I still find myself wanting to be pg despite the fact that I’ve resigned myself to pretending I’m not so I don’t have to suffer anymore. I removed the due date from the calendar. I feel like I’m just waiting for it to be over.
Why don’t I feel more relieved? I asked God to break the news to me gently with this last blood test. God is sovreign over all and able to make my pregnancy any kind He wants. He’s even able to knit a child not expected to make it a little tighter. I want this baby, but I’m afraid of getting attached and then losing him/her. How do I survive this, Lord? What should my attitude be? Should I rejoice for the life you’ve given and leave it at that until I know otherwise? Or do I hold back emotions so I can deal better if it happens. It will hurt no matter what. Lord, what do you want?
Tomorrow is 13 wks…The fear is still very real and the feeling that disappointment and agony are lurking at every corner is at times numbing. I pray a lot for God to remove these fears that must be the work of Satan…God is NOT a God of FEAR. He is the Great Comforter. This is a testing time for me…I cannot determ
ine life and death simply by feelings. God is Lord of ALL–even this tiny baby…Went to Revival tonight and he talked about having a stillborn daughter and how months down the road they had to rebuke the fear they held.
Heather Q says
Thank you for writing this. This is exactly how I feel during my pregnancies due to a loss. The horrible fear of losing another baby haunts me. We have recently become quiverfull and hope to have a large family if that is God’s plan. I pray He will give me ready if He blesses us with more babies. Thank you for your honesty.
patricia says
Thanks, this post has been an answer of the Lord to my prays. I really feel like having a big family, but my husband doesn’t want. Your husband attitude with you just gave me an answer of the Lord. Yesterday God prepared my mind for this article with this verse: “I waited patienly for the Lord…The things you planned for us no one can recount to you” Psalm 40:1,5.
Thanks for sharing your experience. God bless you.
Dawn says
Just a beautiful story!! Thank you so much for sharing it. I am bawling as I read it! On to chapter 4… :0)
Hannah says
I had tears in my eyes as I read this. After the birth of our second child, my husband made it very clear that we were done having kids. As I’ve always dreamed of a large family, it was pretty heartbreaking for me to realize that I would only have two. First I became angry with God, then resigned, and finally, a few months ago, I was able to change my attitude and become thankful for the two blessings I have. I was okay with just having two children instead of the 6 or more I’d always wanted. And then, on Christmas, I got pregnant! I’m due in mid-September. My husband isn’t thrilled about a third child and is talking about a permanent fix after this, but the fact that God knows the desires of my heart and gave me just one more blessing makes this baby more special than he or she will ever know. While my story is different from yours, I, too, had to learn to trust God and accept whatever happened. I love how your daughter in this post and my third baby are both September babies.
Elena says
I realize this is an old post, and maybe my question has been covered elsewhere: If its not okay to prevent pregnancy or encourage conception, why is it okay to take drugs to maintain a pregnancy? Why not let God take care of things?