Wednesday marked my 39 week and some odd day OB appointment. I’d had 2 really great days in a row, but once inside the dr’s office, I felt achy. I’d been contracting off and on (which continued for hours afterward…even had one while in with the doctor), but I know better than to get my hopes up that hours of contractions actually equal real live labor. And sure enough, around 8:30 pm that night, all was quiet…except my brain.
My OB had made it quite clear that my options were to go into labor on my own sometime in the next 2 weeks (which she fully believed could happen) or c-section. She felt inducing was just asking for a c-section and possibly a dangerous situation at that. And I trust her.
But I was discouraged. Discouraged by the unknown.
My last birth was less than one year following the death of our 7 month old daughter, Emily. I knew I was in for an emotional birth. Despite that fact, Micah’s birth still held surprises for me that I was very unprepared for. Because I had been drugged up through most of Emily’s labor and delivery due to a version (turning her) in active labor with a previous c-section scar, I wanted to be able to feel Micah’s labor and delivery…every single painful moment. And I did. Until the end. After pushing for hours, he never came down and finally a c-section was called.
And I was okay with that.
I was even okay with thinking I may have all c-sections from here on out.
That is, until I got further and further away from Micah’s birth. As time ticked on, I longed to VBAC again.
Yet, here I am. Wondering. Waiting. Will I go into labor on my own? Will I VBAC? Will I have another c-section? I’ve run the gamut in birthing experiences. I’ve done it all. The one all-natural VBAC I managed to have was by far my favorite.
But giving birth doesn’t come in neat, uniform little packages. Just as every child is unique, every birthing experience to get that child here is unique.
Do I really want to go another 2+ weeks? Um…no.
Do I really want another c-section? Nope on that one too.
Do I realize that baby will come when and how baby comes, and pretty soon that empty bassinet you see above will be full of yet another precious blessing? Absolutely! And that, my friends, is the only thing that keeps me going!