As most of you know, I’ve never had a pregnancy quite like this. Sure, I’m always huge and fairly miserable at the end. Yes, I have horrendous morning sickness at the beginning. But, usually, I have lots of good weeks in there, and typically, I’m still on the go right up until the end. Not so this time. I went from morning sickness to excruciating pain with only a couple weeks in between. I have cried out for mercy more times than I care to count. Nearly every day I have wondered if I would make it through. It’s been very, very hard.
But, as I look to the end of this week (and believe me, the word DELIVER has never held more meaning for me than now!), I am also able to look back and see where I’ve been with more clarity than I have had in a long time.
While not all of you will face bedrest, I can almost guarantee all of you will face a trial that will have you at the end of yourself. Perhaps what I’ve learned from this time of trial will help when you face your own…
No one asked me to be super woman.
I’ve always been one of those moms who pushed through. It’s my German Mennonite heritage – don’t complain, just do. My husband once said I am the strongest woman he knows. In my mind, that equates to saying, “You are super woman, and I think you can do anything.” But, in reality, he never asked me to be super woman. No one asked me to be anything other than me. I put this on myself by setting a standard that eventually couldn’t be achieved.
We moms do that. All. The. Time. Sure, our husbands and families tend to rely on us to keep things running, and yes, quite often they think we can handle all sorts of things with grace and beauty, but that is due in part to the fact that we are purposely trying to juggle everything and we rarely say, “Hey, I don’t think I can do ABC and still manage XYZ.” It is ok for us to be vulnerable and let one thing go in order to keep up with another for a time. It’s ok for us to say to our husbands, “I need to walk away from this one thing for a time so I can do this other thing well.” We have to stop multitasking ourselves into oblivion and then wondering why things are spiraling out of control. Let go of the super woman myth, and be willing to just be plain ole wife and mother – exactly where you are at this very moment.
The kids are more capable than you realize.
My husband was gone for the entire 4 months I was dealing with morning sickness. I had to rely on the kids to step up. First, I asked my newly turned 18 year old son not to take a summer job so he could be home to manage the everyday running of the household. We did pay him for his time because I felt that was one way we could show our gratitude for him taking on a rather large job here at home. He and I worked together to put systems into place that would make life here run as smoothly as possible. The day ran on a routine of meals, school, chores, movies, naps, and a set bedtime for everyone under 18. The 3 oldest children handled meals (they are still in charge of this task). The girls took turns taking care of the toddlers. Movie time started and ended at a certain time every day, and everyone had bedtime buddies to get them to bed on time. My oldest checked in with me on a regular basis to make sure I was ok and see if there were any new marching orders. We worked together and we made it work. And when I wasn’t sick anymore, I sent my oldest on a couple of fun trips that were just for him – one to my mom’s and one with a friend of his. All in all, the kids have done great, but we are all looking forward to mom being back in the game!
Texting is a great invention.
My husband, my oldest son and my oldest daughter all have cell phones. (My daughter’s phone is daddy’s old phone and only has wifi, but it does have texting capability via her email address.) One of the best ways I have had to keep in touch with my older kids and my husband is via text. When I was sick with morning sickness, my son used text to check on me. When I can’t get my hips and legs to cooperate enough to get to the living room, I can text the kids or my husband to ask for certain things or relay important information. It keeps us connected, and saves me from yelling! Another alternative to this would be to keep a bell nearby that is loud enough to be heard.
It’s ok to rely on others
If there’s anything I hate, it’s looking weak. This pregnancy has been an extremely humbling experience. My family desperately wanted me to come to the State Fair with them. It’s a family tradition, and they couldn’t bare the thought of me not being there. So, I went…in a wheelchair.
I often have to hold onto my husband or my children in order to walk. People have to dish up my meals for me. I can’t remember the last time I did a load of laundry or picked up my little daughter, or gave a child a bath. I try to help as much as I can, but the simple fact is, I’m not very helpful.
And that’s ok.
Yes, sometimes I cry over the things I’m not doing, but my sweet family remind me that this is what family is all about.
Everyone really appreciates the moments when mom is well enough to sit in the living room.
My oldest son will often invite me to watch a movie with him after everyone has gone to bed (we’re both night owls). If I can, I try very hard to get out there and hang out with him for at least part of the movie, if not all.
My husband is always appreciative when I sit with him. He doesn’t expect me to be chatty or even stay long, but just being beside him is enough.
My younger children are happy for a cuddle or a back scratch, and everyone knows when Mommy has pushed to her limit and needs to go back to bed, it’s ok.
Look for the little things.
Sometimes I have been so focused on the big things I’m not doing, that I miss all the little blessings along the way. My daughters doing my nails, giving me facials or a back rub. My boys brushing my hair, telling me stories, and showing me their drawings. The extra time I have had on my hands to binge watch Amazon and Netflix and YouTube. The late nights talking to my two oldest children and laughing, even when it hurt. The holiday planner that is bringing a smile to my face. The fact that we found a cleaning and cooking system that works for us – even if it isn’t perfect. My husband spending as much time at home in the mornings as he can to make sure things are running smoothly before he heads to work. The doctor who hugs me just because she knows how hard things have been for me. The childless woman from church who barely knows me who texts me just to say she’s praying and can’t wait to meet the baby. The friend who is a mom of 12 who texts me with encouragement every single week. Another friend who is in terrible pain herself who checks on me via Voxer. And countless other “little things.”
All these little things can easily be lost amongst the big things. And just when I think I can’t go on any longer, God sends a little thing to remind me that I can.
I’m almost there. Of course, there will be recovery from surgery and all these months of bedrest, and I will have to tell myself to slow down and have a little mercy on myself. But, I know there are lessons in everything, and even when the pain doesn’t seem to have a purpose and my life feels cracked and broken, there is beauty amongst these cracks. For that, I am thankful.
By the way, if you are curious what systems we put in place while I was on bedrest, I’ll be writing about those (probably AFTER baby comes). Until then, feel free to leave a comment here with any questions you might have, so I can try to address those in upcoming posts.
Jodie says
No questions, just best wishes for a safe delivery and speedy recovery.
Peta says
Hey I really appreciate you writing this. I’m sorry it’s been so hard for you, you are a ‘virtual’ mentor of mine so I encourage you to keep on keeping on in your spirit. Let your thoughts be restful and positive. Often the biggest battle can be our own thoughts. You are carrying a very blessed baby to have such a wonderful mother who will stretch herself to such a length just to bear them into the world.
God bless you Amy,
Peta, mum of 5 little ones xo
Suanna says
Amy, Thanks for allowing grace in the life of a mom and sharing your experience. My last pregnancy was with twins and even though I was never on bed rest I could only move very slowly. I remember the pain in my hips and pelvis and feel for you. So glad the end is coming soon and your will get to hold your little baby soon. I’m so glad you have some friends who send you a quick encouraging note.
Melissa says
Amy, I just want to let you know that you have been on my mind a lot and I have been praying for you during this pregnancy. I admire your love and commitment to embracing each precious little one God gives you. I too have had difficult pregnancies, including one where I was so huge and uncomfortable much of the time that I wasn’t sure how my body could make it, but the Lord was so faithful and taught me much as I cast myself on Him. Even though I felt like a cracked vessel, He never gave me more than I could handle. So please be encouraged in knowing that people are praying for you and that soon you will be holding your precious reward. “The fruit of the womb is His reward.”
Islandsundays says
I really relate to looking forward to DELIVERY! I felt like that so much with my last baby.
Yet as you say we change through difficulty in deep ways, and looking back now, the trials were a precious time in their own way.
Wishing you JOY soon, and endurance for the very last stretch.
Kelly Retzer says
Amy, praying that you get to meet your new little one soon, and that you have the mental and physical strength to get through the remainder of your pregnancy! Also, may I ask what dish is being fixed in the picture?
Amy says
That is an older photo and they were making an apple cake. 🙂
Lea says
Thank you for sharing this. All of it is helpful and inspiring! I can’t wait to hear about the systems. My one big question would be how you and the big Kids handled discipline/consequences of bad behavior, disobedience, bad attitudes etc.
Can’t wait to see your baby!
God be with you….
Amy says
Oooo! That’s a good one (and a very hard one!).
Kate says
Amy,
Long-time reader, first-time commenter. You are such an inspiration! I am also expecting Baby 10, due in about 3 weeks. I have also struggled through each week, though not to the extent that you have had to bear. Thank you for keeping the eyes of your heart on the Lord! You have been such an encouragement and I’m so grateful for your willingness to share. Thank you!! Praying for you and your sweet little one. Excited to “meet” your precious baby!
Rebecca Borger says
Amy, I am so sorry for the suffering you have endured and are enduring. Your post is a tremendous testimony to love, grace, and the power of God. Your love and treasuring of your dear family shines through like a beacon. I know you are eager for this baby and deliverance and your gospel endurance is a witness to the gospel! I am praying for you and your family. Your helps shared are tremendous! Thank you.
Gwen says
Praying for you and the whole family 🙂
Charlotte Moore says
I sure hate you have had such a difficult time. How wonderful to have children that can keep things going. That is a real blessing. PRAY all goes well with the delivery.
BLESSINGS!
Tara says
I’m struggling with Super Woman syndrome.-I keep trying to be and it’s not working. Thank you for your raw honesty.
Kimberly says
Wonderfully written post. I just had my 6th baby in July and after a difficult pregnancy had a horrible birth, icu stay, and lung blood clots, I too had to rely on my children and others to get us through. Its amazing how much I grew spiritually through my weakness. Also how much my children matured and learned. While I am not happy it happened, I can see all the good that came out of it. Praying you have a healthy delivery soon and that there is good that comes out of your difficulties.
Leah Majestic says
Hugs and prayers! I am finding that with this pregnancy (currently 22 weeks) at 40 years old and being out of shape, that I can not do the things that I need to do as a mother and wife which is very hard for me. My doctor has put me on modified bed rest which I laughed at. I am a stay at home mother, rest is not an option. Well, my body said otherwise! Luckly, I too have an awesome husband and great older children who have taken on more duties to help me out. My house may not be as clean as I want and we eat quite a few sandwiches and school is a little behind but we are getting through this. I too have found the little things are the best now that we have a slowed down. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us!
kaci says
Love that you are trying to stay positive! Prayers still heading your way. Thank you for sharing.
Samantha says
I love you so much, my friend, and thankful to God that I know you. You are stronger than you realize. Thank you for being such a great example. Also, what were you binge watching? I need something new to watch.
Jessica says
Thankyou for sharing amy the Lord used your words to speak to my heart today im currently in bed after delivering my eighth child , birth didnt go as planned and after delivering vaginally my uterus ruptured and off i went to the or . Recovery has been extremely painful and i cannot walk more than 10 feet without falling to my knees in pain and im overwhelmed at the idea of this continuing ffor long, im the type who never sits still, i will think about your words often. Cant wait to see your new blessing and i will pray fof a safe delivery for you and baby, God is merciful and will continue to tenderly care for you, also you have some great kids!!
Aimee says
I’m so sorry this pregnancy has been so tough. I was on bed rest for 10 weeks with one pregnancy, but didn’t have all the pain and sickness. I had a c-section with that pregnancy, and the first few days were rough. I’ve heard it’s more rough after bed rest…just an FYI. Hopefully that won’t be your experience after all this! I know your new little one will make it worth every minute!! Prayers!
Susan Geddes says
praying for you xx
Halee Westbrook says
This was soo good! I’m actually a SAHD but this will be awesome for the future AND for my mom. Thank you for writing this!
Amy says
I just wanted to say thank you for your willingness to be so transparent with your readers. All of my pregnancies, barring my very first, have brought some new struggle. My last was born this year and I turned 43 and had gestational diabetes for the first time. I was so huge I had times where I could barely walk, and am still struggling with ligament pain. But the Lord is faithful. Even as I want to be super mom in my flesh, He whispers to my heart to just rely on Him. Nothing about how my house or homeschool run looks the same. And there can be great joy in the newness of it. Through it all I count it a blessing to be allowed to give birth to these children, and welcome however many more, if any, the Lord gives us. Amy, mom to 5 on earth and 6 in Heaven
Andrea C. says
The Lord’s strength is perfect. Praying His joy gives you, your sweet children, and husband strength in these next few weeks. I’ve missed hearing how you’ve been for some time, but now have a better picture as to why you’ve been MIA! Praying for a wonderful delivery!
Many Blessings!
rebecca says
Amy- what a great post!
So glad to hear that you are seeing the blessings in the difficulties!
And so often we truly are the source of most of the expectations on us…it can be so hard to rely on our own kids- I often have felt guilty about that- especially since I am normally full of energy and strength! But if I am appreciative and tell them so then I am trying to see it as an opportunity for them to learn more skills 🙂
Our baby arrived on Oct 3- right on his due date (after a long day of labour)- 10 lbs 2 oz! I’ve never had a 10 pounder before! It was hard work- lol.
We have been adjusting to a family of 10- and everyone is pitching in. Orderly chaos?!
May you be SUPER blessed during your remaining time and have a healthy sweet little baby
oh- and by the way thanks for the vidangel info! we joined up and so far it’s great!!! Just what we needed! My husband is thrilled with it so far.
THANKS!
Julie says
Ironically, this is my favorite post of yours yet. I had not felt I could connect to your supermom posts. This one is vulnerable and raw and absolutely beautiful. How difficult and yet wonderful that God brought you to the end of yourself. A mercy indeed.
T Gates says
I must have missed a previous post. What has made this pregnancy more difficult and painful for you? Praying for you!
Amy says
My diastasis recti left me with no muscle support to carry this baby. Add to that the fact that she was very big and I was carrying alot of amniotic fluid, it became nearly impossible for me to move.
Aj Roberts says
This brought tears to my eyes. I too have a large family although I didn’t give birth to them all myself. I struggle with trying to do it all and because of other health reasons there are times I can’t. My husband reminds me he wants me to need his help even though I feel bad adding to his already crazy schedule. The most humbling thing I have had to learn is its ok to say I just cant right now and let someone else who can, do. Thank you