I’m almost certain every married couple has their own newlywed cooking
disasters stories. Here are the two most common stories we tell visitors when the topic turns to cooking and early marriage. Have a seat in a comfy chair and prepare to be entertained!
“Ty Loves Albacore Tuna”
As a newlywed, I did not know how to cook much of anything. I had wooed my unsuspecting husband with some tummy tempting treats I had eeked out of a cookbook in my mom’s cupboard. I looked brilliant!
Fast forward to a few months into our marriage and you will find me cooking out of boxes and cans. One such can was an albacore tuna can. You see, Ty’s mother had informed me that Ty loved albacore tuna! In fact, she bought several cans for me and I was cooking Tuna Helper several times a week, despite the fact I HATED tuna. I would nibble politely on the meager helping on my plate whilst serving up a heaping helping onto Ty’s, knowing he loved it so much he would never notice how much I had to scrunch up my nose to get the stuff down. I even began to branch out from the boxed tuna helper and come up with my own casseroles centered around my new husband’s beloved albacore tuna.
One day, as we sat at our little dining room table (better recognized as a card table with folding chairs), my husband looked over yet another lovely tuna dish and into my eyes and said,
“I appreciate your cooking and all you do, and I’m sure you must love tuna, but I don’t know how to say this…”
Oh no! My cooking really was atrocious! Something was burnt? It didn’t taste like his mother’s tuna noodle casserole! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…..
“It’s ok. What’s wrong?” I replied, bracing myself for the worst.
“Well…I don’t like tuna.”
“WHAT?! But your mother said you loved tuna! She even bought me your favorite kind!”
“Oh no, I HATE tuna!”
“I HATE tuna too!”
“WHAT?! You mean all these months we’ve been eating tuna this and tuna that and neither one of us liked it?”
Yep, that’s right…we had both been politely choking it down, thinking the other one loved tuna. And that, my friends, was the last tuna dish cooked in our house.
For the record, my mother-in-law really DID think Ty loved albacore tuna. We’re not entirely sure how this misconception came about, but it sure made for quite a story!
Around this same time, my beloved husband informed me he really liked hominy. Well, I made no bones about the fact that I seriously hated the stuff (I mean, come on! It looks like blown up corn and tastes like mush…no thank you.) But, I am a good wife and I scoured my Betty Crocker cookbook to find a recipe that would make my husband happy.
The only recipe in the book was one that called for jalapenos. Remember me…the young wife who doesn’t know how to cook? Well, I had never in my life cooked with jalapenos, but the recipe made it seem simple enough, so I purchased all the ingredients (including the disgusting corn-on-steroids in a can) and headed home to make my husband something he would rave about for years to come.
Alone in our apartment kitchen, I dug into those jalapenos like I’d been doing it all my life. I sliced and diced, threw them in the casserole (seeds and all) and then it happened…
A hair got in my eye.
I brushed it away.
I fell on the floor, writhing in pain. My eye was burning, my whole face was burning! I couldn’t see. I could only roll around on the kitchen floor begging for mercy!
Finally, I managed to get myself propped up to the kitchen sink and get my hands clean and my eyes open once again. I finished the dish with love because, after all, this was for my husband and no amount of pain could deter me from bringing him a lovely meal.
That night, I proudly displayed my hominy casserole. It really was quite beautiful with its golden color and flecks of green jalapenos peeking out. And even though I had no intentions of eating it, I served it up with love to my wonderful spouse.
“Oh, it looks wonderful, ” he said as he lifted the first bite to his mouth.
Next thing I know, he’s croaking out something about needing water as his face turns red and he starts hiccuping. Instead of waiting for me to decipher what in the world he’s talking about, he jumps up and runs to the refrigerator and grabs the milk jug and begins chugging. When he can finally breathe again, he politely explains to me that the seeds of the jalapeno are the hot part and perhaps I put too many in.
Um…perhaps I put them all in.
and yes, that was the last time I made hominy casserole.
Your turn! Favorite newlywed cooking stories, line up here…