This has to be one of the most unbecoming photos of me ever, but it sort of looks defensive, doesn't it?

I told you it was coming!

When we as moms are on the receiving end of the judgement passed by others, we can be quick to cry,

“But you don’t understand!”

never stopping to consider that there may be some constructive in that criticism.

God can and does use others to refine us.  Iron sharpening iron is not always pleasant and we must be willing to hear the words of others despite the sting.

If someone suggests you need to be home more or you might not be managing your finances well or you need to discipline your children more, don’t immediately jump on the defensive – or at least try not to blurt out what you are feeling.  Instead, take a deep breath, a few steps back and consider these things…

1.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Don’t assume their motives in saying something that stings is to judge you and hurt you.

I once had an older woman suggest I was either not sleeping or neglecting my family in order to blog.  She had no idea that I only need about 6 hours of sleep a night and that I type 85 words per minute.  Computer-related things have always come easily to me and therefore, I can get a lot done in very little time.  But rather than quickly defending myself, I decided to remain quiet with all my reasons and take some time to assess whether I truly was balancing blog and life in a God-honoring way.

I decided I could find even better ways to manage my time so I wasn’t blogging during hours when I could have been spending time with my husband.  I only worked on blogging when he also had work to do and I made sure to sit beside him as we worked.  I also started scheduling my social media promotions to cut out the 30 minutes in the morning I was on the computer before breakfast.

Her words, though not fully informed, had merit and did afford me the opportunity to do an even better job of managing me.  I also know for a fact, she was speaking out of concern for me and not in hopes of hurting me.

2.  It isn’t always necessary to defend yourself.

When my father was struggling through his last year with Alzheimer’s, I had someone reprimand me for “running up and down the road” from my home to my hometown 3 hours away.  This person had not had a parent die and did not know what it was like to be forgotten.  I had determined, with my husband’s blessing, not to be forgotten by my father for as long as I could manage.  Gas prices and wear and tear on the car do not even compare to the time I spent with my dad.

But there was no need for me to defend myself for making the most of what time I had left with my dad.  If this person had taken a few moments to think through the situation, they would have realized what was more important.  Additionally, I had my husband’s blessing.  There was no need to defend something that would not have changed no matter how much someone tried to convince me otherwise.

3.  Listen and discern. 

When someone says something that cuts us to the quick, it is hard to listen.  Sometimes it is even harder to discern if it is truth or lies.  No one wants to be criticized, but sometimes the very things we need to hear come wrapped in pain.

But, there is a flip side as well.  Sometimes the attacks we feel are just that…attacks.  They break us down and make us question ourselves over and over again.

Both of these require us to get on our knees before God and ask for His guidance.

We need discernment from the Lord to know if what we are hearing needs to be taken to heart or if it needs to be flung far from our hearts.

So, my dear mamas, perhaps you are doing too much.  Perhaps you aren’t practicing self-control.  Or perhaps you are right where God has you and in that you can rest.

You look at her and your first thought is,

“How in the world does she have time for that?”

Your second thought is,

“She’s probably sacrificing her marriage or her children or her time with God.”

Whoa!  That was a quick leap from time management to outright negligence!

As I was writing my post on me management (and also my post for Homeschool Blogging on Sour Grapes Blogging), I realized that all too often we project our own feelings and weaknesses onto someone else and sometimes we end up acting downright self-righteous.

I’m not going to lie to you.  I’ve done it.  I’ve looked at another mom and said in carefully-hidden jealousy (*cough*),

“How in the world did she find the time to do that?”

Maybe she took a gourmet cooking class or clipped coupons and paid $2 for groceries last month.  Maybe she wrote a book or had a speaking engagement halfway across the country.  Maybe she created a stunning scrapbook or manages to blog at Starbucks every weekend.  Maybe she took a shower without 6 little voices talking to her the entire time.

Whatever it is she did, the moment we pass judgement is the moment we elevate ourselves to a pedestal.  Just because MY time bandits are X, Y, and Z does NOT mean Susie Homemaker down the street is squandering her time if she is doing X, Y, and Z.

We tend to get a little self-righteous when we see someone else doing the very things we can’t seem to do without sacrificing a massive amount of our time.  It feels unfair and in turn, we become unfair in our assessment of the situation.

But, what if

• God has that mama in the place He has her for a reason?
• God has you in the place you are for a reason?
• Her God-given giftings make it easier for her to do the things she does?
• Your God-given giftings feel crazy-difficult to her?

God created us each differently and has us each in different places all for HIS glory.  It’s not my job to decide if you are or are not where He placed you.

Ladies, we don’t know the full story, but God does.  If you absolutely see outright neglect or sin, then by all means address it…in love.  But, the first step toward contentment in your own life is stop comparing yourself to others.

God didn’t make me a couponing queen or a scrapbooking diva.  He put me 30 minutes away from a Starbucks and gave me 7 beautiful children, several of which talk to me during my shower.

I blog.  It’s where He has me…for now.

I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from Jamerrill Stewart of Holy Spirit-Led Homeschooling, FreeHomeschoolDeals.com, and the recently announced co-ownership of The Homeschool Village:

{Jesus} answered my heart’s cry with a ministry right from my farm house kitchen. He also has only increased this passion, creative ideas, and opportunity…I feel the Lord’s pleasure when I blog. Despite what some may say about the energy I put into my blogs, I am in God’s will. He confirms it. He multiplies my time. Jesus is mixed up in the middle of this with me.

PS – There is definitely a flip side to this Self-Righteous Mommy Syndrome called the Defensive Doing Too Much Mommy Syndrome.  You’re not off the hook!  Coming soon…