’t break me out, but that is a skin issue and my husband likes me with a clean face most of the time (he’s said that, he hates a lot of makeup and doesn’t want me wearing it daily).

    I’ve also found that if I put on shoes, I get more done during the day. I personally hate wearing shoes, especially in the house, but if that is what it takes, that is what I will do.

    • I’ve not read that book (although I’ve seen it around), but I did want to say my husband doesn’t mind me without makeup either, so that is one thing that is not on the priority list. Yesterday I put it on, today I did not. :)

  15. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :D
    As I sit here…sipping my hot tea…still in my pajamas, glasses & hair all a mess……..YOU inspired me!! Sometimes we need a little “kick in the pa-tootie” to get motivated! I absolutely love reading your blog and facebook posts!

  16. I needed to see this post. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and have pretty much run out of clothes that fit, I have 1 pr shorts, 1 skirt, 1 pr jeans, and about 4 shirts…and the shorts & 2 shirts are going to have to be phased out in the next few weeks as temps start dropping here. I am in the process of looking for things that will carry me though the end of the pregnancy, but also carry over after the baby is born. Thankfully, so far, my weight has remained pretty stable (unlike the 60 lbs I gained with my first pregnancy), and I am all belly, so I’m hoping that once baby is born, I can get back into some of my prepregnancy clothes, as well as be able to utilize my maternity jeans for comfort if necessary. But I need a few more tops. I was at Walmart yesterday and noticed that they have some very cute, nice looking cardigans for less than $13 each. I figure I can pick up a couple of those and if I wash them on a gentle cycle and dry them (in other words, treat them as though they are precious and expensive), I can make them last. And I can easily put them on over a slightly fitted T-shirt and still look pulled together, but be comfortable. I am also scheduling a haircut next week, because my hair is making me feel frumpy. I haven’t been able to do much with it other than pull it back in a ponytail for several weeks now. I have tried to start wearing makeup (for me that means concealer under my eyes, mascara and some of that lipstick that sets “permanently” in a shade that is almost exactly the same color as my lips, and that’s all I wear…as far as make up goes :)), I also trimmed my own bangs last week so that when I pull my hair back it is not such a harsh look, and my husband has begun telling me that I am pretty again. Some days I try to wear jewelry too. It is amazing that just minimal care can make such a huge difference in how I feel and in how other people see me.

    • I like the idea of cardigans! They really are super comfy and look so much nicer than a t-shirt alone. :) Congratulations on your new soon-to-be-here little one!

  17. Yes! I know this is true too, but making myself do it something else entirely! I, too, have never cared that much about clothes (I wore medieval dress to classes at college because I like it) but I’m more and more convinced (convicted?) that since I am my children’s model of feminity I need to be intentional about it….

    Thank you for the encouragement…K

  18. It is funny you post this today because I haven’t done that this week! I have been dealing with sickness and have gone a couple of days without getting out of my pajamas. I am amazed how getting dressed in the morning puts me in a better mood.
    I have mostly streamed lined my getting ready process for the day. I lay out my clothes the morning before so I don’t have think about what to wear when my 2-year-old is screaming for milk and my 4-year-old is begging to watch a movie. I actually braid my hair every day because it is the best “all day” hair do for my hair. I have got getting ready down to a fine art of 10 minutes.
    Things that I find helpful: 1) Have an apron you love so you can wear it when you are at home. It keeps your clothes looking fresh and avoids the spills and splashes that would otherwise stain or ruin your clothes.
    2) Take 3 minutes or less right before your husband comes home from work to freshen up your hair/ put on fresh lip gloss. He will love it!
    Sorry for the long post!

  19. I LOVE this post, it hit home for me. I have been feeling VERY convicted of this lately. Why should our husbands get our frumpiness but when we go outside of the home, we fix ourselves up for others? It really does seem unfair to our families, doesn’t it. I do the same thing, I wear my pjs or comfy clothes unless I am going out or someone is coming over. I usually just throw my hair up in a messy bun and look a frumpy mess all day. Yesterday, close to time for my husband to come home, I thought about my appearance and ran to the bathroom to adjust a few things, but it still was a last ditch effort and wasn’t truly what he deserved :) I am going to take this challenge with you and make the commitment to present my self nicely for the duration of every day. :) Thanks for the post.

  20. Very good post and things to think about. Never have been one to stay in pjs all day unless I was sick. It makes me feel so sluggish to not get dressed.

  21. Hubby and I had this conversation recently. I feel so bad about him coming home to a messy me and a messy house. Recently had baby number 4 after an 8 1/2 year “break.” Being a new mommy again is kicking my rear. I long to get back to a new normal and this is perhaps right where I need to start! Just the encouragement and reminder I needed today. Thanks!

  22. Amen! I have found that I’m so much more productive – and even alert! – when I take the time to put myself together. My husband doesn’t always comment on my appearance, but when he does, it reminds me that the effort is well worth it if it blesses him! Also, while I truly believe that our beauty should come from within, from a gentle and quiet spirit, I also think that caring for ourselves sets an example to other believers, and non-believers as well. Just as I don’t want people to be drawn to me solely based on my appearance, neither to do I want my appearance to put people off! Thanks for sharing!

  23. I work outside the home so it seems strange to say I had to deal with something similar, but I did. I would send my husband out the door in my bathroom in the am and change into farm “chore” clothes the second I got home in the pm because I had so much work to do. It was my husband’s comments when I would have a late meeting and come home in my work clothes that changed my patterns. He would say “Wow, you look nice, babe.” and I realized that I always looked grungy when he saw me, but dressed up for the rest of the world. And I was showing my kids that I “primped” for work, but put all that aside when I got home with them.

    I’ve changed a lot of things over the last couple years, but a big one was simply getting a couple aprons. Unless I’m dealing with a sick animal in the barnyard or practicing soccer with the kids, I just use an apron and knee high muck boots (as needed) to cover my good clothes to do the regular evening farm and house chores. Then when we sit down for dinner, I take the apron off and look nice sitting across the table from my hubby.

    • It took a couple “drop ins” after our twins were born when I finally realized that I felt how I looked a lot of the time, and that it would probably be a good idea to be dressed and going sometime before lunch. :) Showers in the evening are easiest, but not always workable, so I put our 3 in the playroom down the hall and let them know “Mama’s going to get ready for the day”. Also–so much easier to throw clothes on when I have them ready to go, preferably set out earlier. When you know how much time it really requires to shower- 3 minutes- you KNOW that you can handle this. I’m big on timing stuff, it really puts stuff in perspective and makes it easier for me to accomplish more–such as 8 minutes to unload/load full dishwasher, 15 minutes to put bread together, 3 minutes clothes change over in laundry…you get where I’m going. :) Feel much better and capable to handle the day when I know I put a little bit of effort into my own appearance. Sets the tone for the day. :)

    • Isn’t it amazing that one little comment from a husband can pierce our souls and make us realize something we never thought about before? I love how God uses other people to teach us!

  24. Thanks for sharing – I also have started trying to get myself ready in the morning some days its hard but I try to remember I’m setting an example for my children and yes normally it makes me feel better ready to tackle the day. God Bless

  25. I found your article so interesting, especially coming from another faith. I am proud of you for taking the care to take care of yourself! :) In my culture, we cover ourselves and dress plainly only out in public and underneath it all, dress as nicely as we can for our husbands. It is somewhat the opposite of the notion of getting dressed up for going out. It sends a subliminal (or maybe not so subliminal?) message to our spouses that they should love us no matter what, so we don’t bother with our appearance unless we’ll be seen by other people. I’m so glad you’ve found a way to get out of that trap – I believe your husband will appreciate it more than you’ll ever know! ;)

  26. I really need to work on this, too!! I have one baby and spend my days in a nursing tank and gaucho pants all day. And hubby was just telling me the other day how much he loves it when I put on makeup and do my hair.

  27. I have to say this spoke to me! I was in the shower a few weeks ago and God spoke to me about trying a 30 day challenge. For 30 days I will wear makeup. I rarely wear makeup anymore and I can tell you that I have been blogging about it ( really to keep me accountable) and It is changing how I feel about my days! It is amazing how making your self ready for the world makes the world of difference in our homes!

  28. I love that I am reading this wearing a Mickey Mouse T-shirt! LOL The difference is that my husband likes to see me in a t-shirt more than a “nice shirt”. Part of it is that he doesn’t like to feel the pressure to dress nice, so he prefers I dress comfortably.

    What makes this even funnier is that today i have taken time with my appearance. Most days, i am still in my pj’s at this hour. Today, I have a friend coming over, so I have showered, dressed, and put on my headcovering. I may just have on a Mickey T and a comfortable skirt, but I feel ready for the day.

    However you choose to dress, be sure that pleasing your husband is a high priority. Sarah was blessed for calling Abraham, “Lord.” May we always strive to follow her Godly example.

  29. Okay, I am completely convicted. My husband has made a couple of comments too and I agree that it comes down to laziness on my part. Thank you for the encouragement and pick me up. I am sitting here right now at 10:30 AM and still in my pajamas. In shame, I am going to go get dressed for the day!

  30. Please let me just say… I needed this today! I am a SAHM/ homeschool mom and my appearance at home has just not been important to me. As I am typing this, I’m sitting here taking in just how “not caring” I look. I’m wearing the same ratty t-shirt I slept in, ratty bleach stained shorts, no shoes, my naturally curly hair is all over my head, and did I mention that I am lacking a certain “perk-i-fying” undergarment? Look up disheveled mess in the dictionary and yep, there I am. Thank you, thank you so much for holding me accountable to myself and to my family today. I’m going to change my clothes… NOW! :)

  31. “…I really do care about this temple and what it says to the world about the God I serve.” Amen. THAT should be our top priority!

    You look great!

  32. A blog written with honesty, such as this one, is so needed & so appreciated. This has been on my heart for a while, & was started by reading another honest blog on the same topic. Can’t even remember who it was, but she shared that she had set a goal to get dressed every morning & put on earrings. Two simple things. The result was that she felt better about herself & was more productive each day. I decided to implement something similar for myself. I haven’t seen it through every.single.day, but nearly so … & I do feel better about myself. I think I’m even kinder & more patient. I still have a ways to go in tackling all my issues, but this is such a good start. My hubs & kiddos deserve the best ‘me’ that I can give them … I deserve to be the best ‘me’ that I can be! Thank you again, for sharing your heart!! <3

    • The fact that I am more patient has really stuck out to me as well. Today, I was super tired from a rough night, but I still felt I needed to get dressed (the outfit in this post was from yesterday). I didn’t put on makeup, but I did fix my hair and put on a nice shirt and skirt. I was so much better off today than I would have been had I stayed in my jammies like I wanted to.

  33. Thank you for this post. I, too, have been quite lazy when it comes to my appearance at home. My sweet husband never comments on the way I look and often states that he doesn’t care what I wear, but I know that what he sees now is not a pretty sight. I think I will join you. I will stop being lazy and get up and put in the effort! Just today I missed an opportunity to meet my husband on his lunch break, bc I was in my pajamas and he only had a short window of time. How lame. No more. I am done being the frumpy wife!

  34. I always get dressed and do my hair (which is usually a simple bun or braid) because I DO get much more done when I”m dressed. (I follow flylady, and while I don’t get dressed to shoes, I get her point.) And it always seems the days where I DON”T get dressed are the ones when people knock on my door! :P

  35. I believe not only we as moms need to get up and dress every day we need to make sure our kids do the same. Other wise we are saying to them that their education at home is not as ‘good’ it is not up to the same standard as the kids who get up and get dressed like the real world (at least the functioning world, not including the Wal-mart pj shoppers) Schedules, dressing, cleaning are part of our biblical responsibility. We look better and feel better when it is done as well. We should each encourage each other to be our best and being home should make us even more accountable not less. We need to reclaim our selves as women. My mom stayed home when I was a little girl. She got up and dressed every day which included pantyhose, high heals and dress plus 10 lbs of hair spray in her big70’s hair do. But if we went for a walk she was still in those heals, if it was 90 degrees she was still dressed. I think back and look at pictures of my childhood and WOW she looked good, my dad must have been proud to come home to his wife, his house and his kids. As I write this I realize how much more I could do, want to and should. I will be praying for you as I do the same!

    • Isn’t it amazing how “far” we’ve come from the ideal your mom put forth?! I was actually setting a double standard…I did require my kids to do their morning chores and get dressed, but then I would just look grungy. So thankful for forgiving children too!

  36. Guilty, of being lazy. Oh my. But there is a middle ground, while I don’t have to look like I am going out for a date, I shouldn’t look like I just climbed out of bed. Besides for the first time someone knocked on my door in the afternoon and I was still in my PJs. Thank you for posting!

    • Yes, definitely! We don’t need to be super dressed up (and that shirt is not from my “dressy closet”), but there is something to be said for at least looking like you TRIED to get dressed! LOL

  37. ba-ha~ I had my daughter (10) do a double take on your picture of your “rat’s nest style” hair. Uh, yeah, looks just like mine… thick, curly, not washed every day, and mop-piled on my head most days… I, too, have been working on being more intentional with my looks. Not in vain, but to display tidiness and the inner beauty I hope I can reflect onto my daughter. Great post, thanks for sharing!
    ~Sheri

  38. I have found if I don’t get dressed and put on a touch of makeup, do something with my hair and put forth an effort, I am not as productive, not as pleasant, and not very appealing to anyone, even myself. Good post. I try to always put it together, can’t stand pjs all day! Some of that is from my mom, she always insisted we dress and get it together daily.

  39. I have to comment on this one, because I to feel conflicted sometimes :) .
    I’ve always been one of those women to get up, shower, put on make-up, and look presentable each day. My mom always taught me, growing up that you should leave the house looking your best, or you shouldn’t leave the house. This year I feel like most of the time I would get up and get ready for the day, but by 2:00 pm. I was back in sweats with my hair up (it’s comfortable, I was pregnant, and have 4 boys at home). Now I have a newborn (gave birth/c-section 2 weeks ago to a sweet baby girl) and other than the daily shower, and a little make-up a couple times a week, I’m getting back in my sweats. :) I think we all go through phases and this is a phase for me right now. I do agree that you feel better when you put forth some effort to spend a few minutes on ourselves each day.
    O and I should tell you, my husband travels for work during the week so the days I put on make-up are the days he’s home, lol.
    Amy, keep up the good work and congrats on the pregnancy-I loved being pregnant, it’s such a blessing :)

    • Kim,
      I do agree there are seasons; however, I’m hoping even postpartum to be able to find something that looks somewhat put together…even if it is sweats that actually look like I was trying to look put together! lol Congratulations on your new baby girl! I bet having pink in the house is super exciting!

  40. Thank you for posting about this! As a stay-at-home mom of 5, I struggle daily with this subject. In fact, I don’t think I have “done” my hair in over a year…probably longer. I NEED to do this for myself and for my family. I am trying to be a better wife and mother and I need to start with caring for myself. Again, Thanks for the post and the push to do something for myself and do my hair instead of throwing it into the endless ponytail!

  41. Well I am home with 5 children and now the baby is almost 2 1/2 and most days I still look like I have a baby at home. We all know what that looks like. I go back and forth where I try to get myself dressed in “real” clothes and such but then I slip back into the old thing. If nobody is going to see me, what difference does it make? I am going to try again. When I am actually hiding out from my younger, pretty, mom next door who is ALWAYS looking ready, it is time to do something! Thanks for a new challenge.

  42. I think this strikes a chord with a lot of us! How about a series on this?! ;) Maybe ideas for planning our clothes for the week based on what we have in our schedules. Or simple, practical and cute hair style ideas for running after kids and maybe tips on building a wardrobe frugally? Since if we do get “dressed” each day we need enough presentable outfits for the week! I vote for a series!!!

    • Funny you should mention that, Ellie…Caroline from the Modest Mom and I are chit chatting a bit since we have both been feeling similar convictions and proddings in this area. Great suggestions!

      • I could definitely go for some suggestions on the hair….I have very curly hair. I have had to cut it because the messy buns/ponytails, etc. give me a headache, no matter what clip or barrette I use. I scrunch and do various things but ugh, it’s my worst time kill (bad hair days…there seems to be many when your hair is curly and has a mind all it’s own.)

        • I braided it off to the side yesterday and my husband absolutely LOVED it! Yes, it looked a bit messy by the end of the day, but he actually thought it still looked very nice. Today, I did the messy bun thing, but I wrapped a scarf around it. I do use hairspray to keep the flyaways sort of at bay. There is a frizz cream you can buy too that might help. I need to get back to trying it again. I’m hoping to try out some new hairstyles and see if I can pull together a post later. :)

  43. Oh bless your heart, I know how you feel! I am a home-schooling mom, and although I’m only home-schooling one 5-yr-old right now with a 2-yr-old under foot (and 1 on the way – 34 weeks pregnant!) it seems like getting dressed nice and doing my hair and make-up is just the easiest thing to let go! However, like you, I’ve noticed that I feel SO MUCH MORE productive if I do. Otherwise I’m grumpy and impatient b/c I don’t feel good about myself. If I make the time to shower and get dressed before the kids get up, it makes a huge diff for me, and even more so if I do my hair and a little bit of make-up. It’s so hard though, especially when you’re expecting and all you want is that few min more of sleep. I do feel like I honor my hubby more when I make an effort. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your heart on this! You look so pretty in blue! Hope you’re feeling well, sweet “friend”! :)

  44. What a timely post for me! Not sure if I like that, lol!! ;)
    I never get ready unless I am leaving the house. I get dressed out of pajama’s but not “ready” at all. I was thinking the other day that I should start, because I have noticed feeling more motivated when I am “ready”. Most days my hair is in a clip or a pony but that is as far as it goes. So, Amy… YES! I will join you! We start a new schedule on Monday & I am going to tweak it over the weekend to include getting ready!

  45. I do get dressed each day, but I’ll admit that my motivation is that my husband works from home and I do it to please him, he is not keen on us lounging in pjs during the week.

    As a curly girl I am very guilty of the messy bun. ;) I tend to not leave my long hair down because it it often in the way, but I just can’t bring myself to go shorter. I’ll need to keep working on that.

      • I sometimes stick a nice pin in it, or braid it across the top like a headband to ‘pretty it up’ a bit. I haven’t tied a ribbon in my hair since college, but may have to consider it.

        I’d share pics of what I wear each day (I love the idea behind “What I Wore Wednesday”) but then you’d all see that I often wear the same things two days in a row if we’ve stayed at home. ;)

  46. I learned from FlyLady years ago, when I was depressed (Postpartum) that getting dressed each morning made a HUGE difference in my attitude, my mood and my energy level! Even not depressed, I find it helps. :) And it makes those PJs so much more comfy at the end of the day

  47. I will join you! What you describe is me to a tee. i would save my clothes (and let’s be honest, showers) for when I had to go out and do something. I have found that there are some days that I have a hankering to go out and get something done, but I don’t because I am not “ready” to go out. I really don’t think my husband truly minds, but on the other side of it I know that he would be pleasantly surprised if he came home to my best. Thanks for the encouragement to get going on it!

  48. Thanks for the motivation! I have struggled with this every day for a while. I struggle with the sot of buying clothes that fit, not just finding frumpy stuff that I will fit into, because there is a huge difference between “fitting” and “fitting into”!

  49. I usually take Wednesday why because my little one does not go to school and its just usually a tank top and yoga pants. Others days I am dressed completely and may throw on some lipstick. As a mom of 6 boys, between errands dropping off picking up this is a good one. I use too not care but noticed when I took a little more time people took notice. You look great by the way

  50. Thanks so much for this post! It is defintely a mental struggle against my laziness and frugality to “get ready” if I’m going to be around the house all day – which is most days. But you’re right – it tells my family they are worth my effort. It makes the day more productive. And if someone comes to the house, I don’t have to find my hat and a jacket ;)

  51. You looked beautiful!! :) Great job! This is a lesson I learned years ago also. Every morning I get up and immediately get dressed. The only time I stay in a night gown is if I’m horribly sick or Christmas morning. Even then I usually end up getting dressed within an hour or two. Another thing I learned that is important is making the bed each day. Its amazing the way the simple act of spreading up the bed makes you feel about yourself and your home. An unmade bed just screams ‘I don’t care about keeping my house up’. Its such a simple thing that only takes maybe 60 seconds. My husband noticed too. Great article!!

  52. I’ve been thinking about the same thing lately. I got dressed 1 morning last week (when I wasn’t already going anywhere) and the whole day was better. I’ve got to try doing this. What’s even worse? We have a nurse and therapists come through our house almost every day, and they see me looking like this too. I know they must think I’m such a slob (even though they tell me they understand).

    The other thing I’ve noticed that improves my whole day – getting up on my own BEFORE my kids wake me up. I have a 3 and 2 yr old and a 5 month old, so this is hard, but it affects the entire day. Even if it’s just long enough to fix myself a cup of coffee, it’s better.

  53. This is why I do the What I Wore Wednesday link up during the fall/winter/spring months. It’s too easy to live in sweats and that be the tone I set for my household each day, when taking twenty minutes to get dressed and put on a fresh face can improve the tone immensely. Not to mention that husband can come home for lunch and not feel like I’ve just crawled out of bed while he’s been working all morning.

  54. Way to go, sweet Mama!! I feel much more productive when I’m ‘cleaned up’, too! I totally relate and have been there, but the children grow up, and I didn’t want them to think of me as a slouch or grungy mom they couldn’t have friends over to see…. I can’t wait to hear the webinar with our daughter. Bless you!

  55. I do shower and dress daily, though my hair is another thing, usually I have it half up in a clip. ANYWAY…I take days off occasionally, like after having a baby, but as I lounged around in a strappy tank and silky house coat, we had an Amish male neighbor come to the door. Needless to say I get dressed even right after a baby now:)

  56. Well. Done.
    I am proud of you. One site that has helped me is http://www.flylady.net The Fly Lady offers great helps in routines, one getting dressed. It is so easy to stay in the pjs, haha. But I am with you, I get more done when I am done up. God Bless you!!!

  57. I have been trying to do the same thing as well! I’m a Navy wife, so I rarely see my husband…which make is hard to want to get “prettied up”, but even my kids notice when I do! I have also learned that it’s important to take cues from your husband (like you did with the hair complement). They are often much more subtle than we are, so we really have to pay attention to figure out little things that spark their interest.

    I agree, also, about making your bed! It makes a huge difference in how clean your room appears. And it feels good to pull back the covers at night, rather than climbing into a mess.

  58. Amy, you look so cute in your outfit and love the scarf, never think of accessories. Seems like I am just now getting back into them (after years of not wearing much jewelry, etc.). I had to chuckle at the apron thing. While I do struggle with the messy bun thing and the pjs and tank top/t-shirt look a lot, I will have my tennis shoes on and an apron. Yup, it’s an interesting look, lol. I actually have an apron “wardrobe”, some I’ve made one bought and others gifted. I guess they are my accessories, lol. My aprons look better than me most days. My problem is that I don’t glisten, I get gross sweaty–especially on heavy cleaning days. With winter coming that won’t be as much of a problem, but something to consider. Maybe on those days I’ll have to plan extra time later in the day (before hubby gets home) to clean up. Hmm, this is definitely going to be a process.

    Thanks for the encouragement and impetus to do this. I’ll be joining you, for sure. I know my darling Groom will definitely appreciate it, though he hasn’t complained. First thing to do is cull through and get rid of the icky stained stuff so at least half the temptation will be gone.

    And I’m making a point of accessorizing, at least having them nearby in case the doorbell rings or I need to run out.

    Bless you, keep up the great blogging and loving that family of yours!

  59. You look beautiful!

    I think getting ready for you day, making yourself look and smell good has the same effect as walking into your kitchen and seeing your kitchen sink clean and shiny and ready for the day….or….walking into your bedroom and seeing your bed made….what you do to get ready for the day has so much to do with how you feel about the day, and that shines through the whole family!
    Blessings to you!

  60. I’ve made it a point for a few years to dress up, even if I’m not planning to go out during the day. As my children mature (they are teens), I take my shower and dress later in the day…go figure! I think it’s because I exercise early, and write until school begins.
    I love your new look! Blessings on your day….

  61. Wow, I have been going through the same sort of process over the last few weeks. Definitely in the same boat of not wanting to take the time, yet slightly embarrassed when hubby comes home! I’ve never taken much time on myself, yet now I’ve found that just 15-20 minutes can accomplish much! And I agree about feeling better also, not to mention that the children have given me compliments as well! Thank you for sharing…quite often it seems the Lord is teaching you similar things that He is teaching me!

  62. You hit the nail on the head! Just yesterday I was looking at my dh in his “around the house” attire and thought *Guess he isn’t trying to impress anyone*….then I allowed my critical eye to look in the mirror at what I looked like. Hmmmm.
    It is Saturday. Dh works all day and will fall into bed when he gets home–probably won’t even look around at anyone. But I heard what you said about having a more productive day after freshening up for 20 minutes….so I am heading back upstairs to get dressed, wash my face and fix my hair! Love your posts!

  63. Thanks so much Amy for this post. I also have fallen into a slump when it comes to my appearance. This motivates me to try harder to make time each morning to get dressed & make my appearance more of a priority. I have 2 young daughters and don’t want to convey the wrong idea when it comes to a woman’s appearance. I often wear my hair in a pony tail or bun , t-shirt & pants because of all the farm chores I do each day that get me so dirty. Between homeschooling, farming & homemaking it’s hard to make time for me & fixing my hair or applying make-up just don’t rank high on my to-do-list! Thanks again for reminding me that my appearance should be important every day. :)

  64. Getting ready really does make a huge difference in the way you feel. I’ve noticed that, myself. I do have this skirt problem, though. I love wearing skirts now (Did you catch my post about that? You’re at least partly to blame for this). The problem is that winter is coming, and I don’t know how to be warm in skirts. So you need to post about that, like, now. Before I freeze to death. Thanks. ;-)

    (Kidding, btw. You can post about whatever you like, whenever you like. It’s your blog, and I love everything you say. But I’d love some winter skirt advice if you have a moment sometime.)

    • I’ll let you blame me, Cindy. ;) Get some leggings to wear underneath your skirts to start out with, but also check out Caroline’s blog for ideas (TheModestMomBlog.com) and our She Wears Skirts series did address it some. I think Caroline is going to be discussing it some more on her blog again. :)

  65. I so know the feeling!! The days I force myself to shower and dress before noon I am so much more productive than the days I don’t! Guess I should get up off my fanny and do so…it’s almost 9! Have a blessed week!!!

  66. Such a good article! I can relate to this article as a mom with many little ones running around….it seems that we as moms put ourselves last in care….I will take the time to dress my little girls for the day in clothes that are clean & match, carefully brushing their hair and tying little bows. I get onto the boys to put on clean shirts, jeans with no holes in the knees, and comb their hair. After all, I don’t want them to look like little ragamuffins, right?….I run around taking care of everything and everyone….but a glance in the mirror shows—a Mommy ragamuffin! second-day, half-clean hair pulled tightly back ‘out of my way’, a worn-out jammy shirt over whatever skirt I grabbed first, bare feet, yesterday’s mascara smudged strangely like a raccoon, lol….and yet, I have clear memories of how I watched my Mommy when I was a little girl….I was a person, too, and I noticed whether she looked nice that day or not….I noticed that when she looked better she felt better and acted more pleasant…..as is the case with all us moms!–if we feel and look better, then we act better. :) SO…I, too, have recently started trying a little harder to include ‘getting ready’ within my prudent time management of my day. :) Thank you so much for this post….even though I’m reading it far after you wrote it, lol

  67. Great read! A productive day for me starts with making the bed, starting some laundry and getting dressed! I try and wear skirts and dresses most of the time. I do have some busy days where I get “dressed and made-up” at 3pm (right before clean up time and I start dinner prep) but I still get dressed usually… I don’t like my hubby coming home to an unkempt home or wife. You look great! And I have to agree, a nice curling iron is well worth the money!!