I told you I’ve been working through some difficult words lately. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the difficult words “self denial.”. Today’s difficult word is
Obedience
As a culture, we despise authority. There is no reverence or awe of anyone. We are cynical, often with good cause. Let’s face it, authority figures have let us down. Our heroes turn out to be zeroes, our rose-colored glasses get stomped on, and we figure there isn’t anyone out there worthy of our respect.
What we forget is that we are human…and so are they.
We take this cynicism even further. We plop it down smack-dab in the middle of our homes. As wives, we figure as soon as our husbands are perfect, we’ll obey him. Until then, we’ll just do things our way.
Recently, I was watching The Return of the Daughters, an excellent documentary on the lives of daughters who have chosen to stay at home until they marry. (I purchased my copy from Vision Forum.) In this DVD, one of the fathers, Scott Brown, speaks of his desire to teach his daughter that he is imperfect and that she will marry an imperfect man as well.
It was fascinating to me that this man would have that kind of insight into a woman’s mind and heart.
You see, we women have a propensity to believe the best kind of men show up on white horses, sweep us off our feet, and dote on us day and night the rest of our lives. We’ve either read way too many romance novels or we have a skewed view of who men really are (or both!). We live in a fantasy world in which WE are the center of attention and all is just as WE would have it.
Once again, I am back at self-denial.
Selfishness abounds when a woman looks at her husband and believes him to be a bumbling idiot, incapable of making sound decisions, and therefore, undeserving of her obedience. However, if she cannot (or will not) obey her earthly “head,” how in the world will she ever learn to obey her heavenly One?
The truth of the matter is, she’s NOT obeying God when she usurps her husband and dominates over him.
She can make all the excuses in the world as to why she can’t or shouldn’t or won’t obey her husband’s wishes, but it does not change the fact that God put a certain headship order in place and there are very few exceptions to the rule.
A woman’s purposeful and cheerful obedience to her husband is also purposeful and cheerful obedience to her God.
Here’s an even harder truth:
Do you see disobedience in your children? Any chance it looks familiar? Any chance it resembles your spirit and attitude toward your husband?
Ouch!
I see my own attitudes and feelings magnified in my children. When my son makes a huffy comment about his daddy, I can almost always draw a straight line from his words back to my attitudes. Perhaps I was curt or grouchy, perhaps I made some smart aleck comment, perhaps I simply dropped my shoulders and walked away without answering him. Even if the children don’t see and hear everything I say and do, they can still feel the presence of disobedience when it permeates the home.
The tone of the household is set by mother. The old saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy,” isn’t all that far from the truth. However, what this saying fails to mention is that Mama can CHOOSE to be happy or she can CHOOSE to be a drippy-faucet of disobedience, tearing at the very fabric of her home with her words and attitudes.
It is imperative we learn to be obedient…not because someone is making us, but because we recognize the necessity of cheerful obedience to the health of our spiritual and earthly lives. The sooner we EMBRACE obedience, the sooner we will find true happiness.
Difficult Words Series:
Self Denial
Obedience – this post
Diligence
Discipline
Contentment – coming soon!
Collette says
so true Amy and a word I am personally struggling with at the moment! Thank you for the clarity in your message.
Love Collette xxx
Annie Harbert @ Beauty in the Surrender says
Isn’t amazing that in todays society the roles of men and women, husbands and wives are switched? You see strong willed wives taking the position as head of house because “the husband won’t”. But in all actuality it is probably because the woman won’t allow her husband to lead.
I can’t stand to watch T.V. sitcoms any more since it’s the norm to see men being made to seem weak, indecisive, lacking in leadership and bumbling idiots while the women are always right, always smarter and more whitty. This is totally evident in shows like Everybody Loves Raymond.
Amy says
You are right, our feminist culture has made weak men the norm (along with naughty children and rebellious teenagers). In their quest to make women “equals”, they made women men. Sad.
Christine says
You preach it, girl! Yeah! Every woman, no matter how long she has been a Christian, needs to hear every word you wrote here. This is your best writing, Amy! I applaud you! The Bible even tells us that “your desire will be for your husband”. I have heard it preached that this means we will have the desire to rule over him, rather than follow him….curse of Eve’s ill-fated, garden sin.
Thank you for exactly what I needed!
It would be great to follow this up with a post about the folly of trying to do this in our own strength. When God commands something, such as follow your husband, he always makes a way. And that way is to confess, confess, confess, and let God change us. If we won’t even acknowledge our sin, it shows rebellion at its worst. I find that if I just will myself to behave right, I’ll fail within half a day. I think “praying without ceasing” about this is what I need to do next. If I do that, I will please God with my humility and my willingness to be changed. And it shows him that I have faith in HIS ways. Our faith in him and in his ways will be credited as righteousness…..even when we mess up.
There is hope in regards to our parenting. Our kids will see our humility and learn that attitude before God. We can’t always manage obedience, but we can manage humility.
Amy says
Sounds like you should write a blog post! ;)
Rachel says
Thanks for the review, Amy!
I’ve been looking at that dvd, and haven’t purchased it…yet. I do have several other resources from Vision Forum that address some of the same issues.
It’s sad to me how the roles are flipped.
Good conviction on how our obedience truly matters.
As usual, I’ve been blessed by your honesty and your blog.
Stacie says
That documentary sounds interesting. Where did you get it?
Amy says
I got my copy through Vision Forum in a bundle of Daughterhood type stuff. It is very well done. The entire family watched it! As a mommy who wasn’t raised that way, I gleaned a lot of good information not only for my daughters, but for myself.
Melinda says
How true!
Dawn says
A good post. I hadn’t heard about this documentary, and want to check it out now. Obedience to our husbands IS what we are called to do. It IS against the world’s way of thinking. When we obey our husbands,we are showing them respect which is what they need. Thanks for this post!
Grace Wheeler says
I enjoy that DVD too!
Really good post, Amy! Thank you!
Kat says
Amy,
What a great post, it’s a hard way to learn but there is so much to be gained by letting men lead when they are filled with God’s love for their families. How can you not respect a man like that?
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Andi says
Amy,
I have been convicted and am thankful! May I please link this post to my blog, you have spoken such sound wisdom, that a re-covering feminist needs to hear. Thank you! I would love to sit and watch that DVD sometime…..
Blessing and Shalom!
Amy says
Absolutely! :) Do try to get your hands on the DVD. It was refreshing!
Fruitful Harvest says
Amy~
Awesome post topic and superbly written like always!
Your writing style makes for a good read every time!
Warm Blessings,
Georgiann
Fruitful Harvest says
PS
I need to watch the DVD it looks wonderful!
Jennifer says
Thank you Amy!
Kate says
It really makes me angry when women speak of their husbands like they’re morons. “Oh, he’s so fat and lazy,” etc. etc. I try to never speak of my husband that way. Even if I am venting about something he’s done, which I would only do to a close, Christian friend, I would preface it by saying “I love him and he is a great man, but he did this one thing recently that upset me.” That, to me, is honest and shows that he isn’t perfect…but I love and have respect for him anyway.
People comment on how well my daughter listens. No, I am not always obedient to my husband and my children are not always obedient to me. But I have been working on my patience and my husband and I have been getting more on the same page lately. Our children are reflecting that. I watch so many children who are wild and rude and am so grateful mine is not one of them, because I expect obedience.
Of course, I also spend a LOT of time engaged in purposeful child training, which I feel is missing in a lot of homes. That makes a difference too….
Amy says
Well said! Especially the part about being engaged in purposeful child training. Very, very important!
Missy says
I love what you had to say and fully agree with you. As a person who has been down this road before( I read Created to be His Help meet)I would just like to add a word of caution…Always remember the strength to do these things can only come from God.
Amy says
Missy,
Thank you for the reminder. I tend to assume my readers know this, but it is good to remind and encourage each other with this truth!
Candice says
Good stuff! I have an amazing husband and I still struggle to trust and obey him as my authority. That ‘ol sin nature keeps rearing its ugly head…Thanks for the encouragement.
Corine says
I LOVE THIS! You are so right! As a wife who has GROWN to respect my husband over the years… I stand up and applaud you for writing this post! Husbands do deserve their wives respect without unrealistic expectations; and it is God’s will that they lead the home, and we obediently follow… so far as they are following Christ, though they will not do it perfectly.
I love my husband… and I love more than I ever have before, because I follow his lead more than ever before! I am so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ for teaching me how to do this!
Thanks for your great example of spreading this important word!!! :D
HomeschoolMom says
I sooooo struggle with this as my husband is not a believer & I struggle with submitting when he has a secular worldview. Thanks for the encouragement & conviction. Back to my knees…