Once upon a time I didn’t worry about raising hard-working little boys. I only had one and I lived in the country. When we moved to town, there was still plenty to do because it was a small town with lots of sandpiles and trees to climb. There were duck chores to be done (because farm animals were allowed within the city limits) and the next door neighbor’s garden to be dug in (yes, he knew we were digging in it).
Then we moved again. This time to a little larger town where no one knew us, but still there were pecans and pears to pick and railroad ties to stack. But, my little boy, now joined by another brother, didn’t have as much to do, nor as much freedom as he once had.
Then we moved again. This time to the city.
I’ve told you before what it is like to be the mother of boys and I’ve even told you how important I think it is that boys learn things like cooking and cleaning, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t just a tad bit worried about living in the city and raising boys who knew how to work and work hard.
In this day and age, we are hard pressed to find men who act like men and women who act like women. That is a whole different post, but I will say that irresponsibility abounds in our culture and I attribute much of that to the fact that we have an entire generation (or more) who don’t know what hard work is.
Now, you’ve heard the ideas of moving the wood pile back and forth from one end of the yard to the other and things like that to “create” hard work in the city, but I want you to think beyond that.
When we are raising boys, to what end are we raising them?
My answer is God-fearing, culture-changing men, who more than likely will be husbands and fathers. If that is my goal, then the kind of work opportunities I give them now should reflect that.
Hard work doesn’t necessarily have to involve heavy lifting (although, that is a good idea for building strength). Hard work is an attitude. Hard work is doing a job to completion even when he doesn’t want to. Hard work is doing a good job even when no one is looking. Hard work is searching out eternal Truths even when no one else is. Hard work is standing for that Truth even though others will try to knock him down. Hard work is learning how to run a household, budget money, set goals and work toward them, help others without expecting something in return, and controlling tempers. Hard work is being brave, opening doors for ladies, changing light bulbs, and putting together bookshelves. Hard work is doing all this and more with the attitude that he is working as unto the Lord.
What I’m trying to say here is that your son doesn’t need back-breaking work in order to grow up to be a man. Give him responsibilities. Expect hard things from him. Teach him to seek Truth and how to stand up for that Truth.
Being a man isn’t about his muscles, it’s about his strength.
Resources:
Do Hard Things
Created for Work
The Fallacy Detective
The Bravehearted Gospel
Erin says
*Cheering*! Great post, Amy!! Very inspiring!
Lindsay @ BytesOfMemory says
Great post! So true it isn’t about what they can or can’t do but how they do it 🙂
Susan says
wow—
this was straight from God to my heart.
Thank you.
Michelle G says
Thank you for this! My 3 almost 4 year old son lives in the city too and has had to learn to not be afraid of getting dirty. I try to give hime opportunities to just be a boy and not worry about his fingernails be filled with dirt or his jean getting dirty.
Next year I’m praying for a garden but our backyard backs right up to the toll road and all that exhaust isn’t very plant friendly. I want my children to learn how to grow their own food though:)
clarissa says
I agree!
Holly says
I appreciate this post very much. I have REALLY struggled in this area. I also feel very strongly that our boys should learn what hard work is and my husband and I take and drum up every opportunity for our 4 boys to work. But we live in a 950 sq. ft. home with 5 total children and one on the way. We have a small yard and no garage. I don’t have the option of sending my boys out to the garage to build things and the basement is the only place my kids really have to play. The bedrooms are wall to wall beds and dressers. Having my boys do construction in the basement takes on a new dimension when toddlers are playing down there. Add to that Michigan winters and I find myself in the house with boys who’d give anything to be taking apart an engine or caring for farm animals any day over baking bread 🙂 Don’t get me wrong…I fully believe that if what my boys needed was more space to “be boys” God would have given it already. And that if baking bread is what I need them to do, then they should be trained to do it well and with the right heart attitude. But the fact that we are here means that this is exactly the place He wants our family. I do really struggle, though. At times I feel like we’ve done a good job of defining what our boys WON’T do (t.v., video games, etc.), but filling their hours with things that they SHOULD do sometimes feels like a very difficult task. And a full-time job for an already busy, homeschooling Mama! I hope I don’t sound like I am in disagreement with your post. I am not, I’m just very familiar with this topic and I guess I just needed to whine a bit 😉
Jamie (@va_grown) says
Very true! We try to focus as much on cultivating a good attitude toward chores as we do the responsibility of DOING the chores! I think that a good work ethic should spill over both genders. Girls needs just as much of a positive, hard-working attitude for the piles of housework they’ll one day face! 🙂
I am glad that we’re blessed to live on a farm though and finding physical work is not an issue for us right now. But we have to keep in mind that if our boys don’t want to farm when they grow up, we want them to know how to apply that work ethic to whatever they turn to.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Jama says
A friend left a link to this on my Facebook page in regards to a question I recently asked at our Homeschool Moms meeting. I asked this exact question. Thank you for helping me see it isn’t just about physical labor. Your comments were just what this mom of 4 boys needed to hear.
Brooke McGlothlin says
Thank you for this Amy…honestly, I was just wondering about this the other day for my boys…my husband is SUCH a hard worker…grew up on a farm. My boys are growing up in a small city with no back yard. And I just wish we could have a bad yard. But you’ve hit the nail on the head with this post. Thanks for it.
Amy says
Amen and amen! As a mom of three boys, I feel very strongly about raising them to be MEN. Strong, manly men! Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder that we don’t have to live on a farm to teach hard work.
Christine says
This is really such a wonderful, well-written post, Amy! I appreciate it so much (two of my four are boys).
I have found that boys seem to be closer to their mothers. Have you found that? They also tend to be less independent than girls–at least in this house. My girls stubbornly want to do everything themselves-even things that are above them right now. My boys, on the other hand, have never been driven to tackle anything early (potty training, teeth brushing, etc.) I guess usually personal hygiene kinds of things.
I struggle with pushing them to independence, while still being there for them to lean on in day-to-day frustrations.
Valerie says
This is EXACTLY what I was texting to my husband tonight while he was at School. We were in the country for a little while, then moved to a city, and now are in an even bigger city. He has become so bored. I don’t mean the whiny, complainy, I “need” entertainment type of boredom. He actually does chores, and homework, and a lot of creative play, like LEGO’S and Dress up and stuff and rarely complains at all of being bored. But still it does not satisfy him. I can see it in him. He looooongs to do something important and helpful. So until we can get good creative ideas we will be doing…
1) as you suggested, teaching him to “be” a hard worker in character, through training.
2)buying him a log, his own hammer and nails, and letting him go at it on the porch 😉
Kristin says
Great post! I struggle with this as I grew up in the country and we are currently in the subburbs with a very tiny yard. Thanks for the encouragement!