A beautiful blond headed little girl in a pink sundress ran ahead of us at the zoo. She scrambled up the boards of the llama’s fence in the petting zoo area and grabbed onto the llama’s halter and looked as if she would climb right on that llama’s back as the llama struggled to get his mouth around to bite her tiny little arm off. Thankfully, a woman standing nearby retrieved the little girl before the llama could defend itself.
and all the while her mother stood a few feet away…
texting.
At horse riding lessons I saw a similar sad, albeit less dangerous, situation. Mommy spending the entire lesson texting while her 5 year old son learned to maneuver his steed.
This addiction can be seen in grocery stores, at stop lights, and in schools across America.
And restaurants? Don’t even get me started. It is beyond me how two people can go to lunch together and NEVER look up from their phones to have an actual conversation WITH each other.
Everywhere I look people are connected to their phones and disconnected from life around them. And the worst of it is parents who are missing entire chunks of their children’s lives because of overworked thumbs.
It truly is an addiction. An addiction that is stealing parents away from children and children away from parents.
But, lest you think I am writing this looking down my nose in condescension at texting mommies, I want to tell you there are plenty of things in this world and this life that will try to rob us of what really matters. Texting is but one of them.
Our hearts, souls, and minds were created to worship.
We WILL worship whatever we focus on.
And yes, texting can be a form of worship.
A worship of technology. A worship of being “on top of the latest news.” A worship of the world. A worship of self.
It is so easy to become immersed in the world of texting and facebook and emails and twitter and get caught up in just checking one more time, just sending out one more thing, just answering one more question.
We are afraid of missing something. But the thing we are actually missing is much more important than what technology can offer.
We are missing life.
Real.
Abundant.
Beautifully colorful.
Life.
And children.
Children who are growing up without engaged, connected, focused parents are essentially being “left to their own” (Proverbs 29:15).
Please, mama…
Unplug. Shut down the screen. Shut off the phone.
You will not miss anything.
And what if you are the last one to know what was happening online while you were away?
How would what you missed (if you had known about it immediately) have enriched your life and your children’s lives? Would one more hour, one more day, one more week really have made a difference.
My guess is
not really.
In fact, I would imagine if you totally unplugged forever you would not miss much.
Can you parent and be technologically savvy?
Sure.
But you had better be extremely self-controlled.
And you better be willing to step away from technology and be mom.
No gadgets. No laptop. No distractions.
Just mom.
Melisssa Howard says
I so agree. Yesterday, we worked in nursery during second service. We work in the two-year-olds nursery. The girl in the infant nursery only had one infant and her adorable two-year-old who will not be away from her so she joined us in our nursery.
She is generally a very engaged and sweet woman. However, several times she would pick up her phone and start. I found it sad that she could be at church and want to stare at her phone. I was gratified however, that whenever her little guy approached her she put the phone down.
sam says
so very true & sad!
Amy says
I’ve seen these type of things too. It’s amusing to me when we are some where looking around enjoying things and I just see all these people walking and texting at the same time, not enjoying the surroundings.
My mom, who is not into technology, said she was at the park and a little girl was on the monkey bars saying, “Daddy look at me, Daddy look and me.” and he didn’t even look up because he was looking at his phone.
Karen says
This post is something that has been on my mind and in my heart so often lately. I love it and I wish everyone in the US would read it. So true…people are missing the joys right in front of them because they are so busy focusing on a little screen. LOVE THIS!
Cindy says
I must admit, I like my phone. It does a lot of neat stuff. But I am amazed at the strange looks I get when my phone vibrates and I ignore it. It’s like people can’t fathom not at least checking to see who that was. I may be the oddball, but I ignore my phone during dinner at home or out, when I’m in a conversation, or when my child says “hey Mom, watch what I can do!”.
Heather says
I so completely agree! I wrote a similar blog a while back called “No Cell Phones Allowed.” Life is out there if people would just look up from the electronic glow of their tiny little screens once in a while!
Courtney says
Ouch …my toes hurt a bit. Thanks so much for this timely reminder!
Rightthinker says
Great article. I’ve written a lot about this aspect of parenting on my own blog. I’ve written about a dad at the park completely neglecting his children, as they run wild, hurt other children, and ran up to a mysterious dog, and nearly got bit. Finally, the dog owner had to SCREAM to get the dad’s attention, and it took several minutes of that before he got his head out of what “really matters” to him.
I am absolutely TIRED of hearing about “Facebook”, and seeing parents on the PHONE constantly..and texting..and having all their technology in church, as well.
I’m fed up with the hosts on the local Christian radio station talking more about the latest apps and Facebook and Steve Jobs (a Buddhist) than about the martyrs in Asia, the need for adoption, or most importantly, JESUS!!!
One would hope that all this technology would improve our lives. Yet, it hasn’t. It’s made for replacement relationships, and made the problem of “me-ism” even greater. http://andreamomm.blogspot.com/2011/09/societal-compromise-for-christian-teens.html
http://andreamomm.blogspot.com/2011/07/parent-or-professional-entertainment.html
I’m tired of all the technology, since people have no self control. They let it consume them, and then allow it to raise their own children. How sad.
Crystal says
I was at my girls Tumbling class a year ago. Parents don’t have to stay, so only a few ever do. One little girl had finally mastered some stunt she was working on and when she looked over to her mother with a huge smile…. mommy was too busy texting to look up and see what the girl had done! The girl looked over at me and I gave her a “good job” smile, the one her mother should have, and I’m sure would have given had she been paying attention. The girl was glad to get the attention of *someone* and went back to her practicing but it really bugged me that she had to settle for a stranger paying more attention to her then her own mother – who physically stayed, but mentally was miles away.
Michelle says
This one is too good not to share on Twitter!
Emily Fay says
Love this post!!!! I have thought this many times. We are slowly unplugging here – I did a post a few weeks ago about being in a waiting room with several ladies and all were on their cell phones texting. It was such a tiny room, but no one would talk to each other! It’s sad how much “communication” is lost over texting and “real” contact with people. Have a blessed Monday!
Melissa says
I agree!!! There was a time when people didn’t think they had to be “connected” at every minute of the day, and I miss that. Our family still celebrates when my husband can turn off his “on-call” blackberry off and we can be un-reachable for a while. I’m an adult, and it offends me when someone stops talking to me to check their phone, I can only imagine how it feels to a kid!
That being said, I struggle with it at times too. I don’t have a cell phone, so I don’t really text, but when we are at home, I check facebook or work on a blog post. I still remember the day at soccer that I missed my little guy block a goal because I was chatting with the woman beside me. He was disappointed when he looked up to me and realized I hadn’t seen it. Yes, I was talking to a live person, but I felt bad! Sometimes I have computer free days, or put limits on my time on the computer, as in, “I will work for 15 minutes, then it’s time to move on to something else”. I enjoy reading the blogs I’m following, but that doesn’t get put ahead of my kids. I’m at home, homeschooling, to be with them, and I want them to know that they are waaaay more important to mommy.
Susan says
Yes! I ignore my phone all the time! LOL Someone once told me that that was “so rude”. I disagree. I’m not trying to avoid anyone, but if I picked it up every single time something changed, I’d never, ever get anything else done! So I check it twice a day, except on weekends, where I don’t even look at it at all until i put it on the charger at night. I’m just not that into it and am further spurred on by a family member who is CONSTANTLY on the cell phone. It is dismal to see and jsut pushes me even further from embracing it. GREAT POST!
Kathryn Barnes says
I agree with you 100%. I see people everywhere texting or talking on their cellphones. My sister as soon as she gets into the car will call someone. She use to text alots before it was made a law about driving and texting. I think it should be a law about driving and talking on the cellphone. Children come first. Cellphones comes last most of the time.
Lisa J. says
This is very true. With technology these days, it is hard to shut it out, but necessary. May God help us keep the proper balance!
Heather @ Raising Mighty Arrows says
Amy, what a WONDERFUL and TRUE post to the core. I will definitely be sharing this one. I get so aggravated with people while they are on their phones in public and their family is starving for their attention. Yet at the same time, I have been so guilty of doing it myself.
Morgan says
Very very good. 🙂
One of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen is boyfriend and girlfriend together when she’s sitting next to him (or on his lap) and they’re laughing and TEXTING to each other when they could just turn their little heads and talk. -_- oh brother…
I’m a techno girl. But I don’t have a fancy iphone or ipad or itouch or anything like that. I know someday I’d like one so I can have stuff handy, but texting is a ridiculous addiction. (as are they all) Yes, ridiculous doesn’t change that it’s dangerous.
~Morgan
Andrea W says
Gold star post! 🙂 thank you Amy.
Ginger says
We were at the orthodontist when I saw a lady and two young boys standing close to each other, but each on their own device. The young boy was playing his Game Boy (or whatever the new one is called nowdays), the older boy was texting, and the mom was texting too. It was so sad! I thought: Do they even know each other? You can’t tell!
Sheila says
I have been so bothered by things like that also. However, I do find that texting helps me stay connected with my teen and preteen. For example, I was waiting for one daughter to get back from an activity the other day and enjoyed texting my younger daughter while I waited (she was home with her dad). They think it’s kind of fun (or funny) to text with Mom, and I can sometimes touch base with them when I couldn’t another way. I can also sometimes just send a text saying ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ to them when they aren’t with me (like whem my older daughter is traveling to a volleyball game). But I only text my husband and my kids – texts to anyone else are extremely rare, and I don’t ignore my family to text others. I have seen many situations like those you mentioned in your blog and others mentioned in comments. It is such a loss. Like many things, it can be used for good or not.
Jenny says
So many things to distract us as mama’s aren’t there? I always tell my children, all these things are tool. They are very useful and can be used for God’s glory or they can hurt and destroy. How we handle the tools God gives us is very important.
Renee says
Amen, this is a great post Amy, love it!
Heather Joy says
So true. So sad.
Emily B says
Thank you, thank you, thank you…for sharing your heart.I have witnessed many similar scenarios. No texting for me…but the frequent checking of fb & e-mail.
Heather Kaspar says
I´m so glad you wrote this. It is SO true and we all need a reminder like this. We all know what we should do – but helps us make more of an effort when reminded. It is way to easy to be consumed by the wealth of information at our fingertips. I do my very best to completely turn off when my daughter gets home from daycare. Thanks again!
-Heather
http://buckupbaby.blogspot.com
Debra @ Sweet Kisses and Dirty Dishes says
At the mall play place I felt a little strange, I was the only one watching my kid instead of texting. It was a good strange 😀
SHANNON WALLACE says
Though I am not a texter (I do it on occasion), and I am always engaged with my child when we are out in public, I am guilty of being on the computer too much lately. I suppose it’s part of the grief, part being sad that we moved, and just trying to keep my mind off of our other son dying. But it’s not a valid excuse. Thank you for writing this…I needed the reminder! I have felt a strong conviction from the Lord to delete my FB account and stay off the computer, but I use my FB only for positive things, and I try to lead others to Christ via FB and blogger. What I need to do is set time limits, and get on here only when my son is either asleep, or busy with a project. Thank you SOOOOOO much! I think too many of us idolize out computers and cell phones. What if I picked up my Bible as often as I looked at my phone to check FB or read email? Yeah…sad.
Katherine says
This is such great advice! I have been really focusing on my kids and only go on a few blogs such as yours for encouragement and great tips on homeschooling and raising families. I am so ashamed to admit I used to go on a mom forum WAY too often and it was becoming an addiction I think so I quit it completely and my life has been so much better since. The forum was not giving any benefit to my family and it actually alot of comparing and gossiping which I try to steer far away from and I knew deep down it was a bad use of my time when here I have these adorable kids who I could be enjoying instead of wasting precious time on something so wrong. Thanks so much for all your work on this blog, you are such a blessing and I am glad I found this somehow! Hope you have a great night!
Rachel says
Absolutely true! Thanks for the reminder and encouragement!
Rhoda says
Thank you for this post. This is one area that I have not had problems, but I also recognize that I easily could. So I keep the old phone that is a hassle to text on, only keep a few blogs to follow, and don’t even go near Facebook. Even with these in mind, it is so easy to get distracted by just about anything. We can blame technology or whatever we want, but unless our heart is to nurture our family relationships and seek God’s guidance in this, we will be distracted and chasing far off rainbows. Blessings on you and your family.
Bon Crowder says
I had to get the girl off the iPhone (she’s two!). She’s been without TV this whole time and we started giving her the iphone when she realized there were pictures of her on it. No problem.
But when my iphone broke and I couldn’t show her video of herself, I started letting her watch videos on it.
So then we decided she could only watch videos while on the potty.
Worse mistake. She started living on the potty. Every five seconds she needed to teetee!
It was tough, but we got her off. And now she’s good. Took a day of her screaming “IPHONE!” but it worked.
All this to say that if I try to text, she’ll know and she’ll want to do it too. Helps me stay off.
Amy says
That right there shows just how addictive this can be! (and yes, children are our best defense b/c they are relentless and they don’t take our excuses! lol)
Christy dR says
I’ve been taking a facebook break away this month. Meaning, a limited time spent on it ( it’s hard as a youth leader not to be on it at all when it was your main way of contact). It’s been so refreshing! I hadn’t opened my computer all day yesterday and it was amazingly productive. I get so mad at parents not watching their kids on the playground cause they were texting, I’ve had to hold myself back from not saying anything. Not only can their kids get hurt but their kids can be acting up and they never knew it. 😛
Brandi says
I saw something similar at the park the other day. A mother texting while sitting on a bench. Her 8ish year old daughter swinging while her 4ish year old son kept running behind the swing and almost got smacked. Then the Mom yelled at the daughter for not watching the little boy. Very sad.
Kristin says
So true! So many moms at the park, soccer lessons, swim lessons are texting or online instead of playing with or watching their kids. “Mom, did you see that?!” Nope, sorry, I was checking my friends’ facebook status. Sad.
Amy says
“What am I actually missing?”
I am going to be asking myself this more often in the days to come. I don’t want to miss the wrong things. Thank you for this.
Rebecca says
To some degree I agree with you completely. It is hard to watch children being allowed to be in dangerous situations, or allowed to annoy others. A few points though I would like to mention. One, a lot of those parents who are ignoring their children because they are on their phones would be ignoring their children anyway, the internet is the most recent excuse.
The second is that, while shining light on this subject is good, and something parents need to be conscious of, we must be careful not to be judgmental. (I do believe that Christians must call out sin, I am not saying to avoid that). However, to say that because a family is all using their electronics in public they don’t even know each other is over the line. My son has autism, and waiting rooms are miserable for us. Letting him play his DS (and his sister, fair is fair) makes everyone much happier. It is a special treat for them, the rest of the people in the waiting room are not subjected to an hour of restless tantrums and I can check my messages in peace. I am sick of looks (and comments) from other people that I am a bad mother because we utilize an effective tool.
I know I am a little defensive, but sometimes people are just mean (not necessarily on this board) and I wanted to say, please, be careful about judging others, you never know what their situation is/
Marchauna says
My daughter had surgery today. In the waiting room, another mother sat with her son. Neither of them spoke to each other, or even spoke to each other; they were both playing on their phones.
Phones can be handy and convenient, but it is amazing how addictive they can be. It takes intentional effort to unplug.
I completely agree with Rebecca’s post. We must be careful not to judge others because they are making different choices than we are. We all make mistakes in our parenting. And We don’t know what the situations or challenges other parents are dealing with. Extending grace is always better than condemnation.
Vicky says
This is a sobering reminder which calls for many of us to repent. We are guilty to some extent. I once saw a family of three at Macdonalds. Both parents were busy looking at their iPads(each had one!). Nobody talked. Their only child was looking out of the window. So sad. Thanks for posting.
Sustainer says
Someone I know went to the hospital when her friend was in labor. When the baby was born, neither parent would hold it, and they didn’t spend very long looking at it. Both parents were busy texting while the baby was eagerly bonding with another woman.
Acoon says
This is a pet peeve for me. It’s not just texting but Facebooking or surfing the net. We didn’t have this distraction when I raised my children but I still had to work on focusing by intentionally shutting off preoccupation with plans or problems so I could be present when with my children. There will always be distractions but the moments with our children that really count will not always be with us. Stop, focus and be present!
Anne says
I think it was in the Parade Magazine this past Sunday that said receiving a text actually triggers the release of Dopamine which is also what happens when people are addicted to other behaviors. I’ve never texted and I’m 37, mom of 3, and I don’t intend to 😉
Amy says
I am not surprised by that! And I have never texted either, Anne…in fact, my phone isn’t even capable of such a thing! lol
Shasta says
I really enjoyed reading this article. Out of the 7 in our family, my husband, me, and our 19-yr-old daughter have cell phones. NO texting on them, just basic calling features. We live far out, and so when we go somewhere, we need a way to contact someone if we break down. My three middle children received DSI’s from their father or nonni, and have begun bringing them home recently, and they were playing on them to the exclusion of all else around them for a couple of days after completing school work, so I ended up taking them away, except for a brief playing time that I allow them every few days. They act like zombies when they play on those little things!
Emily says
This is a great post! Glad to see someone bold enough to say something about this. I just recently got a Facebook account. I have noticed I have been spending too much time on it. To be honest it bogs me down, takes away my time from my family, brings gossip into my home etc. This is just what I needed to confirm my decision to delete my Facebook. I know I’m better off and so is my family without it. Thanks!
Reggie says
It is sad. Even sadder is when I see an electronic device shoved at a child to distract them when all they want is mama’s time. From the time my first was born, I had SOOOO many older women come up to me and say , “Enjoy them, it goes so fast.” I figure if that many women are saying the same thing, it must be true. So I took their advice and truly try to enjoy every moment, even the pull-your-hair-out-while-you-dissolve-in-tears ones… 🙂