I have five beautiful children. I praise the Lord for each one, for the eternal gift they are, and the joy they bring me. I also praise Him for the bouts of two month long morning sickness that leave me weak, thin, and unable to really care for them. I have learned the secret of finding joy in trials. It is simple really; yet it took me 7 pregnancies to understand, and who knows how long it will take to walk perfectly in it.

The first pregnancy I endured was a lesson in how selfish and wicked I truly was; how far I would go to please myself. I was sick for only one or two weeks, unable to eat or drink, losing weight, getting weak, when I took myself to an abortion clinic and committed murder against my own flesh and blood. I knew immediately the sin I had committed, and grieved. I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, that He is able to forgive even the worst of sinners, such as myself.

Fast forward 4 years, I was saved and I was pregnant again. This time newly married. I fell ill immediately. We were barely home from the honeymoon before I was vomiting constantly, and grumpy and cranky as a wicked witch. My husband was non-plussed, young and unsure, he didn’t know how to help me and it frustrated him endlessly. There were many fights, and lots of selfishness (especially on my side). I wondered why on earth I was so sick when so many people got off “scott free” without a lick of morning sickness. My morning sickness laid me in bed from 8pm to noon the next day, and I lost something around 14 pounds. I was bitter with the Lord. I begged Him to remove the sickness from me. I didn’t ever understand His answer at the time. I could understand no other answer than to remove the cup.

With the next baby, two and a half years later, I wasn’t much better off. I was laid up sick again, this time with a toddler. This time I begged God to remove this cup from me, and I quoted scriptures at Him about health and healing. I was getting frustrated. Why would He allow me to be so sick? I was jealous of women who’s pregnancies were “easy”, and bitter again with the God who said He loved me, but wouldn’t make me well. This time the sickness lasted until 16 weeks. I thought I was going to die, I worried that I would be ill the WHOLE pregnancy.

I repeated the same scenario just 9 months later when I was blessed to carry my third living child. I begged God to help me, and this time I heard distinctly “My grace is sufficient for you”. I knew He was not going to remove this cup from me. I still begged at every wretching, and grew bitter and demanding when I faced the inevitable vomiting. I couldn’t understand. I had been so long under teaching that said God wanted everyone to be healthy all the time, and that if I was sick it was my fault for not having faith, it was hard to think any other way.

I met some godly women online who pointed out that when we are sick but still choose to have children it brings God glory. The world sees only their own discomfort, but when they watch us grow very ill, and yet choose to bring forth more life, they stand in wonder. This gave me hope. It gave me a REASON for suffering. It helped me to understand that life, and my suffering isn’t all about ME. It wasn’t a punishment that I was ill. I began to look forward to the next pregnancy. I began to know that I could surrender to God’s sovereign will for my life. I considered it a good chance to show others how much God loves children, and that I valued them so much, I was willing to endure.

When I was blessed again however, I still had a very hard time surrendering to His will. I had to fight to not ask Him to remove the cup. It wasn’t a joyful time of illness, but it wasn’t as much torture as the previous ones had been. I wasn’t bitter with God anymore, and I asked Him to help me through it. I attempted to find joy despite the suffering. I tried to practice believing that His grace was sufficient for me, and that when I was weak then I was strong in Christ. It lessened the burden of the illness on me, and around this time my husband became more helpful which also lessened the burden. My first born child was old enough to keep the kitchen cleaned, and make a couple meals like oatmeal. I was still complaining bitterly of the suffering, and I didn’t know there was something better. I thought that the martyr attitude was a godly one, and the top of the revelation of God’s teaching on suffering. That suffering was glorious because we suffer.

When I last became pregnant (this go round, live baby number 6), I learned the most wonderful thing of all. That we can find joy IN suffering, not just despite it; that we can be thankful FOR suffering. I’ve been sick. I’ve been so sick I can’t get off of the sofa. I can’t stand to smell food cooking, and even though I know I need to eat it, I throw up instead and can’t. This is God’s BEST for me. It’s His will for me. It’s the cup and the cross He wants me to bear. But He promised that I don’t have to be discouraged. Though I am pressed on every side, I can be joyful. Though I suffer, I can enjoy that He is making me into the image of His most holy Son. I am pressed down, but I can smile. He has not left me, He has not forgotten to provide His grace for me. He is not just using me to reach a lost world through my suffering. No. His BEST for ME, is that I might be conformed into the image of Christ. That I might be like unto Him, and that I might share in the fellowship of His suffering, just as Paul and all the other saints have. He is blessing me with this suffering. It’s His MERCY on me. The mercy of salvation worked out in me.

I can say with Paul “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Cor 12:10) I can say with him “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:10-12)   That I might be able to apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me. He has revealed to me what it is to “…count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;…” (James 1:2) I can take pleasure in illness, I can count it joy that I suffer, I can be thankful in all things, and when I am sick now, I make every attempt to praise the God who sought me, and bought me, and won’t let me go away unchanged. He is faithful to work in me the image of His Son, to continue pressing me when I am foolish and stubborn and want to remain a child. He is faithful to complete in me, the work which He began. I hope that I might be faithful to accept, and find joy in His workings.

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Thank you so much for your prayers and support.
We have been blessed by all of you through this.

Baby’s heart was no longer beating.  Now we wait.  We are praying that no intervention will be needed.

I also feel I must address something that some of you will wonder about.

Why do I continue to write as if nothing has happened?

Because that is what I do.

I write, not because I do not care or I am not hurting, but because giving my mind something to do keeps me focused and thinking outside myself.  It is my way of moving forward…one step at a time.

I know I don’t have to explain that, but I also know it is best if I do.

And I am so very thankful to have listened to this CD from Vision Forum prior to going in to the Dr’s office yesterday…

My perspective on mothering the babies I have lost to miscarriage is changed forever.  I am so glad I “accidentally” ordered this CD.

I am blessed.

And I praise the Lord for this precious life.

Baby Roberts #10,
You are loved.

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I fell in love with a little baby who hasn’t made me very sick, who is measuring a week behind my dates, and who might never make it to my arms.

I wanted to just keep this to myself.  I didn’t want to have to go back and un-tell people.  Yet, I feel as though I am harboring a big secret that ought to be covered in prayer rather than hidden.

I walked into the sono room, not expecting to see a heartbeat.  Yet, there it was.  However, as we left the room, I told the tech I didn’t really feel any better.

One question answered: Is baby alive?

Another question added:  Why is baby measuring small?

And then there is the subchorionic hematoma.  It’s become my norm, but this time, it worries me.

I want to beg God for terrible, awful, {comforting} morning sickness, but I’ve done that before and I said I would never do it again.  Miserably sick isn’t easy even if I think anything would be easier than the unknown.

I beg God to chase the questions from my mind with a Peace that passes all understanding.

No, I might not get to hold this little one this side of Heaven.  Yes, there might be heartache ahead.  But, I am loved.  And so is this tiny little blessing.

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Multiple children.

~Our 6 living children~

~Our precious Emily~

And I look it.

And not too long ago I realized I am okay with that.

For years I chased a dream.  A dream of a number on a scale.  A dream of the body I had in high school.  A dream of NOT looking like a mom.

Society tells me that stretch marks and extra padding in places it didn’t used to be are detestable and must be starved off, run off, or cut off.

We spend our growing up years longing for babies and our growing old years trying to look like we never had any.

Society tells us no more than two children because they wreck the checkbook and ruin the body.  And while I wasn’t completely entrenched in that culture of self, I definitely was sitting on the sidelines, wondering what a mom of 7 should look like.

The Tummy Chronicles haven’t been just a physical journey.  They have been mental as well.  It has made me realize that I am closing the gap in my stomach muscles not so I can fit into something I wore in high school {heaven forbid}, but so that I am as healthy as I can be…flab and all, and that IF the Lord blesses again, baby will have a nice home in a belly that isn’t falling apart.

I have no ill-conceived notions of sportin’ 6-pack abs.

Nor do I want to.

You know why?  Because I AM mom.  My job is to dry tears, disciple hearts, and be there for the precious little ones God has entrusted to me.

I want to show them the beauty of being home, the beauty of obeying the Lord with a willing heart, the beauty of being the mother of children.

This is beauty beyond the world’s comprehension.  This is beauty that doesn’t always come in neatly tied up packages.  This is beauty that is sometimes a little thicker around the middle, a little grayer on the top, and a little creased around the edges.

Sure, I want to be fit and healthy, but why fight looking like a mom when that’s truly what I am?  I want to embrace what that means.  I want to be content with the c-section scars, and stretch marks, and wider hips than the girl I once knew.  Those things are part of my story.  They are part of me.  Part of my legacy.

I look like a mom.

Praise the Lord…I look like a mom.

*******

Today, you can also find me at Raising Homemakers
writing about being the mother of a daughter who doesn’t
“fit the mold” in a post entitled
No Frills, No Lace.

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This was Week 3.  The results weren’t quite as astounding as the previous couple of weeks, but I am beginning to “see” internal healing.

When I checked my diastasis this week, I am fairly certain it is not the huge 10+ finger width it was at the beginning.  However, it is so hard to tell when the gap is THAT large.  That said, I continue to feel the connective tissue heal and become less deep!

Next week is the BIG WEEK…the one everyone says might knock me flat on my face!  Pray for me!

Today, I thought I’d take a moment to answer some reader questions that have come up along the way.  I try to answer whatever questions come up as they come up, but I thought it might be of benefit to others to see the answers as well.  So, here’s a little Q&A session!

Q. I only have a small diastasis.  Should I even bother?

A.  A resounding YES!  This isn’t something that gets better all by itself and there is a good chance if you don’t close it now, it WILL get bigger.  What I wouldn’t give to have known I could have prevented this!  You are at the perfect place to solve the problem before it really is a problem!

Q.  Is the splint safe to wear during pregnancy?

A.  According to Julie, YES.  However, if it is uncomfortable, do not wear the splint, but DO keep up with your exercises.

Q.  Is this splint the same as a compression garment?

A.  NO.  When you put on the splint/s, you move the recti muscles into position before strapping the splint into place.  Compression garments only CONCEAL, they do not HEAL and your muscles remain in the wrong place.  The brace I used to recommend did a better job than compression garments, but I realize now it isn’t as good at approximating the muscles as wearing the Tupler splints, so I only use it when I’m washing the Tupler splints.

Q.  Do I need the book, the splint, AND the DVD?

A. NO.  I recommend the DVD, the splint/s and the guidebook, but if you think you can handle writing it down on your own (something I don’t seem to be very good at doing), then you can forgo getting the guidebook.  The Mummy Tummy book is older and Julie said it is needing an update.  I also found the DVD to be easier for me to really get a grasp of how to do the exercises.

Q.  How do you pronounce this condition?

A.  This is one I got an education on!  It is di AS tasis.

Q.  How do I measure?

A.  Julie has an explanation on her site (HERE), but I’ve heard many of you say you still don’t quite get it.  When I first measured, I was lifting my head and feeling the muscles move together and THEN measuring…well, THAT is wrong.  That makes my diastasis seem smaller.  Lift your head ONLY to find out WHERE those muscles are (they will feel like ropes on either side of your belly), then lower your head and measure with your fingers side by side to see how many finger-widths the two “ropes” are apart BEFORE they ever begin to come together. I had to say 10+ because I could put all 8 of my fingers (thumbs don’t factor in here) spread out and moving from side to side in the gap between the muscles!  ACK!

Q. How long do the exercises take?

A.  The first 3 weeks haven’t been much time at all.  It takes about 2½ minutes per Contraction exercise.  So, we are talking 5-10 minutes 3x a day (and you can do them in the car!)  I’ll let you know how long Week 4+ is taking…

Q. Is it safe to do this with an umbilical hernia?

A.  YES.  The hernia is often a result of diastasis recti.

Q.  The splint is folding over.  What’s wrong?

A.  You either need a second one or you need to wash it to let it regain it’s shape.  At least those are the answers I’ve found to be the case.  If you think you might need a second one, call or email Julie and get her opinion.

Q.  I had my “baby” many years ago.  Can I still heal?

A.  YES!   My muscles split back in 2006.  Since then, I’ve had 3 more children and I am seeing healing!  You can do this!

I will not be checking in next week (I know, I know…after I told you about that scary Week 4!), but I will be back in 2 weeks to let you know how I’m doing!  Keep me posted on your progress as well!

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This is me:

Not me 9 months pregnant.

Not me a couple of days postpartum.

Me today.

No brace.  No airbrushing.

We’ve talked Diastasis Recti before.  I had no idea how important that original post would become.  I had no idea how many women were out there suffering silently, wondering how this had happened.

Women

just

like

Me.

Ever since I mustered up the courage to post that first blog entry on the topic, I’ve been on a quest.  I’ve been searching for support garments in and out of pregnancy.  I’ve searched for the right size, the right amount of coverage, the right comfort level.  I’ve also faithfully stood by the Tupler Technique™ as the ONLY way to actually FIX what was broken.

However,

I did not think The Tupler Technique™ could really fix

ME.

After all, my diastasis was HUGE.  Unfixable…except with surgery…

In February, I consulted with a plastic surgeon who basically said he’d never seen anything like

THAT.

He said he could bring the fascia together, but not the muscles.  He said he couldn’t really help me.

I left his office crying.

The only thing to do now was to CONCEAL the diastasis as best as I could with a brace and compression garments.

OR…

Was there a way I could actually HEAL?

That’s when I ended up in touch with Julie Tupler herself!

She believed in

Me.

And IF she believed in MY ability to heal…a 10+ finger width diastasis…then ANYONE could heal!  And if THAT was possible, then I would shout it from the rooftops!

And so, the journey begins…

NOTE:  The 4 tools I talk about below are great if you have the money; however, I still wholeheartedly endorse the book and offer some other “tweaking” ideas in my post: So, I Fell Off the Wagon.

Today, I have in hand 4 tools:
1.  Julie Tupler’s DVD
{The DVD is so much better than the book I bought back in 2007!  Julie shows you exactly how to put on the splint – even double splinting like I have to- and goes through all the exercises WITH you.  Watching this, I also realized my diastasis was MUCH larger than I had originally supposed because I was not checking it correctly.  I received this DVD free of charge.}

2.  The Tupler Technique™ Guidebook
{This book is a quick reference guide and a logbook for checking off each day’s exercises.  I purchased this book myself.}

3.  Two Diastasis Rehab Splints™
The splint at top is the splint Julie now sells.  I have 2 of these as per Julie’s orders since my diastasis is so large.  The splint shown below is the old one I bought in 2007 – this is the splint I could not recommend.  I had no idea it had been revamped.  I wholeheartedly endorse the new version!  Using two of them has been perfect for what I needed.  To see how to wear the splint, view the video shown here.  {I received the two new splints free of charge.}

4.  Online Support from Julie herself.
{This is something that is coming soon to Julie’s website.  I’m getting Julie live via Skype free of charge.  The online support program will be in a webinar format.  I had my first session with Julie last week!  It was so nice to have her doing the exercises along with me and cheering me on!  But, I will tell you, she’s not a pushover!  No half-hearted attempts at the exercises allowed!}

The Tummy Chronicles will give you a candid look at one mom’s hope to heal.  This will be a no-holds-barred chronicle of the program…the ups, the downs, and everything in between.  This is real, folks.  This is

Me.

If you would like to join me on this journey, the first 3 items on my list are the ones you will need to get started (see note).  You will need to measure your waist around the belly button to get the right splint size (make sure you order 2 if need be!)

Be sure and check your diastasis to see how large it is so you can track your progress.  To check for a diastasis, READ THIS CAREFULLY.  As I said above, I thought my diastasis was smaller than it actually was.  Mine is a 10+ finger width, meaning I don’t even have enough fingers to check it!

Also, my connective tissue is VERY weak.  I can actually see my internal organs moving just below the skin.  Julie talks more about this in the DVD.

And lastly, Julie said something to me that has really stuck with me as I’ve begun this journey…{and I paraphrase}…

Having a diastasis is like having a broken bone.  To heal, a broken bone must have a cast on it.  The splint is like a cast.  It might not always be comfortable, but that is what it takes to heal.

I’ve spent so much time looking for comfort, I never even thought about the possibility that healing isn’t always a comfortable business.

I am committed.

I want this.  I need this.  I’d love to have you join me!

Note: You can do this program to PREVENT a diastasis AND you can do this program while you are PREGNANT!  Please, please let other women know that this IS preventable!

Visit my Diastasis Recti from a Mom’s Perspective page for more posts!

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A burgeoning belly, a body that has swelled to epic proportions, aching hips, and a new life being knit within.  Modesty might be the last thing on your mind during this time, but as Caroline will tell you, modesty and feminine beauty can still be had during the maternity months.

It is so exciting to be expecting a little one! After you get past the first few months of morning sickness, your tummy starts getting bigger and you realize that new clothes need to be purchased. For some Mothers, this can be a challenge, and you can easily feel overwhelmed. If you are used to dressing in skirts and dresses, you might wonder where you will find modest maternity clothing. In my last two pregnancies I have discovered that it is possible to dress modestly, and yet be cute and stylish while pregnant. I actually love my maternity wardrobe now!

I hear a lot of ladies say that they just try to get by while pregnant, and they don’t take the time or money to get very many maternity clothes for themselves. If you plan on being pregnant more than once, you are going to get pretty tired of wearing three outfits over and over again! 9 months really is a long time, and it can be worth it to invest in some clothes that will make you feel beautiful.

Here is a list of what I have in my maternity wardrobe:

Blouses and Knit Tops-I honestly don’t know how many I have!

6 Maternity Skirts

1-2 Dresses

1-2 Jumpers

Maternity Coat

Compression Hose for my Varicose Veins

Larger size of regular low cut underwear

Maternity Pajamas

So where do I find my maternity clothes, and what do they look like?

{remember, all pictures are clickable!}

Maternity Blouses

I love going to garage sales and children’s consignment sales for my tops! Many times you can find like new maternity tops at garage sales for .50 or $1.00 each! I don’t think I have ever bought a brand new maternity top, the most I have ever paid is $5.00 at a consignment sale for one. Craigslist and Ebay are also a great place to shop for maternity clothes. You can also ask friends if you can borrow their maternity clothes. I know I have shared some of my clothes with a friend before! One other place I look for maternity tops is Zulily, a daily deals place for Moms, Babies, and Children. Those are brand new, but are cheaper than full price.

{Amy here – Don’t forget about looking at shirts that may only need an undershirt or a Belly Band pulled up instead of used in the traditional way.  I did this with a lot of maternity shirts during my last pregnancy and it worked great!}

Maternity Skirts

My favorite skirts to wear while pregnant are the Long Ruffle Skirts we sell on The Modest Mom. They are loose enough to be modest, but they don’t make me feel even bigger than I really am when wearing them! I have a black one, denim one, khaki one, brown one, and several prints.

themodestmom.com

The straight A-Line maternity skirt is perfect for everyday wear. I have one or two of these skirts.

A-line maternity skirt from themodestmom.com

Our Ruched Skirt is a popular choice for a more dressy type skirt. This is great for wearing to church, or going to your baby shower!

What skirts do not look good?

Huge prints and stripes does not look flattering on most pregnant women. I would stay away from skirts like that!

Now on to…

Dresses

I love to have one or two nice dresses for church. While most dresses at Shabby Apple are short, this maternity dress is lovely. It could be paired with a nice sweater if you are pregnant during the winter months.

Jumpers

I like having a solid denim jumper to wear while pregnant. Sometimes I want something long and flowing. A nice jumper does the trick.

maternity jumper from motherhood.com - I would wear a shirt under this!

Maternity Coat

This is a luxury in my opinion, as I have gotten along fine most of my pregnancies with my regular long wool coat. I admit, towards the end the only button that actually closes is the top one, but it still works! My Mother-In-Law happened to find a maternity coat for me to wear during my last pregnancy, and it was nice to have something made just for that time of life. This is the last thing I would spend my money on if I was on a budget though.

maternity coat from motherhood.com

Compression Hose

I had really bad Varicose Vein problems this last pregnancy, so I wore compression hoses when I could stand them. The best place to buy them is Ames Walker.  You are supposed to buy new compression hose for each pregnancy, as they do wear out.

Underwear

I bought maternity underwear during my first pregnancy from Motherhood. I have never bought any since then! It was terribly uncomfortable, and never fit right. Now, I just buy a size or two larger of low cut underwear, and wear it under my belly. It works perfect, and is less expensive!

Pajamas

Two pairs of maternity pajamas are very nice to have. I have also just worn loose nightgowns, but I don’t like to sleep in nightgowns nearly as much as pajama pants. Cotton pajamas are the best as they are breathable, making hot flashes at night a little bit more bearable.

pajamas from motherhood.com

Staying warm

If you are pregnant during the winter months, you might be wondering how to keep warm! I wear knee high cotton socks when pregnant, or these leggings from Motherhood would be wonderful to wear under a skirt.

Now Amy speaks to nursing modesty…

Breastfeeding a new babe can be one of the most blessed experiences of motherhood.  But it can also be rather confounding when it comes to nursing discreetly in public.  However, with a little practice and the right clothing, you can modestly breastfeed with confidence and leave the days of nursing the baby in the bathroom behind!  Here’s how…

*Get the right nursing top

I have my preferences in nursing wear.  So, what you will see here is based on those preferences.  I’ve breastfed 7 children for a total of 6½ years…I’ve got it down to a science.

For new moms and/or moms who are less than confidant about their ability to breastfeed in public, it is advisable to get a couple of nice tops designed with the nursing mother in mind.  My favorites are the ones that have a double layer.  You simply lift the top layer and there are nursing openings cut into the bottom layer.  Your tummy stays covered and the top layer drapes nicely around baby’s face.  Motherwear.com is a great place to find these kinds of tops:

Cotton knit top from motherwear.com

Layered knit top from motherwear.com

I would advise staying away from anything that says it has spandex in it or says it is form-fitting.

Another great way to stay modest while nursing is to wear your regular clothes with something underneath, so…

*Get the right underthings

There are several ways to do this.  One way, is to get a tank top specifically designed as a nursing tank, like this one from Undercover Mama:

You can also buy a regular camisole that has a shelf bra built in.  Wear it under your regular tops and simply pull down the top of the camisole to nurse.  However, this isn’t the best option because these camisoles don’t have much support.

Another thing I have done is used a Belly Bandto cover my belly under regular shirts so when I lift my shirt to nurse, my belly stays covered. {The link here is just one of MANY brands of Belly Bands.  I’ve also been known to buy spandex camisoles cheap and cut off the top half, thus creating a wide strip of stretchy material that acts just like a belly band!}

*Get the right accessories

Every nursing mama has a favorite nursing accessory.  Michelle Duggar loves her My Brest Friend, my friend Dalena loves her nursing cover, and I’m partial to just a simple blanket.

A dear friend of mine introduced me to the joys of an oversized receiving blanket as a way to modestly nurse.  These are easy sewing projects and can be done in lots of different fabrics.  My favorites are a lightweight cotton for summer and a flannel for winter.  Mine measure about 1¼ yd square.  Roll hem the edges and you have a personalized nursing blanket that can be anything from a sweet baby print to a chic black for those dates with Daddy.

*Get the right attitude

I’m not talking about an in-your-face attitude, but an attitude that shows confidence in what you are doing.  Women who are nervous about breastfeeding in public will often end up making more of a scene than need be.  By simply practicing at home in front a mirror to see how much skin is actually showing and then learning how to quickly and discreetly unlatch what needs to be unlatched and latch on who needs to be latched on, a breastfeeding mother can easily nurse anywhere.

I’ve got a whole rhythm down to nursing my babies.  I hand baby to someone else or lay him down on my lap, throw my blanket over one shoulder and take care of the unlatching and situating that needs to be done, slide baby up under the blanket and shirt, latch him on (unless he is old enough to do it himself ), cross one leg over to hold baby in place, and go on about my life.  But again, I’ve nursed 7 children…practice DOES make perfect!

So, there you have it…

Pregnancy and breastfeeding can be done beautifully and modestly!

Now, head over to The Modest Mom where you can find Caroline’s husband guest posting!
If you’d like to read all the posts in the She Wears Skirts series, simply click on the button below:

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I’ll be honest with you, sick children scare me.  And when there are fevers in the house, I can do nothing but beg God’s mercy.

That is why this post will not be a light-hearted one.  It hits me too close to home.

What I have to say here will not be some comprehensive list on how to keep children healthy or how to afford healthcare.  It will not be a commentary on the healthcare plan or a laundry list of helpful herbs.  I could do all this, and probably will at some point, but not in this post.

This post is a story.  A story of our family’s choice.  A choice that works for us.  Keeping YOUR children healthy is YOUR business.  There is no ONE right choice.  With that said, I want to share with you how we chose to think outside the box and the blessings that followed.

After years of using traditional insurance and even having insurance through my husband’s job (that we paid a pretty penny for), we felt convicted to leave the world of high premiums and numbers without names.  We were introduced to a company called Christian Healthcare Ministries by some friends of ours.  We liked what we saw and decided to drop our “safe” insurance and go with CHM, a Christian cost-share type program where members “shared” each other’s healthcare costs.

In many ways, it was a leap of faith.

In fact, I was pregnant with Emily at the time.  CHM would not be able to cover the cost of her birth.  I had no idea how we would pay the thousands of dollars it would be to deliver her, but my husband believed this was what we should do.

Leap.

And the Lord provided for her birth.

Then Emily got sick.  As the bills rolled in, I wondered how we would ever pay for all of this.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Doing our part to help reduce the bills, we sent bill after adjusted bill into Christian Healthcare Ministries.  CHM even sent someone in to help us get these bills reduced.  Sometimes we felt as if we were knocking heads with the hospital.  Sometimes we wondered if the money would be there to pay for it all.  After all, we had only been members for a little over a year.  We knew how the program was supposed to work.  But would it?

And then Emily died.

And Christian Healthcare Ministries took over completely.

The hospital bill was reduced and finalized and taken out of our hands.  The money began to come in from CHM and we paid off everything.

Everything.

Since then we have had 2 babies and several hospital stays.  We have nothing but good to say about Christian Healthcare Ministries.  As it turns out, Fox news agrees with us.

If you have ever wondered about cost-share programs or simply wanted a way out of the health insurance cycle, please visit Christian Healthcare Ministries.  Tell them I sent you.  My referral number is 112373.

It is a fact of life that children do get sick.  Christian Healthcare Ministries gives this mama one less thing to worry about.

Affording Kids Series:
Introduction
Feeding Them
Schooling Them
Entertaining Them
Keeping Them Healthy – this post

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She looked down at her shoes and muttered,

congratulations

My excitement over a new little one being knit within melted into dismay and frustration.  I wanted her to be happy for me.  Instead she seemed angry.

It was years before my heart would recognize the pain behind her quietly stoic congratulations.

And yet, I had been there.  Once upon a time, I had been the one reeling as those around me announced new pregnancies while I was left empty and longing…eventually, bitter and angry.  I was the one who had muttered congratulations to my shoes.  But in my own pregnant excitement, I no longer felt the sting of that pain.  The pain that comes when your friendship meets infertility.

I knew what it was like for me to be the one not pregnant, but I did not know what it was like to be my friend when I was pregnant and she was not.

So, I asked her.

This rock solid Christian woman spoke of her happiness for me, but her jealousy as well.  As time passed, she wondered if God was punishing her for doing something wrong, withholding blessings from her because of something she or her husband had done.

She knew she was being spiritually attacked.  She studied her Bible, diligently looking for peace and answers until finally, she handed the pain and frustration over to the Lord.

She told me that when my baby was born, the jealousy resurfaced, but she immersed herself in holding my little one, avoiding the pity parties her heart wanted to have.

It wasn’t easy.

But she grew spiritually…as did I when I was facing the same emotions.

So, what do you do if you are the pregnant one?

Be gracious.  Be humble.  Acknowledge her pain.  Don’t be so caught up in your own joy, you forget she is grieving.

Let her have the space and time she needs.  Love her through her pain.

Every time you have a baby and she does not is yet one more time she must deal with spiritual attacks.  Attacks that say she isn’t a good mother.  Attacks that say she doesn’t deserve to be blessed.  Attacks that can lead to bitterness…gut-wrenching, depths of the pit bitterness.  Bathe her in prayer.  She will need it.

Those of you with first hand experience in dealing with this in a friendship, please leave your comments here so others can benefit from your wisdom.

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On with the story…

Chapter 5

I was now pregnant with my 5th child; this being the second time I had become pregnant while practicing ecological breastfeeding (breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping, etc).  I nursed through the pregnancy until my 5th month when my father died.  With preparations and time spent at his bedside, I found myself spending long stretches of time away from my 4th child.  When we were reunited, he no longer wanted to nurse.  Emotionally run down and physically exhausted, I allowed him to wean. He was 13 months old.  4 months later, his little sister Emily was born.

Chapter 6

My nursing relationship with Emily was publicly chronicled in my award-winning post entitled Breastfeeding:  The Memory of Emily.  You will have to excuse me if I do not recount that story here.  This chapter is painfully short, as was my precious daughter’s life.

Chapter 7

As with my other babies, I had already been cycling regularly while nursing Emily.  6 weeks after her death, I found out I was pregnant with who would become our New Year’s baby, little Micah.  However, his birth did not go as I had expected, and a tramatic emergency c-section put wrenches in our breastfeeding relationship from the get-go.  I was too weak and tired to nurse him in a way that would boost my milk production for my “little” 10# 6 ounce baby boy.  He required supplementation, which led to nipple confusion, which led to frustration.  A month later, after I was finally healed from the surgery,  I took him to bed with me for the day and walked away from the bottles forever.

Chapter 8

For the first time EVER, my cycles did not return until my newest baby was 9 months old!  I was overjoyed!  What was different?  The only thing I can even remotely attribute this to was the fact that our diet now consisted of entirely organic meat.  It’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it.

The day Micah turned 1, I got a positive pregnancy test.  He was weaned shortly thereafter…for personal reasons.

Chapter 9

In case you are counting, that is now 5 babies in just at 6 years, with Garin being born 19 days after my 3rd child’s 6th birthday.  Of my 7 children, ONLY the ones born less than 2 years apart were conceived while I was breastfeeding. Sometimes you do everything “right” and God still bless!

Garin is nearly 4 months old, is exclusively breastfed, and nurses whenever he pleases.  By his own choice, he does not take a pacifier and has yet to figure out that his thumb can be peeled away from the rest of his fist so as to make only his thumb sopping wet, rather than his entire body.

He was not an easy baby to nurse in the beginning.  Let’s just say the word PIRANHA is what comes to mind when I think of those early weeks.  In addition to that, he was colicky until about a month ago.  Add to that postpartum depression for the first time ever and you get a little bit of a nightmare, but we stayed the course.  He nurses fantastically now, he’s a happy little guy most days, and my hormones are beginning to level.

The rest of this chapter has yet to be written.  I don’t have a breastfeeding philosophy because I’ve never managed to have two children exactly alike. All I know is breastfeeding has been a wonderful experience, but not always an easy one.  I cherish these years, and I am sure when I am an old woman, I will dearly miss having a nursling in my arms.

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