Do you feel stretched thin? Are you exhausted by your every day job of parenting? Do you sometimes wonder if you have too much to do, too many children, too many responsibilities, too much work? You need to learn the practicalities of managing a home full of responsibilities, and it starts with learning how to manage yourself!
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I have said before that having enough of me to go around isn’t something I should worry about because God called me to this and He’ll equip me for it. But I realize as a mom who thrives on practical advice, readers might like to have some examples of how a busy mama can meet her family’s needs without feeling spread too thin. (You can listen to the podcast here!)
#1 – Delegate
I am the manager of my home and good managers (just ask my husband) ALWAYS delegate responsibilities.
Moms have this notion they should be able to do everything and be everything to everybody. If I try that approach my children will one day remember me as the mom who was always too busy. Not an epitaph to be particularly proud of.
So, who do I delegate to?
Well, there are a lot of options here. Above, was an opportunity the children initiated when their Mimi and Papa were over for a visit. Reading of this sort is often something the grandparents do and I love it, the children love it, and the grandparents love it! It’s a win-win-win situation! Grandparents are great for those little extras that are hard to fit into a day.
Then there are the children themselves. It is important to give the children responsibilities as they age. I have a couple of budding cooks who have a couple of meals a week that are theirs to prepare. It gives them the opportunity to grow and me a couple of hours I can redeem and redistribute elsewhere. A quick note here: Train them the do jobs correctly from the start. I could have saved myself numerous hours of training and retraining had I been diligent in the beginning days of teaching a new responsibility.
How about Dad? There are many women who complain about Dad not pitching in with things, but men aren’t always in tune with the family’s day-to-day life and need a little briefing on where they can pitch in at. Perhaps Dad can help out with science projects, giving the toddler a bath, or cooking a meal once a week. Don’t be pushy, but do ask. And don’t forget to bounce ideas off of him when you are feeling overwhelmed. Brainstorm with him ways you can hand off some of the load you carry.
#2 – Eliminate your time wasters
What unnecessary things are eating your time?
My time wasters have changed over the years. Once upon a time it was sewing. Another season in life it was reading. And of course, the big, bad internet! All of these (and more) have at some point in my life taken time away from my family. If you feel crunched for time, then there’s a good chance there is something in your life that needs to go.
Time wasters aren’t always bad things, but they aren’t always the best things. We have to practice a little self-denial and walk away from those things for a season.
#3 – Don’t let the Schedule rule you
Not that schedules are bad, but sometimes they tie your hands. If your husband needs you to take care of something on Tuesday that you would normally take care of on Thursday and you feel you cannot deviate from your schedule, you will only end up feeling out of sorts, anxious, and grumpy.
Everyone knows a good schedule can actually add time to your day; however, you have to be flexible in order to take care of off schedule items.
When you have off schedule items, make a list of those things and work through the list in an orderly fashion, making the rest of your schedule fit around the list. Avoid throwing the schedule out completely because I have found every single day has its share of off schedule items. If you start throwing out your schedule every time you have something extra to fit in, you’ll never work your schedule and you’ll always feel off track.
#4 – Family first
We have a rule of thumb in this house. If it doesn’t benefit the family, it’s not worth doing. That means if one or more of us participates in an activity that begins to show signs of tearing away at the family’s infrastructure, it needs to go…sooner, rather than later. In fact, it is best to assess an activity prior to participation because it is much harder to walk away from something once you’ve been involved in it for a while. Always remember, there will never be enough of you to go around if all you do is run around.
We also try to make the majority of our activities things the entire family can enjoy. This isn’t possible in everything, but the more things you do as a family unit, the easier it is to meet everyone’s needs as a mama.
#5 – Character doesn’t come from the easy life
Perhaps you think there isn’t enough of you to go around because your children don’t have the best of everything, the perfect day, their heart’s desire every single moment of their little lives. Giving your children everything they want all the time will not build the strength of character they will need to be leaders in this world. They must understand through experience that the world does not revolve around them.
I am one person, and there are moments during the day when I have to choose one child over another. Not out of favoritism, but because wiping a little one’s bum is more necessary than sharpening another one’s pencil. I do my children a disservice if I try to pretend I’m some superwoman, there to do their bidding all day long. Patience, deference, humility and the likes are born out of hardship. Not that I want my children to have a hard life, but I shouldn’t want them to have an easy life either.
#6 – Relax
Savor that cup of tea, breathe that fresh air, smile more. Take naps with the kids, build forts out of blankets, have a conversation with a 5 year old.
If you are feeling worn thin then you probably are. God wants you to rest. He expects you to be still.
He created you. He knows your circumstances. Let Him order your day.
He called you to this.
He will equip you for this.
Me taking a break from emptying out Ty’s office. Yes, that IS exhaustion written all over my face!
Melanie says
Great ideas! I love delegation. : )
I just had to comment that you do look a little pooped in the last pic, but your little one is looking at you with such adoration. Precious!
Clara says
This is a great list, Amy. And I must remember the delegating one more often rather than trying to do everything myself! ;) One of my problems with that is that I always feel like no one can do the job in quite the way I would and that frustrates me… I must learn that it doesn’t matter if it’s not done the same or doesn’t look the same at the end of the day… Especially when it comes to giving the kids responsibilities. The important thing is that they are learning.
Thanks for giving me things to think about on this subject! :)
Anita says
Thank you Amy! Great post again (as always!)
Jennifer Ott says
Thank you! I have a 3-week-old (very fussy…), 3, 4, and a 6-year-old. I know people have more kids than that, but it has been busy! We don’t have family (or anyone) nearby, but your other ideas are a great help!
Jamie (@va_grown) says
Great list!
We turn down a lot of activities/invitations in this season of our life because they create more stress than value. Not everyone understands, because usually they are good things in and of themselves. But we’re after the best things, and that’s not always found by running around outside the home right now for us.
Kate @ Modern Alternative Mama says
I like this list. Thanks!
Jennifer says
Wow, I really needed to hear that. I woke up yesterday physically ill from the stress of just trying to maintain the kitchen daily, to nourish 6 people at least 3 times a day. Not to mention the laundry, the house and those precious blessings that I would like to spend some time with. Your post is perfect timing. Thanks
karyn says
I really love the way you provide practical, real life advice. One thing on your list I have a hard time balancing is the schedule and activities. You say you mostly do activities that involve the whole family. Can you describe this? Do your kids take music lessons or play sports, etc? With homeschooling, I’m guilty of trying to provide all the extras that school provides and then we’re running ragged. I would love to hear how you handle that…Thanks for your blog!
Suanna says
Thanks for a great post. #6 is the one that is elusive, but really helps when I purposefully make time for it.
Kate says
Thank you for being so honest! I think sometimes we as woman like to lie to each other about how hard something is…we don’t want to appear as failures. So we aren’t truthful about our trials! We’ve been delegating for the past couple years. Not only does it free time up for us moms but it teaches our children life skills that so many kids dont have these days. I still feel “guilty” at times though when life happens and “school” doesn’t. I need to stop comparing my kids to kids that go to public school. Thank you!
Regina Murphy says
Tears came to my eyes as I read this post. Everything you listed I knew to be true, yet I needed to hear it so badly. I needed to hear that resting is a god thing, even though I say this to everyone else I do not allow it for myself. I actually feel guilty to delegate, rest or say no to people. I know that these things are necessary, but reading it from you it really hit me how much I need to give myself grace and let things go. Thank you for this. :) Also, as a side note, your blog has been a huge blessing to myself and my sister. I had a miscarriage in July, and my younger sister lost her baby at 28 weeks along in October. Reading your blog has encouraged us both in the midst of the loss, heartache and pain. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Amy says
{{HUGS}}
Desi Phillips says
Oh Amy,
I am a year late in reading this, but God must’ve made me miss it for a reason then because it sure is what i needed to read right now. <3
jeni says
Love the pictures so much! Especially the feet in the shirt shot at the top :) Great tips. Mine are yet too little to take on much responsibility. My oldest is almost 5 but she has a lot of delays, and my 3 and 8 month old aren’t too much of a help either ;)
Someday though!
Heather Newcomb says
Excellent post!
rosanne says
This was a simple encouragement and reminder, I appreciate it!
Clara, I am a mom, so I totally understand what you mean by the temptation to do it all yourself, but I also now how hurtful, yes hurtful and damaging it can be to our children…it is what I grew up with. My parents spiritual upbringing encouraged them to try to attain perfection…that was supposed to be their good works, doing everything as perfectly as possible…well, that doesn’t leave much room for encouraging children in their efforts of hard work :( Nevertheless, the tried repeating this doctrine with me and it didn’t go so well, I remember my mom always being busy and if I did get to help and didn’t do things right, she would “fix” them behind my back :( Not bitter, really, it’s just sad…but now we have both come to know the Lord and I have hope and peace in him. I can’t tell you the comfort it gives me, even today to know that he is looking at my intentions of my heart, not what’s on the outside and he won’t give up on me :) I still struggle with that mommy desire to just hurry and get it all done, once in a while, but when we giveour kids the oppurtunity to help, their is great reward, if we are patient..and I can tell you from experience, ther’s nothing they want more than to get to be taught how to be good at stuff and do it right, by someone who will encourage them in their efforts and believe in them :) Wish you all the best!
rosanne says
responding to my own comment…I was typing it as I had to run out the door, sorry about the errors, I remembered to check for them right as I had hit post comment!
Renee' says
You wrote this so long ago but it still is speaking to people. Thank you. :)
Suanna Sears says
Thank you for these great tips! I needed to be reminded of some of these today. Thank you so much for have the written version available as well as the podcast. So many times I’ve gone to read a post on someone’s blog to find out is was a podcast and as much as I would like to listen to it, it doesn’t work well for me.
Amy says
You are welcome, Suanna!