Last month, in my post Allowing Myself to Shop, I told you I was planning to write about some of the struggles I have had since Aspen’s birth 4 months ago. I did write about healing from a c-section, but this post isn’t about my physical well-being. It’s about something much more difficult to heal from…because it is inside my head.
I knew I wasn’t dealing with depression. I’d been there before. This was different. This was outright fear.
*standing over my child, convinced she was going to die any moment.
*not letting anyone else hold her in case she stopped breathing and no one noticed.
*not sleeping because I was watching her breathe.
*keeping the light on all night so I could watch her breathe.
*fearful that my other children were sick and I wouldn’t realize it until it was too late.