Category Archives: Mommy Matters

What Now?

What Now? | RaisingArrows.net

When my oldest was a little boy, we would spend the day with friends and after coming home from a very full and fun day, he would promptly ask,

where are we going

All I could do was stare at him in disbelief.  How could he possibly want to go somewhere else?  How could he be so ungrateful for the time we spent doing fun things the entire day?

But, over the years, I began to see this wasn’t a matter of being ungrateful.  It was a case of what we call in our house The Let Downs.

We all have events in our lives that create memories, cause adrenaline rushes, are super fun or even super stressful that once over, cause us to feel let down.  We don’t know where to go from here.  We feel directionless and perhaps even a little sad.

35 Weeks

Pregnancy and delivery feel a bit like that to me.  Once it is over, even though I have this wonderful little babe in my arms, I find myself wondering, “What now?”

fishingMy husband feels like this after vacation.  He throws himself into vacation, soaks up every minute of it, and once back home, he has a hard time going back to the day to day.

As adults, we know life can’t be all fun and games, but children get the “let-downs” and don’t know why or what to do about it.  It’s helpful to let them know what they are feeling and what they will be doing once the big event is over so they can see that life isn’t going to just stop, but it will be different

I have to be honest with you, I’m sitting here writing this with a case of the Let Downs myself.  My focus last week was the big ebook sale.  I was so excited about it and it consumed a lot of energy, but that is over.  Of course, I have a million and one things to do next, but I’m finding myself thinking, “What now?”

So, today I’m going to take some time to regroup.  I’m going to look at these areas:

  • Home
  • School
  • Blog

and jot down some of my thoughts, make myself a Next Thing List and get going.

So, how about you?  Ever feel like you have the Let Downs?  What do you do to overcome it?

Discarded Shoes {guest post}

“When is supper?”

 “Is my hoodie clean?”

 “Where did you put my book?”

 “Mom, he’s looking at me.  Can you make him stop?”

The questions came like rapid fire.  It felt like I was training troops, dodging bullets, putting out fires, and building barricades with no time to stop.  Exhausted, I dropped into my chair at the supper table.  I hadn’t even finished eating when the troops began asking to be excused from the table.  Not a word of thanks and a few more almost rude demands followed.

The pressure suddenly demanded release.  Bursting into tears I exploded,

“That’s it.  I’m going on a walk, and I won’t be back until I’m good and ready.”

I grabbed my shoes and slammed out the door.

As I secured the laces to my worn and grungy tennis shoes I thought,

“This is all I am to them.  Just an old pair of discarded shoes.  They use me all day long, but at the end of the day I’m tossed in the corner and forgotten about.”

Discarded Shoes | RaisingArrows.net

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net

Storming down the road, I continued my pity party.

“No one appreciates what I do for them.  Not a word of thanks.  Such ingratitude.” 

The thoughts raced through my brain more quickly than my shoes pounded the pavement.

Catching my breath after walking a mile, I slowed the pace.  The thoughts of self-pity began to taper off, but I still felt self-righteous in my thinking.  After all, I did deserve some thanks and appreciation for all the things I did for my family and others.

With the physical exertion the turmoil in my spirit began to calm, and as the quiet pervaded my soul some verses came to mind.

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Mark 10:43-45

Suddenly, I felt humbled.  True my ungrateful brood needed some training, but I desperately needed a change of attitude.  Who was I to think I should have a higher status then my Savior?  Here I was telling God that I deserved to be treated better than his Son.  In the midst of the battle I had lost sight of my purpose.  I was created to honor and serve My Creator.  This is often accomplished through my service to others.

“Oh Lord, forgive me.  My service was given with thoughts of only myself.  I wanted my children to say “thank you.”  I wanted them to serve me in return.  I wanted others to notice how selflessly I gave to my family and others.  I wanted men’s applause.”

Arriving home I sat on the back step unlacing my shoes.  Rejuvenated in mind and spirit I had a new prayer,

“Lord, let me be a shoe for your service.  I may get worn, stepped on, and kicked aside, but grant me the strength to continue and in so doing share Christ’s love with my family and the world.”

********************

Natasha is a pastor’s wife and the homeschooling mother of seven children.  You can read more from Natasha on her blog: Mother of Seven.

Natasha bio photo

Apron Prayers

Apron Prayers | RaisingArrows.netI am tired.  The noise and the tears and the bickering and the sick baby have brought me to my knees.  I keep searching for quiet, but none is available.  I have to just muddle through and make bedtime an hour early.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Ever feel this way?  I know I do.

As a mom with Sensory Processing Disorder, it seems to happen more often than I care to admit.  I have limitations to how much noise and chaos I can take.  I can only be “on” for so long before the off switch flips and I’m on overload.  And no matter how peaceful our home is on a typical day, there are plenty of atypical days when life is loud and difficult.

But even a mom without sensory issues, can find herself totally touched out when the day has been rough.

brainless

I’ve written before about the practical things you can do when you are touched out, but what can you do spiritually to refresh your soul and get back to a place where your nerves are no longer frazzled?

I like to follow Christ’s example and go off to pray whenever I can manage it, but sometimes I don’t have the opportunity to leave the situation, so I have to stay right where I am and take a deep breath and offer a prayer of desperation up to the Lord.

Susanna WesleyI remember hearing the story of how Susanna Wesley would pull her long apron over her head and pray.  With a house full of children, often an apron prayer is all I can manage. 

Apron Prayers for You

Let me share some verses about peace and refreshment in the Lord that can be memorized and then turned into your own Apron Prayers…

PhilippiansIsaiah

Romans

James

Ladies, it isn’t easy to work through those difficult days, otherwise they wouldn’t be difficult, but you have One who is bigger and greater than the chaos.  Rest in Him and REJOICE!Amy

The Public Facade, The Private Truth

Are you who you say you are? | RaisingArrows.net

Recently, I watched a woman unleash her frustration and anger on her children in a very public place.  I remember thinking how if this was how she was behaving with a crowd of onlookers, how much worse it must be for those children at home.

Why do I know this?  Because we are all a tad bit different, more guarded, more prettied up while in public than we are at home.  Our public facade is never an exact copy of our private truth.

Sometimes, our private truth is nearly an exact opposite of what we pretend to be when in public.

Today, I want to encourage you to start bringing your private life in line with your public life.  No, I don’t mean start airing all your dirty laundry in the name of being “real.”  I mean recognize the areas you need help in and start asking the Lord to help you overcome those struggles, get through the rough spots, and heal the brokenness so that who you pretend to be in public is no longer a charade.

And if you need accountability for who you are in private, find someone who will be there for you in a solidly Biblical way.  Someone who will be honest with you, who will build you up and encourage you from Scripture.

Friends, the Lord changes lives every day.  He wants your public testimony to line up with your private life.  He wants others to see His glory through your victory.

Today, I am praying for you.


Letting Go of Our Children {guest post}

Letting Go of Our Children | RaisingArrows.net

When I snapped this picture the morning Ryan left home for college, all I could see was a blur. I was looking through a cloud of tears. I kept them at bay though until he pulled out of the driveway.

Keeping my hands and mind busy helped.   There were meals to cook, children to teach, and loads of laundry to wash.  I was feeling thankful for the full day ahead of me.  I plunged into it with determination to not let my mind dwell on what was missing.

All was going well.  Breakfast had been served and cleaned up in record time.  It was one of those rare school days where we finished everything in my lesson plans.  Now it was time to fold some laundry and get supper cooking.  Then it happened.  It was right there in my hand, reminding me of what was gone.  A simple pair of plaid boxers triggered the tears now cascading down my face.

I’m not sure how they ended up in the wash that day.  It had been two weeks since he left home.  Yet there they were.  They belonged to him.  I swiped the tears away, as I ran my hands over the soft worn fabric.  From diapers to men’s boxers had happened so quickly.

This year our oldest son, Ryan, left home to attend college.  I’ve decided when babies are born, they should come with warning labels that read:

“Will be painful when they leave home.  Love at your own risk.”

Of course, a warning label wouldn’t have changed anything.  I simply didn’t realize how hard it would be.

I have raised our children knowing they are God’s and only stay in our nest for a season.  Yet when it was time to let our first one fly, my heart was sad.  I wasn’t sad for him.  The tears were for me.  My role in life was changing, and it is a role that I have loved and embraced.

From the time I was a girl in pig-tails I had dreamed of having babies and loving them.  I would tuck my dollies under my shirt and nurse them.  I rocked them and cooked them dinner.  We had school, and they would sit in their little plastic chairs hanging on my every word.  In all that pretending though, they never left home.

I’m realizing I’ve lived that dream and have lived it to the fullest.  God has been good.  Now it is time to embrace the future and my new role that is developing.  There are a few things I’ve found to do that have helped with the transition.

Pray for him every day.  With Ryan being away from home, the reality that God is truly the one who watches and cares for our children hit home.  I felt helpless to do much, but found it was alright.  God is much more powerful and able to care for him then I am.  So I pray first thing each morning, and I continue praying throughout the day each time I think of him.

Encourage him.  I text my son a couple times a week to tell him I love him.   At times I let him know what I prayed for him that day.   Sometimes I send a Bible verse.  Other ways I’ve found to encourage include e-mails, letters, and care packages.  Our children need encouragement at every age.

Listen to him.  As I prepared to write this post, I asked Ryan what I do for him that means the most.  He answered, “You talk with me.”  Generally, I don’t do a lot of the talking though.  He’s the one talking.  I’m listening and commenting.  Ryan is encountering new ideas, friends, and circumstances.  He needs someone to listen as he processes the world out there.

Boxers that appear in the laundry no longer prompt tears.  Time is moving on.  I’m finding new blessings in life.  There is nothing to compare to the joy of anticipating his homecomings.  It is fun planning his favorite foods and activities.  Most of all though wrapping my arms around that big boy of mine when he walks in the door and breathing in the scent of him knowing I have a few days to treasure every moment is a glorious gift.

Natasha bio photoNatasha is a pastor’s wife and the homeschooling mother of seven children.  You can read more from Natasha on her blog: Mother of Seven.

How to Keep Going When You Can’t Keep Up

brainless

Every mother has moments in her life when she feels like there is no way she can keep up with everything she needs or wants to do.

I’m having one of those moments.

In fact, I don’t even want to keep up!  I told you on Friday I am hibernating and that has a lot to do with it.  I could care less what’s happening on the internet and I wish my emails would take care of themselves (as in disappear), I’ve become a lumbering bear and I often find myself just sitting…not reading, not cross-stitching, not writing or daydreaming…just sitting.  And sometimes, I just lay down because sitting is too much work.

However, as I sit here typing this post (yes, I am sitting, but might need to lay down afterward), I realize there are a few things in life that must go on even when mama doesn’t feel like she can keep up with it all.  Some plates get dropped, but some must continue to spin in some fashion.

Here are my thoughts on how to keep going without keeping up with your normal A-game...

*Meals – While I love perusing my Recipes board on Pinterest and adding all the yummy things I have pinned there to my menu list, there is no way this fits into the Keep Going pile.  My menu for the next two weeks is simple, simple, simple.  Lots of crock pot meals, lots of 3-5 ingredient meals, lots of the-kids-can-make-this meals.  There is no reason to Keep Up with my normal menu routine when a simplified version will suffice.

*School – Every day, I decide what I think I can handle and let the rest go.  How I feel physically changes on a daily basis, so I have to be willing to adapt.  When you are in Keep Going mode, you have to accept limitations as part of your day.  Take school in bite-sized pieces, only chewing as much as you can handle each day.

*Cleaning – Focus on the basics.  Dusting can wait.  Your house will not implode from a layer of dust.  Use paper products to lighten your kitchen load and get the kids involved in keeping the house tidy.  A little bit of tidy goes a long way when you can’t seem to Keep Up with it all.

*Outside Communication & Matters of Import – While I would love to stop answering the phone and delete every email in my inbox, there are still important things I have to attend to.  When it comes to figuring out how to Keep Going with these important things breathing down your neck, the best solution I’ve found is a list.  I don’t even prioritize the list.  I just write it.  I also give myself permission to NOT answer phone calls that aren’t truly important and DELETE emails that really don’t need my attention.  I sort of drop off the face of the earth when it comes to anything EXTRA.  The trick here is being HONEST with yourself about what is extra and what really does need your attention.  Can’t figure it out for yourself?  Ask your husband.

*Outside Activities – Sadly, we aren’t always issued early warning before we realize we can’t Keep Up.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle much come January 1st, so I cut off all outside activities for the month of January and early February.  But, if you aren’t allowed this kind of foresight, you have to find a way to get rid of the guilt and pare down the outside activities.  Outside activities take up a lot of time and energy and really have no place in the Keep Going phase of life.  Let them go until you can Keep Up.

So, there you have it…my guilt-free, sit-and-relax, baby-will-come-eventually B game.  I’ll Keep Going, because I have no other choice, but you won’t find me Keeping Up.  Turn around and wave at me every now and then.  I’ll eventually get up and join you.