Author Archives: Amy

Keeping Dad the Head of the Household While He’s Away

Ty deployedOur oldest was almost 3.  His younger sister had just turned 1.  It was January 2002 and my husband, their father, was leaving as a deployed Army Reservist for Operation Enduring Freedom.  What we did not know that night was that he would return nearly a year later, only to be called up for Operation Noble Eagle for another year.

When he was finally a permanent resident of our home once again, our children were 6 and 3.  A lot had happened in those 2 years.

  • I miscarried a baby.
  • We started homeschooling.
  • The refrigerator broke.
  • I got rid of the TV.
  • I learned to sew.
  • My son learned to read.
  • My daughter was potty-trained.
  • Our son played T-ball for the first time.
  • And a whole host of other things!

All of which my husband missed.

Deployments aren’t easy no matter how you slice them.  But for the Christian family it creates a whole new set of issues that other families don’t necessarily think about.

How can Dad stay the head of this household when he isn’t here?

In fact, this issue arises for any family that has a Husband and Daddy who is away a lot, the difference being a deployed head of household doesn’t often have the direct contact via electronic devices and phone lines that traveling fathers have.  {During the first deployment, we could chat via internet web cams about once a week and via phone for 15 minutes every 2 weeks.  And of course, it was all monitored. ;) }

So, how can you as the wife and mother and sole caregiver of the household help to keep your husband in his rightful place while he’s away?  Here are a few ideas:

What would Daddy say?

This isn’t an idle threat, it’s an attitude.  Yes, the chaplain (if he’s a good one) will say at Mobilization that if the refrigerator breaks and mama buys a new one, it’s ok, but mama, you best be thinking about what your husband would want you to do.

And when it comes to the children, think about how he would handle certain situations.  Don’t suddenly become a totally different family the second Daddy is out the door.  Daddy’s words and advice should still permeate the atmosphere.

Stand united!

Even though I could not ask Ty about every situation that arose, I still used the words, “Ty and I…” to show a united front to the children and to outsiders.  Don’t leave your husband out of the equation simply because he is not there.  You are still a married couple and a family unit and everyone should be able to see that clearly.

Save up questions for him.

I would obviously tackle the major issues as they happened and report to Ty later, but anything I could save for my 15 minutes that involved household decisions I wrote down on a piece of paper and brought to him for an actual decision.  This made him feel useful to us and it kept us connected through the little things.

Talk Dad up.

When Blake learned to read, I said, “Daddy is going to be so excited!”  No, Daddy wasn’t going to get to hear him read for quite a while, but I knew Daddy would be excited and I knew the next time we talked, I’d be able to tell him the news.  I wanted my son to know that his accomplishments were important to not just me, but his father as well.

You also have to be careful not to belittle Daddy while he’s away.  Even if you are struggling in your marriage, your children will in no way benefit from you airing this fact to them.  He is their father.  He is the head of the household.  No matter how you feel.  Show him his due respect in his God-given role and let the children see you offer that respect in word and deed.

If you are a military wife, I would like to recommend an online magazine for Christian military wives called Wives in Bloom.  Carlie, one of the contributing writers, who also blogs at So You Call Yourself a Homeschooler, let me know about this wonderful resource and I wanted to pass it along to all of you.

Ty is no longer in the military, but his job does take him away on frequent business trips, none of which could ever compare to those 2 years he was deployed.  When he first took this job, someone said to me, “You know he’ll be gone a lot of nights and weekends,” to which I replied, “It isn’t 2 years.”  Perspective, my friends…perspective.

So, how do you keep Dad at the head of the family while he’s away?

A Few of My Favorite Homeschooling Websites

Throughout the next few weeks, I’ll be joining in with the bloggers from iHomeschoolNetwork to offer some of my Top 10′s.  The Top Ten Tuesday link up is hosted by my friend, Angie from Many Little Blessings.
Top Ten Tuesday at Many Little Blessings

This week, we’re sharing our favorite homeschooling sites.  I’m going to warn you right now…mine are different in the fact that few of them are actual homeschool sites.  However, these are the sites I find myself going to over and over again throughout the course of a homeschool year and that’s why they are on my list.  {By the way, these are listed in order of how often I use them.}

—- #1 —-

SCHOLARIC – I was introduced to Scholaric by Amanda from The Pelsers, but it took me months to finally sign up for a free trial of their lesson plan software because I have always shied away from such things due to how complicated they usually are.  I do not like software that requires hours of inputting data to make it work, and nearly everything I had seen on the market took more setup than I was willing to take the time for.  I really didn’t expect Scholaric to be any different, but it was!

It is web-based so I use it on my iPad. (this is part of what has endeared it to me - I don’t have to be tied to my laptop/desktop!)  I type in assignments, but my big kids can also add in their assignments since I don’t always keep track of where they are.  I have never been more impressed by a lesson plan software in all 10 years of my homeschooling!  And yes, we use it every single day multiple times a day.

—- #2 —-

GOOGLE IMAGES – I use the images from Google searches primarily for history and science.  For example, yesterday I was teaching the older kids about the Babylonian captivity of the Jews.  I Googled things like “hanging gardens”, “synagogue” and “hamanatshen”.  But, then I clicked on IMAGES instead of trying to search through EVERYTHING.

Again, I am using my iPad so the kids can easily pass it around and look at the pictures while I read (please be aware that not all search images are appropriate, but usually the first several rows are perfect!).  Having a visual to go along with what we are learning about is priceless!

—- #3 —-

AMAZON – I already told you about my freebie finds for next school year on Amazon, but then one of my readers told me about all the amazing Henty and Ballantyne books for free and I added even more to my Kindle app!  And in the process, I found the McGuffy readers there too!  A huge thank you to Reformation Acres for feeding my obsession for free books!

I also search Amazon first when looking for must-have books for the school year; however, you will see in a moment, this is NOT where I start my search…

—- #4 —-

Trade Books for Free - PaperBack Swap.PaperBackSwap – I told you in my post on creating my own history curriculum exactly how I use PaperBackSwap.  I just listed a long list of books we no longer need and am greatly anticipating sending those off and adding more to my list of needs for next school year!

The reason this site is near the top of my list is because the books come trickling in all year long, so don’t think just because when you initially post your wants and don’t get everything you want that you won’t see it pop up later in the year.  The things I can’t wait on, I buy from Amazon, but if I can wait, I’d rather try to get it via PaperBackSwap.

—- #5 —-

ChristianCinema.com – This is something brand new to our family, but it has already created some big excitement around here!

When we dropped our Netflix membership, we talked about getting an Amazon Prime membership so we could watch videos or subscribing to Hulu, but neither one of those options were distinctly Christian and the selection was a little iffy.  After our decision to be more purposeful with our movie watching, we decided to search for something more in line with what we were trying to accomplish.  I ran across Christian Cinema via an internet search engine and decided this was more what we were looking for.  They even have a “homeschooling” category!

—- #6 —-

HOMESCHOOL SHARE – I’ve told you before how this is the first place I look for supplemental material during our homeschool year.  This site has an amazing selection of free stuff!  And in case you are interested in getting a ChristianCinema membership and then lapbooking what you learn, here’s the link to their Movie Lapbook!

—- #7 —-

THE HOMESCHOOL CHANNEL – I don’t utilize this site as often as I should, but it really is a great resource for the homeschooling family!  But beware, you WILL get lost looking for items of interest there!  It is endless!

—- #8 —-

CurrClick – I have had a CurrClick membership for years and used it periodically to get freebies, but this past April at 2:1 in Washington, D.C., I actually met Leah from CurrClick and came to the realization of just how extensive and awesome the site is!

For instance, did you know there are online classes your child can take via CurrClick on everything from Biology to Math to Government to Essay Writing and all for very reasonable prices considering the last time I looked at an online class through a homeschool company, it was $250!

Leah also told me about their FREE Clubs.  There are Lego Clubs and Chess Clubs (yes, they actually get to play chess in a safe online environment!) and many, many more!  There are even parent’s groups where you can talk about specific homeschooling issues and get the help you need from parents who have been there.

The actual products available through CurrClick are all digital, so if you are looking for less clutter in your homeschool, please check out CurrClick!

—- #9 —-

HOMESCHOOL SANITY – This was an off-shoot of Sherry’s original site Large Family Mothering and it used to be called McGuffey’s World (you’ll see it’s still under that in the URL).  I started reading it because I have this strange fascination with McGuffey Readers.  Probably the same reason one-room schoolhouses fascinate me.  Sherry gives very practical educational application, and because she runs a large family household, I know what she offers will be doable for my homeschool.

 —- #10 —-

MOM’s MUSTARD SEEDS FREEDOM FRIDAY – This is a series I have had bookmarked since it started!  I want to go through the entire thing with my older kids.  It is 12 weeks of Government classes from Lynn at Founder’s Academy and it is entirely FREE!  The classes are presented via video, there is a reading list and worksheets and quizzes – absolutely AMAZING opportunity!

So, what would your top 10 be?  You might even want to write a post about it and link it up to Top Ten Tuesday!

Slow Summer Mothering {Welcome Home Link Up}

I must admit, Summer is not my favorite season.  I don’t know if I became this way due to marrying a man who would rather vacation in Alaska in February than head to the beach any time of year or if pregnancy in the summertime pretty much ruined my taste for the heat.  No matter the reason, from the moment the temps head over 90, our family is ready to lay around the house drinking lemonade and panting like dogs while we dream of vacationing in the mountains.

Unlike many American families, summer around here is a time when we slow down.  Sure, we have our fair share of Boy Scout Camps and horse riding lessons and such, but we do not run a break-neck pace through the summer.  We sort of simmer through summer.  Slow-cook, if you will.

Here are a few more facts about my slow summer style…

*I like to get up earlier in the summer – Back when Ty was deployed, I would get up early on those summer mornings and read my Bible and watch the sun come up on my front porch before my two little ones would rise for the day.  Those are precious memories for me.  Since early morning is the only time of day that is not hot in the summer months (for the most part), I like to drink it in!

*I keep my little ones out of the sun – We typically do not head outside for the day until after 5pm.  We do occasionally go out in the morning (especially to do school), but for the most part, we stay out of the direct sunlight.  I have fair-haired, fair-skinned babies, so no sun-bathing here.

*Meals become what I like to call Amish Lunch.  In my early married years, I read a syndicated newspaper column called The Amish Cook.  She would write about what they had for meals and I was struck by how often lunch would consist of assorted garden produce (some pickled, some not), cheese, bread, jams and butter.  In the summer months I adopt this Amish Lunch with our own flair!  We’ll often be found snacking on cheese and crackers, carrot sticks and pickles.  We’ll eat tortillas rolled up with whatever I can find in the refrigerator or crackers and dip.  Cold, practical and so-not-fancy!

*We school year round. It just makes sense for our family since our major vacation of the year is not in the summer months (off-season is a beautiful thing for a large family!) and I never know when the next baby might be joining our family or we might need to loan a big kid out to a grandparent.

*Running through the sprinklers beat public swimming pools any day.  Public swimming pools and beaches can be a nightmare for a large family with more littles than bigs.  (Not to mention the rather scantily-clad young ladies you see there), so we prefer to stick close to home and play in the sprinklers.  We also have a hot tub at our new house that has the ability to be a “cool” tub in the summer, so we turn it down and use it as a pool of sorts.

*I like my skirts and sandals in the summer.  There is just something lovely about a long-flowing skirt and a cute pair of sandals in the summertime. I feel as if I’ve stepped out of a painting of ladies walking in a flower garden in England.

If you are looking for more skirt ideas, check out the She Wears Skirts series I did with Caroline from The Modest Mom and also see her store for lovely summer skirts like this Ruffled Skirt.  You get 10% off your entire order when you use the code

raisingarrows


*I’m slow-paced by nature.  I am naturally a Mary, not a Martha.  I’m pretty laid back and would rather have a long conversation than clean a kitchen any day.  Since I know this about myself, I have learned to clean first so I can be a Mary without detriment to my home all summer long.

So, what kind of Summer Mother are you?  Slow-paced or super-busy?  I’d love to hear about what makes your summer tick!


Suffering in Pregnancy {anonymous guest post}

{Note from Amy:  For reasons you will soon understand, this post has been submitted anonymously.  May you be blessed in the reading.}

I have five beautiful children. I praise the Lord for each one, for the eternal gift they are, and the joy they bring me. I also praise Him for the bouts of two month long morning sickness that leave me weak, thin, and unable to really care for them. I have learned the secret of finding joy in trials. It is simple really; yet it took me 7 pregnancies to understand, and who knows how long it will take to walk perfectly in it.

The first pregnancy I endured was a lesson in how selfish and wicked I truly was; how far I would go to please myself. I was sick for only one or two weeks, unable to eat or drink, losing weight, getting weak, when I took myself to an abortion clinic and committed murder against my own flesh and blood. I knew immediately the sin I had committed, and grieved. I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, that He is able to forgive even the worst of sinners, such as myself.

Fast forward 4 years, I was saved and I was pregnant again. This time newly married. I fell ill immediately. We were barely home from the honeymoon before I was vomiting constantly, and grumpy and cranky as a wicked witch. My husband was non-plussed, young and unsure, he didn’t know how to help me and it frustrated him endlessly. There were many fights, and lots of selfishness (especially on my side). I wondered why on earth I was so sick when so many people got off “scott free” without a lick of morning sickness. My morning sickness laid me in bed from 8pm to noon the next day, and I lost something around 14 pounds. I was bitter with the Lord. I begged Him to remove the sickness from me. I didn’t ever understand His answer at the time. I could understand no other answer than to remove the cup.

With the next baby, two and a half years later, I wasn’t much better off. I was laid up sick again, this time with a toddler. This time I begged God to remove this cup from me, and I quoted scriptures at Him about health and healing. I was getting frustrated. Why would He allow me to be so sick? I was jealous of women who’s pregnancies were “easy”, and bitter again with the God who said He loved me, but wouldn’t make me well. This time the sickness lasted until 16 weeks. I thought I was going to die, I worried that I would be ill the WHOLE pregnancy.

I repeated the same scenario just 9 months later when I was blessed to carry my third living child. I begged God to help me, and this time I heard distinctly “My grace is sufficient for you”. I knew He was not going to remove this cup from me. I still begged at every wretching, and grew bitter and demanding when I faced the inevitable vomiting. I couldn’t understand. I had been so long under teaching that said God wanted everyone to be healthy all the time, and that if I was sick it was my fault for not having faith, it was hard to think any other way.

I met some godly women online who pointed out that when we are sick but still choose to have children it brings God glory. The world sees only their own discomfort, but when they watch us grow very ill, and yet choose to bring forth more life, they stand in wonder. This gave me hope. It gave me a REASON for suffering. It helped me to understand that life, and my suffering isn’t all about ME. It wasn’t a punishment that I was ill. I began to look forward to the next pregnancy. I began to know that I could surrender to God’s sovereign will for my life. I considered it a good chance to show others how much God loves children, and that I valued them so much, I was willing to endure.

When I was blessed again however, I still had a very hard time surrendering to His will. I had to fight to not ask Him to remove the cup. It wasn’t a joyful time of illness, but it wasn’t as much torture as the previous ones had been. I wasn’t bitter with God anymore, and I asked Him to help me through it. I attempted to find joy despite the suffering. I tried to practice believing that His grace was sufficient for me, and that when I was weak then I was strong in Christ. It lessened the burden of the illness on me, and around this time my husband became more helpful which also lessened the burden. My first born child was old enough to keep the kitchen cleaned, and make a couple meals like oatmeal. I was still complaining bitterly of the suffering, and I didn’t know there was something better. I thought that the martyr attitude was a godly one, and the top of the revelation of God’s teaching on suffering. That suffering was glorious because we suffer.

When I last became pregnant (this go round, live baby number 6), I learned the most wonderful thing of all. That we can find joy IN suffering, not just despite it; that we can be thankful FOR suffering. I’ve been sick. I’ve been so sick I can’t get off of the sofa. I can’t stand to smell food cooking, and even though I know I need to eat it, I throw up instead and can’t. This is God’s BEST for me. It’s His will for me. It’s the cup and the cross He wants me to bear. But He promised that I don’t have to be discouraged. Though I am pressed on every side, I can be joyful. Though I suffer, I can enjoy that He is making me into the image of His most holy Son. I am pressed down, but I can smile. He has not left me, He has not forgotten to provide His grace for me. He is not just using me to reach a lost world through my suffering. No. His BEST for ME, is that I might be conformed into the image of Christ. That I might be like unto Him, and that I might share in the fellowship of His suffering, just as Paul and all the other saints have. He is blessing me with this suffering. It’s His MERCY on me. The mercy of salvation worked out in me.

I can say with Paul “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Cor 12:10) I can say with him “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:10-12)   That I might be able to apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me. He has revealed to me what it is to “…count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;…” (James 1:2) I can take pleasure in illness, I can count it joy that I suffer, I can be thankful in all things, and when I am sick now, I make every attempt to praise the God who sought me, and bought me, and won’t let me go away unchanged. He is faithful to work in me the image of His Son, to continue pressing me when I am foolish and stubborn and want to remain a child. He is faithful to complete in me, the work which He began. I hope that I might be faithful to accept, and find joy in His workings.

The Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome

the most unbecoming photo of me I could find

This has to be one of the most unbecoming photos of me ever, but it sort of looks defensive, doesn't it?

I told you it was coming!

When we as moms are on the receiving end of the judgement passed by others, we can be quick to cry,

“But you don’t understand!”

never stopping to consider that there may be some constructive in that criticism.

God can and does use others to refine us.  Iron sharpening iron is not always pleasant and we must be willing to hear the words of others despite the sting.

If someone suggests you need to be home more or you might not be managing your finances well or you need to discipline your children more, don’t immediately jump on the defensive – or at least try not to blurt out what you are feeling.  Instead, take a deep breath, a few steps back and consider these things…

1.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t assume their motives in saying something that stings is to judge you and hurt you.

I once had an older woman suggest I was either not sleeping or neglecting my family in order to blog.  She had no idea that I only need about 6 hours of sleep a night and that I type 85 words per minute.  Computer-related things have always come easily to me and therefore, I can get a lot done in very little time.  But rather than quickly defending myself, I decided to remain quiet with all my reasons and take some time to assess whether I truly was balancing blog and life in a God-honoring way.

I decided I could find even better ways to manage my time so I wasn’t blogging during hours when I could have been spending time with my husband.  I only worked on blogging when he also had work to do and I made sure to sit beside him as we worked.  I also started scheduling my social media promotions to cut out the 30 minutes in the morning I was on the computer before breakfast.

Her words, though not fully informed, had merit and did afford me the opportunity to do an even better job of managing me.  I also know for a fact, she was speaking out of concern for me and not in hopes of hurting me.

2.  It isn’t always necessary to defend yourself.

When my father was struggling through his last year with Alzheimer’s, I had someone reprimand me for “running up and down the road” from my home to my hometown 3 hours away.  This person had not had a parent die and did not know what it was like to be forgotten.  I had determined, with my husband’s blessing, not to be forgotten by my father for as long as I could manage.  Gas prices and wear and tear on the car do not even compare to the time I spent with my dad.

But there was no need for me to defend myself for making the most of what time I had left with my dad.  If this person had taken a few moments to think through the situation, they would have realized what was more important.  Additionally, I had my husband’s blessing.  There was no need to defend something that would not have changed no matter how much someone tried to convince me otherwise.

3.  Listen and discern. 

When someone says something that cuts us to the quick, it is hard to listen.  Sometimes it is even harder to discern if it is truth or lies.  No one wants to be criticized, but sometimes the very things we need to hear come wrapped in pain.

But, there is a flip side as well.  Sometimes the attacks we feel are just that…attacks.  They break us down and make us question ourselves over and over again.

Both of these require us to get on our knees before God and ask for His guidance.

We need discernment from the Lord to know if what we are hearing needs to be taken to heart or if it needs to be flung far from our hearts.

So, my dear mamas, perhaps you are doing too much.  Perhaps you aren’t practicing self-control.  Or perhaps you are right where God has you and in that you can rest.

The Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome

You look at her and your first thought is,

“How in the world does she have time for that?”

Your second thought is,

“She’s probably sacrificing her marriage or her children or her time with God.”

Whoa!  That was a quick leap from time management to outright negligence!

As I was writing my post on me management (and also my post for Homeschool Blogging on Sour Grapes Blogging), I realized that all too often we project our own feelings and weaknesses onto someone else and sometimes we end up acting downright self-righteous.

I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve done it.  I’ve looked at another mom and said in carefully-hidden jealousy (*cough*),

“How in the world did she find the time to do that?”

Maybe she took a gourmet cooking class or clipped coupons and paid $2 for groceries last month.  Maybe she wrote a book or had a speaking engagement halfway across the country.  Maybe she created a stunning scrapbook or manages to blog at Starbucks every weekend.  Maybe she took a shower without 6 little voices talking to her the entire time.

Whatever it is she did, the moment we pass judgement is the moment we elevate ourselves to a pedestal.  Just because MY time bandits are X, Y, and Z does NOT mean Susie Homemaker down the street is squandering her time if she is doing X, Y, and Z.

We tend to get a little self-righteous when we see someone else doing the very things we can’t seem to do without sacrificing a massive amount of our time.  It feels unfair and in turn, we become unfair in our assessment of the situation.

But, what if

  • God has that mama in the place He has her for a reason?
  • God has you in the place you are for a reason?
  • Her God-given giftings make it easier for her to do the things she does?
  • Your God-given giftings feel crazy-difficult to her?

God created us each differently and has us each in different places all for HIS glory.  It’s not my job to decide if you are or are not where He placed you.

Ladies, we don’t know the full story, but God does.  If you absolutely see outright neglect or sin, then by all means address it…in love.  But, the first step toward contentment in your own life is stop comparing yourself to others.

God didn’t make me a couponing queen or a scrapbooking diva.  He put me 30 minutes away from a Starbucks and gave me 7 beautiful children, several of which talk to me during my shower.

I blog.  It’s where He has me…for now.

I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from Jamerrill Stewart of Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling, FreeHomeschoolDeals.com, and the recently announced co-ownership of The Homeschool Village:

{Jesus} answered my heart’s cry with a ministry right from my farm house kitchen. He also has only increased this passion, creative ideas, and opportunity…I feel the Lord’s pleasure when I blog. Despite what some may say about the energy I put into my blogs, I am in God’s will. He confirms it. He multiplies my time. Jesus is mixed up in the middle of this with me.

PS – There is definitely a flip side to this Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome called the Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome.  You’re not off the hook!  Coming soon…