Category Archives: Spiritual Matters

Suffering in Pregnancy {anonymous guest post}

{Note from Amy:  For reasons you will soon understand, this post has been submitted anonymously.  May you be blessed in the reading.}

I have five beautiful children. I praise the Lord for each one, for the eternal gift they are, and the joy they bring me. I also praise Him for the bouts of two month long morning sickness that leave me weak, thin, and unable to really care for them. I have learned the secret of finding joy in trials. It is simple really; yet it took me 7 pregnancies to understand, and who knows how long it will take to walk perfectly in it.

The first pregnancy I endured was a lesson in how selfish and wicked I truly was; how far I would go to please myself. I was sick for only one or two weeks, unable to eat or drink, losing weight, getting weak, when I took myself to an abortion clinic and committed murder against my own flesh and blood. I knew immediately the sin I had committed, and grieved. I am thankful to my Lord and Savior, that He is able to forgive even the worst of sinners, such as myself.

Fast forward 4 years, I was saved and I was pregnant again. This time newly married. I fell ill immediately. We were barely home from the honeymoon before I was vomiting constantly, and grumpy and cranky as a wicked witch. My husband was non-plussed, young and unsure, he didn’t know how to help me and it frustrated him endlessly. There were many fights, and lots of selfishness (especially on my side). I wondered why on earth I was so sick when so many people got off “scott free” without a lick of morning sickness. My morning sickness laid me in bed from 8pm to noon the next day, and I lost something around 14 pounds. I was bitter with the Lord. I begged Him to remove the sickness from me. I didn’t ever understand His answer at the time. I could understand no other answer than to remove the cup.

With the next baby, two and a half years later, I wasn’t much better off. I was laid up sick again, this time with a toddler. This time I begged God to remove this cup from me, and I quoted scriptures at Him about health and healing. I was getting frustrated. Why would He allow me to be so sick? I was jealous of women who’s pregnancies were “easy”, and bitter again with the God who said He loved me, but wouldn’t make me well. This time the sickness lasted until 16 weeks. I thought I was going to die, I worried that I would be ill the WHOLE pregnancy.

I repeated the same scenario just 9 months later when I was blessed to carry my third living child. I begged God to help me, and this time I heard distinctly “My grace is sufficient for you”. I knew He was not going to remove this cup from me. I still begged at every wretching, and grew bitter and demanding when I faced the inevitable vomiting. I couldn’t understand. I had been so long under teaching that said God wanted everyone to be healthy all the time, and that if I was sick it was my fault for not having faith, it was hard to think any other way.

I met some godly women online who pointed out that when we are sick but still choose to have children it brings God glory. The world sees only their own discomfort, but when they watch us grow very ill, and yet choose to bring forth more life, they stand in wonder. This gave me hope. It gave me a REASON for suffering. It helped me to understand that life, and my suffering isn’t all about ME. It wasn’t a punishment that I was ill. I began to look forward to the next pregnancy. I began to know that I could surrender to God’s sovereign will for my life. I considered it a good chance to show others how much God loves children, and that I valued them so much, I was willing to endure.

When I was blessed again however, I still had a very hard time surrendering to His will. I had to fight to not ask Him to remove the cup. It wasn’t a joyful time of illness, but it wasn’t as much torture as the previous ones had been. I wasn’t bitter with God anymore, and I asked Him to help me through it. I attempted to find joy despite the suffering. I tried to practice believing that His grace was sufficient for me, and that when I was weak then I was strong in Christ. It lessened the burden of the illness on me, and around this time my husband became more helpful which also lessened the burden. My first born child was old enough to keep the kitchen cleaned, and make a couple meals like oatmeal. I was still complaining bitterly of the suffering, and I didn’t know there was something better. I thought that the martyr attitude was a godly one, and the top of the revelation of God’s teaching on suffering. That suffering was glorious because we suffer.

When I last became pregnant (this go round, live baby number 6), I learned the most wonderful thing of all. That we can find joy IN suffering, not just despite it; that we can be thankful FOR suffering. I’ve been sick. I’ve been so sick I can’t get off of the sofa. I can’t stand to smell food cooking, and even though I know I need to eat it, I throw up instead and can’t. This is God’s BEST for me. It’s His will for me. It’s the cup and the cross He wants me to bear. But He promised that I don’t have to be discouraged. Though I am pressed on every side, I can be joyful. Though I suffer, I can enjoy that He is making me into the image of His most holy Son. I am pressed down, but I can smile. He has not left me, He has not forgotten to provide His grace for me. He is not just using me to reach a lost world through my suffering. No. His BEST for ME, is that I might be conformed into the image of Christ. That I might be like unto Him, and that I might share in the fellowship of His suffering, just as Paul and all the other saints have. He is blessing me with this suffering. It’s His MERCY on me. The mercy of salvation worked out in me.

I can say with Paul “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2 Cor 12:10) I can say with him “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:10-12)   That I might be able to apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Create in me a pure heart O God, and renew a right spirit within me. He has revealed to me what it is to “…count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;…” (James 1:2) I can take pleasure in illness, I can count it joy that I suffer, I can be thankful in all things, and when I am sick now, I make every attempt to praise the God who sought me, and bought me, and won’t let me go away unchanged. He is faithful to work in me the image of His Son, to continue pressing me when I am foolish and stubborn and want to remain a child. He is faithful to complete in me, the work which He began. I hope that I might be faithful to accept, and find joy in His workings.

The Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome

the most unbecoming photo of me I could find

This has to be one of the most unbecoming photos of me ever, but it sort of looks defensive, doesn't it?

I told you it was coming!

When we as moms are on the receiving end of the judgement passed by others, we can be quick to cry,

“But you don’t understand!”

never stopping to consider that there may be some constructive in that criticism.

God can and does use others to refine us.  Iron sharpening iron is not always pleasant and we must be willing to hear the words of others despite the sting.

If someone suggests you need to be home more or you might not be managing your finances well or you need to discipline your children more, don’t immediately jump on the defensive – or at least try not to blurt out what you are feeling.  Instead, take a deep breath, a few steps back and consider these things…

1.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t assume their motives in saying something that stings is to judge you and hurt you.

I once had an older woman suggest I was either not sleeping or neglecting my family in order to blog.  She had no idea that I only need about 6 hours of sleep a night and that I type 85 words per minute.  Computer-related things have always come easily to me and therefore, I can get a lot done in very little time.  But rather than quickly defending myself, I decided to remain quiet with all my reasons and take some time to assess whether I truly was balancing blog and life in a God-honoring way.

I decided I could find even better ways to manage my time so I wasn’t blogging during hours when I could have been spending time with my husband.  I only worked on blogging when he also had work to do and I made sure to sit beside him as we worked.  I also started scheduling my social media promotions to cut out the 30 minutes in the morning I was on the computer before breakfast.

Her words, though not fully informed, had merit and did afford me the opportunity to do an even better job of managing me.  I also know for a fact, she was speaking out of concern for me and not in hopes of hurting me.

2.  It isn’t always necessary to defend yourself.

When my father was struggling through his last year with Alzheimer’s, I had someone reprimand me for “running up and down the road” from my home to my hometown 3 hours away.  This person had not had a parent die and did not know what it was like to be forgotten.  I had determined, with my husband’s blessing, not to be forgotten by my father for as long as I could manage.  Gas prices and wear and tear on the car do not even compare to the time I spent with my dad.

But there was no need for me to defend myself for making the most of what time I had left with my dad.  If this person had taken a few moments to think through the situation, they would have realized what was more important.  Additionally, I had my husband’s blessing.  There was no need to defend something that would not have changed no matter how much someone tried to convince me otherwise.

3.  Listen and discern. 

When someone says something that cuts us to the quick, it is hard to listen.  Sometimes it is even harder to discern if it is truth or lies.  No one wants to be criticized, but sometimes the very things we need to hear come wrapped in pain.

But, there is a flip side as well.  Sometimes the attacks we feel are just that…attacks.  They break us down and make us question ourselves over and over again.

Both of these require us to get on our knees before God and ask for His guidance.

We need discernment from the Lord to know if what we are hearing needs to be taken to heart or if it needs to be flung far from our hearts.

So, my dear mamas, perhaps you are doing too much.  Perhaps you aren’t practicing self-control.  Or perhaps you are right where God has you and in that you can rest.

The Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome

You look at her and your first thought is,

“How in the world does she have time for that?”

Your second thought is,

“She’s probably sacrificing her marriage or her children or her time with God.”

Whoa!  That was a quick leap from time management to outright negligence!

As I was writing my post on me management (and also my post for Homeschool Blogging on Sour Grapes Blogging), I realized that all too often we project our own feelings and weaknesses onto someone else and sometimes we end up acting downright self-righteous.

I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve done it.  I’ve looked at another mom and said in carefully-hidden jealousy (*cough*),

“How in the world did she find the time to do that?”

Maybe she took a gourmet cooking class or clipped coupons and paid $2 for groceries last month.  Maybe she wrote a book or had a speaking engagement halfway across the country.  Maybe she created a stunning scrapbook or manages to blog at Starbucks every weekend.  Maybe she took a shower without 6 little voices talking to her the entire time.

Whatever it is she did, the moment we pass judgement is the moment we elevate ourselves to a pedestal.  Just because MY time bandits are X, Y, and Z does NOT mean Susie Homemaker down the street is squandering her time if she is doing X, Y, and Z.

We tend to get a little self-righteous when we see someone else doing the very things we can’t seem to do without sacrificing a massive amount of our time.  It feels unfair and in turn, we become unfair in our assessment of the situation.

But, what if

  • God has that mama in the place He has her for a reason?
  • God has you in the place you are for a reason?
  • Her God-given giftings make it easier for her to do the things she does?
  • Your God-given giftings feel crazy-difficult to her?

God created us each differently and has us each in different places all for HIS glory.  It’s not my job to decide if you are or are not where He placed you.

Ladies, we don’t know the full story, but God does.  If you absolutely see outright neglect or sin, then by all means address it…in love.  But, the first step toward contentment in your own life is stop comparing yourself to others.

God didn’t make me a couponing queen or a scrapbooking diva.  He put me 30 minutes away from a Starbucks and gave me 7 beautiful children, several of which talk to me during my shower.

I blog.  It’s where He has me…for now.

I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from Jamerrill Stewart of Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling, FreeHomeschoolDeals.com, and the recently announced co-ownership of The Homeschool Village:

{Jesus} answered my heart’s cry with a ministry right from my farm house kitchen. He also has only increased this passion, creative ideas, and opportunity…I feel the Lord’s pleasure when I blog. Despite what some may say about the energy I put into my blogs, I am in God’s will. He confirms it. He multiplies my time. Jesus is mixed up in the middle of this with me.

PS – There is definitely a flip side to this Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome called the Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome.  You’re not off the hook!  Coming soon…

The Radio Drama My Children Love! {plus a Giveaway!}

Brinkman AdventuresThe second we unwrapped the CDs and put them in the radio, I knew we had a new favorite in our house!  My children sat glued to the CD player listening to the adventures of real missionaries.

As a mom, I was thrilled with the quality of the audio dramas and the fact that the main characters are a large homeschooling family.  I was also thrilled to see my younger children playing “Missionary Boot Camp”!  It proved to me that what they were hearing was really penetrating their little hearts and minds.

Every single one of my children from 14 down to 19 months listens to these and almost all of them can quote them forward and backward (that’s how many times they have listened to them in the past several months!).

Since we purchased our 15 passenger van we have been without a CD player in the vehicle, but I’m considering finding a way to economically install one with good speakers so that we can listen to these while on vacation.  Listening to audio dramas on family vacation is a tradition I sorely miss and these would be perfect!  And I found out recently the Bultmans are getting ready to write Season 2!

I would also encourage you to contact your local Christian radio stations and ask that they carry the Brinkman Adventures as a summer special.  More than 70 stations already have them slated for play!

And if you know any good, true stories of missionaries who are currently serving, Brinkman Adventures would love to hear from you!

My dear readers, it is the Bultman’s prayer that these missionary stories get into as many people’s hands as possible.  You will find they truly have a heart for missions and for the Lord’s work everywhere.  Even though they provide their CDs on a “pay as you are able” basis, please, please consider donating more to help further their work.  And don’t miss the opportunity in the giveaway widget to download the first 3 episodes as their gift to you.

May you be blessed as our family has been blessed
{email readers, please click HERE to enter the giveaway}
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Discipleship in the Home {Interview with Doug Phillips!}

Ty_Amy_Doug Phillips

This year at the Teach Them Diligently Convention, Ty and I had the pleasure of meeting Doug Phillips of Vision Forum(as well as his delightful daughter, Jubilee, and son, Honor).

Doug was even so kind as to offer us an impromptu interview for the blog.  So, while the video quality is poor since it was taken on Ty’s phone (the one Ken Ham suggested he replace in favor of a “real phone” during a conversation at the AiG booth), and the session in the background is rather loud, the message of this interview is important!

I’ve included a transcript of the interview below so you can follow along, and you can trust that next time we will have a REAL camera along!

Transcript:

Amy: 

Hi!  I’m Amy from RaisingArrows.net and I’m here at the Teach Diligently Conference…

Doug:

I’m Doug.

Amy: 

Yes!  I’m here with Doug Phillips of Vision Forum!

Doug, I want to ask you what are 1 or 2 things that families can do right now right where they are that could help them to begin discipling their family?

Doug:

I think the very first thing that needs to happen is moms and dads first need to cry out to the Lord, “Give me a vision to love my children more and to obey You.”  And it begins by actually repenting from not doing it and it begins by crying out to the Lord saying, “Lord, help me.”

And then the next step is really to gather your children and to say, “Kids, here’s what we’re going to do.  We’re going to read the Bible every day.”  We’re going to start there.  We’re going to read the Bible.  We’re going to go through the book of Proverbs.  There’s one Proverb for every day of the month.  We can do it that way.

Uh, and then we’re going to have a time for family worship.  A lot of parents say, “Well, I don’t know how to do family worship.”  It’s actually as simple as opening up the Bible, reading it, and just talking about it with your children and saying, “Kids, what are your prayers?  Let’s go before the throne of grace and start praying together.”  And it’s, it’s absolutely transforming.

So, Step 1, “Lord, help me.  Lord, forgive me.  Kids, forgive me.”

Step 2, let’s just start opening the Bible.  Let’s start reading.  Let’s start praying.  And thus will begin the great journey of discipleship which hopefully, will result in actual home education:  walking and talking throughout the course of the day with our children.

Amy:

Thank you so much.

****************

There you have it folks – it is that simple!  Let the Lord lead.  Don’t worry that you aren’t doing things perfectly!

If you would like more resources from Raising Arrows on Family Worship Time, you can read these posts:
Breakfast and Bible
Worshiping as a Family
Family Worship Time
Bringing the Day to a Close

Are You a Thinking Christian?

When my oldest son was 4 years old, he came up to me one day and said,

“Mom, if you can turn a doorknob, you can make the perfect pancake.”

I was a little stupefied by this sudden outburst until he followed it up with,

“It’s fun for the entire family and it comes with a money-back guarantee!”

Hmmmm…can you say Infomercial?

It wasn’t the first time he had repeated something he had heard somewhere, and more often than not what he repeated was utterly meaningless when taken out of context or just plain old inappropriate.  As with most children, he was a little sponge, soaking up everything he heard only to later wring it out all over the place.

Thankfully, as he grew, he learned discernment as to what was useful information and what was not.  I am happy to announce he no longer spews forth verbatim infomercials.

This little story parallels our Christian walk.  We start out young in our faith, soaking up everything we hear, but eventually, we must begin to think for ourselves.  If we can’t, we may very well fall for any line offered by any person passing himself off as a Christian.

No, I’m not going to get into what I think is legitimate versus illegitimate Christianity right now, but there is a good rule of thumb you can go by…

Test it against God’s Word.

Make sure it’s not being taken out of context to fit someone’s personal views.  Pray for guidance and listen for God’s leading.  If you are believing something simply because someone who “seemed” like a good Christian said it, then you better rethink your position and test the belief against God’s Word.

Be a thinking Christian.

By knowing what you believe and why you believe it, you will be able to confidently stand up for your faith.  You won’t worry that you are one tough question away from crumbling.

My oldest was simply repeating what he’d heard on TV.  If I had begun to question him, he wouldn’t have known if the pancakes were perfect.  He’d never tasted a pancake that had come out of this contraption and he couldn’t vouch for whether or not it was as easy as turning a doorknob.  He didn’t know if it was truly fun for the whole family and he had never tested the money-back guarantee.

If you don’t know why you believe something or why your church believes something, find out.  If you hear something said on TV by someone who appears to be a Christian, don’t just mindlessly believe what they say, check it out.

Now I’m not saying you should live the life of a cynic, always looking for the bad even where there isn’t any.  I’m simply saying, if you aren’t thinking about what you believe and why you believe it, you’re going to have a hard time wholeheartedly worshiping God.

Get in God’s Word so you know what it says, then proclaim the Truth with confidence!

photo credit