Having a table full of little ones can make meal time rather interesting – and messy and difficult and stressful. I remember hearing how other families had great dinner conversation, and how they all pitched in to clean up after the meal, and I wondered if it was true because I felt like I was up to my armpits in chaos.
But now, as a mom who has made it further along in this journey, I can honestly say meals do get easier, calmer, and even fun! But for those of you still in the trenches of only littles, let me give you some tips to make meal time the best it can be.
First of all, give yourself and your children some grace. They are little after all, and often they are simply behaving exactly the way little ones behave. Don’t put expectations on them that are not attainable at their age. And don’t beat yourself up because you are such a bad parent for not having your child trained to sit nicely at the table after a couple of tries. It takes time. It takes patience. And sometimes, it takes a few years.
Tip #1 – Set a Meal Reminder Timer
I wish I had learned this long ago! I now use my phone to tell me when to stop what I am doing and get going on dinner. With all little ones, you may need to do this for lunch and dinner (and perhaps even snack time!). The reason this is crucial is because hungry tummies become crazy kids in the blink of an eye. Moms are busy people, and need a reminder to stop what they are doing and attend to those hungry tummies before it gets out of hand.
Tip #2 – Use Kid Friendly Dinnerware
When you use kid friendly dinnerware (like this set from Ikea) you not only save yourself the hassle of broken plates and cups, you also gain the opportunity to have your children start helping with table chores at a much younger age.
And this is sort of off topic, but these sippy cups are AWESOME! A friend got me started on these and I am in love! They don’t spill, they teach baby to drink from a real cup, and they are EASY to clean! Check your local store. Our favorites are made by Munchkin.
OK, back to the topic at hand…
Tip #3 – Expect Spills
Seriously – why in the world do we get in such a huff when our kids spill something? They don’t have the manual dexterity we adults have, and guess what, I still spill things! Don’t fill the glasses too full. Keep an eye on how the kids are sitting and where their plates are, but the absolute best thing you can do is keep a dry rag handy right there at the table. In fact, if you use washcloth napkins like we do, your dry rag is already there!
Tip #4 – Keep Kids in High Chairs as Long as Possible
OK, so I don’t mean until they fall asleep (although, that does happen from time to time). What I mean is don’t move kids to regular chairs until you absolutely have to. Most of the dining rooms in the houses we’ve lived in only accommodated 1 high chair at a time, but if you can manage it, keep kids in high chairs as long as you can. It greatly minimizes the messes and the chaos. Children are contained and easier to control when they are confined to a high chair. You can also buy “high chairs” that hook to the table like the one below if you do not have room for extra high chairs in your dining room.
I also highly recommend you bring your littlest ones to the table as soon as possible. We have a high chair that reclines so that even our smallest babies can join us at meal time.
Tip #5 – Create Meal Time Traditions that Make Sense
In our household, we typically serve from the table (unless it is a meal that has a lot of components – like tacos – that are better off served buffet style). The reason for this is that it keeps mom and dad from getting up multiple times throughout the meal, and it doesn’t tempt the children to leave the table as well. (Helpful Hint: If you don’t have a lot of room on your table, try using a rolling cart to keep the food nearby.)
We dish out the meal to the youngest ones to let it start cooling, and keep the plates near us as we pray so no one is eating while we pray. Prayers are short because young children do not understand why they can’t eat. If you want to do family devotions or a more in-depth Bible time, do it while they eat – they will be much more attentive.
Other meal time traditions that work well for little ones include singing a short song before or after the meal, having older ones help set the table, and making small talk that revolves around the food on their plate (remember, distracting a small child from their food usually means they quit paying attention to their food and subsequently, quit eating it). You can point out colors of food, ask them to find certain things on their plate, and ask them about the taste of the different foods.
Tip #6 – Discipline in Short, Sensible Segments
Unfortunately, you are going to have to discipline at the table from time to time (or maybe every time for a while). Here are a few of the behaviors we’ve had to discipline over the years and how we handled them:
*1 year old willfully screaming in high chair – Turn high chair around, facing away from everyone. Tell the 1 year old you will turn it back around when they stop. The second they stop, turn them back around. If they persist, scoot them out of the room in the high chair, still facing away from table, and explain again that as soon as they stop, they will be promptly scooted back in. Rarely have we had a situation persist beyond this, but the couple of times we have, I took the baby out of the high chair and away from the dining room completely so that everyone else could eat in peace while I worked to calm the child. And yes, sometimes that child didn’t get much of a dinner – and I had to eat mine later. But, like I said, this has been rare.
*3 year old not sitting in seat – This is pretty simple. Keep reminding them to sit. Make sure their chair is straight with the table, so it is harder to get up, and consider keeping that child near an adult to nip the standing in the bud as quickly as possible. Our son who did this wasn’t trying to be defiant, he just liked to keep moving and fidgeting, and that almost always resulted in him standing up at some point during the meal.
*Picky eater – I have to admit, we haven’t had many picky eaters, but I think that is because I just don’t allow it. I absolutely understand not liking certain foods – have you read this post? – but in our house, you have to try a bite before you declare it unfit for human consumption. And you are never, ever allowed to be loud and obnoxious about the fact that you don’t like something because that sort of nonsense influences other children and makes for a very rude houseguest when you eat at someone else’s table. Choosing to fuss will only get you more bites of the food you don’t like before you can be finished.
There was one time we had a child who would not eat his oatmeal, so he ended up sitting at the table, slowly spooning in bites until he finally finished it and hour later. However, looking back, I wouldn’t do that again. I would let him try it and if he chose not to eat it, so be it. But, there wouldn’t be anything else to eat until the next meal.
I will say that feeding your children a varied and unprocessed diet from the beginning will help tremendously with lessening the pickiness.
Tip #7 – Make Meal Time a Feast!
This may sound crazy, but I don’t mean make elaborate meals and have a big ole celebration every time you eat. I mean make meal time a fun time! Do your very best to put on a happy face and take time to smile at your babies. Talk and joke and laugh! Make a special drink or dessert on occasion. Let the kids bring a stuffed animal to the table as a guest. Be a family and try very hard to enjoy this time.
Right now, this is the family you have. No, they aren’t big. No, the conversation isn’t riveting. Yes, you spend a lot of time managing the chaos, but some day you will look back on it all and smile as the rose-colored glasses of veteran motherhood make you believe those were the good old days.
And frankly, they are. You are surrounded by chubby cherub faces who have no other place to be except sitting with you at the table. Cherish this moment – chaos and all.
Erica says
I absolutely enjoy reading all of your posts as they are so extremely helpful. I am currently pregnant with #7 (5 living, our Addison Grace passed away) and am sometimes nervous about the logistics of running the household and homeschooling. Thank you for all of your insight.
Jodie says
Hear, hear to all of that – especially the picky eater bit. We have nine children and none are picky eaters because we don’t allow it either. Sure, some of them have a vegetable they might not be fond of, but if it is part of the meal they have to have a small serving of it. I think that serving up a small portion means that when they grow up and realise that it’s good for them they may find it isn’t so bad after all (me and brussel sprouts is a good example of this). Besides, serving up 11 meals is tiring enough without having to think about each child’s preferences.
Rebecca says
Just a FYI….most of your pictures are not coming through on email. The words are but not pictures.
Amy says
Yes, unfortunately the photos that are not directly loaded on my blog (like photos from Instagram) don’t show up in emails. I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle this. There is a little link at the top of the email that says Read in Browser and I think that would allow you to see everything until I come up with a better way. 😉
CabotMama says
Beautiful and encouraging post! Thank you!!
My children are now 11, 9, 6, and 5. We’ve been thru everything you touched on, with many of the same approaches. Some training aspects took longer than others. Years longer. But we persevered and we are now on the other side. Dinner is usually enjoyable and guests are amazed at how pleasant it is to have our kids at the table with us. But, oh, there were nights not too many years ago when I left the table in tears and wanted to vow I’d never make dinner for these hooligans again! 🙂
My youngest three remain in the one-hour-later-still-sitting-at-the-table phase. They are allowed to leave the table – they’ve eaten their required three bites – but they insist they are still hungry and don’t want to get up, yet appear too busy chatting & laughing at one another to keep putting food in their mouths. Sounds sweet, but in practice, most nights I’ve got other things to do – like baths! The lengthy meal times tend to be worst the later we sit down to eat …. and the closer dinner’s end is to bed time. Hmmm …. could they be delaying the inevitable? 🙂
Nikki says
I really enjoy these tips and use some of them, like not making our children eat everything. They don’t have to eat what I prepared, but they don’t get anything else until the next meal.
I love the wasshcloths-as-napkins idea! I enjoy using cloth napkins, but they’re so expensive. Washcloths would work great! Thanks for the idea! And keeping them on the table in a planter or something is such a practical idea!
Tara says
May I just say that I appreciate the grace and wisdom in this post. Meal time is family time and a time of abundant training opportunities. I think it can get tricky as blood sugars get low and everyone gets weary, Kiddos get squirrelly and parents can forget how to give grace amidst correction.
Jessica says
This is very helpful! Especially the idea about keeping their plates near you (out of the way) during prayer. Going to do that! A tip about keeping the three year old to sit still during the meal. I have a three year old son (soon to be 4) who really struggles with this. It turns out that he has low core motor strength (it’s related to his speech disorder), and so sitting still is physically really hard for him. The OT suggested giving him the choice to sit OR stand, but that he had to do one or the other – not running around. We have been trying that, with some success (he’s also the child who likes to get into things…lol). Hope this is helpful for other parents!
Amy says
That is interesting! Our son who stood all the time had speech delays. He’s 10 now and you can no longer tell, but I never would have connected the two.
kaci says
Love the timer idea!:)
Kimberley says
Amy, thank you so much for this practical, grace filled post. I have 3 kids four and under and my husband doesn’t get home until 7:30 after dinner. Two kids have autism with major texture issues, so mealtime is a struggle. I have begun to dread supper time. You have given me some great ideas and encouragement!
Kari h. says
A note for all mammas about “picky” eaters 🙂
My husband is a pediatric OT (occupational therapist) and pickey eating is almost always a brain-gut issue, a sensory issue. Your child may not have autism and may not even be on the autism spectrum but may have something called Sensory Processing Disorder, this is also referred to as Brain on Fire in the natural/holistic medical community.
With this SPD kids may be very bothered by loud noises (vacuum, blender), bright lights,, hair being brushesd or haircuts, tags & seams in clothing or certain textures/types of material. The list is longer, but you get the picture.
The most commonly noticed symptom is “picky” eating, but it is really a Sensory issue for the child which sends warnings to their brain to not eat the food as it will hurt them. Typically the aversion is to wet food (yogurt, applesauce, soup, noodle), and some kids are so severe that if they even see another person eating one of these foods (say, noodles), it will cause the child to gag and sometimes throw up.
The struggle is real, unfortunately.
That being said, kids do have the normal, “I’d rather eat my roll than green beans,” a behavior that should be corrected 😉
A big hug to all the mommas who know the stress of mealtimes with a child who has true eating issues.
Kimberley says
Yes! Both of my twins have autism and sensory processing disorder! They both prefer dry, crunchy foods 🙂 We have met great strides with OT, ST, and feeding therapy but have a long way to go. Thank you for your words, I know it will be so helpful to some mom’s instead of just disciplining for picky eating. God bless, Kim
Amy says
Thank you for sharing that, Kari!
Brittany says
I’m glad I’m not the only whose 1 year olds go through the screaming through mealtime phase! It can make dinner time so stressful. Typically turning the high chair around worked for us too, but with my last (who is now thankfully past it!), I actually had to take him out of the high chair and set him on the living room floor. He could come back in when he was ready to be done and say sorry. It didn’t take too long after that for him to decide throwing tantrums at dinner wasn’t worth it.
Sara says
Thank you for your post. While I agree with many things,I must draw attention to one part. Saying “we haven’t had many picky eaters, but I think that is because I just don’t allow it” is similar to saying ” we don’t have learning disabilities because we don’t allow learning disabilities (or don’t allow anxiety or autism or poor eyesight or ADHD etc) in our house.” Most TRULY picky eaters are so because the flavors or textures or smells are not what their senses (aka their brain) can stand or handle. It is not something that we have control over to “allow” or ” not allow” in a family. Many of the pickiest ones will just not eat for days (or weeks!) if only given offensive food. It is much deeper than just “not liking” it. For example, I can taste preservatives and pesticides as well as tiny other flavorings and the subtle differences in things as silly as different brands of butter. The good thing is as we age, many of the picky ones have their heightened senses lesson and we can eat more as adults, but our discerning pallet is always there. I’m not supporting complaining or arguing or being grouchy at the table, on the contrary, I think children, especially picky ones should learn how to be kind and polite around food. I just want to bring awareness to the fact that most children who are labeled” picky eaters” are so because of how their brain senses the flavors and textures differently or more profoundly than others. It is just how their brains are wired. Please understand it is not something that is “allowed” or “not allowed” in a family, it just is. And as other challenging conditions, some care and understanding and support is always welcomed 🙂
Amy says
Yes, I absolutely agree with what you are saying. I even mention this in the podcast that I recorded on this topic because since the writing of this post, I now have a child who is picky because she had a cleft palate. Since the repair she’s struggled with food. Lesson learned!