The Two Newlywed Cooking Stories You Might Hear If You Visit Us

I’m almost certain every married couple has their own newlywed cooking disasters stories.  Here are the two most common stories we tell visitors when the topic turns to cooking and early marriage.  Have a seat in a comfy chair and prepare to be entertained!

Story #1
“Ty Loves Albacore Tuna”

As a newlywed, I did not know how to cook much of anything.  I had wooed my unsuspecting husband with some tummy tempting treats I had eeked out of a cookbook in my mom’s cupboard.  I looked brilliant!

Fast forward to a few months into our marriage and you will find me cooking out of boxes and cans.  One such can was an albacore tuna can.  You see, Ty’s mother had informed me that Ty loved albacore tuna!  In fact, she bought several cans for me and I was cooking Tuna Helper several times a week, despite the fact I HATED tuna.  I would nibble politely on the meager helping on my plate whilst serving up a heaping helping onto Ty’s, knowing he loved it so much he would never notice how much I had to scrunch up my nose to get the stuff down.  I even began to branch out from the boxed tuna helper and come up with my own casseroles centered around my new husband’s beloved albacore tuna.

One day, as we sat at our little dining room table (better recognized as a card table with folding chairs), my husband looked over yet another lovely tuna dish and into my eyes and said,

“I appreciate your cooking and all you do, and I’m sure you must love tuna, but I don’t know how to say this…”

Oh no!  My cooking really was atrocious!  Something was burnt?  It didn’t taste like his mother’s tuna noodle casserole!  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…..

“It’s ok.  What’s wrong?” I replied, bracing myself for the worst.

“Well…I don’t like tuna.”

“WHAT?!  But your mother said you loved tuna!  She even bought me your favorite kind!”

“Oh no, I HATE tuna!”

“I HATE tuna too!”

“WHAT?!  You mean all these months we’ve been eating tuna this and tuna that and neither one of us liked it?”

Yep, that’s right…we had both been politely choking it down, thinking the other one loved tuna.  And that, my friends, was the last tuna dish cooked in our house.

For the record, my mother-in-law really DID think Ty loved albacore tuna.  We’re not entirely sure how this misconception came about, but it sure made for quite a story!

Story #2
Hominy Casserole

Around this same time, my beloved husband informed me he really liked hominy.  Well, I made no bones about the fact that I seriously hated the stuff (I mean, come on!  It looks like blown up corn and tastes like mush…no thank you.)  But, I am a good wife and I scoured my Betty Crocker cookbook to find a recipe that would make my husband happy.

The only recipe in the book was one that called for jalapenos.  Remember me…the young wife who doesn’t know how to cook?  Well, I had never in my life cooked with jalapenos, but the recipe made it seem simple enough, so I purchased all the ingredients (including the disgusting corn-on-steroids in a can) and headed home to make my husband something he would rave about for years to come.

Alone in our apartment kitchen, I dug into those jalapenos like I’d been doing it all my life.  I sliced and diced, threw them in the casserole (seeds and all) and then it happened…

A hair got in my eye.

I brushed it away.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell on the floor, writhing in pain.  My eye was burning, my whole face was burning!  I couldn’t see.  I could only roll around on the kitchen floor begging for mercy!

Finally, I managed to get myself propped up to the kitchen sink and get my hands clean and my eyes open once again.  I finished the dish with love because, after all, this was for my husband and no amount of pain could deter me from bringing him a lovely meal.

That night, I proudly displayed my hominy casserole.  It really was quite beautiful with its golden color and flecks of green jalapenos peeking out.  And even though I had no intentions of eating it, I served it up with love to my wonderful spouse.

“Oh, it looks wonderful, ” he said as he lifted the first bite to his mouth.

Next thing I know, he’s croaking out something about needing water as his face turns red and he starts hiccuping.  Instead of waiting for me to decipher what in the world he’s talking about, he jumps up and runs to the refrigerator and grabs the milk jug and begins chugging.  When he can finally breathe again, he politely explains to me that the seeds of the jalapeno are the hot part and perhaps I put too many in.

Um…perhaps I put them all in.

Good times.

and yes, that was the last time I made hominy casserole.

Your turn!  Favorite newlywed cooking stories, line up here…

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26 thoughts on “The Two Newlywed Cooking Stories You Might Hear If You Visit Us

  1. I am a newly wed, thankfully I could cook before getting married :-)

    One time I was making a lemon chicken recipe in the crock pot. I cut the recipe down though, since I’m only cooking for two people. I didn’t use a smaller crockpot or add any extra liquid though. After the chicken had cooked for the specified amount of time, I tasted it. HORRIBLY dry. Thankfully I had some GF cream of chicken soup in the freezer. I mixed the dry chicken with rice and the soup and it turned out to be edible. There would have been no way to choke that down without the help of the soup though!

  2. Like you, I was young and had no idea what I was doing in the kitchen:) The first week we were back from our honeymoon I started to venture into cooking. We had hamburger in the freezer and so I left it out to defrost. I didn’t know that you aren’t supposed to lay hamburger to defrost in room temp. Well I cooked it up and handed it to my lovely husband with a smile. My first meal cooked in our own home! My husband dug into it and I decided to eat something else for some reason. Within a couple hours my husband was sick as a dog!! The next day was going to be our first Sunday at church after being married. Well I was there. Fielding questions where my new husband was. And I was having to explain to everyone that I gave my brand-new husband food poisoning. I may or may not have been called “the black widow” for awhile!! Oh those were fun days!!

  3. LOL! Your hominy story reminds me of our first time making tamales. We were told to put 25 California chiles in the salsa mixture and unfortunately we didn’t know better to seed them prior. Yep, those were the spiciest tamales I have ever had! I could only choke down a small bite. My husband was a bit more brave and ate a couple (with much milk chugging). Haha…good times!

  4. I was making homemade baked mac & cheese (for the first time ever!) The recipe said to add 2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese. I added 2 POUNDS of shredded cheddar cheese! While I was shredding it, I was thinking…man, this seems like a lot of cheese…and it was :) I realized what I’d done after it was in the oven, but my dear hubby still ate it. He even said he liked it! It was the cheesiest dish I’ve ever had, for sure! That was 8 years ago and we still laugh about it :)

  5. I got married in September. I had quite a bit of cooking experience before I got married because I came from a big family and my mom taught us how to cook. However, shortly after we got back from our honey moon we decided to have a couple friends over. Yes! my first dinner party! (except it was just 2 of his friends and we watched a movie lol) I decided I was going to make something really impressive with a lot of ingredients and a lot of preparation required. I chose Cajun Chicken Pasta, knowing that the guys like stuff with a little spice to it. I chopped all my peppers and garlic and onions, and chicken…got all my measuring spoons and cups and utensils…everything I needed.

    I started the dish and it was going great!……until I tasted it. I dipped my finger in the sauce, lifted it to my mouth and PPTTTFFFF NATSTY! What the heck happen? I went throught recipe again and checked all of my ingredients and realized that when I added the ground Cayenne Pepper, what I actually added was CINNAMON.

    I had to cover my tracks, so I started pouring in cayenne pepper and black pepper very, VERY librally. That should do it.

    The guys showed up and I served the bowls of pasta as if nothing was out of the ordinary. They started eating and I took my first bite and realized instantly that I had overdone it. I chewed, hoping they wouldn’t notice my eyes watering or the huge drink of water I took! They didn’t say anything, but one at a time, they started coughing ever so lightly…needless to say, I had to confess what had happened. Now when I make any kind of spicy dish my lovely husband always says, “This taste kind of like cinnamon.”

  6. In the first year of marriage, I tried to make Carrot cake with cream cheese icing. The first time I made it, I didn’t put the cinnamon in so the cake did not taste good. The second time I made it, I was getting the food processing attachment out and had set the blender attachment (read: heavy, glass pitcher) on top of the fridge, half on the door, half on the actual top of the fridge. I got down and started to open the fridge to get the carrots out and the blender hit me on the head, then shattered on the floor and cut my foot open. Bled like crazy and had to go get stitches! The third time I went to make it I didn’t have a key ingredient (butter, I think?) so I just decided it is not meant for me to make carrot cake and I’ve never attempted it since!

    On a side note – We ate a lot of hamburger helper that first year! :) Good memories.

  7. I have a story about jalapeños. I was chopping them once for salsa and not wearing gloves. After I finished, I rinsed (NOT WASHED. Rinsed) my hands and went to the bathroom. Now, I don’t normally stick my hands in my business, it also just happened to be my fun time of the month, and I had business to take care of in the ‘ol nether regions.

    I hope you see where this is going. My lady bits were ON.FIRE. Jalapeño oil and sensitive parts like one’s hoohah do not mix. One very long soapy shower later, I was very sad still, and learned a valuable lesson about wearing gloves when dealing with said peppers.

  8. Back on topic tho, for newlywed cooking…we lived in MS, and were dirt poor in the military. I had to walk to the store daily, and keep things simple.
    So I thought, I’ll make hubby pasta salad! Never mind that I had no idea how to make it, or what would be in it. So I made him “pasta salad” that consisted of cooked elbow macaroni covered in Italian dressing. And that’s it. LOL

  9. oh! I thought of another one. The oven in our first house when out. It was the heating element. I had so little experience with ovens, and cooking in general, that it took me forever to figure out that the pizza was just defrosting and not cooking! Then I tried to cook it on the stove, because we didn’t have a microwave. That did not go well.

  10. Oh, AMY! ROFLOL!!!
    I just read story #2 to my kids…we’re laughing with you! My oldest son says his eyes were burning just hearing about the pepper on your face/eye!

    My worst…and not to be lived down…relates to pregnancy brain fog. Pregnant with my second, I was craving egg salad, and boiled some eggs for dd#1 and I to have as egg salad when we got home from bible study. Yep, you see it. I left the eggs in the pan , boiling, on the stove, and walked out for our study. When we came home, the pan had boiled dry, and my two eggs had turned into explosive ordinance…all over the kitchen, walls, window, and ceiling. I will NEVER forget that smell!!! It took one full week to get it to air out of the house. We threw out the pan.

    And then I did it again two weeks later.

    I am now “required” to carry a timer with me, if I put something on the stovetop, crockpot, or oven….13 years later, I’m still carrying a timer. Thankfully, with the advent of phone alarms, I can even put in the reason that the alarm is going off “Eggs done cooking”.

    • I don’t make eggs like that. I bring eggs to a boil for a minute, turn heat off and cover. Eggs are done in 15 mins. (Or whenever you get back to them lol)

  11. When my husband and I were first married I made a lot of roasts in the crock pot. A crock pot meal worked the best because our schedules were different. I would go to school about 7 in the mornings, come home for lunch, and then to work until 6. He would work from 2pm- 10pm. Unless it was the weekend I was usually asleep by the time he got home. After a day in the crock pot I would take the roast out shred the meat that was left and put half of it back in the crock pot with BBQ sauce on it. The next day I would take the other half of the leftover meat and all the leftover veggies and make a stew in the crock pot. I was quite proud of myself for being so creative and frugal. We would also eat a pizza about once a week and usually fried potatoes (which I set on fire once when some of the grease got out of the pan). We would also have other meals on his days off when he would grill. After several months of eating this my husband sweetly suggested that he was willing to heat up his dinner if I wanted to cook other things. It was not until 4 years later that he told me he did not really like any of those meals, but it was food so he ate it. (He does like some of those meals now, since I prepare them differently)

  12. When my husband and I were first married I made a lot of roasts in the crock pot. A crock pot meal worked the best because our schedules were different. I would go to school about 7 in the mornings, come home for lunch, and then to work until 6. He would work from 2pm- 10pm. Unless it was the weekend I was usually asleep by the time he got home. After a day in the crock pot I would take the roast out shred the meat that was left and put half of it back in the crock pot with BBQ sauce on it. The next day I would take the other half of the leftover meat and all the leftover veggies and make a stew in the crock pot. I was quite proud of myself for being so creative and frugal. We would also eat a pizza about once a week and usually fried potatoes (which I set on fire once when some of the grease got out of the pan). We would also have other meals on his days off when he would grill. After several months of eating this my husband sweetly suggested that he was willing to heat up his dinner if I wanted to cook other things. It was not until 4 years later that he told me he did not really like any of those meals, but it was food so he ate it. He does like some of those meals now, since I prepare them differently. I thought he really enjoyed it, because he always ate so much….ahhh young love ;)

  13. My poor husband. He ate so much spaghetti our first year of marriage that he can’t enjoy it to this day. We had it at least once a week. Now I don’t have the heart to serve it more then 3 or 4 times a year even though some of the kids love it. Often I serve it when he has to be gone.

  14. I wish I had a story to go with yours! I have a few failures to my credit, but nothing funny, alas. Unless my hubby’s foray into the culinary arts counts. He thought he’d make up a recipe one night (having cooked nothing ever in his life before that). How hard could it be, right? After all, the wife manages it, and anything she can do he can do better! He put together the most hideous scrambled eggs and pasta and tuna thing (I’m not lying, I swear). And he ate it. I didn’t touch it. I just laughed a lot. And wretched a little. Years later, he admitted that it was terrible, terrible food, but at the time he would not admit that it was no good. He doesn’t cook now, either. I keep offering to teach him, but he is not interested. Go figure.

  15. Your stories really made me laugh and reminisce! When we first got married, I LOVED all things hot and spicy and my poor husband would try to tolerate my love of all things spicy! I remember making chicken fajitas one night and bought habaneros instead of jalapenos by accident (I was in a hurry). I soaked the chicken in a habanero sauce and cooked the chicken with MORE peppers. My husband lovingly choked down about 2 bites, crying (what I thought were tears of joy for a great tasting meal) before politely pushing his plate away and claiming to be “full.” Hours later he finally confessed that it was too spicy for him. I am sad to say I never noticed the substitution until after he said something! LOL, now I am “not allowed” to buy jalapenos from the store alone. :)