POTTY TRAINING 101
1) Decide one morning that you are tired of having two babies in diapers and today is the day that the toddler will potty train.
2) Get the potty chair out of storage and put it in the middle of the living room floor and then pray no one comes for a visit.
3) Make a big deal over the potty chair, make up a catchy tune about going potty in the potty chair, set child on potty chair, wait there until the house starts caving in on itself, quickly remove child (hopeful that they understood what you were wanting them to do), clean up all the disasters that happened while you were “potty-training.”
4) Set child on potty chair sporadically throughout the day when you have nothing better to do.
5) Decide that this may take more than one day.
6) Let the child run around in their brother’s t-shirts w/ nothing underneath for days on end. When t-shirt becomes soiled, remove immediately and hide so big brother doesn’t gross out.
7) Clean up all the messes as soon as you find them (if your older children suddenly yell, “MAMA, my socks are wet!” ask them to stand still to mark the spot until you can get there w/ a rag! DO NOT let on to the reason WHY their socks are wet.
8) Decide that the nudist approach to potty training isn’t working.
9) Dig out all the cute undies from the previous potty-trainer (boy or girl b/c at this point you don’t care) and make a big deal about how adorable these “unnies” are and how we don’t want to mess them up by pottying in them.
10) 5 minutes later, change the cute unnies b/c they are no longer clean.
11) 5 minutes after that change those unnies b/c they are no longer clean.
12) In desperation, switch back and forth between the nudist approach and the massive amounts of laundry approach for a couple of weeks.
13) When the crawling baby begins to use the potty chair in the living room as a chew toy, put potty chair back in garage and introduce the “big boy/girl toilet.”
14) Take them to the toilet sporadically when you have nothing better to do.
15) Continue to clean up messes and do laundry.
16) Lament to your best friend that you are world’s worst potty-trainer. Admit defeat, decide you don’t care if they aren’t potty-trained until they are 17–isn’t that why we homeschool after all–and pull the diapers out of hiding.
30 minutes later your child will potty-train themselves!
I kid you not–this is how I did it–aren’t I smart!