When you start homeschooling, you may find yourself in an uphill battle with people who do not agree with your decision. I find this tends to come most often from concerned family members and flabbergasted friends. Depending on your personality, you may feel compelled to “fight” with them over your decision and spout all the latest research and statistics on homeschooling, but let me urge you to refrain from doing this because…
“You don’t need to win the argument; just make the point gently and with the confidence that you are doing God’s will for your family.”
~Educating the Wholehearted Child by Clay & Sally Clarkson
There truly is no need to become defensive about your choice to homeschool. But, if you are feeling battered and bruised by those around you who are opposed to your decision, let me suggest a few reasons why this might be the case and a few more reasons why I still firmly believe you ought not engage in a verbal home school versus public school war.
First, a few questions to ask yourself when you feel offended by others being bothered by your choice to homeschool:
1. Do I feel God has asked me to do this or am I still questioning the validity of my choice?
2. Do I know why I am homeschooling my child or am I still unsure as to why I am wanting to do this?
3. Does the offense run deeper than both of us realize? Am I offended because I feel attacked or belittled or inadequate? Does the other person feel attacked because I have chosen something different than they have chosen and in doing so, I’ve suggested they are inadequate?
4. Was my tone prideful? Am I approaching homeschooling as something I do because I am superior?
5. Is there fear clouding either my thoughts or the thoughts of the other person? If so, what does the fear stem from, and how can the Lord turn that fear around for His glory?
So, what’s the other half of this? Once we ask the questions, we have to face the answers and understand why engaging in a verbal battle is not the answer to “winning”.
The path we take in life is not about man and man’s approval. (Gal 1:10) It is about walking with God and doing what He asks of us. It’s not your job to convince others to homeschool or convince them that your choice to homeschool is legitimate. Live a quiet life that is pleasing to the Lord. Live a life that is under conviction of the Holy Spirit. Live in a way that is in line with the how a disciple of Christ ought to live and behave.
You don’t need to be combative. You don’t need to prove your point. You don’t need to “win” the argument.
So, what do you do when someone takes offense to your choices and you find yourself being questioned? Here’s our answer:
“We take Deuteronomy 6 very seriously and feel the best way to guide our children in the Christian faith is to have them at home with us as their guides. We have been so blessed by our time spent homeschooling!”
We don’t become ANTI-public school. We don’t put on our boxing gloves and start duking it out. We don’t even give all the latest, greatest homeschool grad stats. This homeschooling thing is personal. I am very confident this is what the Lord has called our family to. Because of this conviction, I have full confidence in the path ahead being for my children’s good and His glory.
There really is no argument when you look at it this way. You can walk away from a fight, and not be bothered that you didn’t “win” because you have already won just by being faithful to what he Lord has called you to do!
Be confident – Not combative!
Luke Holzmann says
Oh my, yes! So much truth here. Your questions are spot-on and very applicable to a great many points of conflict. May we walk humbly down the path God leads us!
~Luke
Amy says
Humility…precisely! Oh, how we like to be “right”.
Crystal says
Yes and amen! So right. Thank you.
Carla says
Ha ha! When I first read the title, I thought, “Oh yes I do!” I had just come from another mommy blog that was talking about training toddlers. Once I realized you were talking about arguments with other adults, I had to laugh. Of course I agree with you there!
Amy says
Ha! It’s all about context. 😉
Jenny says
This post came at just the right time for me! Last night at church I had to allow the Holy Spirit to keep me calm (and quiet) while several women told me all the reasons they don’t or couldn’t teach their own children at home. It is really hard not to come back with responses to each reason. It is a calling by God to home school. If we are pleasing Him, isn’t that what matters most?! Thank you for your constant encouragement in this journey!
Renee S says
Jenny, your submitting to the Holy Spirit is a wonderful example for me in my begiining of this homeschooling journey.
Jenny says
I’m so glad this could encourage you, Renee! I pray that God will guide you and give you great strength this first year especially. This is my third year and things just keep getting better for us!
Julie B says
Thank you Amy! Once again, your keen insight, thoughtful advice, and wisdom in presentation of material on this subject has brightened and encouraged my day!! 🙂 Blessings back to you~Julie
Heather McCool says
I actually found this post very helpful for dealing with the large family argument. We just had our fifth child and the arguments are getting more intense. I actually tend to steer away from citing my faith as reasons for either homeschooing or large family planning, because people get so, so upset. I hold to the point of this is what we want to do and as long as everyone is happy, healthy and flourishing we’re going to continue. They have a very hard time arguing that point.
Our convictions run much deeper of course, but this seems to satisfy them for now. Im thinking of keeping a copy of this on my dresser to glance over before i walk into pptentially combative situations, this is excellent. 🙂
Amy says
Yes, I thought about this as I was writing it. I have another post about that topic that touches on some of the same thoughts here: https://raisingarrows.net/2013/02/ask-amy-what-do-i-do-when-my-family-isnt-happy-about-a-new-baby/
raisingcropsandbabies says
This article actually spoke to me with sending my kids to school! I am in a homeschooling community and my husband and I have decided to put our kids in our local, rural school because homeschooling was not working out for us (too many other priorities needed to happen in the day and if there is one thing I learned last year, it’s that you can’t juggle too much and do everything well! haha and a few other factored in our decision).
Anyway, I experienced the same reaction from many homeschooling families… I had to keep in mind that this is what we are supposed to be doing this year and stand strong in that. At first it was hard because I didn’t know what to expect and still had fears though I was mainly at peace with our decision. After meeting more and more families with kids enrolled in the school, getting to know the principal and teachers/etc… the better I feel and the more secure I am when meeting resistance.
Kirstin says
I am in the same situation. I recently had a conversation with a homeschooling mom who made me feel like I was inadequately teaching my children by choosing public school. I truly believe that that is what God has for our family. We come from a very mission based background and we feel God leading us to use school as a mission field. I think mom’s who homeschool are amazing, but I don’t think it’s the only way God calls us to teach our children. Thank you, Amy for your words. I think often, as you said, these comments come from something deeper than our choice of schooling. We are so dreadfully proud and afraid of being “wrong”. What we forget is that God has a different plan for each of us!
Emily says
Yes, this certainly can go both ways. My children are not school-age yet and thus, no decisions have needed to be made about school. But it makes me thankful for the church community I’m a part of. There is a group that home schools, a group that do private Christian school and a group that do public school and everyone seems to respect and appreciate each other’s decisions. I never quite get it when I see blogs about dealing with homeschool criticism…it’s so prevalent in my community that no one seems to find it neither shocking nor appalling.
Renee S says
Amy, it’s always amazing to me how things align. Last night I was, for an unknown reason, starting to think about what responses I could have on que for the nay-sayers when they hear we homeschool or even just not telling people we homeschool, which is sad since we as a family are excited to follow this path. I then laid down, checked my email, which I put off for a couple of days, and there was the link to this encouraging post! I needed it and I thank God and you for showing me I don’t have to fight with the nay-sayers, I don’t even have to start to defend myself on the issue. I am following the path God showed me and that is what is most important. Thank you for the reminder 🙂
Elie says
Excellent article. This comes up so often with new homeschoolers in a format where it can’t be addressed in greater depth. I’ll be so happy to direct people to this post thanks for sharing.