Last Sunday, I had a lively conversation with some of the women and young ladies at church. We were discussing modesty and with my mouth, I was giving all the “right” answers. But my heart was tested on Friday. From that one little test, came forth a huge revelation that has significantly changed my life.
On Sunday I said I was careful what I wore to make sure it was not too tight, low cut, etc. On Friday, I wore something low cut. On Sunday, I said I would defer to my husband’s judgment on the appropriateness of my clothing. On Friday, I fought back when he called into question my low cut top. On Sunday, I was all smiles and submission. On Friday, I was tears and turmoil.
The only thing I could manage to say before I ran off to take a shower and have a pity party was, “But, I’ve gotten so many compliments on this shirt today! Why did you have to pick today to tell me I can’t wear this?”
Sad, but true.
While I was in the shower, my thoughts poured over me…
I liked that shirt. No, I loved that shirt. I loved how I felt when I wore it. I couldn’t wait to go buy another one just like it, but in a different color. You know what, I wish I could have found something about my husband to tell him not to do and see how he feels. It seems like I’m always having to do things I don’t want to do just because he/God says so. My life would be a whole lot easier if God wouldn’t keep convicting my husband on issues that effect me! I really like my life and God/my husband keeps taking things away from me. I don’t like it–I like things the way they are.
As my mind raced, a thought that had been brewing within me for over two weeks was slowly working its way toward the surface and this time I was unable to suppress it.
I love my life.
This is more than just an enjoyment of the world God has created and the circumstances He has put me in. This is a strong attachment that extends even beyond my own little world in the Midwest. I love this world. I love the things of this world. I love them so much that I don’t want to do anything that might change them.
When I think about all the things my husband wants to do for the Lord, I cringe because they ALL mess with MY world. That was what this shirt issue was really about. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and God (through my husband) came along and took it away from me, and I screamed and pitched a fit just like a selfish child.
The revelation for me is this…
I love the things of this world so much that God is going to have systematically take away everything I love so much in order for me to “get it.”
Upon realizing this, I had this fleeting thought…
OK, God, what if I promise to learn my lesson and make a concerted effort to not love my life so much? Then, will You leave my life alone?
Hmmmm…..somehow I think I was missing the point!
I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that whenever I’ve struggled with certain things in my life, God has always found rather creative ways of dealing with me. For instance, God saw where loving and cherishing my children was difficult for me and he convicted me to be quiverfull (which I thought would shock my husband, only to find out that he had been quiverfull for years and was “waiting” on me). After that, I was just sure what God intended was for us to single-handedly populate the earth. He dealt with me by not giving me any children for a long while.
I do not know for sure how God will deal with me on this issue, but I do know I will not be sitting around enjoying my stuff just waiting for him to take it all away. I have to work now to prioritize my life. I have to refocus my energies on Him. Not because I am scared of what He might do, but because He deserves my undivided attention, honor, and praise.