I recently received an email from a woman who desperately wanted to help her daughter-in-law. Her daughter-in-law was eager to learn how to keep a home running and clean with 3 young children in tow. As I read the email, I saw myself not all that long ago – a young messy mommy.
There was a time in my life when I struggled to keep my home clean. In fact, the only time it really got clean was when someone was coming over. Even then, I would often have to throw dish towels over the dirty dishes to “hide” them.
My mom would regularly come to help me get my home back in order. But, it wouldn’t last long. Soon, we would be back to shoving clutter to the end of the kitchen table so we could eat and pushing a path through the clothes and debris to find our beds.
I knew it was bad. I knew I wanted it to change, but I had no idea where to start.
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Having a house full of littles is hard because you are all there is. No one helps you. Quite the opposite, they actually tend to spend the day UNdoing any cleaning you manage to do. I can honestly say, a young mother doesn’t really come up for air until some of her children are older and more capable of pitching in and helping out. Until then, it is imperative she learn how to stay afloat.
The first step is to create habits. For me, it took reading through FLYlady.net to get me started on creating habits that would keep our home running smoothly. Another wonderful tool is the ebook 28 Days to Hope for Your Home by Dana White of a SlobComesClean.com. The idea behind both of these is to help you take small steps toward habits that will help to keep your home running.
But a mom of many little ones might find she needs a bit more help. She needs to break her cleaning into pieces. She needs to stay afloat by cleaning in a way that isn’t perfect, but is completely functional for the season she is in. {In my ebook The Homemaker’s Guide to Creating the Perfect Schedule, I give step-by-step guidance on how to do this.}
So, if you are a messy young mom, start learning the habits it takes to keep a home clean, then add in the chores you need to do on a daily basis to keep things running smoothly, but please remember never to compare yourself with someone not walking in your shoes.
You may see my home and wonder why you can’t keep up in the same way. Consider where I am. I have older children who can help out. I’m not living the days of all littles anymore.
Some day you will be there, but not now, so don’t expect your home to be the same as mine. Your reality will be a little messy on the top layer, but clean enough on the underneath side. Shoot for always being only about 15 minutes away from company-clean-enough.
You can do this! I did. It won’t be easy and it won’t be fun and it won’t look at all like you want it to look until much later, but you can get to a place where your home is not a nightmare.
And remember to stay tuned for my Homemaking Basics! Since we are moving, the schedule will be a bit delayed, but never fear – it’s coming!
Angela says
I am in a season of all littles(#1 will turn 4 this spring and we are expecting #4 this summer), a little while ago I was so overwhelmed and discouraged about the state of my home that I asked a dear friend with 8 children how she managed her home so well. She gave me a run down of daily tasks and who did what etc. Then said “That probably isn’t very helpful to you where you are right now though, I can tell you it will get better as the older ones start to grow up, I can’t begin to tell you how messy my house was when I was in your shoes”. That was so freeing, this godly woman wasn’t telling me I was a failure at being a housewife, she was telling me to pardon myself , do what I could, and leave the rest till later. Admitting that once upon a time her house wasn’t always perfect to a young messy mom was the balm I needed. Thankyou for doing the same thing here Amy, we face enough judgment and ‘you brought this on yourselves’ just by having more than one little one at a time, we don’t need more condemnation from the women we go to for help, just a little honesty about their once-upon-a-struggle goes a long way.
Kelsey says
So true! I have my 3rd due in April, it will make 3 under 2 1/2 and I feel like such a horrible wife/mommy because our house is usually a bit messy. Perfectly worded 🙂 thank you BOTH (Amy and Angela) :)!
Jocelyn says
Thank-you!
Christy says
Ahhh yes, the every day struggle at my house. I find the hardest thing for me is that I am actually not a neat person so teaching my kids to be neat is really really hard. Helping them grow good habits at the same time I am can be very overwhelming. We’re slowly getting there and working on it is what counts. I have found having a clean and ready to use kitchen is one of the most important factors for my house to run smoothly. With no dishwasher, it’s my goal this yr to clean up the kitchen every night, no matter how badly I want to do something else. I’m grateful for a husband who helps me with this.
Amy says
The kitchen was always the hardest room for me! Having it ready to use is a great goal!
Kela Nellums says
This is definitely the kind of stuff that I needed when I was a young mom (and still do now!!!)
I could see myself in all of that. I got so overwhelmed that I just stopped doing anything!
My bookcase was lined with books like, “The Sidetracked Home Executive”, all kinds of de-clutter, cleaning, and organizing books. But I found that those books didn’t turn into little cleaning fairies during the night!
Amy says
No, unfortunately they don’t clean your house – lol! In the end, you just have to do the work and do your best at it. It is so easy to get discouraged and do nothing.
Angie says
Thank you so much! I have four children 7 and under and my house is a wreck. Last night I pulled out my Managers of Their Chores book by Teri Maxwell and actually listed all the chores I try to do each day with an estimated time beside each one. Wow! It was eye-opening. Now I know why I am so frustrated and overwhelmed all the time. I really don’t have enough time in the day to do all the chores I would like to do plus homeschool, discipline the toddler, and take care of the baby, too.
Amy says
When we only have littles, we have to choose to leave some things undone (or not do them as often) because there are not enough hours in the day. I mopped once a week, I vacuumed once a week, I cleaned the bathroom once a week. It was enough.
Nicholle says
This is so true, I have 5 kids and my older three help out a lot but my house still seems messy all the time. I have a 3 and 4 year old home most of the day everyday, and then 9,10 and 11 year olds that go to school. I have learned to let some things go but still keep things clean enough for company which we rarely have other than neighbor kids. I struggle with keeping up because I have kids who have lots of appointments so I spend a good part of my week running to and from the appointments that when I finely walk in the door I am exhausted (and so very thankful that I am a stay at home mom, or running around mom fits better).
Kelsey S says
This is so true! It took me about three years of marriage until I figured out how to {usually} stay ON TOP of things and not struggle to CATCH UP all the time. I have a three year old and one year old now (and I’m wanting more), so I’m right in the middle of the little years. My blog (organizinglifewithlittles.com) is particularly aimed at people like me. It IS possible to thrive in this stage of life, but it’s certainly not easy. Thanks for the post!
Jessica says
I have a wild 4-year-old boy and another one due in March. What has helped me the most is decluttering. I read a quote once: “If you dumped all your child’s toys on the floor and would feel overwhelmed at the idea of having to pick it all up, your child has too many toys.” I apply this to all areas of the home: my closet, our dishes, the bathroom towels, and so on. I even recently took away al the dishes except one of each item per person (the rest are put away for when company comes over), so all that’s in our cupboards are 3 bowls, 3 plates, 3 cups, etc. My kitchen stays a LOT cleaner now, despite being so tiny.
I also make a game of cleaning. We hang our laundry to dry and my son thinks it’s fun to hang it, so I let him help. He also likes to load the dishwasher, vacuum, and set the table…. not all the time, but he is learning to help out! 🙂
Jessica says
Oh yes, I just read your (Amy’s) comment about the bathroom. I’d love a Pinterest-ready bathroom, but really? Once a week the toilet gets scrubbed and I wipe down all the surfaces with a sanitizing wipe. The shower gets sprayed with homemade cleaner then I shake a couple drops of lavender oil into the bathtub so it smells nice in there. 5 minutes and I’m done. As long as it smells okay and I know it’s sanitized, I’m happy even with the dust. 😉 hehe
Amy says
Love that quote about dumping out the children’s toys!
Dana says
Thanks for the encouragement, Amy! As a not-so-young mommy of young children (3 under 4), this is such a challenge. The biggest part of the challenge is that I had not developed the habits you mentioned before marriage or kids, so it is really a struggle now (though it is much more necessary, and I am getting better). I found Dana White’s book that you mentioned invaluable as I first took that 28-day challenge 2 years ago. Starting just before my second child was born was maybe not the best move for ongoing success, but it did what it promised – gave me hope. I also discovered that washing the dishes wasn’t as absolutely miserable as I had made the task out to be in my mind. 🙂 I have a LONG way to go, but slowly, my slob vision (as Dana puts it) is changing a bit, and a little discipline on my part will get us to an even more comfortable “level” of clean!
Amy says
Yay! Little by little!
Reggie says
I have never been this way. Be it genes, be it grace, the house is pretty much always clean and tidy. The odd thing is, I have found myself the object of criticism BECAUSE MY HOUSE IS CLEAN and I happen to have young children. Go figure.