The weather was strange this week and my pregnant body felt every degree, every pressure change, every gust of wind that came with it.
Wednesday was the worst. I woke up after what should have been a good night’s sleep, feeling as though I’d been hit by a truck. I could hardly breathe and I wanted complete silence with no one touching me all day. (Not exactly something a mom of many can order up. 😉 ) Add to that the fact that my husband was on a week-long business trip and you have the perfect storm.
I simply was not the mommy I wanted to be that day. I had promised a tea party, I needed to wash diapers, I wanted to put nutritious food on the table, but my head was so muddled, I could barely manage to ask the older children to help with the cooking and some of the duties that usually fall to me. And it seemed like every child in the house had an attitude that needed disciplining.
My only consolation was that I knew why I felt this way, and I knew things would be better the next day after the cold front moved through.
And I was right. The next morning, I awoke earlier than usual, ready to tackle the day. We did a full day of school followed by a Fall craft,
and a Tea Party complete with pumpkin scones and hobnails,
and a face painting session,
and I was super mom!
I honestly believe every mom out there has good mommy days and bad mommy days. We have days where we just nail this mommy thing and boy, does it feel good! But, we are always humbled (and sometimes humiliated) by the bad mommy days. These are the days when nothing goes right and the only answer we have is to hide under the covers and hope we wake in a better humor the next day.
Are these bad mommy days avoidable?
I don’t think so. However, what I did realize on Wednesday is that I needed to give myself a break and let go of my expectations for the day and minimize whatever I could. I knew it was a one day thing and I would make it through.
I realize there are mommies out there who feel like they have more bad mommy days than good mommy days. I would encourage those mommies to really dig deep to the heart of the matter. What is it that is causing the bad days? For some, it might be a chronic illness for others it is simply a lack of direction to their day.
No matter what it is, you need a plan.
I needed a plan on Wednesday. There was no way I could change the weather, so I needed to minimize the damage and get through it. I called a family meeting as soon as I could drag myself out of bed and let the children know that day was probably going to be a little rough around the edges. This didn’t necessarily make the whole day run smoothly, but it did give them a heads up that mommy was not up to par.
So, while this is a very different pregnancy update post from what I’ve been doing, I felt it was something I needed to share.
May you have a blessed weekend!
Miranda says
Yet again, thank you for exactly the encouragement I needed today! I get dreadful air-pressure related headaches that knock me right off kilter for days at a time and when the seasons are changing and the weather’s unpredictable is the time it tends to be worst. I will be holding on to your words and reminding myself that it’s only going to be for a few days at most, and then it’ll be gone. I will also try to cut myself some slack and remember that I can catch up on the housework when I’m feeling 100% again rather than struggling with it and getting stressed then making me feel worse. In fact, I think I may just go write myself a specific contingency plan for those days! The good-mommy days are wonderful when they happen, but I think I need some bad-mommy days in there too (not too many, though!) to keep me totally dependent on God’s grace, lest I start thinking I’m Supermum all in my own strength!
Amy says
Amen!
Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama says
We were switched! Wednesday was a good Mommy day here. We had all slept, I was patient and on top of discipline/attitudes, we played together, we went to church together, and everything went well.
But we were out late on Wed. night and Thursday was awful. My 3-year-old needs more sleep than the others and he was especially rough — locked the babysitter out of the house, had multiple accidents, ripped apart his room, and all around threw fit after fit, and I wasn’t awake or patient enough to deal with him properly.
Thankfully Friday seems better so far…. 🙂
Amy says
TGIF! 😉
Charity says
I think that our children have the same kind of good days and bad days. I can tell that my bad day reactions on my sons bad days as well. That has made me more aware and cautious of my reactions on my bad mommy days. Honestly, there are things I never realized that I do until I have seen my children repeat them. I am glad that the Lord is bigger than my mommy good or bad days as well as my mommy does it right and mommy does it wrong times. I truly believe my sons and I are growing closer together because we are loving each other through the whole process. There have even been a couple of times when I have seen my children having a bad day and we snuggled and watched a movie or we went to the park and did less school that day. It does not frequently happen that we lessen our school work for the extra time for this, but I can always tell a difference when we do.
Amy says
I am so thankful God is bigger than my bad days too! I agree we need to be aware of our children’s bad days too. 🙂
Angie says
Thank-you! This was me this week!! Well mostly Tuesday but it rolled over into Wednesday some too. Awful! Just Awful! My husband also travels for his work and it can be extra challenging for me to be the single parent. I was, however, able to call him and have him talk with our boys during the worst of the “bad mommy days”. I am blessed to have a vey supporting husband. He was the calm voice of reason that we all needed. I need to learn to step back and expect less of myself and my boys on those “bad mommy days”.
Amy says
My husband was fairly available (mostly by email) as well, so I had his support and understanding and that helped tremendously!
elisa says
oh, so glad to know im not the only one who has bad mommy days. i love my energetic, silly thrrr year old little man, but somedays, like yesterday…. well, you know. i i dont know on those days if im more frustrated with him for annoying me or with me for being such a grumpy mama. being pregnant, slower, more tired, etc. has not helped. some days we have a ball baking, painting reading. other days answering one more “Why” or dealing with one more “NO!” is more than i can handle. on those days, household chores may have to wait or sometimes leaving the house works if i have the energy. that, and a lot of prayer.
Tracy Carr says
I love your blog and what you share! I’m right there with you (although my littles are 3 and 19 mos and I’m almost 35 weeks now). While I’m not homeschooling yet, I feel terrible on the bad mommy days. It doesn’t help much when hubby gets home either because by then I’m just so disappointed in myself. I’m very blessed to have a close friend who just had her 7th and inspires me and reminds me that all moms (even the ones with capes) have bad mommy days. Praise the Lord for forgiveness and unconditional love from my babies during this season of life!
Mary says
Amy — what I love is that you said even on your bad mommy day you knew it was TEMPORARY and tomorrow would be better. Sometimes just that one fact is so helpful.
I’m glad your next day was magical. 🙂 You’re a good mommy!
Linda says
I think you handled it well Amy…and you even gave them a “heads up” that mommy wasn’t up to par! I get those “change of weather” issues in my body too! And like you…, I have my good days and my bad days. That’s life on this planet I guess! 🙂
Glad the next day was better…and the tea party happened, along with the crafts and the face painting! etc.
You are a good mommy!
God bless!
Linda
Kris says
Thank you for sharing! It really helps to know that I am not alone and other Moms struggle too! LOVE your blog too! 😉
Mrs. Mom of 6 says
Amy, I had the same realization last week; that I was at the end of my energy, and it wasn’t going to get better until after the baby came, and that I OUGHT TO PLAN FOR THAT! (duh… somehow that idea evaded me in previous pregnancies).
I’m 38 weeks, I’m “huge” (smaller than last time though), and I ache. I barely sleep. I’m getting short around the temper, and I am SO SICK of being touched. I realize that this is not going to pass until after a new baby arrives. So this week, I started a “shorten routine”.
Instead of full school with my littles, I’m giving them some worksheets as I feel capable, and a few projects that they can do on their own. I’m breaking out the play doh more, and the paints less. I have a “sensory box” that I put together a while ago, that I can create many things to do with, things that don’t require my constant attention, and don’t make a big mess.
For my older student, I am cutting back on his amount of work, so that he can be more helpful to me in other areas. We have two weeks left in the quarter, and two weeks till baby.
Instead of holding fast to our scheduled days, I make a “goals” list for the day, and include on it things like “peace, quiet, calm” etc. plus the few (less than 10) things that I’d really like to get to that day “if I feel able”. Interestingly, most days I get to them, and THEN SOME! 🙂
But the most important thing, I am realizing that it’s OK. It’s OK that I am not doing EVERYTHING I normally do. This does not mean that I am somehow dropping the ball. It doesn’t mean that I am somehow a failure. It means that I am using wisdom to organize my day according to my ability, which in turn has limited my foul moods (because I get foul when I feel too much pressure and can’t meet expectations). I don’t feel guilty. Instead I feel productive. The kids are less harried, and chaotic, because MOMMA isn’t constantly biting their heads off.
Does this mean that we are eating a perfectly healthy as possible? NO. Does it mean that my house is perfectly clean? NO. but surprisingly, it means that I meet the goal for “peace, quiet, calm” most of the day. And, the house isn’t a pig stye, and the kids aren’t starving.
I am grateful to know that God is not a slave driver. Pushing me even when I am at the weaker points of life. He is gracious to me, and gives me the grace to press through, and the wisdom to know how hard to push. No condemnation, no guilt. Just focusing on Him, and doing His will as it is presented before me. One step at a time.
I definitely have bad mommy days, even with a shortened routine… but I am grateful that they are shorter lived. I am hopeful that they will become even shorter, and less “bad” in nature, as I continue this walk with our Savior, leading these little ones to know His grace.
Juliette says
Such an inspiring comment. I so agree with everything about that. To me, everything boils down to a relationship with our God and Saviour and a relationship with our family. With learning along the way.
Jenny @ www.holyducklings.blogspot.com says
Thanks for this post…I felt like this all week….good day…bad day…good day. 🙂 I believe having a plan for the next day makes everything a bit easier though 🙂 And prayer…lots of it )
Juliette says
I love how you put yourself out there with so much honesty and share what you are going through. I just started following your blog this week, after my friend shared it with me. I have begun the process of getting more organized for starting official homeschooling my boys who will turn 8 next summer. So we are starting to do more stuff in the spirit of togetherness. It’s so much fun! When I have the energy. My baby is 3 months old so she is still waking up at night and I have to work around her semi-predictable nap times!
Anyway, just hopped in here to say, cheers! And thanks for your wonderful ideas and inspirations.
Oh, and congratulations on the upcoming new addition to your family.
alissa says
I am having a bad mommy day today. My 6 year old threw tantrums all morning about having to go out and didn’t listen in Target. My 2 year old wouldn’t get dressed then threw the worst tantrum ever in the grocery store (so bad I had to leave the cart and get out) everyone was staring and it was bad. Now my son is in the corner for punching my oldest daughter whose birthday is tomorrow and now I don’t have anything I need for her cake or party, and I have family coming in tonight and my husband is working until 7:30. I know tomorrow will be better and I thank God for my children even on bad days.
Christa says
Thank you so much for your encouragement and for opening yourself up and sharing about the difficult parts of being a mommy! I always enjoy your posts!
lindsay says
I know what you mean! Being a task-oriented person, mommyhood has forced me to completely toss my to-do lists some days. I can feel it when I wake up…. that stress from extra dishes, toys still out, crabby kids…. it kicks in so quickly and stays until my mind catches up with my attitude. Then (if Im paying attention) I take a deep breath, destroy the to-do list and get down on the floor to play with my kids. If I can’t get my stuff done, at least I can have fun with my kids. Right?
Jenny @ www.holyducklings.blogspot.com says
Good attitude…the work can always wait 🙂
Christina M says
So timely, and such a blessing for me today. I think i had a bad mommy day every day lately! I have been sick for a week fighting a cold (flu?strep?) and trying to homeschool five kids. I really struggle with letting go of my expectations! Two of my kiddos celebrated birthdays during this past week, too. Boy, did THAT mess with my issues of meeting expectations! I was convinced that I had scarred my children for life.(“Remember that year we didn’t get birthday parties? And Mom didn’t bake us cakes?” sigh…).
I neede this reminder that the good mommy days WILL return, and His mercies are new every day, and that a woman needs a plan to get through those bad mommy days.
And now I can’t resist the urge to quote from the A-Team, “I love it when a paln comes together.” heehee!
Christina M says
PLAN , when a plan comes together! Silly fat fingers!
Anita says
Thank you Amy! It truly is an encouragement to know that you have your off days too! Bless you!
Reggie says
Love that you were able to give your kids that heads up. I too had to do this on multiple occasions following the birth of our sixth. I had postpartum hypothyroidism which left me weak and muddled more often than not. I let them know if mommy asked for quiet or time to herself, to please give it as she was probably trying to talk herself down from the ledge. OK, not my exact words, but you get the idea.