This past week my older children were attending an event that ran all day for 4 days. I was transported back to the years of no helpers as I climbed through the maze of seats in the 15 passenger van to buckle and unbuckle small children and cross streets with everyone as my buddy. By the end of the week, I was exhausted!
Frankly, my days are rather exhausting even with my big helpers. There is a lot to do and a lot of people needing me. I do everything from give blog advice and college counsel to change diapers and confiscate candy! Anyone not living my life would probably not get it, so I thought it might help if I would write out a few things I need you to know about being a mom of many…
1. Things you think are fun are actually very stressful for me. Please understand if I don’t want to go to the waterpark or take everyone on the bike path. I get hives just thinking about it.
2. I don’t like crowds. We ARE a crowd. I don’t want to have to search for my people amongst other people.
3. I will be unpredictable. I may have all the best intentions of coming to visit you, or finishing that project you asked me to do, but with a lot of littles, things come up quite suddenly. Let me just say “I’m sorry” right now.
4. I won’t always remember to tell you I’m being unpredictable. Um…sorry again. I don’t always remember to take a bathroom break during the day, let alone call you and tell you I’m not going to make it.
5. I will probably be late. It never fails…we are just about to leave and someone needs a diaper change or an entire change of clothes! One little thing goes wrong and there goes my timeframe. I try to add in extra time for everything, but sometimes I use up all that time.
6. I won’t volunteer for much of anything. I know you could really use an extra set of hands, but my hands come with about 5 more sets of hands that are tiny, busy and often rather sticky. I’m not a good volunteer because I volunteered to be mom first and I have to fulfill that position. It’s the season I’m in.
7. I don’t see these little ones as a burden. I’m actually not bothered by the fact that I can’t be on every committee or go to every homeschool function under the sun. Please, don’t feel sorry for me. Yes, my hands are full. Yes, there are days when I am frazzled. But, I wouldn’t trade this for the world. Someday, they will all be grown up, and I will smile fondly about those days I spent as a mom of many littles.
Jodie says
Love it! I can to all of these points (9 children – seven of which are 12yrs down to 6mths). I especially like points 1, 2 and 7. I find people just don’t understand the aftermath of that “nice afternoon outing” you seemed to manage easily. You’ve spend a few hours wrangling children and then you have to go home (very wearily) and pull it all together for dinner and bedtime. To be honest, sometimes it just isn’t worth it. So you learn to pick your outings and people can’t see why you’re turning down an invite. I don’t like the burden label either. I’ve been told more than once “When are you going to get your life back?” Huh? – This IS my life and I’m loving it!!
Amara says
I love your heart! I’m having this realization as I continue to be a mom on “baby pool duty” fifteen years after welcoming my first. Isn’t it interesting? I find that most women I initially “mothered little ones” with have passed through the baby years, while I remain here! And I feel JOYFUL about that, but it does make a girl feel rather alien, at times.
Amy says
Yes, I am seeing that too. I’m still mothering littles while my peers are mothering jr. high and high school students! I live in a very different world.
Charis T says
This is all so true! I have 7 ranging from 14 to 10 weeks. So i completely get where you are. 🙂
Amanda says
I couldn’t agree more as a mommy to 5 boys 6 and under!!!! I like to be home, I like nap and quiet time and I don’t care for my littles routine to be disrupted too much or too often. And those quick runs anywhere happen when daddy is home because it’s easier. It takes more time to load and unload a “load” of littles 😉 than to do an errand!
Elaine Mingus says
Hats off. I have five girls and ONE boy. I cannot imagine having so many rambunctious little boys. People always say “You have six children! You must have your hands full.” I think that is true, BUT there are moments when the house is completely quiet because the boy is napping and the girls are quietly playing dolls. God bless you!
Ann says
Yes! I have five 6 and under (one girl, four boys) and i LOVE our quiet home days, which is virtually every week day. We too only go out when daddy is around. We’re like twins!
Amy – loved this post. I started young so a lot of my peers are just having their littles now, which is fun, but most people just dont know what to do with us, we’re a loud, lively party where ever we go! I already find myself feeling isolated, but i can imagine it’ll really compound when my peers are done and we’re still welcoming little ones. Thank you so much for your blog, youve been my “look she does it too” girl for years now. 🙂
Amy says
Aww, thank you!
Beth says
Aw Amy I can see myself being just like this! I too started young. I’m only 22 and am expecting my 2nd boy and plan to welcome many babies into my family. I already feel a little weird compared to my other friends (not that I let this define or effect me negatively!). I am mothering alongside 30 year olds with kids in my son’s age group who say they are done. And most of my peers haven’t settled down yet, so I’m the ‘different’ one who is just thrilled to be married, a mommy, and pregnant right now. 🙂
Beth says
Ann** I meant to say! Sorry, I saw Amy and just typed without thinking.
Valerie says
It’s actually true of mommas of bigs too. I have almost four teens and two youngers. I have none in diapers, breastfeeding, or potty training and I’m still as busy or busier than before. It’s the life of a mommy…no apologies or regrets….it’s our calling and we need to love it and embrace it. It’s not always fun or easy…but it’s totally worth it. I told someone the other day that motherhood isn’t for sissies….and I meant it!
Shawna says
I have been following your blog for quite some time, but this is the first time I have ever left a comment? Thank you for posting this Amy. It made me smile and I often forget to do that in my hectic household.
Momma to 6 (8,7,5,4,2, & 9months)
Amy says
🙂
Kristen says
I don’t usually comment on comments, but thought it was too fun to see the ages of your children. Mine are exactly the same with only exception being my 3 year old won’t be 4 for another month and a half. But the baby is even 9 months old! Just thought I would comment incase you found that fun as well.
Miranda says
This truly resonates with me! Thank you for sharing this, it is very encouraging. Sometimes I feel bad that I can’t do certain activities with my 4 young children as I could when I just had 2. Now just leaving the house to go grocery shopping is overwhelming.
Connie says
Perfectly said! I agree with all those points. I have 5 children, 2 of which have special needs.. I like that you said things others think are fun may be stressful for me. Going out to eat as a family is a feat for us. Besides the looks as the double stroller passes by, with the baby on my hip, and the others following close behind, when we sit down one of my girls with special needs decides it’s a good time to start screaming because we are no longer moving and the other doesn’t like to sit up in the stroller so she starts crying. All that while my 17mth old, who normally loves to sit and eat, has decided there is a lot she could get in to if she could only pry herself out of the safety straps of the highchair and frustratedly squeals as loud as possible…..in any event as we interrupt the other guests meal I find myself too tired to eat when the food actually gets to me:) That’s just eating out, wanna go to the zoo with us…lol!
I am also relieved to know that I am not the only one who does not volunteer. I have 3 still in diapers and 2 of them are still hand fed because they can’t feed themselves and I home school the older 2. I have enough to do right here and I love that you said “I volunteered to be mom first” AMEN!
Lastly, I am not complaining, just giving examples of why I choose to do what we do. As you have already stated, these babies, special needs and all, are my blessings and I wouldn’t change either one of them and will be excited when the Lord blesses us with more, I just happen to enjoy “more” my “controlled environment chaos”! It takes a little less of my reserve energy tank!
Thank you, you have encouraged me today!!
Amy says
“Controlled environment chaos” is a good way to put it!
rebecca says
I SO liked #1,2,6,7. thanks for sharing your insight Amy.
I rarely join the other moms for waterpark outings and MOPS groups and the like… it totally stresses me out just thinking about it…
(not to mention all the extra things I would need to bring along for everybody- it’s not just one diaper bag!!!)
Someone asked if we were joining the Wednesday night family bible studies…
and they provided dinner as well for the families so we don’t have to cook… (6:30-8)
however that’s NOT actually a benefit to go to a supper event!!! drag along booster chairs, bibs, sippy cups, bottles, etc. —and I rarely get to enjoy the food myself at these things. And then to bump into bed time and end up with cranky toddlers/babies… I’d much rather cook!
Most people don’t get it, but we just have to do the best we can- and say no as often as needed for the sanity of the family!
And I am okay with that. I am raising my children. The best job I can have. 🙂
Sheila Mom to Seven says
You took the words right out of my mouth. Being a natural introvert, everything you said rings so true for me, too. 🙂 INCLUDING and especially #7. Thanks, Amy! 🙂
Melinda says
I grew in a family of 7 children so I can relate to most of what you mentioned, at least from the child’s point of view. Now married myself, my husband and I are raising a beautiful young lady of our own. This post was very helpful for me to understand both extremes. I got to “walk a mile in your shoes.”
Beth says
I want to thank you for writing this post. My husband and I were just talking a couple nights ago about how often we’ll be out as a family and somebody will feel it necessary to “encourage” us with a “this too shall pass” type comment. I told my husband it makes me want to tell them I guess I need to have a few more! I’m really convinced people think our growing family is an accident (and we’re only at 4 1/2 kids under 7).
Even at church, people don’t get that “childcare provided” doesn’t make getting the kids ready and out the door any easier or mean that I can cancel school every Tuesday morning for a Bible study. And a Saturday with my husband home doesn’t mean I want to come to whatever adult-centered event they are doing because “You can have your husband watch the kids”. I’m really not looking for an escape from my blessings. I might even like to spend more time with my husband.
One of the major differences I see when comparing our family to others is how we view our kids when we take them out of the house for activities that are not kid-centered. We have chosen to do our monthly shopping as a family. We have chosen to have our kids sit with us in church instead of going to children’s church. Yes, it takes longer to get the shopping done. Yes, sometimes the kids distract us from the sermon. But, the kids are learning more and mommy and daddy are learning more and we’re doing it all as a family. Essentially, we’ve changed from an attitude where kids are an extra burden on adult activities to one that says kids are a part of the group and we work and learn together. Unfortunately, in a society that views kids as a burden, it means that everybody seems to be pushing fun kid-free activities and they just aren’t that appealing to us.
Amy says
I love what you said about having more because “this too shall pass”! Great answer!
Kristen says
So I feel kind of guilty even commenting cuz I only have 2 so far (3 & 1), but I’m a homebody and like my girls to have their routine! The 1-year-old still naps twice a day, but only if she’s gone. People seem to get offended that I schedule my day around naps and meals, but we’re all so much happier then! Anyways, I wanted to say I love what you said about including your littles in so many areas. We try to take our girls with us whenever we can so they can get learn how to be content in various social situations. People are usually shocked when they see them with us and then surprised by the end of the event at how well they did! We also attend a home church so we’ve been training them since birth how to sit quietly (and play with a small toy or two) so they aren’t a distraction. I miss a lot of the sermon but my girls enjoy church 🙂
I also appreciate what you said about not feeling the need to go out and leave the kids with your hubby. I feel the same way! 90 percent of the time I’d rather just be with my family 🙂
Steph Johnson says
Thank you for posting this! It is easy to share this easily on FB without offending any of my friends (because you said it!). I can easily share that I relate to you, and it garners positive attention. Thank you again. Your site single-handedly offers the most encouragement, resources, and nitty-gritty details of life on Earth for me in this season. Seriously. I look around me, wanting to share and be shared WITH…without holding anything back…and it is so hard for women to be real. Thank you again over and over.
Amy says
Thank you, Steph. And I wrote this in part because I know what it is like to want to say something without offending. I hoped this would be something people could share to help others understand a little. 🙂
Nancy says
Thanks soo much! I totally get this! We have 6, ages 7 and under, and people think we are just not flexible. Going to play dates or the park is some days just not worth it to me. I don’t get encouraged, I get exhausted! Oh well! Nice to know it’s not just us- thank you!
Any advice on making a wedding day go smoothly with a bunch of littles? My brother is getting married and we are all (all 8 of us) in the wedding. It is great and overwhelming at the same time! I have enlisted the help of a friend, but I am still a bit leary of the hair and getting dressed, makeup and logistics of the day.
Amy says
Wow! One thing I’ve found really helps when I have something major to do like this is to go into it with prayer and the attitude that we are going to have a wonderful time. If I start the day stressed, it will most definitely fall apart. You also might want to look for a quiet room where you can all retreat after some of the activities…even if it is your van!
Nancy says
Great ideas- thanks! Hubbie and I both agree ;-). We’ll be looking for a place to get space and checking our own attitudes!
Nancy says
Btw, is it ok if I comment on another persons blog (as encouragement to this same topic- must be the winter blues), linking back to yours (link visible)?
Amy says
Certainly! 🙂
Josi says
Do you have any teen girls in your life that you could recruit? They could help get your little ones ready and keep them occupied with books and games and such. Look around for a family like mine…I have two teen girls who don’t have little siblings but as a mom I want my girls to get the experience of caring for little ones. It’s a win-win for both families.
Nancy says
Well, unfortunately, the wedding is out of state. But, you got me to thinking, and I did recruit a childhood friend, who is an adult and can drive and is a nurse. I know she’ll be able to handle anything, won’t cost a fortune and will love me no matter what! Thanks for the tip!
Teri says
I have been the mother of the groom at two weddings with 6 and then 7 Littles in tow. (We have 10 in all, youngest is 1) The best I can say is get more than one helper for the children and don’t apologize for being a mommy of a lot of little ones there. They come first rather than hostessing. Most people just want to see you happy!
Liz says
I relate to this so much, and I only have 3 kiddos! (But by the looks I get in the grocery store, apparently I’m a freak show in my area! ha!) Mine range from 3 months to almost 6, so I am very much in the trenches of young motherhood and there are days where just getting everyone dressed is an accomplishment! Yes, my hands are full, but my heart is fuller 😉
marimba says
I can relate to this so much as well, and I only have 2 Girls! 🙂
Louise says
My big helpers are 6 and 5 the rest are 4,2,2 and 7 months. Any wisdom you wish you had known at this stage. Homeschooling too. My life isn’t as easy as it sounds ha! Love your posts. Your posts are very encouraging. Thank you x
Kay Hall says
Amy,
I, too, was a Mom of littles and not so littles. When my husband and I married we joined a family of 8 in ages ranging from 3 to 11! That first year brought a tremendous amount of learning experience. But, the Lord blessed us in so many ways. We were happy even in the midst sticky hands and littles fighting over whether someone was safe on first base. Two years later we had one more who seemed to knit our family together even more.
Today, we have 20 grandchildren, 2 great children and two more coming in June. Most of our families are 6-7 hours away, but for one an hour distance.
What we would give for some of those sticky hands hugging us tight around the neck today. We miss them all! But, this is a time the Lord has given us also, and so we have each other even after 45 years.
Love your littles, everyone! They grow up too quickly!
Samantha Hatcher says
This describes my life! One of the reasons I love reading your blog is that I can relate in so many ways. I only have 6, but 3 of those are special needs and sometimes feel like having 3 extra depending on the day and mood. I hate talking to others about my day because the first comment is, “then you should have stopped at 2.” The next comment is, “then you shouldn’t homeschool.” Neither comment is helpful or encouraging. It hurts even more as they are either from another homeschooling mom or someone from church. The struggle is real enough without adding that kind of pain as well.
Also we were planning on going to Teach Them Diligently in Nashville, but we have a funeral that Saturday. My great aunt passed away in England and that is when they scheduled her funeral here. I was SO upset because I was looking forward to seeing you again. The last time I saw you we had planned on sitting down for coffee. I told my husband that I was more upset about not seeing you than not going to convention. When you posted the other day that you weren’t going, I felt a little better. I will miss seeing you though.
Amy says
I’m sorry to hear about your great aunt. I am also sorry I won’t see you in Nashville this year. Perhaps next year!
Brooke says
I absolutely loved this! I feel this way all the time. I currently have 9 children with one on the way. Their ages are 14, 13, 12, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 9 months old. It is so exhausting but I do love every minute mostly! My older children are huge helps with helping fix sandwiches, strapping them in their carseats, etc. There aren’t too many other families around like us and I feel like I’m a hermit crab sometimes, but it is what works for us at the moment.
Diana says
Love this! I’m starting to feel this way with only four! Thank you for sharing!
Diana
Amy says
4 was definitely the point where things changed for me!
raisingcropsandbabies says
I understand many of the posts. I had my first 4 children in 4 years. I do want to point out that if you don’t know if you are going to make it to an event, but want to go; make sure you say you are a “maybe” or “we’ll see on the day of” and the person hosting or putting it altogether knows this. I have a few friends who got so flakey and justified it because of many kids, but the flakiness can hurt feelings and make you feel unimportant (that can be hard on a friendship). It would be best to put the point across that you can’t commit in the beginning and not commit and then just not show up. At least not make a habit out of it!
We had to be more solid because one son has special needs and appts. have to be kept rain or shine. I remember dragging all 4 through the children’s hospital when the youngest was 3 weeks old. So I understand I come at things differently.
I totally remember friends inviting me to go to a huge POOL when my oldest was 5 and the youngest was 1… NO! haha. I remember saying, “You are crazy! No way!” Mine were just as happy in the yard with a kiddie pool to splash in and it was much more relaxing for me. 🙂
Amy says
Yes, I agree with what you said. I try very hard to make things, but there are many times when something comes up last minute. Usually, what I am not coming to is something that was totally optional to begin with. I should have been more clear on that point.
Chris Waughtal says
also very applicable to life with multiple children with special needs, cognitive issues, speech delays and developmental delays-
WE AREN”T like the Jones’, and CAN”T do what everyone else in church, the homeschool group, neighborhood can do-
and if we try, its mama that pays the price of high stress in the end.
Thanks Amy, I am emailing this to a few friends in church!!!
Amy says
Yes, I can absolutely see the application in a family with special needs. 🙂
Tanya @ Kentucky Sketches says
I love this! My youngest is 6 now, so I don’t exactly have littles, but I can still agree with so many of these things. It’s gotten easier to do some things, at least now that everyone can dress themselves, (mostly,) potty on their own, and buckle their own car seats, but it’s still tough and BUSY being a homeschooling mom to four kids. I have never regretted learning to say NO to more things more often so I can be a better, more-at-ease mom to my kids and sweeter wife to my husband.
Leah says
Thank you for this post! I always have a tinge of guilt as I try to things that other families are doing, but just can’t. I am very happy with how we are, and how my life is. Your post was just an amazing reminder 🙂 Thank you!
Leah mom to 6 (10,9,6,5,3,10mo)
Tristan says
So true! I am momma to eight ages 13-1, number 9 on the way, four babies already in heaven. I love this stage but where I live most people have much smaller families and don’t get where I’m coming from.
Rebecca says
Love this and I only have 4 but some people just don’t get it! People think because you homeschool and therefore spend a lot of time at home then that must make you a woman with a lot of time on her hands! Lol little do they know what goes on behind doors and your list is perfection. We have tried more and more to get to places on time sometimes I don’t even bother to stress about it because even at the door stuff happens lol 🙂 Thank you for this!
Cynthia says
Ahhhh, thank you Amy!! Every point well-said. We have 8 kiddos, ages 16, 14, 12, 10, 7, 6, 3 and 2. I feel like I’ve come a long way in learning not to care so much about other people’s opinions of our family, but I didn’t realize how much guilt I carry around until I read your blog today. Between my teenagers’ needs and my little ones’ needs, I feel like I’m spread thin. Then factor in all the times I’m late for events or simply drop the ball on all the details I need to keep straight, and I guess I feel like I’m always letting someone down. Thank you for the reminder that we have to have our own groove. Oftentimes I want to tell folks who give me pity or judgement, that the hardest part of having a large family is not the children, it’s the misunderstanding and judgement from outside our family. Thank you for a fun, but honest list of life “behind the scenes.”
Heather says
This is perfect. Even though we are only working on #6 and they range in age from 10 months to 18 years, (read tons of help for Mom). We also have in laws living with us that require the same amount of help. This is so great so very true. Thanks
Josi says
I need to add something to the list……camping! I always turned down the camping invitations when my kids were littles. Just the sound of it made me exhausted!
Ivory says
Thank you for this post. It’s nice to know I’m not alone!
Amber says
That sounds really good to me … Wish more moms out there felt the same way. I am too a stay at home mom and it is the best thing in the world we all have our stressful days but who doesn’t. Thank you for posting this its important for others to see the amazing life we get to live. God is good all the time and all the time God is good! Keep up your great work at being mom its the most important thing you will ever do !!!
Julie says
This is great. I have 5 children, and can relate to this list. I think something I’d add is that I do not have my kids involved in every activity under the sun. I also don’t think they are worse off for that.
juli says
Amen to all of this, especially #’s 1 and 2! Talk about a stress fest! My fabulous husband will sometimes take a group of young ones to a big social event and let me stay home with the baby. He’s super laid back.
Dana says
I love this post! I don’t mind taking my 3 (ages 4, 2, 1) to the grocery store (and I have a plan for when #4 comes next month), but I avoid a lot of other unnecessary shopping because the thought is overwhelming. We all get distracted in a place like Hobby Lobby! 🙂 Once in a while is okay, but with pregnancy fatigue, I keep our outings limited. When #3 was 6 weeks old, I tried going to a MOPS group, but that (having another morning trying to get everyone ready and somewhere before 9) added too much stress for me to be worth it. Yes, life is different with lots of littles. Thanks for the encouragement that that’s okay. 🙂 Sometimes I feel looked down on for not taking the kids out more – by moms who have older kids or just 1 or 2. I’m learning to recognize my own limits and be comfortable with what works for our family. It’ll be interesting to see how things change when #4 arrives next month!
Amy says
Yes, understanding limits is huge! I don’t always do a good job of that…and then I crash and burn.
Cindee says
I have six children: 18, 16, 11, 9, 6, & 2. I’m also mothering littles while my peers are having GRANDCHILDREN! Talk about feeling alien! Another commenter mentioned the well-meant words from others about “This too shall pass.” I, too, don’t care for those remarks because I don’t want it to pass too quickly. Hoping for more but trusting the Lord to provide His best for us. Thanks for this post. I appreciated it.
Andrea says
This is so random – but how did you FIND a 15 passenger van? We are searching for a 12 passenger van; we can’t buy one new that is for sure! Any tips? You can email me directly or respond here just whenever you have time. With our new arrival, we cannot all travel anywhere in the same vehicle right now. We have to take two. Which isn’t a problem right now because I don’t want to go anywhere 🙂
Amy says
We bought ours via a GSA auction (government vehicles). We had friends with a dealer’s license who bid for us.
Tara says
I love this!! I always wanted to make a brochure for people who have all those questions I answer a million times to total strangers in the store that are fascinated by the fact that I have 7 children. This would so be in my brochure along with, no there are no twins, yes my hands are full, and I’m done when the Lord says I’m done. 😉 Thanks for this Amy!
shiloh says
This post was written for me Amy. I definitely struggle most days. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
momof6 says
I have 6 children, ages 8, 5, 5, 4, 2, and 4 mos. I totally agree with all of these sentiments. Thank you for expressing this so well!
Tati says
This was such a fun little post to read. I total see myself in them all, however #’s 5,6 and 7 gave me the mommy giggles. With six children ages: 2,4,6,8,10 and 13 (its the even year for us, easier to remember their ages this year! Lol) you can bit that we’re showing up late. But I love my clan and its no fun when even one is gone. I thank you for your blog. I gleen much!
Rebecca Paula says
This read was so reassuring. I have six children under the age of 12 and could totally identify with every point you just made. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement!
Suanna says
I like #7 the best!!!
Christy says
We have six young kids from ages 8 all the way down to 10 months. We find it hard to go anywhere as a family. My husband cringes if I say let’s all go!! My friends who have 1-3 kids just don’t understand what it’s like to have so many kids. This article really hits home with me. I do love having a big family and homeschooling and all that comes with it.
Reggie says
So I’m not the only one who considers a trip to the mall equal to bypass surgery!!!
Amy says
HA! No, you are not the only one!
Jessica says
Well said. We have 7 boys and 3 girls ages 21 to 18 months with another on the way. I LOVE my life. Even in the chaos.
Sarah says
Hello, me!