Season. It’s the word used to ease the minds of young mothers everywhere.
“It’s only a season.”
Sometimes it is used to placate a mother who feels like her life has been consumed by diapers and toddlers. She is told it is only a season and someday she will get her real life back.
Sometimes it is used to comfort a mama who is having a difficult time with her little ones and wonders if things will ever get better. She is told it is a temporary situation, and soon it will all be a memory.
Even I am guilty of saying those words…
“This is just a season.”
in the hopes that the woman I am speaking with will see her situation not as a hopeless downward spiral, but as a moment in time that will not be her forever. And sometimes I am saying it to myself – telling myself this is not my forever.
But what happens when your “season” lasts for years…and years…and years?
I have been in this season of little ones for nearly 18 years. Somehow, that doesn’t sound like a “season” to me. In fact, a while back that word “season” began to irritate me. I found myself bothered that I didn’t get the temporary “season” I was promised. I was one of those tired, worn out, overwhelmed mamas who was told that all she had to do was survive this “season” and one day, a few years later, she would wake up and magically be back to her old self.
But, that was a lie.
And I was frustrated.
I had to find a new way to look at this thing everyone likes to call a season or else be consumed by it. I had to stop waiting for this season to be over. I had to stop seeing my current circumstances as a temporary pit stop on my way back to the real world and start seeing it as part of my real world, part of the journey I’m on.
And so I decided…
“It’s not a “season” I’m in, it’s a voyage I’m on.”
A voyage is often very long, and rarely can you see the place you will land until you are nearly there. A voyage often involves hard work and stormy seas. Sometimes a voyage is very lonely and you are weary.
And sometimes a voyage is peaceful and filled with beauty and wonderment. Sometimes you rest and relax and enjoy the sights along the way.
On a voyage, the journey is just as important as the destination because if you don’t stay engaged in the travel, you will become lost and aimless.
Yes, this is a voyage I’m on.
No longer will I comfort young moms with the words,
“It’s only for a season.”
No longer will I suggest that what they are living {what I am living} is a soon-it-will-be-over moment – something to be endured, something to live through.
No, I will tell them {and myself) this is a voyage. One filled with sights to be seen and moments to be lived, without a timeline to dictate my happiness. This voyage doesn’t have to be over soon in order for me to get back to the life I once had. This voyage is my life, and when the waters are rough, I work; and when the waters are still, I rest. Always sailing on…
Jenny says
I get what you are saying here and I agree with it in many ways. However, as a fellow mom-of-many, I do feel like I’m in a different season now than when I had only littles. Even though I still have little ones, it’s not as hard as when I had only little ones. Years ago I used to attend a MOPS group. I would feel a little out of place if I attended one now because I feel like I’m in a different place than the typical mom going to those. Maybe the main difference is just perspective though? Years ago I thought those hard times would last forever and that was so discouraging. The same situations don’t discourage me so much now because I really do know that they will pass. The 3 year-old will stop peeing his pants, the baby will sleep through the night, the toddler will stop emptying the book shelves every day, etc. I do think moms-of-many have to change their expectations though. Much of the advice we hear today just doesn’t apply when you have many children.
Kelly Crawford says
Perfect. Important. Profoundly real. Thank you, Amy.
Kelly Crawford says
Jenny,
I wish I could say it wasn’t as hard when they were all little. What I have found, which is why Amy’s description resonates with me, is that while I still have many littles, I also have teens and sometimes that “season” of parenting can be far more challenging than the sheer exhausting years of raising littles. So I have to depend on the Lord to get me through physically, but much more emotionally, I think. He has certainly brought me to the end of myself, which is a good place to be, but a very hard one too.
Jenny says
Kelly,
Maybe I’m not communicating very clearly. I didn’t mean that motherhood in its entirety was easier, but that I don’t find it as hard being a mom to littles as I did when I first started. It’s still physically exhausting, but I have perspective now that I didn’t then. I agree and have found it to be true that being a mom to teens is hard, but in a more emotional than physical way. I feel like a season (mom to only littles) has indeed passed and I’m in a different season (mom to littles through teens) now.
Jessica says
Love this!
Jessica says
Also, whenever I complain about a certain aspect of motherhood – MORE diapers, a very full bed, a giant van with screaming toddlers, whatever the case may be and how ‘some day….’, my husband points out that I will keep doing it, and joyfully so, with grand babies some day 🙂 Perhaps it is a LIFE, and a darn blessed one at that!
Peta says
Thanks Amy – that was well written and a great perspective. I’ve have been told that ‘this is only for a season’ time and time again. But the problem with this saying is that it makes me just endure and survive where I am now instead of trying to enjoy myself and seeing the parts of now that are actually good. Blessings, Peta
Andrea says
This made me laugh – how 18 years doesn’t exactly sound like a season – and it made me smile – it is a journey! An awesome, sometimes we don’t know what is going to happen next journey! Praise be to God for putting us here, right? Because I know I certainly would have never chosen this journey on my own! It was God. Thanks for the post, thanks for making me smile. Because similar to you I have the 17 year old on down, and a baby keeping me up at night.
rebecca says
wow- I totally hear you!!! I had almost this same “talk” with myself this year. About not waiting to get out of this season anymore…(diapers and littles, “chubby” clothing, getting used to doing things while pregnant, etc. ). Journey is a great way to look at it. Make the most of the journey and make the best of it on the way! I don’t want to miss all the things God is teaching me right now… THRIVE rather than survive…
funny how people (well-meaning) refer to it only being a season to encourage us, but as a result we can become discontent and discouraged- because it may NOT be short for some of us- (as the word season implies).
thanks for sharing! It’s nice to know that while it may only be a season for many other moms- there are still those of us on a longer journey- and we’re not alone! I’ve only been changing diapers for almost 10 years, but I have yet to have a year without diapers! 🙂 and the journey continues!
Cindy says
That phrase has been making me itch for a while, for the same reason. Itch, thou art scratched.
Karen says
Oh, I like this! The problem I always had with “season” is that I felt like I was in too many seasons at the same time! I like the image of a voyage – thank you!
bleessings
Asiyah says
This was incredibly awsome and timely. You were the first person to tag it a name for me with ‘season’. Now, you have completely struck the nail on the head, again, with ‘Voyage’. I, too, have been in this season for 16 years along with moves in and out of different countries. I have felt so overwhelmed trying to do my job with the family. When you termed it season, I felt as if maybe I could live this out…… I definitely agree ‘Voyage’ fits much better. It is interesting how the psyche has to stretch to handle life. So far, thank God, mine is still quite strong but learning new vocabulary has increased the acceptability of the given situation.
Perfect morning viewing this article! I am not sure where you find the time to even contemplate these issues but I am very happy you do.
Allison says
Thank you for this post. I never liked the use of the word season in this sense. It’s life. Life changes, sometimes slowly. Ebbs and flows, life.
Nikki says
I was just thinking about this as I often think of this time as a season . Not one that I a longing to be over because I ABSOLUTELY LOVE my life as mama. I remind myself that this is a season because seasons go so fast and I find that is what parenting is like. These little ones only need us for a tiny piece of time. It goes too fast. So it is not really always a dreaded thing when we say it is only a season. Sometimes when I say it ( even to a weary mama. It is a reminder that YES these days go fast. Our parenting won’t be done in the next seasons but with the new season some things fade while something else takes shape and blooms. I would not trade any of it even for a moment. ) One day this season I am in will take on a whole new role. That season will look a little different. LORD willing , with grandbabies and in laws etc. but I am enjoying each one as they come. 🙂
Suanna says
I like your terminology. A “voyage” sounds much nicer than “life” as I have called it. I do use the term season, but it’s often when I am referring to something that is short lived. For example the extra fussiness during teething or the extra feedings during a babies growth spurt are seasons, but if it is something longer than a couple weeks it is part of my voyage. Part of my voyage includes nights with little sleep, enjoying school, and the noise of many children in a small space.
Kim says
I hear what you are saying but terms are sometimes just that… terms. Season… voyage… it doesn’t matter what we call it. It is all in how we look at it. Knowing that God is in control of the “times” of our lives is what matters. HE is carrying us through it and HE has allowed it. Nothing is supposed to overwhelm us or wipe us out. If we are looking at any point in our lives as a time to simply hang on by the skin of our teeth and just survive, we are not learning what God has for us to learn. A season is more a description of a time in which we can know what is “normal.” In the season of summer, we can expect hot weather, sunny days, long hours. In the season of winter we can expect cold, snow, shorter days. It is what is normal and can be expected. In the season of young motherhood we can expect dirty diapers, smudged walls and a whole lot of crazy. In the season of mourning we can expect tears and a great sense of loss. HOWEVER, in all of these seasons, God is with us and will carry us through. There is no guarantee of it being a short amount of time. I’ve never used that term with that understanding. I’ve just used it to say that where you are at is ok. God will get you through. Seasons can overlap and they can be short, long, or in-between. Just learning to walk with God through each and every one is the lesson we are to be learning.
A. says
I echo this Kim. Yes.
Jusy says
Excellent!!!!
What a great way to look at this.
A. says
Hi Amy! While I do apprecaite your love and gratitude for your life and your “voyage”, as you call it, I do think that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the use of the phrase “this season…”. Think of the seasons! They are all full of their own beauty, their own challenges, and special unique opportunities.
When a mother says “this season will pass” to a depressed and sick mother, it can give hope. When someone says “this season will end” to a mother who has dealt with, prayed through, and been challenged by a time which her child is battling severe illness, it isn’t a bad thing. I don’t write from ignorance, nor do you…we both have had our hard hard times, and no doubt more will come. But…call it a season or voyage, I think the important thing isn’t the name we give it, but the way we choose to deal with any hardship…trusting Jesus. Just trusting.
I just lost a dear friend to breast cancer, and the passing of days for her was like fall giving way to winter’s bitter cold reality. BUT…she found the beauty even in her winter, and when spring arrived, she went to Jesus, forever to be with Him. The acknowledging of individual seasons of her life at the end was a comfort to her.
Even God Himself called them seasons…”To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.”
Ecclesiastes ?3:1-8? NKJV
I only write this to encourage you. Your blog is so encouraging to others, but somehow I found this post to be more divisive that encouraging. I don’t think for a young mother with many littles to admit that is IS hard at times, but then that hardness causes her to press into Jesus and His strength…No, that isn’t a bad thing at all. I appreciate your “voyage”, I call it our “journey” full of “seasons” but I think we can all agree…God’s provision and His Presence and His Grace are all we need to call any season Good. Love to you in Christ.
A. says
I apologize for the typos and strange ?? In the scripture quote….typing from iPads is a challenge for me, still! Ack! :/
Chandra says
There is a book by Rachel Jankovic called “loving the little years” where she compares how much we can handle to a pain scale. She says when you have so much that you are screaming “thirteen” everyday, you know it is time to create a new scale, and that is your new “one.” I love this, it reminds me to not try to get back to the way things once were, but to embrace (or endure as the case may be) the new life God has given.
Laurie martin says
Thank you!
Jenny says
How true! Thank you for such a beautiful word picture to bring encouragement to others. God’s blessings in the new year!
Christine says
Goodness, I love that post. I love the idea. Thanks for inspiring. I too am guilty of thinking of it in seasons that have to be endured, such as having a little toddler who makes you tired and sometimes weary. And you are absolutely correct, it is something to be looked at with great wonder and thankfulness. Thank you for changing my outlook!
Phyllis Sather says
Excellent! I too use season but will be sharing this with several young moms. Thank you for the new perspective.
Lauren says
Yes Amy! Yes! I have begun crindging at the saying when I hear it, because I think so often we are prone to not embrace this calling of morherhood but be searching for it to be almost over. Looking toward “the light at the end of the tunnel”. I had a family member tell me last time they came to visit that once they “realized they should surrender to motherhood” that made their life easier… That also made me cringe. No! motherhood isn’t holding me hostage! I should run to it with my arms ready to hug it. Do I always do that? No. BUT oh what a difference that perspective makes!
So thank you for putting a word to what I feel in my soul. Voyage. I love it.
Tiana says
I really like the way you’ve re-framed this, Amy. Having just had my sixth baby–with my toughest pregnancy yet–in my late 30’s, I need to let go of this “season” nonsense. I’m in this for the long haul.
I had an experience during my first shopping trip with all six children that stopped me in my tracks. I’m used to people making comments about my little flock of kids, but this one was different. It was an older woman who wanted to know how old they all were. She then proceeded to tell me the ages of *her* five children, starting with 59 and working her way up. “Those were the happiest years of my life,” she added, looking over my young brood and full cart of groceries again.
Now, I had started that trip with a pretty negative attitude. I was tired, the weather was cold, and the children were bickering in the car on the way to the store. I needed an attitude adjustment, and this one has stuck with me. Maybe this is “only a season”, but it may well also be “the happiest years of my life”–regardless of how exhausted, unsure, and ill-equipped I feel.
Nikki says
Once when I was shopping with many little ones in tow I had an older gentleman come up to me and Say ” You won’t be lonely, when you are old. ” His comment has stayed with me through a few more children and I often wish that we could stop by with a plate of homemade goodies . I hope that our children grow up to bless those that may be lonely. 🙂 Yes, these ARE the happiest days of my life!
Amy says
What a blessing you received in that woman’s comment! LOVE this!
Patsy Staub says
What a beautifully written post!! I am going to share this!!! I am an “older mama” now…my youngest child is 11 and my oldest is 28. I have three grandbaby girls and another grandbaby on the way. What an exciting “voyage” we are all on! I have followed your blog for several years and have passed it on to many mamas because of then wonderful way that you minister right to the heart!! Thank you for your candid sharing. It helps us to know that we are not alone on this “voyage” called life. I praise Jesus for you!!!
Linda orwoll says
Isn’t it easier now than when you had ALL littles, though? Trust me, I was an overwhelmed mom often, husband deployed much of the time, no family close for support, my big day out was my dental appointment because I couldn’t take little guys with me. Now that the majority of my kids are high schoolers, I never have to get a babysitter. And I find myself asking, “Where did it go?” just as I am asking myself now, “Is another year really over?” Just speaking personally, a season-end seemed nearer to me than a journey-end when I could barely see over the pile of laundry. Whatever image helps a mom recognize that today is all we have and looking too far down the road doesn’t really help since we have no guarantee for tomorrow, is great. Christ used many images when talking to people. So, no judgement here – just perspective.
Claire says
You know, not for me it isn’t. I have 10 kids, ages 18 down to 1. Rigorously homeschooling high school (and doing college application stuff with my olders), as well as having a bunch of younger kids, has been much more exhausting, both mentally and emotionally, than when I just had a bunch of littles. I loved this post, because I feel like the “seasons” never end–I’m in all of them at once, all the time. Nursing! Potty-training! Teaching to read! Teaching them to do school independently! Teaching them high school AP-level classes! Being a high school guidance counselor! Maybe in 10 more years . . . But it’s definitely not easier now.
Jenn says
I very much agree with the heart of what you are saying and the shift in perspective it brings and yet, even over the years I have been reading your blog I have seen your “seasons” change. You are no longer a mom to only littles, you now have bigs that make your current “season” very different than previous ones. You have also gone through seasons of great loss. Not every season has to be completely different than the one before it, just like in nature there are still similarities and carry overs. And just as in nature, we will enjoy some seasons more than others (and that’s okay!) but there is joy and beauty to be found in each season as we live it, as we look back on it, and as we anticipate new seasons. Scripture teaches us to live day by day, not even season by season so it is in each day that we must find contentment -I think this speaks to the voyage to which your heart is drawn. I have even started noticing my seasons of motherhood beginning to change as my kids get just that little bit older (6 kids ages 1-9yrs) and I watch moms coming behind me carrying the load of 3 under 3 as I once did. I didn’t feel the season change but as I look back I can see that it has. And yet, my “voyage” of motherhood has and Lord willing, will always, continue sailing through different seasons, each unique and yet familiar.
Roberta says
Excellent! Very encouraging and so good to remember to stay engaged on this voyage. We could miss much if we are just waiting for the season to be over. Thanks!
Pat morse says
Love the perspective change that comes with naming it a voyage. One comment you said “get back to the life I once had” made me wince – we never get back to the life we once had, every season, every voyage, changes us, we grow we learn, we become. Don’t long for the life you once had, enjoy the journey to the person you are becoming.
Liz says
Yes! This! All of it. I am a young mom of many littles and I get tired of the “season pep talk.” I understand the attempt at encouragement but this is not a season this is my life and I happen to like it (even if it is hard and tiring and long days filled sometimes)
Josi says
Well said Amy. My husband and I are on a challenging voyage with his aging parents, including one with Alzheimer’s. There are many “un-knowns” on this voyage but I have prayed for sweet moments along the way. We are seeing the Lord be faithful to answer that prayer!
Anna Mary says
I guess I’m strange. I too am a mother of many ages 22 years down to number 10 due in May. I’m also a grandmother of 2. Thinking of my adult children I feel it was a “season” because it went so fast. I’m not saying it was easy, but it goes by so quickly. So to me if does feel like a season. The older I get the faster it goes. Having 2 of my children grown and gone makes me appreciate the hustle and bustle of the little ones still in my home. It makes me appreciate them even more because I see the end and I know it will come faster than I think.
Kim says
Love this perspective and I completely agree…while I do think there are some things you can do more or less of during certain seasons of the voyage 🙂 (like me not being able to do several hobbies in my time of toddlerhood), I do see that anticipating a season to end can lead to discouragement. Glad to read more of your blog 🙂
Dawn says
Oh my! How refreshing!! I love, love how you put it!! I too am blessed to be on a “voyage”!! Onward we go to the promised land!! 😉 Good to see we are never alone!! I’m thinking of days of old when a prophet was in desperate straits, feeling very much alone…But God! Yes, but God reassured him that there were many others and encouraged him onward and upward to a higher calling!! May God be lifted up and we run the race (or row and direct to mast) as to win!
Deborah Heal says
Thanks for the great post. As a young mother I was comforted by the concept of seasons of a woman’s life. I like “voyage” much better. Either way, I can say as a much older woman that it’s certainly been true for me. I never would have imagined that God would give me the season I’m in now in which I get to write books–a dream I’d had since 8th grade. Another truth: nothing that happened along the way from the diaper-changing days until now has been wasted, especially for a writer! lol It all goes into sanctifying you and giving you the perspective with which to bless others.
Serene says
Came over here from your webinar with Mystie! If only you’d write this 5 years back when I was so envious of those who had 2 kids and indeed it was a season for those moms.
Once you’ve a large family it is not helpful to use the word “season” coz it’s depressing!
I tell myself : this is MY life and I’ll make the best of it! Grow where you’re planted!
Vera says
Amy, I love your beautiful toughts! Thank you!
Vera from Hungary (mom of 7)
Sarah says
Beautiful. My oldest is now seven, and I have five, and these “It’s only a season” words have frustrated me as well… We may be done having bio kids, but my heart dearly hopes to jump into the foster game as my littles grow up. It’s been an eight-year season of having tiny children for me, and this IS my real life. I’m not waiting for this season to be over for my “real life” to begin. Thank you for giving me new words to describe my world to others (and to coach myself). I appreciate your writing
Amy says
You are so welcome, Sarah! It is so nice to finally get to a place where you aren’t squandering moments waiting for this season to be over. 🙂