The Epidemic of Stupid Men and Useless Fathers

I started noticing it several years ago.  It seemed every child’s cartoon, every television show, every movie featured men who were downright stupid and fathers who were worthless to their families.  The families of the sitcoms and popular movies were driven, not by strong father figures, but by moms who could juggle everything, including the occasional dumb male.

Because we don’t watch a lot of television and have been pretty choosy about the movies we watch and own, I had all but forgotten my disdain for the typical big screen family.  That is, until my children, who had been watching clips of PBS kids cartoons online, mentioned the stupidity of a certain father on one of the shows.  As I sat down to watch this show with the kids to see what they were talking about, I noticed that he wasn’t just ignorant, he was a buffoon.  His only purpose on the show was act like a child and refer his son to his all-knowing mother.

What was this teaching our children?  And worse yet, what was this teaching our young boys about the role of husbands, fathers, and men in general in today’s society?

I know it is comical to watch the antics of Fred Flintstone and the like, but when our entire culture is saturated by this stereotype, is it no wonder that we begin to see the real flesh and blood men of our society, our community, and our own home as stupid and useless?

We cannot, as Christian families, perpetuate this stereotype because it is in direct contradiction to the Holy Scriptures.  God’s order for the household is

God – Husband – Wife – Children

This isn’t about women’s rights or defeating the male chauvinistic pig, it is about an order that brings glory to the Lord and blessing to our lives.  Men aren’t supposed to be wimpy doormats any more than women are.  Men need to get up off the floor and women need to stop wiping their feet on their men.

We must do our best to offer our children a positive God-honoring view of the family.  We need to teach them about fathers who were and are heroes.  We need to be vigilant about what we allow our children to watch and be ever-discerning of the stealthy messages and attitudes brought into our homes through media and other methods.  We also need to keep our own attitudes and actions in check.

Women, start treating your husband like a hero.  Tell your children about this man you married and give them a healthy view of marriage and manhood.

Men, take your rightful place and take responsibility for the steering of this family.  Be strong.  Be courageous.  Be the kind of man you want your sons to be and your daughters to marry.

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
1 Corinthians 16:13

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56 thoughts on “The Epidemic of Stupid Men and Useless Fathers

  1. These cartoons characters didn’t arise from people’s wild and rude imaginations, they came from real life experiences with stupid and useless husbands. Unfortunately, there are LOTS of them, lots of stupid and useless husbands. I’m sure there are lots of stupid and useless wives as well, but there is an epidemic with men, but cartoons and shows didn’t start it. They just reflect the reality that was already in place.

    I’m convinced it’s more common to have stupid and useless husbands in the body of believers than in secular marriages. I’ve seen so many men with Godly wives that KNOW their wife will never divorce them and desires to honor and respect them no matter how they behave and thus, they are useless and treat her like garbage because they can “get away with it” with her. It’s terrible stuff. But secular marriages? This is one of my biggest frustrations as a first generation Christian. I can watch secular husbands start to be useless, refuse to work, be absolutely lazy, not help at home, etc, and what happens? Their wives say, “Well dear, you can shape up or I’ll ship out.” If they care about their marriages, I’ve seen them shape up, but not in Christian marriages, not usually. When I’ve seen a seriously character flawed Christian husband, I’ve seen a man that doesn’t change because, well frankly, his wife isn’t going to leave him.

    • Sadly, I have to agree Christie. I see this a lot as well and have counseled many women on this subject. It is ridiculous and I think a deeper evil than the cancer of grown boys in the secular sphere because Christian men have the very God of heaven as their example of a leader and father. They also have the Holy Spirit dwelling in them to direct, guide, give wisdom, convict, convince, comfort, etc. There is no excuse for a Christian man to not be a warrior and a hero.

      It shouldn’t be that they have to be motivated by fear of their wives leaving them in order to be a man. They have been given a direct order to love her as Christ did the church and a commission to protect, train, nurture, and admonish their children – pretty spelled out and what man wouldn’t want to take up such a noble and satisfying duty? But for many it seems that the leaving him scenario would be the only thing that would wake them up to how ridiculous they are in shunning their God given role.

      It is equally frustrating when their wives meekly bring something to their attention, and it is met with this whiny ‘don’t judge me, you are nagging me. Even if this is the first time she has ever addressed it, he knows these are the magic words because no wife wants to be a nag and a Christian wife feels like a complete failure immediately if he whips that one out on her. Spiritual sounding pleas like ‘give me grace, you have a flaw here or there too, take the splinter out of your eye, blah blah blah.’ The woman slinks away battered by his words about her, who is trying and cannot possibly be perfect but feels she has to be in order for her concerns to be validated. Confused and defeated she usually tries to just take on all the responsibilities of home by herself. I am convinced that the growing numbers of Christian women seeking help for mental health are a direct result of the men not bearing their load.

      This article has it right as God intended for the order to be God – husband – wife – children and is a great encouragement for women to support and revere their husbands. I agree and applaud it whole heartedly, but I also share your concerns. No doubt it is very hard to give honor and respect to a worthless husband, there are many out there and they deserve respect about as much as my compost pile does.

      But is it about whether or not they deserve respect? I don’t think so. The Bible elevates as a noble woman a lady named Abigail in the OT. She was married to a no good fool named Nabal. God himself verified that this man was wicked, out for himself, didn’t give a rip about anyone else, and didn’t treat his wife well. Abigail still honored him, showed respect, and left the results in God’s hands. God himself judged Nabal.

      These comments are not intended to condone a wife’s spiteful attitude wanting God to judge their no good husband, but to highlight Abigail. God commands children to honor and obey their parents and doesn’t say only if they are acting honorable or deserve your respect and obedience. In the same manner a wife is to carry out God’s commands and instructions on how she is to behave toward her husband, not with a goal to effect a change in their man, but to please their God.

      It is service to God and we show that we love Him by keeping His commands. This is where a wife in such a situation has to rest. It is hard, involves broken dreams, promises, and a lot of hard times, but once again it is ultimately about bringing glory to God and not about our comfort and happiness in the here and now. The paradox of it is, as she does these things, God gives her joy which transcends the present circumstances, and her obedience to God does eventually further God’s work in her husband as well. Galatians 6:9 is an encouragement to any friends you may currently have in these circumstances.

    • I find this to be an incredibly sad statement. Not questioning the theory as it must be your reality to have such strong feelings about it, but I certainly have found this to be the exception more than the rule. I was raised around useless, pathetic, lazy, women-bashin’ men. Then I grew up to marry someone who didn’t have a healthy respect for women (due to his own childhood) and I had that “shape up or ship out” attitude. Thankfully, God did a work in my own heart (followed by many years of unconditional love) that ultimately changed my husband’s heart. It wasn’t because I threatened not to stay with the jerk, but because I chose to believe in him when he didn’t believe in himself. I do believe media has in hand (an agenda) to demean men. I don’t believe in the oh.so.many.generations past, that men had the luxury to be stupid and useless because there were wars to fight, land and beliefs to protect, women to defend, and food to raise, and an overall drive to survive.
      Now, together, my husband & I are not only raising 5 boys to be men, but are continuously reaching out to teens for this very purpose with the ultimate message of God cares, you matter. The shows depict men/dad/teens as useless, and we (with the Word at hand) continue to share the truth…
      I was lazy and useless because I was treated as such growing up, yet I am oh.so.grateful that God did not give up on me~ His love is enough.
      Sheri

      • Sheri, I applaud your submission to God in such a difficult situation. I know that there are many out there who are dealing with these issues…I was one of them and sometimes my husband still slips up and I am faced with the choice of praying for him and letting God do the work in his heart or throwing a ‘tantrum’…which is what it ultimately becomes since his pride wont allow him to listen with an open mind and heart when I have an issue. I want to recommend a series that a godly team of women have started (this is the second week) for anyone who is struggling with honouring their husbands and find it difficult to respect them. You’ll find this series at http://www.timewarpwife.blogspot.com, http://www.womenlivingwell.org, http://www.tolovehonorandvacuum.com and http://www.unveiledwife.com. Its ultimately targeted at reviving your marriage, but through your attitude towards your husband, your prayer for him etc.

        God bless!

        • It never takes long when this subject comes up for women to start rushing in droves to tell stories of how they “turned their man around” by “submitting”. These stories are EXCEPTIONS, and the women who share them are more interested in patting themselves on the back than allowing the truth to be addressed by the church through discipline commanded in the Word on how to handle those who are being “offensive”, and they cut any change off at the knees with their skewed bragging. Because of this, the responsibility for men’s behavior lands squarely once again on the shoulders of women. Abigail DISOBEYED her husband to help David, after which her husband was KILLED, and she became a wife of David! Where do you get all this “submissive wife” stuff concerning Abigail? She may have pretended she was submitting, but she didn’t submit at all. She used her brains to DEFY her useless husband, and was commended for it. But someone’s always got to come along and show how her marriage was “saved” by her “submission”, all the women line up to agree, and we’re right back where we started. Well, Sheri admits to being “lazy and useless” herself, and if that’s your problem, ladies, then yes, you’d better correct it. But the problem addressed here is not lazy and useless wives, but the epidemic of useless, lazy husbands. If you’ve got one of those, you have nothing to submit to because we are to submit to “husbands”-look up the Biblical definition of husband, and you’ll find that a man being a “husband” can be submitted to, and if he’s not, regardless of a marriage certificate, then we need to make like Abigail and use our common sense. The church, run by men, has allowed this travesty of useless men because they refuse to set boundaries they don’t want to follow themselves-the church and it’s leaders are useless and lazy. Oh, and you’ll find the creators of the shows depicting lazy and useless men are by and large…MEN. They WANT this stereotype to saturate our culture because that’s how they want to behave, and doormat women make it easy for them and are always ready to infantilize their men. Stop propping men and up and let them be men; stop acting like their mommies and act like wives. Abigail was NOT a doormat, a mommie to her “husband”, or afraid to do what is right, and she made out great!

  2. I have noticed this in the entertainment industry a lot. I dislike it so much and work hard to make sure my sons understand it’s all lies. I have said to my girlfriends, more than once, “women want to be exactly like men. If they don’t watch out, they will be portrayed as the idiots next.” It saddens me that my sons are portrayed as dolts that can’t do anything smart, intelligent, or right. And, yes, these are my sons being portrayed this way since my sons will grow to be men.

    When did it become OK to bash men like this just because of their chromosomes? God made them fearfully and wonderfully just like He made women. They have such a vital and important role in our families and in our world.

  3. Oh, yes. Don’t even get me started on the Berenstein Bears’ Papa. What a maroon! My hubby wrote a post about this a while back. My dad has always been irritated by it, too. Why do men put up with this stuff? Is it because real men don’t whine? I’m guessing yes, because it’s certainly not because they’re too stupid to notice how stupid the media seems to think they are.

    • Since I have noticed that on the TV, I cannot believe that I hadn’t noticed that about the Berenstain Bears! They are some books I won’t be reading to my children anymore. I’ll have to look more closely at the books we do have. Thanks for calling attention to this.

    • Its not that “real men don’t whine”, its that real men do something to start change, and if a man sees what is happening (and a “real man” will) and does nothing, then he is as guilty as a lazy, useless man. Why do you think our society looks so much like Sodom and Gomorrah? Because so many men have become lazy and useless, in and out of the church.

  4. I’d like to know, are there any shows or readily accessible resources LEFT that show men as strong?
    Society has told us that the only strong man is the abuser, and male strength, unpredictability, or a warlike nature are simply not okay. Men must be “domesticated” according to society. Our young women need to know that it is no laughing matter when women joke about their husbands saying, “I’ve got him trained.”
    Exodus 15:3 says, “The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name.” Do we want our men to look at God’s example and be warriors for their home, their faith and in their community? If so, how do we encourage that? What resources that don’t graphically feature nudity and bloodshed are left that show men in their proper roles?
    A recent children’s movie that shall remain nameless features a strong, rugged and war-torn king on his throne “leading” his country, and yet in reality that king had no respect even among his own children and was truly subject to his wife’s leadership. How do we avoid these near-men movies and find truly wholesome family viewing?

    • Because we are sojourners in a land not of our own………..You may not be able to find it consistently, maybe here and there, like LHOP.

      “I got him trained”, is a sore spot for me because my flesh wants to go way off the course when I hear, however I do not want to be guilty before Jehovah, but it does cause me to be upset when I hear it!

  5. I am struggling through a list of kids shows–and I don’t let my kids watch the majority–and I cannot come up with a single positive male figure. In addition to that, I am noticing an absence of fathers and parents, in general, in the ones I’ve seen. It seems like they want to detach parents from the family unit; I have a real problem with that.

    Veggie Tales. Junior Asparagus has a strong and intelligent father. If only there were human fathers like him.

  6. This is EXACTLY what my husband and I have been discussing over the last couple of years. It is grieving to the heart to see how men/fathers/husbands are treated in seemingly “innocent” kid shows. We especially noticed “Papa” on Berenstein Bears. I remember watching the show a few times with our oldest child and thinking this does not portray a godly home. The writers of the show make him out to be a dimwitted father who does not lead his family. We haven’t watched it since.
    Also want to take this opportunity to tell you how appreciated your blog is. I have found it to be most encouraging and thought-prokoking! Thank you for sharing each week.

  7. Amen!

    From what I’ve observed, the epidemic perpetuated in the media is exacerbated by the behavior of women at home. Wifes are disrespectful, they do not adore their husbands, they do not think their husbands are men, and they treat them like little boys. It’s no wonder they cave under such disrespect. I’ve seen the effects of my disrespect in my own husband…. It’s not difficult to see what he’d be like if I continued to be a disrespectful controlling wife. Wives need to choose respect and they will see their husbands (slowly if it’s been a pattern for a while) stand up and start being real men as they were created to be. I’ve seen so many men who are as whipped as dead horses… Then I meet their wives and understand what is happening. Men do have responsibility themselves as men, but I think women have the bigger one as we must go against our nature to control, and be submissive and respectful to men who may or may not appear worthy of submission or respect.

    • We are not commanded to “adore” our husbands, ever. That would be like the Lord adoring our bad sinful behavior. It’s a very fouled-up teaching in the church.

      We are commanded to use polite speech, etc, and behave respectfully even when we don’t respect (admire) someone. I would encourage woman and men to check out the passages regarding respect (admiration) and realize that there is a word in the greek there that means “and as a result of” before women are told to admire their husbands. So, the passage reads, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and as a result of that, your wife will respect you.” This is something we just already “know” in our hearts, but we fight it and buck it because we’ve been taught so incorrectly and judged on the issue. You can be a polite and respectful and kind and loving Godly wife or husband and not at all admire your spouse or believe they are a Godly spouse, because if you are in a situation like that, they probably just aren’t a Godly spouse. To pretend someone is something they are not is silly, and to admire someone for that is even sillier. To love and honor someone as a precious creation of God is different, totally different, and that is the heart the Lord desires.

      That’s not a cop-out to be disrespectful in behavior, but admiring sin and poor character? The Lord himself does not do that and he doesn’t expect us to either. He loves us patiently though and waits on us. He waits on his bride and loves her.

      The teaching that women are to admire and look-up to their husband regardless of their character is in absolute contradiction to most modern teaching in the church, but it is absolutely true, and it makes complete sense. The Lord does NOT look-up to our sinful behavior and character, not one bit. He does NOT admire his bride when she is living in complete disobedience.

      • This whole idea of having this utmost respect (admiration) for your spouse despite their character is so biblically flawed, and we know it but don’t want to be judged (and by the comments on this thread blaming women, you can see why!) and perhaps don’t know exactly what is wrong with what we’ve been taught scripturaly, so we don’t say it because we don’t know how to explain it.

        As Christian homeschool parents, we teach our kids what to look up to and admire and respect. We don’t teach them to respect and admire gangster rappers, wife-beating child molesters, or XXX movie stars, that’s for sure, but yet women are taught (and judged) day in and day in out in the church when they are married to that type of person and don’t admire/respect him.

        You can behave respectfully to a child molester and a porn star, but you don’t respect (admire) them, and the differences in scriptures are VERY CLEAR with some simple word studies.

        People have studied and written about the Ephesians 5:3 over and over and over with word studies on the word “respect” that women are “commanded” to by the Lord. It’s true. That word for respect means admiration and reverence and “looking up to”. What folks miss is this important aspect.

        33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself ; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

        That word is a transition word that means, and as a result of this. It is used over and over and over in scripture. If you look at every single place where is used, it is abundantly clear. It is ALWAYS as a result of the subject matter. For example, it’s used often in prophesy as the statement “that is might be fulfilled” when referring to something that happens that makes the prophesy fulfilled.

        We know it ladies, but we’re scared to admit it. The Lord doesn’t want you to admire Tupac, he doesn’t want you to look up to Hitler, and he certainly doesn’t want us to be foolish enough to really look-up to terrible character.

        Choosing a Godly spouse of good character is so very important. If our daughters in their late teens/early 20’s have some guy they want to marry that’s a “Christian” and he beats her and yells at her and treats her like garbage and doesn’t hold a job, do you really admire him? Yet, if she married him, most would counsel her that she needs to do just that. It’s not supposed to be a double-standard just because one is married.

        Ladies, if you are in a situation like this, pray for your husband, help him, speak respectfully to him, be kind and patient and suffer long, but don’t feel like a failure because you don’t look up to him and know his character is very very poor. When other people tell you that you need to admire/resepct your husband (not behaving respectfully…bird of a different color) and perhaps he would be a better husband, realize they are judging and unaware of what scripture really says, and be free in Christ. Free to love a husband of very poor character, free to know that you don’t admire him and it’s totally okay and expected (the Lord certainly doesn’t want you putting poor character on a pedestal and he doesn’t’ want us to be foolish and blind to character) and FREE to be polite and merciful to the brother or sister in Christ that incorrectly tells you to do so, or that if you would just do so, that his character would change.

        If you’ve never known a wonderful soft gentle wife that was beaten and abused and “looked up to” her husband every day, I suggest you find one out to realize that your good character doesn’t guarantee his, obviously, because the disciples had the very best character example and yet his bride didn’t follow suit, even when he walked the earth with them.

        • Oops! I didn’t mean to copy and paste that whole section out of the Power Bible. Just verse 33!

          33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself ; and the wife see that she reverence her husband .

          • I don’t think she meant that women should adore their husbands with no regard to their character. I think what she meant is that if your husband is a good man and a good husband, you should build him up in the eyes of his family. My husband is a wonderful, loving, supportive husband and father, but he’s certainly not perfect. For instance, let’s say he’s had a long day, he’s tired, and he’s stretched out on the couch watching TV. Does it irritate me slightly? Sure. Do I choose to bash him, nag him, or berate him in front of our boys? No. Rather than complaining loudly about the fact that he’s being lazy, I choose to gently encourage him to play with his boys since they love it so much when daddy plays with them. I think that’s more along the lines of what she’s talking about. Praise your husband for his strengths in front of your family, your children, your friends, and if he has flaws that he needs to deal with, talk to him about them privately and/or pray for him. Sadly enough, there are lots of good Christian women out there who do have good Christian husbands but they focus on their husbands’ flaws and weaknesses rather than dwelling on their husbands’ strengths. I wouldn’t want my husband constantly dwelling on all of my flaws, so I try to treat him with the same courtesy. I think that Amy’s post was probably aimed more towards these particular women.

            However, I know that there are people who will tell a woman to adore her husband no matter what, and I appreciate the fact that you’ve clarified things for the women who have been told these particular lies. It is so easy to pull scripture out of context and twist it to say things that it never meant to say. As you pointed out, if you read all of the verses about marriage carefully, God certainly doesn’t ask women to be doormats to abusive, sinful men. Jesus never accepted, condoned, or adored other people’s sins. He confronted them, told them how they needed to change, and provided a good example for them. We’re not being a very Christ-like example if we give blind adoration to people who are blatantly sinning; i.e. don’t be a doormat.

          • Thanks Amy for editing the excess scripture that I didn’t mean to post, but somehow a little too much was edited out. No biggie! But now, if you read this and it doesn’t make sense when I say a “transition word”, I am referring to the word HINA in the Greek, that is in Eph 5:33. It is the word for “see that” when wives are told to “see that” they revere their husbands. It means “as a result of (the previous context)”. The passage really more accurately then reads, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, AND AS A RESULT OF THAT, your wife will revere you. And, that my friends is truth. Thanks Amy!

          • You did great Amy. No worries! I am not a woman of few words, so there were a lot of words to figure out the editing! ;)

    • Another example of a self-described disrespectful woman who pities men…please, speak for yourself. That is NOT the cause of the lazy, useless man epidemic! This is a man’s world and always will be. If YOU are disrespectful, then you need to start a blog on women who treat men badly. Sorry, but your comment takes away from addressing a serious problem that respectful wives who are trying their best have to deal with. They don’t need to be tongue lashed by disrespectful wives who happen to realize that they are the problem in their marriage.

  8. Little House on the Prairie…. A respectful wife…. An manly father! Aaaand a great contrast being in the Olson’s who never cease to annoy me! But Pa and Ma Ingalls…. Now there’s a family structure to model to my kids!

    • I agree with LIttle House! I also enjoy the Waltons. The family structures are similar, with a solid father figure, mother figure, and still “lifelike”.

      I really think this is more from the feminist movement–women who want domination. We’re taught this stuff in school, out in the world, where we work, etc. I was once a part of it too. Until I got saved and in a good solid bible preaching church, I felt like that.

      After marrying, I really had issues with my own husband. It took a few years of misery basically, prayer, yelling, and finally letting my wants go and pounding at God’s doors to do something with him and putting it all in His hands. Whatever happened in our marriage, whether it kept going or dissolved, itwas up to Him, He had to do the changing. I was so tired of the laziness, the excuses, the wishy washy attitude, lack of parenting the kids needed, etc…I prayed for divorce. It’s only been a month, God has done so much to change things, where hubby steps up and teaches and parents strongly, he does things to help out (he’s disabled but able to do a lot), stops laying everything to me to do, quits making excuses, etc. He’s taken responsibility again.

      God can change these men…He really can. Don’t give up on them..lay them at His feet and don’t take it back.

      • The other “beautiful” thing about Little House is that Pa continuously shows his deep admiration for Ma’s opinion and her counsel. It is a lovely model.

  9. Your message needs to be proclaimed from the housetops, over and over again to overcome the awful stereotypes perpetuated by the media. Feminism has been very successful in relegating men to the floor to be the doormats and buffoons of the family. The fruits of this are obvious in the society, and we can only hope things will turn around.

  10. AMEN! AMEN! and AMEN again! The media portrays the man to be effeminate! When you look at these different TV shows the women are dominant, over possessive and running the entire home. They have the man sitting back and asking the wife what to do. It really is a shame that we have come to this, but I am however not surprised at the media’s portrayal of men today. The enemy and his minions are only out to do one thing and one thing only and that is to remove the role of the father from the home. There is a commercial with Direct TV out and you have two NFL players dressed as fairies????!!! How effeminate is that? I am sorry if I am venting but I am like you and sick of the portrayal of our men. I for one am taking a stand against it myself and have spoken about this recently. The thing is not only in the media, it is happening right here in the church systems now where you have pastors, preachers and teachers telling their female congregants “They don’t need a man!” and that they can do it themselves. That is a lie from the pit of hell! Why do you think that 85% of people in the church are women now? Because a lot of our churches are even putting our men down. You see it on Tyler Perry’s movie portrayal of the rotten no good man, Married with Children’s lazy and stupid buffoonery type man etc. need I say more? I could really go on and on about this but I want and will spare you LOL!

    Good post and I will definitely share this…God Bless you!

  11. Thank you for this post!
    I am almost 50 years old and I noticed when I was a kid how the husband / dad was shown to be childish to some degree or another. Since we no longer watch TV I can only imagine how things look now.
    Keep up the good work!

  12. This is an amazing post! Thank you so much for writing this. I wholeheartedly agree. I am sick of the image of the wimpy husband who is nothing more than a sperm donor. Sorry, I had to say it. My husband is an amazing father and is a strong leader. It is what draws me to him. May we all as believers teach our children the biblical role of mothers and fathers and ditch this world’s pathetic view.

  13. Great post! I really appreciate you writing on this topic. I see a lot of what you said about culture not having a respect for men and their role. (Women too!)
    thanks for sharing!! :)

  14. This is a subject heavy on my heart. There are some amazing words of comfort in the comments, I’ll have to mull and research them. I’m glad I had time to click through today, usually I only skim through in Google Reader.

  15. Thank you, Aimee! I have been noticing how society portrays husbands for the last few years as well, and it is so sad that our children could have a preconceived idea of what a husband/father is supposed to be! I, too, think that we need to make sure how important the father’s role is in the family, and I always try to make sure I exhibit the behavior to uphold my husband as the head of our household. I want my boys to know what kind of men God expects them to be, and I want my daughter to know what kind of man God expects her to marry! Thank you for your wonderful blog. It has really been great to follow!

  16. So true! And even if this is what many in society think, it doesn’t need to be promoted through media. I’m so thankful that my husband takes his leadership role seriously. I’m so glad he’s setting the example to our children of what a man should be. Thanks for a great post!

  17. Even papa bear from the Berentstain Bears is portrayed like this. We have to be careful of books too! Just goes to show how different the world thinks than what God wants.

  18. This is an excellent post and the comments were encouraging and enlightening! My husband of 24 years and I have recently recommited to pur marriage, and this was just the message I needed today!

  19. AMEN.
    One of the reasons I will ask my children to stop watching a show is because of clueless parents. If one or both of them are clueless and useless and the kids get away with all kinds of junk, it REALLY bothers me. My 12 year old commented on a show recently and that started a short discussion where she was asking me what I thought of other parental figures in other shows we watch. You can’t argue that the kids aren’t paying attention and it doesn’t matter – they are! It does!

  20. Thank you for this post. I made my husband read it also. I feel like he thinks of himself as the dumb male and im trying to get him to see that he is a good dad and i want him be confident enough to be the head of our household. this post helped say how i feel, thank you.

  21. I remember seeing that when I was growing up (in the 90’s when I was a tv fiend), and seeing fathers acting that way, and mothers rolling their eyes and asking the children to “please help me with your father…” At the time, It was funny. However, I know as an adult and a mother that watching those shows did nothing to help me respect my own father. I thought he was just an idiot who never understood. I have incredible respect for my father now as a naval veteran, and a generous loving father. As a mother of 3 I watch my children diligently and let them know how wonderful, smart, and brave their father is, and we hold a Christ-like atmosphere in our home. I agree with you 100%, stop the ignorance and the nonsense!

  22. AMEN! We stopped watching television long ago for many reasons, but this was one of the big ones… and I am so saddened when I hear those professing Christ outwardly laughing and praising some of these shows and characters… thinking they are “funny”… and you DO see it drift into the Christian home. SO MANY families I know *do* have stupid men and useless fathers. Mother knows best, ya know? She’s the one who provides the higher income, so Daddy stays home and changes the diapers and does the shopping. (And no, I’m not anti- fathers doing those things… my husband helps me out a LOT… and I am ever so grateful for such a man…) but he’s also king of his castle, intelligent, useful, and COURAGEOUS! Thank you for such a wonderful, encouraging post!

  23. Such a great post. Nice to know that so many others have been noticing what we have over the years. It’s even in the commercials… every Ocean Spray cranberry juice commercial shows the adult son doing something stupid. But the best part of this post is that it is convicting. It’s so easy to agree about all the negativity in the media but harder for me to look at the reality of how I put my husband down at times. Thanks for the encouragement.

  24. Thank you for this post. We only watch shows on the internet or dvd, now, in part because of this. We want our children growing up believing that a healthy, respectful marriage is the only appropriate basis for a family, and it’s so hard to find that in the media! Your post inspired my own post about teaching our children gratitude towards their father.

    I second the recommendation about VeggieTales. It’s not perfect, but it’s definitely a good start. I have also enjoyed watching some classic tv online (the old sitcoms from the 50’s and 60’s), and I don’t have to worry about other content in those either! One thing my father is keen on is martial arts films–not really gory ones, but ones that really highlight the skill of the martial artists. While they are not at all appropriate for young children, I do think they can be good for older children (especially teen boys, and when carefully selected), as they are often about strong, male, heroes fighting injustice and cruelty. For younger children, I think the old-time superheroes can be good. The heroes might not be dads or husbands, but they do provide examples of men of conviction who lead.

  25. I am reading a book published by the Family Service Association of America in 1969, and I found a quote that I thought related well to this post. Richard E. Farson said/wrote (This is a transcript of a symposium.), “The family shows on television are much maligned, and rightly so. The formula for a successful television family show is simple: Be sure that the woman is smarter than the man and that the children are smarter than the woman and that the animals are smarter than the children. And that formula has kicked holes in our family experiences; you know it, and I know it. We need to use our airways to show people what it is like to be human – and nobody now gets a chance to see that on television except in a rare moment of a newscast or documentary film. All we see is people being something other than what they are. So we are confused about what it is like to be human; we simply do not know.”

    Yep, in 1969, this man saw a problem with how mass media was being used. (And in reading this book, these guys have a more liberal, secular view than I do.) I thought the formula he articulated was interesting and thought I would share.

  26. I absolutely agree! I have been saying this for years. It’s not just the TV shows either, it’s all over the commercials. Men are shown as stupid and incompetent nearly every single time. It’s horrible, and it’s one of the reasons we don’t watch TV anymore.

  27. Belief in stereotypes is intellectually lazy thinking. The stereotypes of men presented by the entertainment industry, and supported by some of the people leaving comments on this post, are as unfair and inaccurate as any other stereotype. If the subject of the stereotype was African Americans, Mexicans, women, or other “minorities,” there would be an outcry; however, stupid men? Well, these stereotypes “came from real life experiences with stupid and useless husbands.” So, they must be true. But, for every “stupid” and “useless” husband given as an example, I can provide an example of a good husband and father. Each example will render the stereotype increasingly more meaningless.

    The simple solution to an entertainment industry filled with examples of stupid or useless or clueless fathers is to stop supporting that industry. Simply turn off the TV. Turn off the movies. Turn off the cartoons. Let the producers of those programs know why. They will get the message when their pocket books suffer. If we mindlessly digest the drivel they offer, escaping into their reality at the expense of our own, we have no one to blame but ourselves when we have a generation of children who look at the men in their lives with a shrug of their shoulders. We will have no one to blame but ourselves when our daughters bring home a young boy that makes us want to say, “You deserve so much better!” The question will be, “Do they?” We didn’t give them many other examples.

    I appreciate all of the comments supportive of men left by the vast majority of the respondents.

  28. Pingback: In Defense of Dads | Adelle Gabrielson

  29. I’m married to one of those useless, self-centred,hypochondriac and verbally abusive “husbands”. He doesn’t help with kids or around house. Just sits in front of TV and checks his blood pressure. He is very regular at Dr office even that nothing is wrong with him. Finishes medical aid allowance for the whole family in less than 6 months.
    He goes to work,but does he work? No! He is in the gym,or library or Dr or hairdresser.
    I look after kids and house even that I have a bad disease. I’m house wife and according to him,I do nothing.
    At home he is hard to digest with all his abusive language to all of us,me and our two boys . Out of house he become a mouse,sweet to everyone,helpful,understanding… Just makes me sick.
    He doesn’t even change a light bulb? Can anyone believe that? He fixes everything with tape,even broken leg of bed.
    So I think men in general are portrayed well in media as I can see the lives of my friends who have the same one at home. There are probably exceptions but unfortunately I do not know a single soul.

  30. no offence and sorry in advence for my english, but what you say is terrible, fathers shouldn’t be more hero then mothers, the fathers should tell their child how their mother are good and respectable person as the father is and not be concidered less important then the father, or the one naturaly born to do the dishes, but i’m right with you on one point, fathers are not fathers, but actualy not because they are not concidered as heros anymore, they just never been good father, not because they’ve never been heros, just because they can’t do any love demonstration, or forget to show the good exemple, listening, being open mind and tolerent…and you are also right on the fact that showing to children some lazy father on tv is not giving them a good exemple, which is the same when they show mothers as the family’ slave. We should just stop puting kids in front of tv, and at less talk to them, explaining them, and asking them to give their opinion to be able to drive them on the path of the tolerence and open mind

    thanks