My wonderfully hilarious friend, Nony, is back again guest posting here on Raising Arrows with some encouragement for those of you who are struggling with keeping a neat and tidy home. I asked her to include a lot of links to her own blog, A Slob Comes Clean, so you can really dig deep into the baby steps she is taking to “deslob.”  It is my prayer you will find hope and encouragement in her journey, as well as find ways to apply it to your own life!

I’m a slob. I’ve been a slob all of my life. When I was a teenager, and even as a college student, I laughed along with the friends who teased me about it. But when I became a mom . . . a full-time stay-at-home mom, and my slob-problem didn’t magically disappear like I had always assumed it would . . . it became a source of shame.

Give me a big project or an event to organize, and I’m in my element. But ring my doorbell without 48 hours notice . . . and I get heart palpitations.

I was completely baffled over how to keep my home from spiraling out of control. I’d try to change, but as soon as life happened (which it tends to do quite often), I’d suddenly look up to see clutter everywhere and with no idea when I last cleaned the toilets.

Two years ago, without telling anyone, I started a blog called A Slob Comes Clean. I was desperate to figure out why I am this way, and I had to find a way to keep my focus. It was my place to share my struggles with total honesty.

I didn’t realize in the beginning, but that’s what my deslobification journey has been about.

Honesty.

Honesty with myself. I have an amazing ability to come up with some doozies of excuses. Early on, though, I realized that my process had to not focus on the excuses themselves, but on the fact that they were . . . excuses. I wanted a clean house. Not the justification for a messy one. Excuses weren’t getting me anywhere.

Honesty with my family. Ironically, I think I grasped this concept because I didn’t tell them about my blog at first. I didn’t hold a family meeting and declare that everything was going to change around here . . . once and for all! I just started making changes, taking on all of the responsibility that truly did fall to me as the mother. The full-time home manager. I waited until the changes in our home began to speak for themselves before I spoke. Then, when I did speak, my words were true.

Honesty with the world. This was the hardest of all. The state of my home was my greatest source of shame and it kept me from being the real me. I couldn’t be hospitable, spontaneous, creative . . . anything that required a place to sit down or a place to work. I blogged anonymously, petrified that someone would find out my deep dark secret. It was almost a year before I shared with any but my closest friends and family.

I’ve been surprised at the effects of my ever-increasing honesty.

Being honest with myself has resulted in real change. By laying it all out, I was finally able to come up with ways to keep my house under control. Not allowing myself to pretend that I was someone I was not, or had time that didn’t actually exist, allowed me to part with truckloads of craft supplies, too-small clothes, and baking items that would be the envy of Paris chefs.

Being honest with my family allowed me to experience their love and support . . . and help. As long as I lived in denial about how bad my slob-problem was, I couldn’t experience their cheers, their willingness to pitch in, and their acceptance.

Being honest with the world has been the hardest, but perhaps the most rewarding. Turns out, most people aren’t perfect. And most people don’t like perfect people. I’ve been amazed (over and over) at how many people relate to my struggles. As I learned I was not alone, others have expressed relief to know that they were not alone. And even though it’s something I’m still working toward, bringing the put-together-in-public-who-would-guess-that-she’s-a-slob me and the I-have-struggles-but-so-does-everyone-else-so-let’s-support-each-other-as-we-work-to-change me together into the same person . . . is a relief.

Nony shares (with complete honesty) her personal deslobification journey at A Slob Comes Clean. She is a full-time mother of three who strives to make her home a reflection of herself and her family. Getting rid all of the stuff that they don’t need makes that much easier. Check out the methods she has developed to keep her home in order that work for her unique slob brain.

Today’s Guest Post is from my dear, dear friend Rachel at Finding Joy.  I met Rachel years ago and she never, ever forgets to send me a note on the anniversary of Emily’s Home-going…because that day is also Rachel’s birthday.  Love you, Rachel!

Homeschooling with Joy

It’s September. The time of year when the excitement of a new homeschooling year fills our homes. There’s the curriculum, and the falling leaves, and eager (for the most part) kids, and fresh schedules. I love September. My spirit, energy and zest for life is high.

But, in a couple months it will be November and the daily grind will be setting in. Dishes, laundry, drilling those math facts – the ones that should have been known the first week of October, and coming up with a creative lunch, start to take over our time. There are lessons to drive through, driveways to clear, and kitchens to clean. After awhile all of the stuff to do, that daily grind, can pull the joy right out of our lives.

It doesn’t have to.

The joy can stay.

In fact, I believe that living a joyful life involves intentionally seeking, intentionally looking and intentionally  finding joy. So often we think that we’ll be happy when this happens or if that is taken care of or when we’re over this health crisis or we’re out of this financial burden. But, friends, life is full of those deep valleys and burdens as well as those dry daily grind moments. It became clear to me several years ago that I was living life “on hold” waiting for the ideal circumstances — or at least what I thought to be the ideal circumstances — to play out. And I was unhappy. Sullen. Waiting around for my idea of the good life.

It was right in front of me.

I just wasn’t seeing it.

I remember making a choice to find joy in the every day little moments of life. And life? It started to become this beautiful journey. Even in the hard parts. Last winter, when my son Samuel was in the hospital after being diagnosed with Celiac Disease, I remember praying for joy. He was sleeping in my arms, peaceful, and I was rocking in a chair alone in the hospital with only the steady sounds of his iv and the whir of the fan in the corner. As I rocked, unsure of the future, I prayed for joy and peace to fill my heart. As the chair moved back and forth I became so grateful for the little blond boy who was safe in my arms sleeping. There was good in the midst of trial.

So how about homeschooling? It can get tough and wearing and there will be those days when you wonder what you’re doing. I know. I’ve been there. But, I didn’t want to stay there. So, instead, I prayed about homeschooling and mothering and joy. These are a couple ways that I keep my mind focused on living an intentional and joyful life – my prayer is that when you are in the depths of homeschooling that you can remember one of this tips and it will bless and encourage you.

1) The Little Things Matter. Keep your eyes open and peeled for the joy in the everyday. Maybe it’s the toddler who discovers the light switch or the six year old who made his own sandwich or your teenager who understands that complex geometry problem or the beauty in the rain falling out the window. There are glimmers of beauty in the every day moments. But, you have to be aware. Looking. And that takes practice.

2) Incorporate Prayer. Prayer isn’t meant to be just a morning or before bed or before dinner thing. It’s an all day, every day necessity. We choose to pray throughout the day and incorporate it into our lives. Constantly recognizing the need for our Savior and the blessings that He has given us increases gratitude and joy.

3) Character First, Academics Second. My childrens’ character comes first. If there is an attitude issue than that needs to take front seat to the math that has to (and will) get finished. So often, it’s a heart issue — meaning I need to step away from my agenda to train and encourage my little ones. When the heart is right learning comes easier.

4) Take time to laugh. Seriously. Stop what you’re doing and get down and play with your kids. Run in the sprinkler, find a great book, paint with watercolors — just start taking time to enjoy those gifts that the Lord has placed in front of you. Laughing is good medicine.

5) Establish a Routine. I’ve written about my schedule before — it’s flexible — but there still is an underlying sense of routine. Children thrive knowing where the fences, the boundaries are located. Having a routine creates security and movement throughout the day. And because of that there is more time spent together and productive versus trying to figure out what to do next.

You can do it. I know you can.

And on those days where it feels like it’s too much the first thing I’d tell you to do is to stop whatever your doing, step back, and pray. Even if it’s at 10:11 in the morning. Just stop. Pray and ask our gracious Father to fill you, your children, and your home with His joy. Real, authentic joy.

I’m going to end by sharing a favorite verse of mine in Psalms. Every year our family chooses a life verse — a verse to pray and meditate on throughout the year. Several years ago we settled on Psalm 65:11. That section of Scripture has encouraged me so much throughout my journey. I am blessed by David’s words as He describes our Savior and Lord as the source of all joy. It is a beautiful reminder for me to seek Him and to view this world, that He created, with eyes of joy.

You visit the earth and water it; you greatly enrich it;
the river of God is full of water; you provide their grain,
for so you have prepared it.

You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges,
softening it with showers, and blessing its growth.

You crown the year with your bounty;
your wagon tracks overflow with abundance.

The pastures of the wilderness overflow,
the hills gird themselves with joy,
the meadows clothe themselves with flocks,
the valleys deck themselves with grain,
they shout and sing together for joy.

Psalm 65:9-13 (ESV)

Today’s guest post is from Jamerrill of Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling.  I “met” Jamerrill via blogging and even had her as an advertiser when her blog was just a fledgling.  Since that time she has sprouted wings and the Lord has used her and her blog in mighty ways!  Please welcome Jamerrill! (oh, and if you are wondering how to pronounce her name, I just came right out and asked her…it’s JAYmerrill…and now you know!)

Simple Ways to Reach the Hearts of Our Children

Gaining and keeping the hearts of our children is a full-time job in which we must employ an eternal prospective. I daily pray and ask the Lord for simple ways to reach my children’s hearts. Some days I feel that I failed miserably, but that is where God‘s grace picks up where I leave off. I prayerfully keep the mindset that every minute I am together with my children is another opportunity for me to sow more of God’s truth and goodness into their lives.  If I hold their heart, I can draw them to His. Heart keeping doesn’t have to be complicated.  It does however cost our most precious commodity, our time. It is important that we adjust our focus so that we see that everything we do along side our children is reaching their hearts for eternity.

Here are some simple ways we can reach the hearts of our children:

Draw and color together - This is free.  Out of our five children thus far, I have one wild card, strong-willed, tiger-of-a-child.  (May I also throw in that this child is the only girl and the middle child.)  I know the Lord made her very strong for a reason. I asked the Lord to show me ways to reach her heart.  He showed me one of the simplest ways to reach her heart is drawing with her.  It’s during these times of drawing puppies, kitties and “snake babies,” that I find she’s touching my arm on purpose or snuggling very close.

Board Games - Yes, the long drawn out ones that take hours.  I just finished a massive Monopoly game with our older sons {8 & 11} that stretched over two days and took over six hours to complete.  When we play games as a family, we strengthen our bonds and have volumes of great conversation. I accomplish these longer games with our older children during the naptime of younger children or in the evening and on my husband‘s days off.

Cooking -  Some of our favorite times as a family are when we’re cooking together.  I use mealtime as a training ground for life skills and heart cultivating.  My 10-year old can scramble eggs and make toast.  Our younger children love helping by spreading biscuits on a baking sheet.  I have another child who is keen on making Jell-O and brownies.  All of these cooking activities can be completed beside me while I’m working in the Kitchen.

Family Reading Time - We are all wild about reading great books as a family. Of course, the Bible is the greatest book and is at the forefront of our reading time. Everyone loves to flop down on a snuggly couch, or quilt under our shady tree, and get lost together for hours in great reading.  I believe our reading time is a massive door to the hearts of my children.  Our deeply spiritual conversations usually sprout as we’re reading God’s word together.  Jesus grabs all of our hearts and pulls us together towards His.

Work -  Whether it’s working on chores with mom or changing the oil with dad, I see our children strengthened after we’ve worked together.  Working side-by-side with my children allows me to instill in them a good work ethic and values that God and family matter most.

Their interest - What about Legos, playing tag and jumping on the trampoline?   As often as I’m able, I spend time doing something additional they’re interested in.  My children build Legos, so I build Legos.  When my small children nap, I’ll jump on the trampoline with our older children.  In addition, everyone turns to giggles when we play tag or hide-n-seek as a family, and mom gets some exercise thrown in!

Most important -  The most important aspect of reaching your children’s hearts is to call on the name of the Lord.  Pray, seek, ask, knock. Lift your children up in prayer to the One whom created them for His purpose and predestined you to have authority over them for this season.  What a privilege we have to be used by Him to usher these eternal souls toward the throne of His grace.  He will give you wisdom as to what each child needs specifically, to reach their hearts for Him.

Jamerrill Stewart loves Jesus fiercely.  She and her husband Travis have been married for 13 years and are the blessed paretns to 5 children ages 11, 8, 5, 2, and infant.  Jamerrill writes about homeschooling-on-the-cheap, frugal/large family living, and all things Jesus at Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling.

Jamerrill Stewart from Holy Spirit-led Homeschooling guest posts today on the quandary of a working mother who wants to homeschool her children, but can’t see a way out of her career.  I pray this blesses and encourages my readers who have found themselves in similar circumstances.  Thank you, Jamerrill for sharing your heart!

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Countless times I have had mothers say to me,

“I wish I could homeschool, but I have to work.”

I worked full-time, 36-40 hrs every weekend as a Charge Nurse, for the first three years of our homeschooling journey. Slowly, the Lord showed me that it was costing my family too much, in more ways than just financial, for me to continue working outside of our home. {You can read more about my journey in my current series, Choosing Home}

I am in no way condemning any woman in any situation. We all have life circumstances in which the Lord must walk us through. You may already be creatively working outside the home and homeschooling. On the other hand, you may be researching homeschooling and wondering how you could ever be home with your children. My heart is to offer bits of my journey to you as hope that the Lord is still in the business of giving us the desires of our heart.

Here are a few reminders that may bless you on your journey as you seek the Lord as to what is His will for your family.

* Believe God – If you have the desire on your heart to homeschool, but are unable to at this point, take that desire and offer it back to God. Many times, He prepares us for what He has called us to do during these waiting seasons.

* Talk to your spouse - The Lord first put the desire on my heart to homeschool while I was reading the book “Bringing up Boys” by Dr. James Dobson. Our oldest child was barely two years old. I had taken the leap of faith to quit my job in the I.T. industry to stay home with our sweet boy until he started school. I felt conflicted knowing that I never wanted to leave him, but one day I’d have to give him away to the school system. One evening I mentioned to my husband a crazy idea I read about called homeschooling. To my surprise, my husband replied, “Well, of course that’s what we’re going to do!” Your spouse may agree that homeschooling is a goal for your family. Then again, your spouse may not agree. Take this to prayer as well and release it to the Lord. If it is His will for you to homeschool, he will confirm it in the heart of your spouse. This may take time, but He is faithful.

* Consider the cost – Many moms spend a huge chunk of their paychecks on childcare, after-school and summer programs, wardrobe, lunches, and gas. Not to mention vehicles, vacations and credit cards. If you look at your budget and don’t see how it’s possible for you to leave the workforce, prayerfully ask the Lord to expose ways that your family can save money and cut back. For a season consider cutting out all extras like sports, music lessons, eating out, movies, extra shopping, you get the idea. Consider cutting your lifestyle back to simply the essentials. { Here are some of the things I gave up to be a SAHM} Believe me, I’ve gained far more than the earthly items I’ve sacrificed. Dave Ramsey, who my husband is a big fan of, says, “Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else.”

* Baby Steps – While the Lord has led me to stay home full-time, it was a slow and steady process to get to this point. Carefully, he led me to step down from full-time to part-time hours, then part-time to PRN-then PRN to home free! Sure, we didn’t know how we were going to make it on just one income. My husband even had a five-month season of unemployment where God provided for us supernaturally. The point is for me it has been a faith walk. The Lord has honored our decision by helping us cut expenses, pay off debt and learn to trust Him fully.

*Wait well – My friend, I know that is easier said than done. You know the biggest component in your waiting season.

Waiting.
{Ouch!}

Gods Word promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us {Deuteronomy 31:6}. Trust that as you continue to delight yourself in Him, that He will give you the desires of your heart {Psalms 37:4}. Trust that these desires in your heart are from the Lord. Believe that He will bring all these good things to pass. He’ll put you right where He needs you to be.

Has the Lord brought you home from working full-time? Do you have an encouraging testimony you’d like to share?

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Jamerrill Stewart loves Jesus fiercely. She and her husband Travis have been married for 13 years, and are the blessed parents of 5 children ages 11, 8, 5, 2 & infant. Jamerrill writes about homeschooling on-the-cheap, frugal/large family living and all things Jesus at Holy Spirit-led Homeschooling.

top photo credit:Kheel Center, Cornell Univ

Photo Credit: Caroline Broyles

“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

It was an early spring morning and the birds chirped cheerily as the sun rose in the sky.

Cup of coffee in my hand, I sit down in the rocker, on the front porch, to spend a few minutes in the Word.

Being allergic to mornings, this is a rare, but sweet occurrence. To have some quiet before the pitter-patter of little feet hit the floor makes me feel so much better about the day.

And I have big plans for this day. This day we are starting fresh with a new schedule that I have laid out.

This day we are going to accomplish big things.

I am going to smile more. We are going to finish all of our schooling. I am going to take time to play, read books and interact with each one of my blessings. The house will be in order when dear husband comes home to the delicious aroma of the dinner I have cooked.

Yes, I contentedly sigh within, it is going to be a good day.

And then it happened.

“Mommy!” I hear a yell from the upstairs hallway.

“Brother just threw up and it’s all over the floor.”

I run upstairs to find child #2 laying on the floor with fever on his brow.

My plans of the day slip away from my grasp as I assess the mess before me.

The clean-up begins and before the last towel is put in the washer, another child toddles up to me “My tummy hurts”. And so it goes…

Within 2 hours every child is laying on the floor of the den, sick.

And I groan.

What happened to MY plans?

And then I am reminded of the words that I read just that morning.

“A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.”

I had my own plans, but the Lord had directed my steps. I had my own agenda and He had said that a different path was better for me that day. I had thought the day would be full of great things, and the Lord was asking me to be content with my two mites and offer those up to Him.

“But, Lord, wouldn’t it have been more glorifying to you if I had accomplished all those wonderful things? Would not it have shown all those who think I am crazy for having so many children, that it can be done? How can this…this chaos bring you glory?”

Soon, I am chastened in my heart as it comes to mind– that His way is perfect. Perfect.

This throw-up mess is…perfect.

“But our God is in the heavens: he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased.” Ps.115:3

If the Lord has done what pleased him, who am I to complain? The soul thrives best in the Valley of Humiliation. My new direction of the day is to love, comfort and care for these sick ones. This will bring him glory more than my shiny house and hot cooked meal. I may not be teaching them their three r’s today, but I can teach them the compassion of Jesus through my gentle caresses.

I head back into the room with renewed strength and grace to be a mama in just the perfect way the Lord had laid out for me.

*The above story is fictitious, but certainly could have been our home on any given day.

Jenny is an ordinary mom with an extraordinary God. After a beautiful courtship, she has now been married for 16 years. She and her husband homeschool their 7 children (ages 14- 2mo). When Jenny is not teaching, playing with her children, or changing diapers, she loves to sing, write and blog. She has unmatched socks, messy closets and is allergic to mornings. Come and be encouraged, blessed and challenged in your high calling as a Titus 2 woman over at A Mother’s Heritage. You may also follow her on Facebook, or Twitter.