It is hard to wrap my brain around. On Tuesday, little Emily will have been gone a year. We will have come full circle and there will be no more “firsts”.
Part of me feels as if it were yesterday when Ty and I raced out of Sarah’s home and I ran into the ER with my dying child in my arms. It feels like yesterday that I watched the nurse shake her head and I knew Emmy was not coming back to me. It feels like yesterday I had to hand my baby girl over to a stranger.
And yet, there is another part of me that feels her death is so very distant now. Almost to the point where I wonder if it really happened to me. Is this what moving forward feels like?
I have begun saying “my 5 living children”, b/c no matter how desperately I want it to be, I do not have 6 children living in my home.
I find myself anxious for Micah to be bigger than Emmy so that I can believe once again that not all babies die.
And I continue to grow in the Lord. The Refiner’s fire…I count it a blessing. The Lord chose my husband and I to parent our beautiful little Emily for her short life time and then asked us to give her back to Him. None of this is without purpose.
And someday I will see her again. I will hold her again. The pain will be gone. Heaven is a sweet, sweet place for grieving mothers.
The Adventures of a Simple Life says
Your family will be in my prayers. When my sister died 9 1/2 yrs. ago by suicide, I thought the pain would never ease. It has, thanks to our Lord. From experience of losing a loved one ( though it is NOTHING like a child) I will tell you, for me, the anticipation of the day in the days or weeks before, is harder than the actual day. I am not saying it won’t be hard, because it will, but for me it has always been harder before the actual day.>>I thank God He is using this to bring you closer to Him. Though it is hard. In the end, you will be with Emily again…with no tears, only joy and happiness.>>Matthew 11:28 “Come unto me, all thee that labor and are heavy laden,and I will give you rest.”>Christine
Kyle and Mandy says
You have often been heavy on my heart as you approach Tuesday. I am continuing to hold your family up in prayer.>>(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))>Mandy
Lilyofthevalley - Tanya says
((((hugs))))>>Prayers are with you, Amy and family. May the Lord bring you special comfort this week. You are all on my heart.
Ponder the Path says
Praying for a blessed week…may the presence of the Lord be a comfort to you all!>>Jasmine
Tami says
I just read your article in TOS magazine this morning. I loved it so much I wanted to visit your blog. I went all the way through to your old posts to read what happened to your sweet baby. Tears are streaming down my face. I do not feel your exact pain but I have felt the sting of pain (2 years ago). It is so painful, stays with you always. I wrote your name on my calendar for Tues. I will be praying for you, that the Lord will reveal Himself to you that day in an amazing way. That you will feel His goodness, peace surround you. Your sweet baby is at His feet….with His presence, she then is still with you…..my love and prayers to you.
Fruitful Harvest says
What a great tribute to your Emily~>You are always in my prayers!>>{{{{HUGS}}}}>>In Christ,>Georgiann