The last couple of days have been loud. Honestly, with 6 children in the house, every day is loud to some degree. But with a mommy and one other child dealing with Sensory Integration Disorder, this isn’t just noise…it is pain.
Today, as I was trying to carve out little bit of peace and quiet, I wondered how many other mommies out there have SID and how they have learned to cope (or not) with it.
I didn’t know what I’ve dealt with all my life even had a name until about 7 years ago. I was reading Educating Your Gifted Child by Vicki Caruana when I stumbled across her chapter on SID. I could hardly believe what I was reading! Suddenly, the years of hating crowds, not eating “mushy” foods, and not wanting to dig in the dirt made sense!
Related post: The Foods I Don’t Like
It also gave me the ability to explain what I was feeling. When friends would ask me to go to crowded places, I could tell them that I have trouble processing everything that is going on and end up shutting down, making it unsafe for my children. Not everyone understands, but at least I do. That’s what matters.
It also gave me better insight into my daughter’s struggles with SID. I knew we were very alike, but gaining a better grasp of the intricacies of SID made me realize that all of her little idiosyncrasies were actually all the same thing.
Now, I did not want to make this a post about the specifics of Sensory Integration Disorder/Dysfunction (also know as Sensory Processing Disorder), because you can read about that just about anywhere on the net (and please do—you might recognize someone you know!) However, what you don’t find much of is how to cope with it…especially when you are an adult and a mom.
To be honest with you, a lot of my coping skills happened without me even realizing it. My mom was very understanding of my aversion to beans and mashed potatoes and jello and…well, you get the idea. When, as a baby, I screamed at my sister’s ballgames, she simply took me home. My sister was 14 years older, so by the time I was 4, I was for all intents and purposes an only child, so noise in the household was minimal. My coping skills consisted mainly of avoidance.
Note: Some people will be diagnosed “sensory seeking” or “sensory avoidant” rather than SID or SPD.
But, as a mommy I can’t very well avoid everything that overloads me…especially those wee little noisemakers, otherwise known as my children! I’ve had to learn a whole new set of coping skills, some of which do still include avoidance, but most of which involve creative decompressing.
So, that’s what I want to share with you today…and in fact, these things aren’t just for those who deal with sensory issues. Every mommy who feels like her brain might explode if one more thing happens can benefit from taking a moment and learning how to process all that goes on in a household full of little ones.
*Step away from the noise. I have a friend who used to go in her backyard and take 3 big deep breaths when life inside got too crazy. I’ve been known to plug my ears and breathe deeply a few times. Sometimes all it takes are a couple of seconds of silence to regroup and get your brain back on track. Ask the children to give you 30 seconds of silence (and that doesn’t include counting to 30 as mine are so prone to doing!) Take those 30 seconds to just do nothing, then come back up for air. You will more than likely feel 100 times better!
*Do something different. One time I was at a school event that took place in a gymnasium. As more and more people crowded in to see all the exhibits, my eyes began to glass over. I knew I was zoning, but it wasn’t until one of the children needed to be taken to the bathroom that I was able to process everything. Changing my focus helped me to gain my focus. That’s what I did today. I got up out of my chair, made myself a cup of coffee, and restarted my brain simply by doing something different.
*Reroute the children. If things are really rough, you may need to get the children focused on something else in order to help your brain settle down. Take them outside to play, find a game or project to work on, put in a movie. Something that changes their focus so you can get yourself back where you need to be before you bring them back to the place all of you were before you shut down. When things got crazy today and I got up to make a cup of coffee, I also set my children to the task of getting the table ready for lunch. This gave them something to do while I decompressed in the kitchen. By the time they were finished, I was ready to go back to the schoolwork that only moments before was creating more chaos than I could handle.
*Know your triggers. Noise is the biggest trigger for me. I just can’t handle too much of it, especially if I’m under stress or need to concentrate on something important. I also know that when I am required to concentrate on keeping track of the children in a public place, I must have my hair tied back and out of my eyes or I will quickly lose my mind. I also wear sunglasses nearly year round because the sun is very bright and can easily overwhelm me. Taking the time to figure out what your triggers are allows you to plan and prepare in order to avoid situations that might cause you to come unglued.
*Be aware. Try to catch the fact that you are about to bubble over before you actually do bubble over and end up yelling or crying or calling your husband and begging him to come home from work. Knowing that too much of certain things are hard on your lil’ ole brain will make it easier for you to avoid those things. I know I cannot read to the children from their homeschool books when all 6 of them are awake. At least one child must be asleep. I don’t know why…it just is what it is. Today, I tried to read a very dense book with all 6 children wide awake in the same room. What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn’t. However, I quickly realized my eyes were crossing and I was getting nowhere, thus the reason for my jumping up and making coffee. But, it would have made much more sense for me to avoid the situation altogether by not trying to read the book until naptime.
*Pray. I enlist my children and my husband to help out with this. Today I called Ty and told him I was having a hard day and needed him to keep me in prayer. Prayer for patience and the ability to process it all. I also asked the children to pray for mommy, which brings me to my final point…
*Don’t hide. My children know I have days when processing is hard for me. I’m honest with them about my struggles and my need for mercy from the Lord and from them. I humble myself and ask for prayer. And yes, there are times when I say, “Mommy is not being very patient right now because she can’t seem to process it all,” to which they reply, “Yes, we know.” I have to fight the urge to say, “Well, you didn’t have to agree with me!” because I know that they can see just as easily as I can when I am having a bad day. I’m not perfect, why pretend I am?
Every mother struggles to process it all at some point in her mothering career. For those with SID, the struggles come more often. I never know when I wake up if today will be a difficult day or an easy day. Sometimes I have to postpone certain things because the day is proving to be more difficult than I had expected sensory-wise. And that is okay. Knowing your limitations is half the battle. The other half is learning to cope with those sensory issues you can’t avoid. With a little prayer and a lot of grace, you (and I) can learn to reclaim these difficult days and be the moms we need to be!
Resources:
The Out-of-Sync Child
Heide says
Wow–thanks for this post Amy!! I’d not heard of SID, I’ll be looking it up…..it could explain some things about someone I know really well (me!)
I struggle with ONE high-maintenance child who rarely stops talking or bouncing or…or…or…there I go, zoning out again!
My hat is off to you as you work with SIX!
Blessings!
abba12 says
Wow, this actually was a huge help to me. SID is common among people with a vision impairment, and I’ve always known I had it, along with my vision impaired brother, but I never thought much about it. My mums way of dealing with it was to ‘de-sensitize’ me. For example I HATED sand, apparently I would scream at the feeling of it. So my family would regularly take me to the sandpit/sandbox, sit in it, and make me sit with them. At first it consisted of them holding me or hugging me as I screamed in it (I believe I was about 3 at the time) then progressed to encouraging me to actually play with it. It seemed cruel at the time, but today, I love the beach more than anywhere else. Some things they didn’t de-sensitize me to, like certain material types, and other things they just couldn’t get me used to no matter how they tried, like walking on grass barefoot, but for the most part I didn’t think it troubled me and was more a childhood issue that is slightly inconvenient. Because it was no big deal for me after the age of 8 or so, I never did any research into it myself as an adult, I just forgot about it.
The reason your post was so helpful is, I was never told my issue affects more than my sense of touch! This is the first I’ve heard of it, but it makes complete sense! I had put my issues in crowds down to other causes, and the way I just shut off when I get overwhelmed I figured was just me being weird, but it all fits now. Apparently I still have some work to do! But I wonder whether now, as an adult, I’ll still be able to just de-sensitize myself, or whether I’m too old and need to take on a different approach. Either way, it helps so much to know exactly what I’m dealing with here, instead of just ‘weird quirks’ I can put it down to a process. Thanks so much for talking about this, I’m off to do some actual research.
Amy says
I do believe you can desensitize at this age! Let me know what your research turns up!
Jess says
Thanks for the honesty you show in your posts! We also deal with SID in our home, our 3rd child has it. We just recently got the diagnosis (he is almost 8 and we just figured it was just little “quirks” he had) and has started OT. This has already helped him (and us). You have a beautiful family!
Blessings,
Jess
Erin says
Amy, I can totally relate to your post. I, too, struggle with SID, and a house with 5 boys just doesn’t accommodate that very well! Your tips were excellent, and I do many of the same things. I really appreciate you sharing and knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with those things!
Michelle says
Amy, thank you for sharing this. My oldest (7) and I both struggle with SID, and we discovered it after years of searching for some sort of explanation. And yes, it’s far beyond just loud noises, scratchy clothes, and picky eating. We discovered that it was the cause of my daughter walking on her toes for five years (she still does it sometimes even now) with no medical cause. We found a wonderful book that gave us many OT techniques to help our child cope in uncomfortable situations, and we’re working with her and our friends and family are supportive now that they understand her problem. But you’re right, there aren’t books with tips for moms with this. I struggle with the noise from two little girls, and I’ve always wondered how mothers with SID in larger families can possibly cope.
My tendency is to hide, retreat in a room with the laptop and zone for a few minutes, and that just leads to things getting further out of control and out of my coping range. My daughter is old enough now to understand and empathize (to a certain degree) so I probably need to reach out to her and explain how mommy feels like she does on those days. But sometimes zoning is good. Folding a load of laundry in a quiet room or focusing on the sound of the washing machine filing up as I throw in a batch of diapers gives me a focal point but keeps me present. Sometimes that’s enough to get me through another few hours. What I forget sometimes (like all moms) is to cut myself some slack. I need to get things done when I can, and not feel guilty for calling an audible when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
Jenny L says
Would you be willing to share the name of the book you are referring to? I would be interested in reading about how to deal with SID in a constructive, positive manner. So many people I have encountered (family and friends) feel it should be something that is âgotten overâ and I feel so mean when I expose my child to something that so obviously stresses them out – I need better tools! I also have begun experiencing âoverloadsâ – itâs this crazy, fast-paced, moving a thousand miles an hour culture that just bombards my senses and makes my anxiety rocket out of control!
Jessica says
We’re currently dealing with and Mom and a 4 year old son with Asperger’s in my house. My mother-in-law is always very concerned about him but I told her that it’s no big deal. I UNDERSTAND HIM.
Renee says
Signing always helps me in these moments đ But I too have a problem with too much noises or thing moving around found them aggressive!
Jaime says
My daughter was recently diagnosed with SPD. I only knew to get her tested for that cause when I was working on my Masters we took a special ed/special needs class…or I wouldn’t have any idea. I also wouldn’t have known how to go about testing her. It’s a shame there isn’t more information for the general public on how to get children tested if you are concerned. But in saying that…thru all the process…while I haven’t officially been diagnosed…after her diagnosis…I truely think I have it too. It’s made me sensitive to her needs…and your article touched on simple things a parent can do in dealing with sensory overload. You are right, everyone has sensory stuff. But when you have SPD/SID it’s more often…and can be very painful. For those of you who haven’t heard of it..the “Out of Sync Child” is a great book and “Out of Sync Child Has Fun” is a book that gives kids with or without SPD great activities/fun things to do that can really help. Thanks for sharing.
Amy says
Great book! I’ll add it to my post. Thanks so much for reminding me of it!
Jaime says
And I wanted to add…for those of you reading this…if you are concerned ur child has SPD/SID…(if you can, first read the “Out of Sync” book…has a check list…cause every child is different…and can sometimes do undetected at regular well visits-is what happened with us)…take check list to your dr….if you don’t get anywhere there…at age 3, by law…u can get your child tested thru the school’s early intervention program…call the shools and they can redirect you.
Tracy says
Amy, our family knows exactly what you are going through since our son has SPD. The saving grace that we have found is ear defenders (shooting style headphones that are sold at like Home Depot or Turners). The ear defenders block out background noise and help with just lowing the voices. Our son has issues with most large places but allowing him to conrol the input by putting on headphones helps. He is also highly sensitive to the light as most kids with spd are so we always have a pair of sunglasses for him to wear even indoors. We are praying for you and your family that you find your sense of normal and what is comfortable.
Tracy
Amy says
Yes! I wear sunglasses everywhere…even when it is cloudy. I’ll have to look into the headphones. Thanks!
Fruitful Harvest says
Great post~
Knowing your triggers really helps.
Peace, Love and Prayers,
Georgiann
Reonna says
Great post, Amy! I have SID, as well as one of my sons. I knew from an early age that he was “just like me”, when he would cry about the seam on his socks, and strip clothes off because they didn’t “feel” right. Naturally, we learn to cope somehow, but it doesn’t completely get rid of the anxiety that goes along with it. It’s nice knowing what works for others. I have a set of large, ear-protectant earphones that I can tune into the radio–sometimes I have to put them on bc they block out noise–sometimes it doesn’t work because I can’t get past the suction they generate–it just depends on the day and how quirky my quirks are! đ
I describe it to other people like this, if there is a small sand rock in a shoe: some people won’t even notice it, some people can get used to it, and some people will be able to focus on nothing else other than that rock until it is out of their shoe…I’m in the last category!
Karrie says
I have a son, not officially diagnosed, with SID. He fits the mold in someways and not others. We have to have a tight schedule and follow it throughly or he acts out. He goes to public school and does fine as long as everything goes smoothly and by schedule. The only way he can do well in school is if he is the top of his class. He has to be better than everyone or he breaks down (I know every child likes to win, but his is an very unique obsession). He can’t do any kind of homework unless it is dead quiet. Background noice kills him. He gets angry and acts out. One thing that I notice is that heavy blankets really help him relax. The heavier the better. We have one in the car. So when I pick him up from school, I place it on him and give him a chewy or crunchy snack and he trsnsitions well. Thanks for the post. I don’t hear much about adults with SID and how they cope.
Natasha Miller says
I was not aware of SID. Thanks for the post. I’m going to do some research. We had some real struggles with our 3rd born. We thought he was autistic for a long time. Ultimately food sensitivity seemed to be the trigger for much of his behavior. However, he still requires a lot of space. Therefore, he is in the room with his oldest brother so that he can have the quiet he needs to cope with life in a home with seven children. He has to have a couple hours every day of time by himself.
I’m much the same way. I set limits for the kids. They are to leave me alone before 7:00 a.m. and after 8 p.m. I cannot seem to function well if they do not. My husband often tells the kids, “Mommy needs some time to get her crayons all back in the box.” We have to laugh when at times I completely zone out and I have no idea what I just told the kids they could do. Some of the boys are real good at finding these vulnerable moments of mine.
Amy says
Ha! I love the crayon analogy! (and I’ve got your email sitting in my inbox waiting for me to find a few seconds of calm around here! I haven’t forgotten about it!)
Clara says
I never knew there was a name for this problem! Now it all makes more sense to me… I’m so glad you shared this!
Lisa~ says
I’ve never heard of this. I’ve always called myself “noise sensitive” and “don’t like crowds”. I do know it can be hard for other people to understand. I have taught my kids to have “Quiet Time” for three hours during the day and they are overall supposed to be quiet-ish all of the time. People will come to our home expecting crazy noise and they always say, “It’s so quiet here.” That’s because Mom can’t take noise! So like you, I’ve created a world where I can function.
My husband always says about me, “She’s the greatest woman in the world, as long as you never whistle!” LOL! Lisa~
Gayle says
GREAT POST!
I’m going to pass this along to (yet another đ ) friend who I think will benefit from these words.
I don’t even have SID and I struggle with the “controlled chaos” sometimes… ok… not just “some” times. đ
Thanks!
Tracy says
Excellent post. I linked to the book at Amazon, is that the book you would recommend for people homeschooling a gifted child?
Amy says
Tracy,
To be honest, that is is the only book I’ve read on homeschooling a gifted child. It was very good, though. đ
Maria says
Amy,
I really appreciated your post on SID as a Mom. I’m quite certain I would be labeled if I were a kid these days. I have noise, texture, light, temperature, etc. Love your thoughts on how to handle overwhelming situations!
Curious if you’ve seen the book Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World by Sharon Heller. It addresses SID for adults with some good tips!
Amy says
Maria,
No, I have not seen that book! I’ll definitely check into it! Thanks!
Gae says
Dear Amy,
This is great to share with people. Only this year have we discovered we have one definate and one perhaps child with this. However my husband thinks he has some of these probs as well, and possible one or tow of our older chidlren.
Our friend who works in this field
This site also has ideas for OLDER children which I hadn’t seen before anywhere
Perhaps this will be of interest
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/index.html
Blessings
Gae
Amy says
Thank you, Gae! I bookmarked it!
Laura @ Homemaking Joyfully says
I have suspected my middle child has this since he was very young though he has never been checked out b/c my husband disagrees. I’m thinking I’ll read The Out of Sync Child and see where I get with hubby. Also, I never considered that I might also have it, but I can identify with so much of what you said that I’m wondering about myself now.
I have issues with noise, light, cold, and some textures and it makes sense for there to actually be a name for it.
Thank you for so bravely sharing this post!
Liz says
I used to read your blog regularly but life with an ever-growing family makes that difficult… Anyway, I came across this post today and I want to say THANK YOU! I only worked out I had SID this year – when a friend posted about it with her daughter. My sister and I both have it (as far as we can tell) and at least one of my brothers has it along with either Aspergers or ADD.
I haven’t before read anything about surviving with it as a mother though. I have met one other mum who has it… it is definitely nice to know I’m not alone. It’s also nice to know that the days when I shout just to hear myself think aren’t evidence I’m a bad Mummy…
I find that now I have a name and an explanation for things it can help me cope.
Thank you thank you thank you for this!
Liz says
The following is a helpful link for those who have it but can’t afford Occupational Therapy
http://www.autism-in-the-christian-home.com/sensory-diet.html
Wendy @ Living Creatively says
Thank you for this!! I’ll need to do more reading, and find out exactly what my “issues” are, but this has already given me a lot of insight. I’m a noise overload/ sensitive touch person– didn’t know there was an official name for it, honestly.
I have a very, very difficult time with noise. My two older kids are the same way, probably in part because I’m so anal about keeping things quiet. The TV is my nemesis!
And I can’t touch anything, especially paper or cloth, with dry hands. Cold is also a problem.
Thanks so much for your tips. I do often take brief “time-outs” to regain my mind. And I can so relate to the “zoning out.” (sigh)
Most importantly, thank you for letting me know that I’m not alone. I often feel like a bad mom because of my overload issues, so I try to compensate with a ton of activities and crafts that I CAN handle. Nothing wrong with extra activities, but guilt isn’t the most beneficial motivator.
Terri says
Hi, Amy. I found your blog several months ago through MOMYS and now am so glad God led me here. Last month, I lost my 5th child to a miscarriage. Through that pain, issues that I have struggled with my whole life have started overflowing and as I begged the Lord to show me what is wrong, I remembered this post. I think this explains many things for me and I am so glad to have the ideas on how to cope with SID as a mom. My kids are 5, almost 4, 2.5, and almost 1. My husband is also very noisy, extremely physically affectionate, and likes lots of background noise. Needless to say, I have hit a point where overload is almost a daily occurance! So many things are making sense now that never did before, that I always attributed to me being “wrong” or somehow defective. I also can see so many of these things in other ways in my 2nd daughter.
Any other ideas or information or helpful tips that you have would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much for your willingness to be transparent.
Terri
Amy says
Terri,
Welcome! So glad you are here!
I have found that my SID is at its worst when I am feeling like things are out of control. Any time I am having trouble processing something big (like a miscarriage, job change, other difficult circumstance), I find I cannot focus on the everyday things very well. From there, everything snowballs.
Making lists help me a lot. If I can sort out each little thing that is assaulting my brain, it is easier to see how to work through each things rather than just let them all bombard me at once. I can pray for each individual issue and ask my husband to do the same.
I’ll be praying you find relief soon and can truly enjoy this holiday season with your family.
corine says
Great post. I have kids who have sensory issues, and Peter Gillman’s Natural Calm really helps them. I have to be careful not to ramble on and talk too much, for their sakes. I also used to give them flax seed oil, which helped them (note to self; remember to do this agai). The Natural Calm is like a miracle worker… I hope you get to try it and that it helps you. It is the ABSOLUTE BEST Magnesium supplement there is (I’ve used many brands… this is the only one that we noticed great results with); it is worth it’s weight in gold. When I am stressed or overstimulated by noises etc, I also use it, and it helps me to relax and cope. When the kids were littile and would be irritable and fight a lot, giving them the magnesium helped them to relax so they were able to behave and be happy. It was like a miracle the way it affected them! If you try it follow the directions closely for maxium results and to avoid diarrhea. If you follow the directions, you won’t have any problems and since magnesium is needed for over 500 chemical reactions in the body… you’ll be doing a whole lot of good with the suppliment.
If you try it, I hope it helps a ton for you like it did for us!
Corine đ
Jenny says
Thanks for sharing this Amy. I have battles with depression and one of the symptoms definitely is that overload feeling…like all my nerves are frayed and I just want to check out of all of the noise, or break down and cry. These tips you gave are right on. Recognizing you are beginning to feel this way and taking action beforehand is key.
Heather says
I am really glad I had the opportunity to read this! My friend actually ran across this disorder on the net not long ago and said it sounded just like me. I have always just believe I was “sensitive” or “different.” I never knew that what I had was actually a disorder and had a name! I too am a mother and I believe one of my children share this disorder too. Again, I pray for you and your family and I thank you so much for being strong enough to post this for the education of others like us! đ
Gayle says
Thanks for those tips. My son and I have SID. My doctor recommended Target instead of Wal-mart. That helped immensely. Target’s lighting system is different and not overwhelming like Wal-mart’s. I like the 30 second break. My son calls it a “mommy minute,” because he knows it’s going to be more than a minute. Thanks for writing this. It helps to know another adult with it. I don’t know anyone else,and when I try to explain it to friends and family, they don’t seem to get it. But, I am thankful they don’t mind me adjusting, like when I have to reschedule.
Blessings,
Gayle
Nikki says
Wow! I’m pretty sure my daughter and I have this. I also wear sunglasses everywhere and hate bright lights in my eyes. I also have a hard time with a lot of noise and a lot of chaos (clutter) around me (which is a challenge since my house is in a perpetual state or renovation).
My daughter is an EXTREMELY picky eater, which I understand to a degree. Thankfully, I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older. Her sensitivities (besides food) have gotten better, too.
Does your daughter have sensitivity to food textures? How do you deal with that without severely limiting your menu, becoming a short-order cook and/or compromising on the “healthiness” of the food?
Amy says
Nikki – I’m the one w/ the food texture issues, not my daughter. My parents never made a big deal about it, so I just don’t eat the things that feel yucky to me. I have gotten better about eating things that have mushy textures, but there are still many things I just steer clear of and try not to make a big deal about. đ
Crafty Mama says
I wonder if I have something like that? I don’t do well with lots of noise, and when I start feeling bombarded, I need to run away. We had friends over the other day, and my kids and husband were all trying to talk to me while I was trying to prepare food. Right in front of one of my guests I was like, “There’s too much going on!!” She probably thought I was nuts! X-D But I dunno, sometimes it’s just too much. (Maybe this is just normal for moms, though? đ )
Amy says
I know some moms who can handle lots going on at once and many who can’t. It was all the other weird things I don’t like (foods and textures) that made me realize what was going on. It truly helps to know what you need to do to keep your head clear. đ
Samantha says
This would explain me in so many ways. Part of me always knew something wasn’t right, and listening to Kirk Martin from Celebrate Calm made me begin to wonder not just about some of my children having SID, but myself. Now I really believe I have it. I can’t stand crowds. I start to have feelings of a panic attack and mind numbing fear. I too can’t stand the texture of beans. I will eat mashed potatoes but they have to be smooth. I will eat jello, but I would really rather not.
There are days that I can’t cope with what is going on either. I use to hide in my room until I felt better and that very seldom happened. I have called my husband in a panic doing everything but begging him to come home. I have learned a few coping things, but I have to have the complete silence and release the guilt in order to make them work. I will send the kids outside to jump on the trampoline and tell them they can’t come in for 30 minutes giving them a timer. They will turn the sprinkler on and jump in the water. For nap time I will have one of the older children read to the younger boys. I will sometimes take a nap in order to shut my brain down. If all else fails I will have them play one of our family favorite movies and we will snuggle with popcorn and just chill, knowing that school can wait for a while, or we will play a family board game.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I really needed this encouragement.
Amy says
Samantha,
You might look into taking 5HTP (an amino acid you can buy at health food stores). I can’t take it because I am usually pregnant or nursing, but if you aren’t, it might be worth a try.
Samantha says
I will have to remember that after this pregnancy and nursing. Thank you for sharing that. It seems to be harder to deal with while pregnant. I’m touched out when the day starts before anything happens. It is so hard for my husband and I don’t want it to be, but I really just want to be left alone. I can’t explain it to him or anyone else, but I just don’t want to be touched in any way.
Dawn@OneFaithfulMom says
Just saw this older post. I am definitely an SID mom. There are many times that I ask everyone to please be quiet because “my ears hurt.” Truly, just the noise from the children causes me ear pain. And our kids are relatively quiet.
The other thing for me is physical touch. there are times when I just need my space…nobody on my lap, nobody touching me.
Sunglasses, oh yes. Just walking outside without them causes my eyes to water and ache.
Thank you for sharing this…it helps to know that we are not alone.
homeschoolfarmmama says
I don’t think I have SID/SPD, but I DO have 5 normal kids and a normal life- both of which can be overwhelming on a daily basis. THANKS for the encouragement and tips.
Lisa says
My oldest daughter has SID (and ADD), but she’s on the other end of the spectrum–sometimes she’s completely oblivious to pain, heat, cold, etc. She’s six now, and she still needs me to wash her face for her because she can’t feel when it’s messy (even seriously messy). She seems to crave very strong flavors (green olives, lemons, condiments eaten by the spoonful), as if she just can’t taste anything otherwise. She does get overwhelmed in crowds like you described, though–and either withdraws or becomes so overstimulated she’s like a bull in a china shop and can’t control herself till she’s removed from the situation. It’s such a relief that there are others out there who deal with sensory problems–and have even survived to adulthood! I think sometimes people attribute her “differentness” to a discipline problem when she really does just have a hard time processing what’s going on. (Not that she’s perfect–it’s just that her motives are often different than people may assume.)
Amy says
My daughter has SID too and yes, many people have assumed she is poorly disciplined. At 12, things are much better. Everyone seems to find a way to cope. đ
Alaina Frederick says
Oh how I have bubbled over so many times. There have been nights. That the scattered brain and frustration lasted long after the boys where in bed and I begged my husband to call in sick. The thought of repeating my day was too much to handle. My eldest son is on the spectrum and it makes life more challenging. He loves to help with the baby but I find that having to make sure he doesn’t “lose it” with him is stressful. I often go into the bedroom and ask the boys to give mommy 5 minutes – I’m lucky if I get one before I’m desperately needed for something.
Stephanie Friant says
Thank you for the post. Our son has SPD, and in some ways, I do too. I see mine as more introversion, but SPD in some ways could make sense too. You are amazing for taking the time to appreciate how God created you to be, and teaching by example for your kids to understand that we are all created differently and wonderfully. Prayers!
Tiffany says
I’ve been sure for awhile now that I have SPD, it just explains so much about me…but I had never linked it to the difficulties I have with my kids and how easily I get overwhelmed. I have been praying for so long for some wisdom in this area, and reading this post it just clicked! Yes, I get overwhelmed and anxious to the point of an exploding brain much easier than most of the other moms I know….and now I understand why and can begin to approach it appropriately! Thank you so much! Your blog is such a blessing!
Amy says
Tiffany,
Yay! And now you can move forward with learning HOW to handle things without exploding. It truly is a blessing to understand why you are feeling what you are feeling because it helps you understand where to go from here!
Clove Neville says
I was looking for this on Google, moms with SPD and how to cope/ deal with our kids and explain it to my husband. I was wondering if there are any more resources or books on parenting as a SPD adult? Thank you for this post & the other’s who have commented. Good to know that others are reaching out.
I am noise and light sensitive too, plus other issues. I find it really irritating that people think I can just learn to addept or deal with things that are major triggers for me when I have alread work to deal with the ones I could as far as I have been able. Some things like the buzzing of electronics are things I just can not ignore or tune out like others do. I fine driving in heavier traffic nerve racking. If the Car is vibrating more than usual do to a road or something else I have trouble focusing on traffic….which is part of why I did not drive until a a few years ago now. I find that I am more understanding of others with quirks, than must are able to be for my quirks. I find my self mentally and physical tired most of the time & wist I had better energy to deal with life.
On the other hand I have a unusual view & feel of nature that I really enjoy that comes from SPD being part of me. Also perfect pitch…..
Amy says
Clove,
I have not seen any resources, but I wish there were. Your words resonate very much with me. And perfect pitch…never even thought about SPD being a part of that in my own life! Now THAT is pretty awesome! đ
Tracey le Roux says
Hi, I actually reviewed a book written by an adult living with SPD last year – it gave me wonderful insight into my husband and son and to a lesser extent, myself đ I suppose it is not really a resource as such, but does give insight, encouragement and the comfort that comes from knowing you are not alone!
The book is called Growing Up With Sensory Issues, and I review it over here…www.ot-mom-learning-activities.com/occupational-therapy-books.html
Hope you find it helpful!
Natalie says
Thank you so so so much for this. I was diagnosed with ADHD and a few comorbid anxiety problems as a young child, but it never occurred to me until I was an adult that it was a SID. I struggle often with being overwhelmed, especially with a very spirited toddler who requires a lot of touch. Breastfeeding with SiD is no joke- especially when you’re pregnant. My wonderful husband saw me breakdown over bedtime tonight and handed me some loud music and a pair of noise cancellling headphones. I’m worried about 2. 6 is amazing! We would like to have a large family and homeschool, but I worry about my ability to stay functional with that much going on! Thank you again for talking about this- it is very often overlooked!
Bri says
I know this us old, but could you elaborate on your breastfeeding comment? I’ve seen several lactation consultants, but I still have massive amounts if pain with breastfeeding. I’m starting to wonder if it is b/c of SID. I am sensory avoiding…but I’m thinking this baby may be sensory seeking (both my other kids have SID). He is teething and bites down some, but to me it feels like razor blades :(. I’ve never been able to breastfeed before, so this is all new to me.
tara lowe says
Thank you for posting this! Mine is with sound, specifically repetitive, constant sound. So life with a 2 year old girl who never stops talking or asking for things some days puts me over the edge!!! It’s good to know other mommies have similar struggles!!
Sandra says
Yep, this is me! Took me a long time to find a “name” for it. It did help because like you I could explain it to my children, family and students . In my house we are very familiar with the terms “mommy feels overwhelmed” and “mommy needs a downtime “.
charisa says
This is interesting, although I am not a mom [I’m part of a large not to mention noisy family] having sensory processing issues and Asperger’s I can relate to some of this [like when trying to bake with sisters with out loosing it because I can’t read the recipe in all the noise] Plug my ears and go to another room let them know that they are hurting my ears, do school work in Mommy and Daddy’s room, avoid crowds as much as possible[ and when we do go to crowded noisy spots I take the below mentioned things and stick close to someone[ preferably Dad] so I can use them to block visuals, use earplugs [even at home sometimes] and sunglasses [the type that that are stronger then most and have side shield] [ even if we are only going to be gone at night as the street lights hurt] I can’t stand to have my bedding tucked in, and go barefoot as much as possible.
Charisa
Reggie says
Oh! Don’t take this wrong, but it is pure joy to know this is not just me!!! While noise can definitely be bothersome at times, my sensory sensitivity tends to center on picking up others emotions and not being able to process it all. I have a child this way as well. It makes for quite the par-taaay at times, let me tell you!
Nicole says
I am very grateful to have read your story, thank you for sharing your skills for coping with my SPD world. I am a mom of precious 2.5 year old twin girls. One was just diagnosed with SPD yesterday and my other child has some areas of difficulties , but has yet to get her assessment. In reading and researching to better understand and parent my daughter a lightbulb went off and suddenly my life long struggles had a name too. I look back on how hard things were for me in every area of my life which reached a peak when I went away to college. I was mis diagnosed more times than I can count and went through many medication trial and errors. I had anxiety and depression that seemed to be the main issue but all these other things were still left unnamed. The area I felt the most relief upon this breakthrough self realization was the fact that I wasn’t a terrible mom. There was a reason why the demands of two children with their own special needs had me curled up in a ball, or feeling like I was losing my mind. and wondering why other moms (though visibly exhausted) seemed to juggle careers, family, and the needs of home care without losing it. At times I have felt as much like a child as my own children. I’m so relieved to know that this behavior is normal for someone with SPD and that my need to jolt myself back to reality when zoning out at the mall or a visit to the park, even in my own house. My lack of ability to bring my children over to family gatherings is not just because I’m too tired, the overstimulation wears me out so much I can barely drive myself and my daughters back home. I have always loved my children but sometimes felt disconnected like they were someone else’s. When I’m holding them is sometimes the only time I’m fully at peace and feel a secure bond. Hugging or holding another person or animal is my grounding tool I’ve used without realizing it. So once my daughters began their independent stage and I could no longer simply pick them up whenever I needed to feel comforted, I began to spiral into more bouts of depression. When I noticed some alarming behaviors with my daughter, I was so focused on tending to her needs. So I have been just a bit more frazzled than usual going through these trying times. However, there was such relief and peace in finally knowing my concerns for my daughter could be handled and so could mine! I wish I had more peace to enjoy every moment with my wonderful baby girls. Don’t get me wrong there are times during the day when I find myself in the moment and able to give my fully undivided love and attention. At these times I am truly living and full of joy. The burden was always knowing at a moments notice that joy could turn to sheer panic. I cannot wait to put the ideas in this article to play. I believe it will change many moments of panic to days of rejuvenation! Thank you once again. I’m sure I will become better equipped as I finally receive the therapy I need so I can help my daughters navigate their world more effectively.
Deb says
THANK YOU! I had no idea I was sensory avoidant until my second child was born, then…WOW! It’s been a battle ever since. Thanks for this open post, it was exactly what i was looking for and the only perspective like this in my google search!
Steph says
This is a really valuable post. I connected on so many points and the coping skills are ones I can employ ij my own overload struggles. Truthfully I don’t know for sure, but I do believe I have some sensory struggles and sound and noise tend to be high on the avoidance and trigger list. Thank you so much for being raw, open and sharing in this struggle as well as providing hope too. Thanks for your help.. this post helped me genuinely.
Amy says
You are so welcome!
Tesa says
It’s great to know other moms have similar issues! Home school Mom of 8 here…;) I stay home most of the time because I do not handle crowds well…but it’s challenging at home too, because, well, I live with a “crowd”. đ
Amy says
Exactly!
Sarah says
I’m also a homeschool mom of 8 (seven boys 2-13 & a baby girl!), so not just a crowd, a NOISY one – ALWAYS! I have really enjoyed reading all these posts – have issues with our 3rd son(age 11), either Asperger’s or Autism Spectrum (never officially diagnosed), sensory issues, high pain threshold, low muscle tone, OCD, severe eczema, food allergies, sensitivities, & ISSUES!! I think he inherited all of my husband’s & my issues! Dad has PTSD & trouble with noise (along with hearing trouble), light sensitivities (with cataract) & trouble coping with a lot of activity around him (I.e. OUR CHILDREN!!) And I know I have some OCD tendencies, panic attacks over phones, picky eater, certain things that I cannot stand – like nail files, bangs, hair over my ears, certain clothes types. I think one thing that helps us adults is just realizing our issues (for personal coping) & to help our kids. I am learning to step back a little in the homeschool if things are not going well or if I know I’m about to lose it, just stop & change what we’re doing (in the moment or a switch-up in curriculum). I think this post will help me be more aware & understanding were my son is struggling. & a note to Terri on her miscarriage, I am so sorry on your pain & loss. I have been there also when we miscarried our 6th child, our first girl, Laura Jemima. Cut yourself some slack, it takes time to grieve, took me a whole year (until I was 8 months pregnant again), to really get beyond it, & that’s ok. What really helped me the most was putting on praise and worship music a lot (even though I cried through it), a place of healing. And having all those other little ones to pull you back to the present. Blessings!
Angela P says
I especially appreciated your last point. I have trouble when kids try to grab my attention when Iâm focusing on backing out of the driveway or cooking (I hate cooking). Yesterday when something was going wrong in the kitchen I yelled âI just need everyone to leave the kitchen right now!!â And they spent all of dinner treating me like a bomb about to explode. ?? Itâs not the childhood I want them to remember.
bonnie says
Thank you so much! Is SID different than highly sensitivity? I just read the book of The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron. They sound so much alike, I could relate to both your post here and the highly sensitive person.
Amy says
Pretty much the same thing đ
MarLene says
I know this is an old post, however people are still reading it. I did not know this exists. Recently I have major sensitivity to light, sound, and movement. This is due to a secondary concussion (much slower recovery time ( sometimes a year or more instead of weeks/months) than a normal concussion, as it happened to me twice a few days apart from each other.). For the first time in my life I can FEEL my brain! The light, the sound, the movement wasn’t just seen or heard, it was felt. The sound especially. More than that, the sound in particular was painful. It is amazing how the brain functions! This post finds me very interested as it might help me to cope as a mom of seven until I am healed. Thank you. It also has me curious that what helped me may help others. The concussion is actually what happened, but the injury is to the neck, as whiplash. In treating my neck with chiropractic adjustments, the symptoms, especially my eyesight had gotten better.*. If you haven’t explored that option you may want to consider checking into chiropractic care*. As for those who have been born with it, I don’t know. I do know personally that the way the uSA has us giving birth can be damaging to the neck for both the mom and baby. It just makes me wonder after everything I have been through. Thanks for being open and sharing what you do Amy.
*Disclaimer: In no way is this info/suggestion supported or approved by the FDA.
Amy says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I pray you heal quickly!
Sarah says
Thank you so much I am a single mum with autism and 4 children with Autism and this is a high struggle for me thank you so much for your advice
Amy says
You are very welcome, Sarah!
Motherof4Girls says
Music headphones (with no music playing!), background white noise, or spa/rain music really helps me. That and the music usually keeps my 4 little girls calmer, and thus quieter lol. We have rules about playing/running loudly in the house.
Amy says
GREAT ideas! Thank you for sharing!
Jessica says
I know this post is very old but I wanted to say two things: This is so me!! And also that it is referred to now as âsensory processing sensitivity,â as itâs not a disorder but a different type of wiring of the brain that makes us very adept and amazing at certain tasks (I work emergency medicine and can pick up on the nuances of a crashing patient or subtle clues in a patient case). Thank you for sharing. I am currently just over the edge with breastfeeding my baby with a preschooler in the house.
Amy says
Yes, I saw where they changed terminology. Whatever it’s called, I’m glad I understand it better! Whatever you can do to eliminate the extra sensory input is worth it!
Annalise says
I know this post is old but I wanted to thank you for this. I am a new foster mother to an infant and I have always had sensory processing issues especially with noise and I am struggling significantly with the crying being constantly over-stimulating. Youâre right when you say thereâs not much out there in the way of coping with these everyday occurrences. So, thank you again. I will find new skills to get through this period and moving forward.
Amy says
You are welcome!
Storm says
I really wish I had seen this article before I had my meltdown today. My 1 month old hasn’t let me sleep much and he screams constantly. Sound is my biggest sensory issue because growing up I wasn’t allowed to make any noise for fear of waking up my dad and being punished. Now it triggers migraines. I have had an ongoing migraine for a while. Sometimes I feel cheated because I don’t enjoy the same things everyone else does. Like all the “sweet” baby sounds other people live for – they grate my nerves. I love a sleeping baby that is quiet and mine isn’t even quiet then.
Amy says
Hey there, sweetie! I am so sorry! But, I can attest to the fact that you can LEARN to tolerate certain things and even begin to enjoy them by slowly exposing yourself to them and knowing your limits. Often, knowing your triggers is half the battle, because once you figure that out, you can be ready with a game plan!