OK, not really.
He seriously doesn’t care.
So, why do I?
I could spout something about how I’m filling landfills and how I’m putting chemicals next to his sensitive skin, but it won’t change the fact that right now I cannot hack cloth diapering.
Now, don’t get me wrong…I LOVE cloth diapering. There is something terribly satisfying about putting cloth next to your baby’s skin. And cloth you’ve made…well, that’s even better! I am looking forward to returning to cloth diapering, but I refuse to be a martyr to something that is simply a preference.
It is a “good thing”, but it does not own me.
But, “good things” are like that, aren’t they? They are so good that we would gladly stand on soapboxes for them. They are so good that we would gladly sacrifice other “lesser” things in order to continue with the good things. We feel so strongly about them that we have a hard time imagining our life without them.
And then life throws a curve ball…
And the “good thing” starts to have consequences we can’t manage.
For me, it was the ick factor (yes, there IS an ick factor with cloth diapering. You can read how I usually deal with it HERE.) and the fact that even my normal, everyday laundry wasn’t getting done, let alone the cloth diaper laundry.
The good thing became the difficult thing. No, I don’t ditch everything that is difficult, but I do have a few guiding principles that help me make decisions when good things start to cause me grief.
1) What does the Bible say about it?
2) Will it matter in 10 years?
3) Is the situation a forever situation?
4) If not, what will the short term effects be? On me? On the children? On my husband?
5) If it is, what will the long term effects be? (same people as before)
6) Is this a pride issue?
Ooooo! Did you catch that last one???
All too often good things get wrapped up into who we are. We are defined by the things we are passionate about. When they go south or become more than we can bear (even if just for a time), we find ourselves scrambling to make sure we’re still who we once were. We are afraid to tell people for fear they will either point fingers or think less of us. We don’t want to admit defeat or failure, even when that’s not really what it is.
We are proud of the things that define us. Losing those things hits us where we live.
I’ve had some major realizations in the pride department lately. Things that I felt defined me were falling away at a rapid rate and I found myself distraught. Recently, I sat crying as I read an email pertaining to one of the things being stripped from me thinking, “Why is this bothering me so much? It shouldn’t matter to me as much as it does.”
That’s when I realized it was pride that was causing me the most grief.
So, as for cloth diapering (among other things that have to go by the wayside-either temporarily or permanently) I have to see it for what it is. It isn’t who I am. I don’t suddenly change without it. I don’t have to do XYZ to be me.
And admitting it doesn’t make me weak…it makes me real.
Realizing and humbly accepting my limitations Works For Me! To read more WFMW tips & tidbits, follow the link!
Quinn says
I know it’s not supposed to, maybe I was doing something wrong, but I think cloth diapering is really stinky. I know that I happened to get pregnant right after beginning so all of the odors were magnified, but even my husband was gagging on the smell of our daughter and all it took was for her to wet the diaper a time or two. Needless to say, I quit. It was intended only to be temporary, but I just can’t bring myself to pick it back up 🙂
It bothered me a bit (probably the pride you mentioned) but not having to rinse poo down the laundry sink helped me get over it really quickly!!
amanda says
oh this pregnancy has made me almost want to quit cloth diapering for awhile too. but i hold my breath and do it. mainly because we can’t afford to buy the disposables, which i guess is good otherwise i would just go buy them. plus when i started cloth diapering my hubby made me promise it wasn’t just ‘trend’ thing, so i keep his voice in my head a bit too. :0) keep on keeping on sister!
Cara @ Health Home and Happiness says
I love this post! I switch to sposies when laundry gets backed up. Laundry baking up is usually a ‘symptom’ of other issues, so I give myself a break until it’s all resolved! I do love cloth diapering, but I’m not going to be a slave to it.
Mama Laundry says
I’ve CD’ed my #2 and #3 babies off and on. There have been times I’ve been able to and times I cannot.
When my baby was 6 months old I started our home laundry business and I just couldn’t keep up with our laundry, the laundry of my clients and 3-4 loads of cloth diapers a week. I felt so guilty! (And still do occasionally).
But you’re completely right – some things you just have to give up either permanently or for just a season. And right now for me, cloth diapering definitely falls in that category.
This is beautifully written. Your honesty is just plain refreshing. 🙂
-Lauren
Susan says
I understand the whole ick factor. When I was pregnant with my last baby i quit cloth diapering and whenI lost that baby I realized i wasn’t ready to go back to it. I still haven’t and it has been almost 5 months I think i will just keep my little guy in disposables until he is potty trained.
Jenny says
Totally agree about the whole pride thing! I don’t have a problem with cloth diapering right now–aside from the occasional emergency disposable we keep tucked in the van just in case we run out of cloth or get slack on laundry. One of my issues, I hate to admit, is nursing openly in public. I DO nurse in public, and I honestly feel that women nursing in public does wonders for spreading breastfeeding awareness and putting it out there as normal. I admire women who are confident enough to do it openly. The thing is, I prefer to be almost totally covered by my shirt/baby’s head and sort of blend in while nursing. I would HATE to be on the news as the next mom asked to leave an establishment for breastfeeding, although this is important enough to me that I attended a nurse-in for one mom and sent a note of encouragement to another who went through this. I truly believe women should nurse however they feel most comfortable, and for me this happens to be in a way that doesn’t draw attention. I don’t want anyone to see me and get the idea that I think breastfeeding should be hidden or minimized, but nursing in a very open fashion (such as exposing a breast over the neckline of a low-cut shirt) would make me uncomfortable. So I don’t do it.
Brenda @ Tie That Binds Us says
I cloth diapered #1, cloth diapered for 2 months with #2, 3 weeks with #4. Then I had a girl, and bought pink and purple hand-made cloth diapers and managed to do it for 6 months. Then #5 came around and I came to my senses. I couldn’t do it with 5 kids. The ick and the amount of laundry was too much. I needed to use my time in other areas of our lives.
mama4x says
I am so proud of you for all that you said. What will your kids remember in 10 years? A rested and fun mama or that you had to wash a lot of laundry and that you tell them that they wore cloth diapers?
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Quinn – Cloth diapering can get stinky. There are several ways to help this. I’ll try to do a post on this at some point. But, suffice it to say, you are not the only one who has quit over smelly dipes!
Heidi says
Wow. I hear you!
We are in disposables right now for many of the same reasons, plus the fact that we are moving at the same time I am dealing with pregnancy and for once in my life the extra laundry really is a big deal.
I almost fell over when someone at homeschool co-cop told me that she had finally switched to cloth full time after a conversation we had this fall. I felt so embarrassed and it was tempting not to say anything, but I did kind of just laugh and tell her that right now we weren’t using hardly any cloth! She had a good sense of humor about the irony, but I was def. embarrassed!
Kathy says
Amy, thanks so much for the post! Love it! I am bookmarking it for later. I want to go through your questions and evaluate a few things in my own life. Thanks for sharing!
MollyinMinn says
What a great way to look, not just at this, but at life. None of us are perfect. And seeking to do anything without the willingness to give ourselves a break is the sure fire way to frustration. Well said.
Holly says
I looove CDing. And I may be the only one but I don’t think it’s icky at all! lol But the things we do definitely shouldn’t define who we are. We’re actually using sposies right now as we switch to a different brand of CD.
Michelle says
Amen! I recently had to make a decision like this, too.
I am a CPST (a carseat tech)
I love volunteering and helping others make sure their little ones are safe…BUT it was taking away too much time from my own family.
My certification is up in two days, and I am letting it lapse.
Maybe someday I’ll re-certify, but not until I feel the Lord is calling me back to it.
Jacque @Walking Therein says
🙂 I am in the same place with some other things. I don’t cloth diaper because it defines me. We do cloth diapers because of the chemicals that get so close to baby’s skin, and we think, for us, it will matter in ten years (and the years in-between). BUT PLEASE don’t think I care one way or the other if you cloth diaper or not. I don’t. It doesn’t make me think any less or any more of you!! 🙂 That is not why I am commenting.
What I am dealing with is all the other things that don’t necessarily define us-me as a family, but are so ingrained into us that they are a part of who we are.
We sold all of our animals and are selling most of our belongings and our home. I was going to raise the rest of our children and grow old in this home, having them bring their babes here when they had them… NO.
We planned to have a goat farm. NO.
We had goat milk and fresh eggs whenever we needed them. NO.
On my way home yesterday from the grocery, I was talking to Matt, and he told me a lady had called to come look at the swingset. You know, the wooden one we cut and put together ourselves as a gift for our children one year and has been used by all our children with joy…
and the tears flowed, because I have to let it go. But, we are moving for a bigger reason than that, and it is how we are defined. We are moving because this is Yah-God’s plan for us. He has set us on this path, and it is a hard path, but all these things and this place, and who we are here is not more important than who we are in him.
Just some more reflecting I am doing on this part of the journey.
Blessings to you friend!
Shalom~
Millie says
Excellent post Amy! I can relate to this in many ways. Not just the diapering but the whole ‘pride’ thing. Sometimes I am guilty of thinking ‘oh I do this and this and this. I’m so awesome.’ But then it will hit me, often times when I started doing something I had the right reasons for it but now maybe I’m wearing what I do as a badge of honor or to look good to others or sometimes because it might make a semi interesting blog post. Just recently I’ve learned that I need to spend some time re-evaluating where my priorities are.
I like your guiding principals.
Young Wife says
I really appreciated this post. Thanks for sharing. I think it is okay to let some of the “good” things go when you have to.
Sandi says
Love cloth diapersing but you betcha there are diaposables ready and waiting like for instance when we moved a few weeks ago. Or when my son gets what I call the “the flaming ring of fire”….he is sensitive to tomatoes and oranges. It actually burns his skin and the cream would ruin my CD’s. It’s rare now that we know but still happens on the occasion.
It is so easy to take the Titus 2 biblical calling and turn it into a ball and chain with things that aren’t eternal nor important. I like your list of questions…good stuff.
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
{{HUGS}}Jacque.
Really, this post wasn’t originally about cloth diapering. What had me in tears had nothing to do with cloth diapering. But, it was something that I held near and dear…and something I thought defined me.
I am sure it is beyond difficult leaving all those things that “used to be you” behind. But you are right…keep your eyes on the eternal.
Blessings,
Amy
Grace Wheeler says
Amy~You’re right…it does make you real, which is just another reason why I *heart* you! 🙂
I don’t cloth diaper in my first 3-4 months of pregnancy (nor do I do much of ANYTHING during that time!) because I can’t handle the yuck factor!
Good post here!
JP says
Great, great post! And my kids are out of diapers.
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Mistee,
I plan on doing a post on my diapers as soon I’m feeling up to it. 🙂
Mistee says
I don’t blame you at all. We did cloth, then disposables, and recently cloth again. I quit in the middle there when I was pregnant with #4 and #3 was incessantly playing in the diaper bucket. I am now only using diapers for a youngster having trouble with nighttime leakage. You diapers look really nice and I would like to make one he can put on himself. Care to share your pattern for the diapers themselves? Is the soaker/cover the only pattern and you just use soaker pads inside? Thanks. 🙂
Jacque @Walking Therein says
Thanks Amy. This was a great post, and I know Yah-God meets us all where we are in him, even if the post has nothing to do with our struggles! 🙂 Prayers for you as you walk through this season of your life.
(((HUGS)))
mamabear says
Praying for you tonight. Great post!
MolleenCarie says
Hey, Amy, here’s a related post you might find interesting.
http://lacatolicaloca.blogspot.com/2010/03/poor-motives.html
Amy @ Raising Arrows says
Thanks for the article link!
Amy says
sometimes those things that we thought defined us must change as He changes us. it can be hard, pride is involved at times, and it can be hard to wrap our minds around it.
CDing has had its moments here without too much problems for defining me, but other things have been a big challenge.
I had been in agriculture one way or another for the past 25 years. had a farm for 10 years, but God had other plans for us. Pride is a big factor- hard to be content on my 1 acre lot in a neighborhood when so many Christian homeschoolers are moving to farms, especially when I can’t always keep up my garden.
I know being off the farm and having more opportunities for relationships that may have eternal results is where i am to be, but giving up my farming ‘definition’ is so hard. but we’re supposed to do hard things, even NOT doing hard things (like CD’ing when it doesn’t fit) can be hard.
Just keep focused on the eternal and the long term effects of our choices.
thanks for sharing!
Courtney Gosvener says
Yes, I would like to figure out how to use cloth reusable wipes on my baby. She is so sensitive to everything and gets the worst diaper rashes. Poor thing has been screaming bloody murder. Right now I have tons of disposable diapers(a gift from family friend) but am not opposed to trying to do cloth diapering at some point to save money and trash! But right now I would like to try to get wipes that don’t irritate her bum.
~Courtney Gosvener (Katrina Hine’s daughter)
Amy says
Courtney,
Wipes can be awful on a sore bum! To get started, go the easy route and cut up an old t-shirt. All you really need is warm water on the wipes. If you suspect the rash is yeasty in nature, a quick and easy remedy is a small amount of vinegar in a bowl of water. Swab it on w/ a cotton ball or Q-tip, let air dry, then diaper baby as usual. This clears up the rash quickly.
Sorry to hear she’s hurting so much. I’ve had a couple of babies like this and you know every time you change their diaper, you are putting them through torture. 🙁
Desiree says
Oh! This resonates with me so much – both in the diaper department and the pride one, too. This said as one who has been meaning to get back to cloth diapers for…hmm…about 5 years. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Amy says
Thanks for the smile this evening! I just ordered some nice things from Sweet Little Blessings with the hope it will make me feel more like putting forth the effort! 😉
Reka K. says
We use disposable liners, so all the yuck factor goes into the toilet. I find it very easy, no spraying, no washing, just dumping everithing, liner included in the toilet. The smudges wash out beautifuuly in the washing mashine. I hope you will find your way back to cloth diapering being a nice experience.
Amy says
That post was written quite a while ago (and I think I was pregnant at the time too), so yes, we’ve been back to cloth diapering and enjoying just as much as we used to! 🙂